CHAPTER FIVE

After everyone was in bed, Sarah went to the bathroom to check again. She prayed hard her period had come but there was nothing. If Rick knew she was carrying his child…no…she wasn’t…she couldn’t be. He would never know, because she’d never let it happen. She didn’t want a baby, especially not right now. This was Meghan’s happy time, and she didn’t want her accident, this unplanned, unwanted pregnancy, to take the limelight away from her sister.

She knew what she would do, even if, as a nurse she was appalled at the thought of terminating this baby’s life. So, no baby. That was just how it had to be. Tomorrow, or later tonight her period would come and she’d be able to breathe again.

Sarah washed her hands and face, studying her reflection in the mirror. Her complexion was not as smooth as usual; she had a pimple or two on her chin. Her eyes, one of her finest features, had dark rings underneath. Her jaw ached from clenching her teeth, and she knew her dentist would say she needed a mouth guard. Again. She had a terrible habit of grinding her teeth when she was stressed. She’d needed a crown after cracking a back tooth when her parents had died.

This was almost as bad. The anxiety was killing her. No wonder her mood swings were all over the place, and that she cried at the drop of a hat. Rick Reynolds was a married man. His wife was having his baby. Their second child—they had a four-year-old boy at home.

Sarah was not his wife, or his girlfriend, or a part of his life. And as angry as she was with him, she didn’t want to hurt his family with any unhappy news. If it happened, and she was carrying his baby, she simply wanted to go somewhere and fade away. Unfortunately, when she’d asked Meg if she could come and stay for a while, to sort out her life, she hadn’t realized that her period was late. Now she was stuck.

Worst case scenario, maybe she could tell Meghan that she’d changed her mind about moving to Heaven. Tell her that she’d been dreaming of Hawaii, or wanted a trip to Australia before settling down to a new job. That would be understandable. Then with distance between them she could make a decision as to whether she wanted to raise a baby on her own. Or not.

She turned off the bathroom light, and went into the guest bedroom. She slipped off her robe and got under the covers. Closing her eyes, Sarah prayed—and prayed. It was no surprise that she didn’t sleep right away. She tossed and turned, thoughts flitting through her mind in waves.

What if nobody knew? What if she could hide the baby under her clothes, not gain much weight, and then give the baby up for adoption? After all, it was winter and she could have layers of clothing on. She could pretend she was putting on weight due to her broken heart. Or pig out on fattening sweets, then purge every night and not gain an ounce. Oh, she was a terrible person to think this way! What of her child?

Instead of counting sheep, Sarah closed her eyes tight and repeated the same sentence over and over. “I am not pregnant, I am not pregnant.” It didn’t help her get to sleep.

When she stumbled out of bed in the morning, the rest of the household was up. Wearing her robe and slippers, she headed for the kitchen in search of her first cup of java.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Meghan said cheerfully. She was already fully dressed, as was Liam, who was playing tag with his best friend. Keats chased him around and around, yipping with excitement.

It was only eight a.m. but with children Sarah supposed that was considered late. As a nurse working the evening shifts it was nothing for her to sleep in until ten the next morning.

“Good morning.” She poured her coffee and smiled at Liam playing with the dog. She leaned down and clapped her hands. “Get him, Keats. Go, boy.”

The dog stopped running, angled his head and wagged his tail, then chased after Liam once again. They both fell together on the rug, the boy laughing and rolling with his good-natured pup.

“Best present, ever!” Sarah said, remembering the day Byron had dropped off the dog at the apartment.

“You can say that again. Without Keats, Byron and I might not be together. And then I wouldn’t have another little poet growing inside of me, and Liam wouldn’t know the joy of loving a pet the way he does.” Her smile slipped. “He’s enjoying school and is speaking much better. Don’t you think?”

“Absolutely!” She knew her sister needed to believe there was progress, even though she honestly hadn’t noticed. “You did the right thing by moving here.” Sarah took a swallow of her coffee, loving the first taste in the morning. “Good brew. Starbucks?”

“No. Byron likes this specialty blend from one of our local shops. He buys the coffee beans from them.”

“It’s smooth but has a bold roasted flavor. Not as strong as Starbucks.”

