Taking a spin on a shopping cart

Hey, baby.

Take a ride on the wild side.

Yes, while walking down that empty grocery store aisle look left at the Cocoa Puffs, look right at the rice cakes, nod confidently, and then step on the cart and fly.

Apples bounce, bread slides, and there are some intense g-forces on your salami. But a few seconds later, a few feet away, how much are you smiling after that dangerous floortile thrill ride to the yogurt?

Now, there are a few different ways the dangerous deeds go down. Here we go:

1. Pedal to the Metal. This is the classic one-foot ride to heaven. Two hands on the bar, one foot jammed underneath, and your back leg hanging out like a wobbly figure skater. Just make sure you’ve got a watermelon and a sack of potatoes in your cart to hold her steady.

2. Two-Footer. This is the Pedal to the Metal with more commitment. Without your skiddy-soled runners providing an emergency brake, anything could happen. Remember to know your limits and play it safe out there.

3. A-Tisket, A-Tasket. Someone’s riding in the basket. Make sure you don’t crash into a wall of soup, because the only air bags in this thing are full of onions.

4. The Station Wagon. Remember that backseat in old station wagons facing the opposite direction? This is the shopping cart version. Hold on tight to the front of the cart and cross your fingers the driver doesn’t steer you into the egg wall.

5. The Submarine. Highly not-recommended. This deep-sea move consists of riding underneath where the soda cans and diapers usually sit. It also consists of being at the mercy of the lunatic driver above you. Remember to be safe in that grocery store jungle. Nobody wants to go home with a forehead full of kidney bean can dents.

Yes, taking a quick spin on a shopping cart is a coffee aisle vacation.

It’s juice and jam jubilation.

It’s a diaper dash temptation.

And it’s a supermarket celebration.

AWESOME!