15
Rude Awakening

BBBRRRIIINNNGGG, BBBRRRIIINNNGGG, BBBRRRIIINNNGGG… The unmistakable screech of my cell startled me to consciousness.

I sprang up wide-eyed in the middle of the bed, “What the hell!”

Ernestina was sitting, stark naked; back against the headboard with knees drawn up to her bare chest. “Your phone is ringing,” she whispered.

Still trying to crawl from beneath sleep, “What time is it?” I asked.

BBBRRRIIINNNGGG, BBBRRRIIINNNGGG.

“A little after ten,” she said.

My comment was directed to no one in particular, “Oh, damn! I overslept something serious…should’ve been over at Oz’s place no later than eight thirty. Baby, why didn’t you wake me?” I complained.

BBBRRRIIINNNGGG, BBBRRRIIINNNGGG, BBBRRRIIINNNGGG…

“I figured you needed the sleep. You didn’t close your eyes until it was almost daylight,” she explained. “Are you going to answer that? It’s been ringing off and on since around seven this morning.”

“You could’ve answered it,” I said.

Ernestina reached across, picked up my cell from the nightstand, and held it out in front of me. “It’s not my phone.”

BBBRRRIIINNNGGG, BBBRRRIIINNNGGG…

“Answer it,” I insisted.

Placing the phone on the pillow beside my face, she simply replied, “Answer the damned thing already; both of you starting to get on my nerves, now.”

BBBRRRIIINNNGGG, BBBRRRIIINNNGGG, BBBRRR….

I answered without taking my eyes off Ernestina, “Yeah, hello…what’s up?”

“Well it’s ‘bout damn time.” Oz’s voice echoed. “Beginnin’ to think the next time I saw you, be on a slab downtown.”

“I don’t think they still do that downtown any more,” I mumbled. “…Been relocated somewhere out in one of the boroughs.”

“Don’t tell me you’s still in the fuckin bed, not this time o’ mornin…Mr. ‘Wake the sun and remind him to start the day,” he joked.

I finally mustered the strength to sit up beside Ernestina. “Well, to be honest, I didn’t get to sleep until it was about time to greet daylight,” I said.

Somewhat concerned, “Sound like somebody been playin hide the meat all night. She still there wit you?” he asked. “If this ain’t a good time, I can talk to you in a li’l while.”

Hanging my feet over the side of the huge bed, “Well, actually, I’m over by her,” I explained. “Listen, I overslept but I’m not too far from you. Give me a few minutes…less than an hour.”

“What I wanted you to do this morning, I already been downtown and done it,” he informed. “They’s one more thing, but it can wait ‘til you have time.”

Making my best effort to reassure him, “I’m straight, I got time. Like I said, see you in less than an hour.”

With an offer of fatherly advice, he told me, “Look Will, now, I know it ain’t like you to fall over for e’ry ole girl, so this gotta be somethin worth takin a chance wit. Don’t mess it up…I done got things under control up here. You need to handle yo bidness.”

“All right, one last time,” I insisted. “What I’ve got with you, old man, is my business. When it seems like things are under control is the time they need to be checked out. Now, I’ll be there in a bit.”

“Okay, you stubborn cuss; since I can’t get nothin through that thick-ass head, see you when you get here,” he conceded. “Watch your back.”

As the call ended, “Later,” I said.

Ernestina’s chin rested on soft, but firm forearms folded across her knees, “Everything all right?”

Digging around in the bed for my boxers, I replied, “Yeah, everything’s good, or it will be. Just a couple things I have to take care of for the old man.”

Ernestina raised her head slightly and, with a quizzical expression, asked, “Now, which old man would this be? Is it your father, as in the actual sperm donor, Sam the surrogate, or the other guy you call pop?”

While pulling on my Levi’s, “If you must know,” I said. “It’s the other fella, and I call him old man. Sam, I call Poppy.”

She continued the line of questioning, “What’s this guy’s name?”

“You know, I never thought to ask. I’m not sure if Oz is his legal name or not, but that’s what everybody on the block calls him. Nobody goes by their real name anymore,” I said.

“Oz…seems like I should know that name for some reason. It sounds really familiar,” she determined.

“Maybe from TV when you were little,” I said.

“What does that have to do with anything?” she questioned. “Did he use to act or something?”

Trying to keep a straight face, “You mean you never saw that movie?” I asked. “I think his first name was something like, The Wizard, and he had a bunch of pet monkeys with wings ‘n shit.”

Somewhat embarrassed, she playfully tossed a pillow at me while pretending to shout, “You are such an ass.” Then, Ernestina questioned, “What about your real dad?”

I was silent for a few minutes, sliding each foot into the Tony Lama cowboy boots and straightening the legs of my jeans; I said minus any expression, “Him, I don’t call much at all. But, that’s another story for another time.” There was a brief pause prior to me asking, “You do breakfast?”

“Normally, I’d just grab a bagel or some cereal, but today, I’m supposed to be meeting Sheila over on Broadway at this little bodega. It’s someplace new that we both wanted to try,” she explained. “It’ll be a nice change because I’m usually by myself, and, since we haven’t seen each other in a while.”

“Sometimes being by yourself isn’t so bad,” I reasoned. “At least that way you don’t have to worry about anybody stabbing you in your back. But, I wouldn’t have enough time even if I wanted to, anyway. I’m already running late. Maybe we can do breakfast another day,” I suggested.

“Tomorrow sounds good, if you’re not too busy,” she said, which actually came across more as her thinking out loud. “I’m pretty certain I’ll have the day off as well. At least, I had requested off and, as far as I know, the girl who I worked for yesterday is supposed to be back from Virginia.”

