| |
The next evening, we step into the Christmas Cove community hall to a round of hooting and hollering as three women in stilettos and body hugging, one shoulder, sequined dresses in holly green, cranberry red, and sparkly silver glide across the stage. The emcee reads off a list of their attributes as bachelorettes, reminding me that it is going to be Simon up on stage soon.
Unless he has already strutted his stuff, and some other woman has already won a date with him. I don’t know which situation is worse. Not that I am planning to bid on him or anything.
Because Kelsey took forever fussing over her hair, we arrived late to the Mistletoe Mixer and the evening is already in full swing.
My anxiety is also in full swing. Simon’s words from last night echoed in my brain all day while I was at the Santa Scramble climbing event with Kelsey, and the rest of the ladies, watching Nolan racing to grab mistletoe while dangling from a cliff face. And I have no clue what to do with the things he said. I also have no clue how to deal with him being in the bachelor auction.
I am fully aware that I am being ridiculous. His participation in this event—which according to Kelsey is a huge fundraiser for Christmas Cove and the surrounding communities, one the Ascot family has been involved in for years—is not a betrayal. The date he is offering isn’t even real. It is a transaction for a good cause, and I am letting my history twist me into knots.
Besides, he said he was safe, which isn’t the same thing as being mine. Which should be just fine.
Simon is the last thing I need. He is the definition of complicated. He has kids, and an ex who wants to get back together with him. And I can’t blame her, because he is everything a girl could want all wrapped up in a gorgeous package. I shouldn’t want it.
But I do.
“Those dresses are amazing,” Fae breathes, yanking my attention back to the party.
“Not as amazing as these.” Marisol gestures at her short, gem-encrusted gold dress.
I glance down at my own long-sleeved silver top and flowy mesh skirt in deep red. Fae surprised each of us with an outfit she designed specifically for us. We all protested that it was too much. Lunar Bliss takes so much of her time, and they must have been a ton of work, but she insisted they are our Christmas gifts from her, and that she had more fun designing them than she has had in years.
Secretly, I am super pleased, because despite the piercing ache in my chest, I am feeling a level of sexiness that I haven’t felt since the first time Greg flirted with me.
“I thought it was just a bachelor auction,” Ruby calls over the noise of the room and the emcee, who is still delighting the enthusiastic crowd with details about the gorgeous trio.
“Christmas Cove is progressive,” Kelsey says. “Nolan was saying they’ve been raising funds for the...”
I lose track of what Kelsey is saying. Her voice fades away as Simon, stepping onto the stage in a dark suit and vivid red tie, sucks all the oxygen from the room. Around me, my friends are cheering, but the sound is muffled as a swarm of butterflies erupts into a wild dance in my stomach.
I haven’t spoken to Simon since his impromptu visit to the cabin yesterday. He was at the Santa Scramble earlier, cheering on Nolan with his parents, but he didn’t come over. And I didn’t have enough guts to go to him.
The fun of getting ready with the girls and listening to Kelsey dissect every single thing that Nolan did or didn’t do today was a great distraction. But now there is nothing to keep me from focussing on Simon. He is right there in front of me in all his glory.
It is too much.
Clutching my purse tightly, I rip my eyes away from the stage. “I’m going to check out the silent auction.” I can’t stay here, watching Simon strut across the stage while random women bid on him.
I have no hold over him. He owes me nothing, but that doesn’t mean I want to share.
Charlotte grabs my hand. “I’ll come with you.”
“It’s okay. I don’t want you to miss the fun.” I gesture at the stage with a careless wave of my hand. I need some space to think, and if Charlotte suspects I am freaking out, there is zero chance she will let me go alone.
My eyes drift to the stage, and I swallow a gasp, dropping Charlotte’s hand. Simon is smiling directly at me. He is up on the stage in front of all these people, and he is watching me.
For a microsecond, I am frozen, then I am moving. Darting through the crowd towards the door, I arrive in the foyer, panting for air. I am deranged. I was just one person in the melee. He couldn’t possibly have been singling me out.
Two long tables draped in white and gold tulle run along each side of the room, displaying the silent auction items. My eyes skim frantically over the details. I need to be doing something, anything, to take my mind off the Simon-induced sensation tingling in my core.
It works. The organizers held to the theme, and each item is arranged like a dating package. It is really clever, but loneliness squeezes my chest. Everything is geared at couples, and I no longer belong to one. I am no longer one half of a whole. Before I can overthink it, I scribble my name and bid on a horse-drawn carriage tour of Christmas Cove, then drop the pen on the table like it is burning me.
It is exactly the kind of thing I always wanted to do, and Greg never wanted to. He always had better things to spend his money on—like Julia.
A sob grips my throat, and I snap the pen up again. I am in no condition to go on a carriage ride. Just look at my reaction to the bachelor auction. The acidic taste of regret bubbles up into my throat, leaving me fighting the urge to scratch my name off the sheet of paper, digging the pen in until the paper rips. A carriage ride is something you do with a romantic partner. For me, it would be an act of desperation.
