Chapter 18

Heather’s Letters Blog Entry

Draft: September 23rd

There’s something refreshing about hitting rock bottom. I’m thinking back about the time I was seriously contemplating jumping into Burton’s car and driving it into a wall somewhere.

How stupid that would have been!

See, since this whole incident has happened, I’ve been hurt, ridiculed, threatened, tormented, and tested. I’ve had former friends and acquaintances mock me. I’ve witnessed social outcasts ridicule me in public to raise their own social standings. I’ve heard the worst words in the English language chanted and multiplied with adjectives perverse and inhumane. I’ve been ignored by my former boyfriend and those who used to be my friends, absolutely tortured by my sister’s new behavior, and frightened by my neighbor. My principal hates me, my mother resents me for giving her one more thing to worry about, and right after releasing my blog, if I had stepped in front of a moving bus, half the school would have celebrated.

But here’s the thing.

Knowing that I’d hit rock bottom was the most liberating thing that’s happened to me. Don’t get me wrong—being in my position still stinks. But I’m trying to look on the positive side. I’ve sat in self-pity. I’ve wallowed in doubt. But I’m done wasting my time like that. I’m done mourning for myself. Knowing that I’ve already hit rock bottom means that anything I do from this point on is pure gravy.

So in the library, instead of sitting there feeling sorry for myself, I’ve started tutoring other kids. Instead of thinking of ways to be bitter at those who do me the most harm, I think of ways to help those who most need it.

See, my life prior to this incident had been relatively stable. Aside from my parents splitting up, nothing really bad had ever happened. I’d go from school to home to school again focused primarily on myself. I’d never been terribly involved in the social happenings at Orchard Valley. Sure I’d attend some games and talk to acquaintances; but for me, I was always focused on my future: Accomplishments. College. A career in journalism. And maybe marrying Adam Hollowcast!

I’d never really stopped to look around me, to see how things really work in high school. I’d never really paid attention to how miserable some kids really are, or how much indifference so many students—and even adults—have to those around them. So many people just go around with their eyes closed all the time. Hell, I used to be one of them!

Getting this scar and experiencing ridicule of and isolation from my peers has really opened my eyes. It’s as if my scar has made me more sympathetic to the suffering that others have been enduring daily. And that’s why crashing Burton’s car would have been the stupidest thing I could have done. Now I have a purpose in life. In a world with so much suffering, I’m going to be for others what no one was for me. And if nothing else, at least I’ll show Ruby that there is still some goodness in the world.