I put on a shirt and brushed my hair before realizing I’d forgotten to pack a toothbrush. “I guess folk will just have to wrestle with the dragon today…no brush for the grill,” I said.

“There should be an extra one in the second drawer on the left side of the sink,” Ernestina volunteered.

Emerging from the bathroom moments later with the toothbrush in hand, I questioned, “What’s this, one he left here?”

“Actually, it is, but it’s new. I imagine he forgot it. It’s been in there at least a few months,” She said.

“You sure it hasn’t been used, or is this the one you have to clean under the rim of the toilet bowl?” I poked.

She confessed, “No, Randy used to play games like that when I first put him out. He’d intentionally leave things and use that as an excuse to stop by anytime he felt like there was another man at my house.”

“Oh, that’s his name. So how did you stop him from stalking you?” I questioned.

She stated in defense of her ex, “He wasn’t stalking me.”

“Sweetheart, if your man isn’t your man anymore and he keeps showing up uninvited…that’s stalking,” I explained. “Hell, you’re the cop. That’s one of those rules you guys made up.”

Finally moving to get out of bed and take a shower, she responded, “I just didn’t want to make a big deal out of it…”

“Yeah,” I cut. “A lot of graves in the cemetery because folk didn’t want to make a big deal out of their problems. I’ve never been to a funeral in all my life that wasn’t a big deal.”

“Okay, you made your point,” she answered rather brashly. “I thought you were in a hurry.”

I determined, “Oh, I guess that’s a nice way of telling me to mind my own business.”

“No, what I’m telling you is that I don’t want to have this discussion,” she offered. “I’ve gotten over the nonsense…had a good day yesterday, and a damn good time last night. I won’t start what’s supposed to be a much deserved day of relaxation reviewing the bullshit that’ll just have me stressed out, and needing another day to recover,” she stated.

I spoke through laughter, “I think that has to be the most polite way I’ve ever been told to shut the hell up.”

Stepping into the shower, she said, “As long as you know.”

I yelled over the noise of the running water, “Hold up, you have to come lock the front door!”

She called back, “There’s an extra key in that glass container on the counter, to the left of the stove. Lock up on your way out.”

I hurried to the bathroom sink to brush my teeth before the steam from the shower got the mirror all fogged up. After slaying the dragon and performing a final check in the now steamed over mirror, I picked up my overnight bag from the floor, phone, and keys from the nightstand. Peeping back into the bathroom, I shouted, “I’m gone. Give me a call later, if you’re not too busy!”

“Don’t forget the key in the dish,” she yelled back. “If I don’t call, just stop by after you get things situated for your dad or fath…your old man, or whoever the hell it is you going out with. I should be back around four o’clock.”

Leaving the bathroom, I noticed Ernestina’s home phone ringing upon entering the front of her apartment. BBBRRRIIINNNGGG, BBBRRRIIINNNGGG…

Rather than interrupt her in the shower, I decided to simply let the answering machine catch the call. When I passed into the kitchen, I heard the machine: “Hello, this is Ms. Lady. You’re not speaking to me because I can’t talk to you right now. You know what to do …beep!”

I had paused for a second to admire the sound of Ernestina’s sexy voice on the recording when I heard the caller, “Hey, this Randy. I ran into old lady Everett at the market buying produce and dog food for that little mutt she call a poodle. Yo neighbor was telling me she thought we got back together ‘cause ‘o seeing us going in the building late last night.” His tone changed, “That must be the mutha I seen when I’s comin by to git something from the ‘partment I had fogot. The mutha stole me and I fell down them steps, but that shit a long way from being finished. Be sho ‘n let him know he better watch his back. I’m on my way and when I get over there, that som-bitch better not be at my house.” There were more inaudible profanities being mumbled as he disconnected.

I took the liberty of deleting the message before leaving and didn’t mention anything to Ernestina. Reason suggested it was a better option to not have her deal with his ass. There were several older residents in the courtyard walking their dogs and conversing, which, for the majority of them, would be the most excitement they’d have all day. Not wanting to bring attention to myself, I walked off the concrete path to the gate and on across the street to my car.

As I strapped in and reached to pull the door closed, one of the residents spoke, “Hey…Ran-dy…what’s been going on?”

I looked back toward the entrance of the building to see an elderly woman picking up her poodle while speaking with the same guy I’d encountered outside Ernestina’s apartment, wearing the trademark fatigue pants and black T-shirt. It was obvious the call to her had been from his cell phone, unless he lived in the next building. While he made small talk with Ernestina’s neighbor, I quickly drove around the building and entered through the back. A few short minutes later, Randy entered the lobby and got smashed in the face with one of the twins. He didn’t know what hit him and immediately folded like an old towel. It required a great deal more effort than I’d anticipated but I managed to maneuver Randy out to the Impala and dump his body into the trunk.

There was only one person I knew who could rectify the situation so I phoned Terry, “Hey man, I know this is short notice but…”

“How’s it hangin Willie?” He interrupted. “It ain’t time fo you to pass through already, is it?”

“No, it’s a different sorta business this time,” I disclosed. “Need to drop some meat off for you to package it; some that fell on the floor.”

“You know I gotchu, man. Where you?”

“I’m just a few blocks from your market,” I assured.

“All right,” Terry directed, “Turn into the alley and back up to the big bay door so I can help you unload.”

I followed his instructions to have the market owner guide me inside prior to lowering the huge roll-up door. “You might not wanna watch this, Willie. It ain’t easy as you might thank. They’s a big difference ‘tween knocking a mutha in the head and cut’n his head off.”

“You know, you’re probably right,” I agreed.

“Won’t be no prob’lem,” Terry confirmed, “I gots it from here.”

“Okay, I finally reasoned there was a greater need for my presence at Oz’s place, “I appreciate you looking out, Mr. Terry.”