Clutching the edge of the table for support, my breath coming in panting bursts, I fight for control. I can bid on this if I want to. I don’t have to stop doing the things that make me happy just because Greg replaced me with someone else. This isn’t about him. This is about me.
I don’t know if the carriage will fit the six of us, but I do know the ladies would love it. And as bitter-sweet as it will be, I want to experience it.
My breathing back under control, I scan the bids, checking the amounts. It seems like a ridiculous amount to pay, and I really should be saving, but I want this. Satisfied that my bid is enough to ensure that I win, I glance up and find a black-and-white version of Simon smiling at me. Suddenly, the bitter taste in my throat is replaced by something else, something like lemon and honey tea—sweet with the sour undertone of panic.
My eyes dart along the table, my heart pounding. It has been decorated with a picture of each of the bachelors and bachelorettes from the main auction. I purse my lips. It is just a coincidence that I chose the item next to Simon’s picture. It doesn’t mean anything.
“There you are.” An arm wraps around my shoulder, and I turn to find Charlotte smiling at me. “You gave me a fright. I thought you ditched the whole event.”
“No,” I say with a strained chuckle. “Just needed out of the crowd. I plan to dance the night away with you.” I smile brightly to hide my panic. “And I bid on this carriage ride for us. You’ll need to free up your schedule tomorrow.”
“Okay. But...” Charlotte’s forehead wrinkles.
“I don’t want to hear any excuses. You’re going.” I grab her hand and pull her back into the hall as the emcee announces that the silent auction is closing in thirty minutes. After which they will announce the winners. “Let’s get a drink.”
“Rock Around the Christmas Tree” blasts from the speakers as I lead Charlotte towards the bar. I am out in a fancy dress which is making me feel all kinds of sexy. I am on the verge of winning a carriage ride tour for myself and my friends. And I am determined to have a little fun. I will not let my history hold me back from my future.
Kelsey might just have been right about coming on this crazy adventure.
––––––––
I DO A SPIN, LAUGHING as I bump into Charlotte. We have been dancing since the music started, and it feels amazing. Charlotte takes my hand, raising it up high, and spins me around.
I miss this feeling of being free with this group of amazing women. I got so messed up, first with Fred, then with Greg, that I forgot what it is like to not be obsessing over a guy. It is the whole reason that Simon is affecting me so much.
But there is life beyond being part of a couple, no matter what stage you are in.
The music fades as the song ends. “Hey, mistletoe dancers.” The emcee’s voice echoes through the crowded hall. “We’ve got the list of winners from the auction. If your name is called, come up to the stage and meet your bachelor or bachelorette. Then you can have a night of dancing before your dates begin tomorrow.”
“Let’s go check on the silent auction.” I might not be looking to pursue anything romantic with Simon, but I still don’t want to have to watch him meeting his auction date.
“I think you’re going to want to stay and find out if you won,” Jenna says.
“Oh no. They’re announcing the bachelor auction winners. The silent auction will be separate.”
Jenna gives me a quizzical look, then glances at Charlotte. I don’t miss Charlotte’s grimace before she takes my hand. “I think you want to stay for this.”
“No, I really think I—”
“Ruby Ward, come and claim your bachelor.” The emcee’s voice reverberates through the room, echoing off the walls despite the mass of bodies.
“Bachelor? I didn’t bid—” A wave of cold washes over me as I slowly spin to face the stage. This time, there is no doubt that Simon is looking at me with a grin that calls to the part of me struggling to remember that, no matter what he says, it isn’t safe for me to engage with him.
My mind flashes back to the silent auction tables, and the pictures lined up with each “date” offering, even as another nauseating wave of cold crashes over me.
“Honey, you need to get up there.” Fae presses a gentle hand to my back, urging me forward.
“He looks hungry. You don’t want him to have to come and hunt you down,” Marisol says unhelpfully.
I resist. “But I didn’t—” My gut twists as realization dawns on me. It could never have been as simple as a carriage ride. My eyes flick up to the stage where Simon is grinning. “But—”
“Go.” Charlotte takes my drink from my hand.
As I move towards the stage, the room goes hazy. I stumble at the top of the stairs, and Simon catches me. I vaguely hear the crowd respond to the romance of the moment, but I can’t get my brain to catch up.
This is all wrong. I am not looking for romance. And now Simon is going to think that I want something that I don’t.
Or at least I shouldn’t.
“But I didn’t mean to... It was a carriage ride that I—”
Simon ignores my words, gently guiding me to the middle of the stage with the rest of the winners and their “dates”. Fighting the urge to pull away, I look out at the ocean of faces watching us. I will just go along with this for now, then sort it out later. I can’t make a scene in front of everyone.
