You can tell a lot about a person by looking into his or her eyes. Think about it. Eyes are the first thing you look at when you meet someone. There is so much you can tell by the way someone looks at you. We make snap judgments about people based on what emotions we perceive through their eyes. Do they look loving, angry, surprised, or fearful? Do they invite you into a conversation or force you to be silent? William Shakespeare wrote that the eyes are the windows to our souls. I believe that! As an ophthalmologist who has spent decades studying eyes and seeking to understand what makes them work organically, biologically, mechanically, and even emotionally, I have learned to communicate with my patients and understand their feelings through their eyes. With God’s grace, being able to restore their sight and bring them out of darkness and into light has been the most exhilarating and rewarding experience for me. It is what motivates me; I live for that moment!
For the past 30 years I have built a career out of helping people see, having performed over 55,000 procedures (including those on over 4,000 doctors), and have treated patients from nearly every state in the U.S. and from over 55 countries worldwide. I believe that this is much more than just a career; it is a calling, a calling to serve and give back.
At first, back in my early twenties, just after I had narrowly escaped the treacherous throes of China’s Cultural Revolution, I pursued medicine as a family tradition. Having come from a long line of doctors, I had dreamed of being one myself since I was a child. As far back as I could remember, I had watched my grandfather, my father and my mother—who were all doctors—work tirelessly to help their patients. The desire to serve became ingrained in me, but China’s Cultural Revolution nearly destroyed that dream.
If, however, you had looked into my eyes when I first arrived here in the United States in 1982, I’m not so sure you would have seen a twenty-one-year-old who had a desire to serve. I had just endured the most difficult journey of my life, nearly losing everything—my family, my education, my home, my dignity, and even my life. My eyes had been filled with fear. China’s Cultural Revolution had almost stolen the happiness and freedom of my youth, along with the chance to be educated and to grow up with hopes and dreams. I came to America for freedom.
I’m not exactly sure to what I can fully attribute the dramatic change from darkness to sight in my life … but it happened. Maybe it was the determination that had been instilled in me when, as a fourteen-year-old, my education was suddenly cut short and I faced the devastating fate of deportation and a life sentence of poverty and hard labor. Or maybe it was the radical turn of events that occurred with the death of Mao the dictator and the end of the disastrous Cultural Revolution, which catapulted me into an impossible national exam that would determine my fate, once and for all. Or it could have been the tireless devotion of my parents, who fought valiantly to find a future for their son when there was almost no chance for one. Or perhaps it was the dramatic change in my life moving from the East to the West, venturing into the New World to find freedom with only fifty dollars and an English-Chinese dictionary in my pocket, but with a big American dream in my heart. Then again, it was possibly those precious and life-transforming moments, in which so many of my patients had been living in darkness—some even for decades—and had been told they were irreversibly blind and would never be able to see again, patients for whom all other human efforts had failed and I was their last hope, where by the grace of God, along with dedication and hard work, we were able to finally bring them out of darkness and into the light.
Like a grand tapestry, it was perhaps all of these interconnecting events and experiences that brought about dramatic changes in my life, and have been woven into a picture that I am grateful for and treasure more than words can say.
When I look back, I am drawn to remember the many people whose eyes have captured the stories of their lives, and mine.
I remember looking into the eyes of my father as we walked among the beautiful and idyllic landscapes of Hangzhou, prior to the sweeping and destructive Cultural Revolution. His gaze was strong, stable and loving, and he taught me the will to fight in life and never give up.
There were also the eyes of China’s dictator, the Red Guards, and militia which were filled with hatred, anger, and violence. Under their repressive and cruel gaze, I almost lost my life at the age of eight!
I will never forget the fearful and wide-eyed stare of the female teacher—one of the few who risked their lives climbing over the school’s high wall in the moonlight to escape—as she turned towards us when my dad and I approached her to see if she was my mom.
I am still haunted by the image of a condemned man, his desperate pleading and the distraught look in his eyes as he begged the crowd for mercy, followed by their shrieks and screams as the cardboard sign that hung over his neck was suddenly flipped at a bone-chilling moment of life or death.
I remember encountering the gentle and encouraging gaze of Professor McNesby, who helped me come to America. His eyes were filled with intelligence, care, and respect for equality. In contrast, there were also the prejudice-filled eyes of Professors Miller and Anderson. Fortunately, the discrimination in their eyes only fueled my determination to work harder to prove them wrong.
There were also the eyes of President Ronald Reagan who, like a grandfather, looked at me with kind, gentle, and supportive attention. In those eyes I saw leadership, strength, and vision.
I remember fondly the eyes of my son, so innocent and filled with longing for love; and the eyes of my mom, who was always smiling and encouraging; and the joyful and happy glances from my brother who, at the age of age six, looked up to me. Even though he played the same musical instrument as I did, he had no idea that I was actually playing it for a very different reason—I was fighting for my life!
There have been so many intent gazes, with so much emotion, from so many people throughout my life. I cannot help but consider each one of them an integral part of my life’s journey. I am a product of not only the East, but also the West; traditions of both have deeply impacted me. After spending twenty years in China and over thirty years in America, I feel I am now ready to share my story with you. It is a story about survival and determination, from darkness to sight; it is a story about the preciousness of freedom and opportunity.
After having taken care of thousands of patients for nearly three decades, I have come to understand that people who live in physical darkness have the most intense appreciation for sight. This illuminates a common theme that I have experienced over and over in my life. As human beings, we tend to take for granted all the things we have until we no longer have them. In fact, many of us (myself included!) spend the rest of our lives trying to recover the things we have lost, dearly wishing we had treasured them so much more when we did have them.
Who appreciates sight the most? Those who are blind. Who appreciates freedom the most? Those who don’t have freedom!
The challenge to all of us here in America today is simply this: can we transcend human history, overcome the inherent weakness of human beings to take things for granted, and become a people who truly appreciate something as precious in life as freedom, before we lose it?
If this autobiography inspires you to be more appreciative, and plants even the smallest kernel of hope in your life when it seems that all hope has been dashed, then the effort that was put into the writing of this book will be worth it.
My own eyes have changed dramatically over the years. From whimsical to heartbroken to fearful to intense to hopeful to joyful and full of love, many emotions have flooded my eyes. Today and forevermore, they are now filled with gratitude. I am thankful to those who have encouraged and helped me in the darkest hours of my life. My eyes are filled with appreciation for the cultural roots and traditions I was taught in China when I was young, and for the opportunity and the gift of faith I received here in the West, which has allowed me to see the heart of God and experience personal transformation over the years. Most importantly, I am indebted for the gift of freedom I received from this great country that I now call home. It is a gift not only for me, but for all of us. From Darkness to Sight is about how that gift of freedom was lost, and the long and hard-fought journey to gain it back.