, and pass the fuzzball blankets. It’s time to enjoy a good movie with a group of friends—ideally featuring several of these characters:
• The Waiter. Sure, the host usually covers this job—filling popcorn, pouring Pepsis—but if the gang’s supertight someone else can take it on. If you know your friend’s pantry well and they don’t mind you raccooning around, feel free to take orders and go digging for gold.
• The Punch Line. This is the person who adds the live commentary from the corner of the couch. He generally tries to top the characters onscreen and his favorite line is “That’s gotta hurt!”
• The Revealer. The Revealer saw this movie already. You find that out the first time they say “Shhhhhh! Good scene coming up, good scene.”
• The Maestro. This is a high-pressure role that involves owning the remote control for the entire movie. The Maestro is responsible for determining which bathroom breaks are pause-worthy and when to rewind and rewatch an important scene. Also, they must be comfortable cranking the volume if The Revealer (“Good scene!”) and The Punch Line (“Gotta hurt!”) start talking too loudly.
• The Graphics Judge. Does that plane crash look fake? Do those dinosaurs look real? The Graphics Judge offers instant analysis on all special effects scenes.
• The Snoozer. No matter how loud the explosions, how tight the plot, or how dramatic the chase scene, The Snoozer can be counted on to let out a few quiet snores just as things are getting good. Sometimes it’s best to seat The Snoozer on the same faraway couch as The Person Who Covers Their Eyes And Gasps During Scary Scenes and The Person Who Cries All The Time, Even If It’s Not A Sad Film.
• The Dimmer. This person is obsessed with movie theater atmosphere. Ten seconds into the movie they frantically start a mad dash to turn off every light in the room. This seems like a good idea until someone has to blindman’s bluff their way up the rickety stairs to go to the bathroom.