“Give a big hand for this year’s winners. They’ve helped us raise a lot of money for the Christmas Cove Food Bank. Their generous donations will ensure that every family in Christmas Cove and the surrounding area will have enough to eat this holiday season and beyond.”
Applause erupts from the crowd, but I am only aware of the heat of Simon’s hand pressed firmly against the small of my back. A moment ago, I was ready to celebrate being free of romantic entanglements and all the heartache they bring, but now it is taking every fibre of my control to not succumb to my desire for Simon.
“Please clear the dance floor to make room for our couples’ first dance,” the emcee says as the crowd quiets.
I let him lead me off the stage. What else can I do? My body is alive with anticipation, but my brain is numb. I can’t seem to process exactly how an innocent bid on a carriage ride turned into a date with Simon Ascot. As we step onto the dancefloor, Lonestar’s “Amazed” plays, and Simon pulls me into his arms.
It is the type of song that is timeless in the way it captures the feeling of loving someone beyond reason. Spurred on by the lyrics, the urge to melt into him is strong. I fight it. This whole thing is a misunderstanding, and I need to straighten it out.
“You don’t need to dance with me.”
“And shirk my official bachelor duties? I’m not that kind of man.”
My heart is melting right along with the rest of me, but I can’t let myself be drawn in. I can’t let this continue. “It’s all a mistake. I didn’t mean to bid on you.”
Simon slips his hand from my waist, and for the briefest of seconds, my chest contracts, and I wish I had just gone with it, but then he gives a gentle push, and I am twirling out and back in against his chest.
I catch sight of Kelsey dancing with Nolan. She is snuggled up against him with a dreamy smile on her face. And for the briefest of moments, I wish it was that easy for me. They might have the complication of the relationship starting with some silly pact, but anyone can see that her efforts to keep her heart locked away have failed.
“Doesn’t feel like a mistake.” Simon’s husky voice tempts me to shove aside all my doubts.
“You don’t need to do this. I’m sure there is someone else you would rather take on your date. I’ll still pay.” I push the words out around the lump in my dry throat.
“I want to do this.”
I hear his words, and I feel his husky tone, and I want to give in. But deep down, I know what he really means. He is the type of man who follows through on his obligations. I can’t let myself fall for this, no matter how badly I want it to be real.
I don’t want to be someone’s obligation. I want to be someone’s want to. I press my face against his chest, trying to hide from the frustration and desire twisting in my stomach. His arms tighten around me, and my body instinctively melts into him, undoing every defence I erected. The intimacy has my neurons misfiring, and I am in danger of succumbing to the magic.
When the song ends, his embrace loosens. “Can I have the next dance?” The sexy rumble of Simon’s voice unleashes sparks of desire in my core, making me want to promise him all the dances.
I glance around me, my eyes darting from one couple to the next. I shake my head, clearing the fog. The sounds of the room come rushing back in, smacking me in the face with reality.
“Ruby?”
“I... uh...” I swallow hard, fighting the panic rising. I have been here before. This is no different from when I fell for Greg. I am lonely and heartbroken. I can’t go down this road again. I have two failed marriages to remind me of the destination.
The fact that I want it so badly is the reason that I can’t have it.
“I can’t do this.” I tear myself away from him, bolting to the bathroom with tears pressing at my eyes.
There is a line, but I push my way through, mumbling my apologies under my breath. Bracing myself against the counter, I stare down at the water pooling there as I pant, trying to bring my breathing back under control.
“You okay?” Fae asks.
I whirl around to find Fae, Marisol, Jenna, and Charlotte gathered in the cramped space between the stalls and the door. “I’m not okay.” My voice is pitched too high. There isn’t enough room in here. There isn’t enough air. “I bid on Simon, and I won.”
“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Fae asks carefully.
“It was an accident. I thought it was just a carriage ride.” My voice is shrill, and I am drawing looks from the women washing their hands and fixing their makeup. I don’t have the capacity to care what they think. “Why didn’t you warn me?” I look straight at Charlotte. She was right there with me, and she didn’t say anything.
“I thought you knew.” Charlotte places a hand over mine. I don’t miss how she shares a glance with Jenna. All the secret eye communication going on around me is exhausting. If they have something to say to me, they should just say it.
“No. Oh God, this is a mess.” I swivel to look at myself in the mirror, finding a woman with wild eyes staring back at me.
“But you like him?” Jenna asks.
“No. I mean... Yes. I’m not in the right place to be getting serious about a man like Simon.”
“Who says this needs to be serious?” Marisol rummages through her purse and pulls out her makeup kit. “Let’s touch up your face, and you can go have some fun.”
I freeze, closing my eyes to try and find a bit of calm in the panic threatening me. I am the biggest idiot because Marisol is right. I could just have a little fun. There will be consequences later, but I can deal with those.
Except it is already too late.
“I turned him down.” My words echo through my brain and the crowded bathroom. I turned Simon Ascot down.