“Happy Birthday to you—” The crew is gathered in the Ghost’s lounge, around the tiny kitchenette table. “Happy Birthday, dear Wil—”
Wil waves his hands. “Okay! We’re good.” The song dies down.
Gabe tilts his head to one side. His yellow optic sensors brightening. “Was our rendition of your birth song inadequate, Captain?”
“Birth song? No, that’s not— You know what, never mind. Let’s eat! This cake looks… well, delicious.” Wil squints at the what-appears-to-be-chocolate cake in front of him. He gives Bennie some side-eye. “Plus, Bennie can’t sing.”
The Brailack hacker affects a stricken look. “I’ll have you know my voice is quite lovely, by Brailack standards.” None of the crew makes eye contact with him.
“I hope you like it. It wasn’t easy finding analogs to all the ingredients,” Zephyr offers, handing Wil a very military-looking knife. “Especially when I didn’t know what most of the ingredients were.”
Wil turns the razor-sharp blade over and examines it, before plunging it into the cake. He cuts a slice for everyone, except Gabe. Since getting a new body on the dreadnaught Siege Perilous, the droid has made it known that his new mouth is purely ornamental.
Without waiting, Bennie takes a huge bite of his slice. “This is good!”
Wil tuts, then takes a forkful of his own cake. He chews, then stops, then chews a bit more. Everyone is looking at him.
“Wil, do humans turn red at will?” Zephyr asks, concern on her face, the blue tinted skin on her face darkening slightly.
Wil snatches his bottle of water, gulping down half of it. In between coughs, he asks, “What—” He takes another drink, then manages: “What is this?” He points frantically at the cake.
“Cake?” Maxim offers, looking from Wil to Zephyr. His bright green eyes sparkling as he stares at the dessert.
“I take it one of the analogs I used for an ingredient was incorrect?” Zephyr asks, taking a bite of her own slice of cake. She makes a satisfactory-sounding noise.
Wil coughs again, pushing his plate toward the center of the table where Bennie snatches it, placing it on top of his empty plate. Wil looks at him incredulously. “How can you eat that?”
Bennie wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. “Uh, because it’s delicious?”
Wil looks at Zephyr. “Sorry Zee, no offense, but a bit off the mark. I appreciate the effort, though.”
She nods, lifting another forkful of cake to her mouth. “None taken. What precisely was off, if I can ask?”
Wil eyes her fork, then the platter with the remains of the cake on it. “Well, first of all, birthday cakes aren’t spicy. Nor are they,” he pauses, trying to find the right words. “Was there meat in it?”
Zephyr nods. “Ah, I see. I wasn’t sure what ‘vanilla’ was—” she uses air quotes, “So I used ploth.”
“Ploth?” Wil says, both a question and a statement. “That would explain it. Isn’t ploth a fat-extract type thing? I didn’t even know we had any of it onboard.”
“I picked it up in a market on Trau. And yeah, it’s a rendered animal fat.” Zephyr looks at Wil, then Maxim, who is happily taking a second slice of the cake. The big man just shrugs.
“And the spice?” Wil presses.
Zephyr taps a finger to her chin, thinking, “Oh, I used grombo eggs,” At Wil’s blank stare she continues, “They’re known to be spicy to some species.”
Wil shudders again. “Yup, definitely going to have to put together a translation matrix if you all are going to try making any more Earth dishes. But let’s move on.” He rubs his hands together. “Present time!”
“I don’t understand this holiday,” Bennie says, passing over a small package. “You celebrate your birth, but not your name day?”
“Name Day? We name our babies the moment they’re born,” Wil says. “I mean, some parents are indecisive and it might take a few days, but the baby always goes home with a name.”
The Brailack looks stricken. “What happens if one sibling eats another? You’ve wasted time naming it.”
Wil stares at Bennie for a full minute, unblinking. “Dude, I never want to know any more about your life or your planet.” As he unwraps the present, he mumbles, “Freak show.” He lifts the lid off the small box, revealing… “A computer chip?”
Bennie nods. “Yeah. I was watching that movie you like.” He snaps his fingers, as he thinks “…Avengers! Avengers is the one. Anyway, that guy with the fancy armor that talks, he inspired me. I couldn’t improve the ship’s personality,” Everyone nods in agreement, “but I checked out the specs on your armor. This will give you a basic AI. Oh, and that fifth Avengers movie, it was really dark.”
Wil nods. “Yeah, it wasn’t as good as anyone hoped.” He turns the chip over in his hand. “Thanks man, I can’t wait to try it.”