“Glad you’re enjoying it,” Byron said, coming in from the patio. “I was out shoveling snow, while you’ve been snoozing,” he told her with a teasing grin, while shaking his wool cap off in the sink. He removed his gloves and unzipped his coat. “I think I could use another cup of that.”

“Once you take off your boots, and remove your hat and gloves from the kitchen counter, I’ll be happy to pour it for you,” Meghan told him, shooing him away. “What would you like for breakfast? Scrambled eggs? Waffles?”

“Whatever’s easy.” He did as he was told and came back in dry jeans and a long-sleeved Tommy Hilfiger tee. Sarah noticed that he’d brushed his hair too.

“How do you make waffles?” she asked her sister. “I mean, I can do pancakes, no problem, but this sounds impressive.”

“Piece of cake.” Meg pulled a Cuisinart round waffle maker from underneath the counter, and took a package of golden malted waffle mix from the pantry. “I just use the mix and then have a selection of toppings. Syrup, or berries and whipped cream.”

“Sold. Sounds great. Can I help?”

“Go shower and dress and by the time you return I’ll have everything started. This is our favorite Sunday breakfast.”

Sarah nudged Byron’s arm in passing. “You are spoiled.”

He grinned. “And loving it.”

After her shower, she also chose jeans, paired with a Victoria’s Secret t-shirt. The table was set and Liam and Keats were enjoying their first waffle—together. One bite for Liam, one hand-held bite for his best friend.

“Help yourself to another coffee,” Byron told her, “and I’ll bring out the toppings. They just take a few minutes.”

“Keep this up, you guys, and you won’t be able to get rid of me.”

“Worse things could happen,” her sister replied, dropping some batter into the pan as Sarah watched the proceedings.

Sarah desperately hoped that worst things would not happen. How would Meg feel if she ended up with a surprise of her own? It turned her stomach queasy just thinking about it.

“So, what’s on your agenda today?” she asked, pushing her worries aside. The less she thought about it, the less chance it had of happening. Right?

“We haven’t made any plans, have we, hon?” Meg looked at Byron, who shrugged.

“Whatever you girls want is fine by me.”

“I thought I’d get out this morning and explore the town some more.” Sarah brought her fresh cup of coffee to the table. “If you two would like a break this afternoon, I can look after Liam while you take in a movie or do some shopping. Have some alone time together.”

“That’s sweet of you,” Meghan glanced at her cute hubby. “Would you like an afternoon with me?”

“Sure. We could do some ice skating down at the park, have a late lunch somewhere or see a movie. I know there are a few good ones out there.”

“That’s settled then.” Sarah smiled at the couple. “I know I’m freeloading, and I really want to contribute somehow. I’ll enjoy a pleasant afternoon with Liam and Keats. I can take them down to the park—let them run around a little.”

“If you’re sure…” Meghan’s eyes shone with happiness. “It’ll be a treat for us.”

“Of course.”

After pigging out on waffles, whipped cream and berries, Sarah cleaned up and put the dishes away, then pulled on her boots and parka for a brisk walk around the neighborhood. She didn’t have a gym membership, didn’t need one when she was working ER, but if the last two days was an example of living at her sister’s she better get into an exercise program quick—her weight gain would be real, baby or no baby.

Her period was three days late, too early for her to panic. No sense in using the pregnancy test just yet. A few more days…by Wednesday at the latest. It was likely stress that had caused her hormones to get messed up. A very brisk walk might get her body back in rhythm.

“See you guys in an hour!” She pulled a wool cap over her ears and put on fur-lined gloves.

They were both sitting near the fire, reading the Sunday paper, but Meghan lifted her head and waved good-bye.

Sarah walked toward Chelsea Place where Meghan used to live—it was a pretty residential street and she looked for apartment buildings with a vacancy sign. She had her cell phone with her and could take a photo of the listing to call later.

The twenty minute walk was completely enchanting. The streets were pristine, sidewalks well kept, giant fir trees laden with snow. Homes and apartment buildings were decorated for Christmas with garland wreaths on the doors or windows, colorful lights around the window frames showcased a magnificent tree.

She passed children building snowmen on their front lawns, laughing with delight as they rolled the snow to create solid, round balls. Twin girls lay in the pure white snow, creating mirrored images of angels with their long limbs. A family of boys was in a robust snow-throwing contest—their father, who’d been shoveling his driveway, entered in.

It was truly a winter wonderland and reminded her of growing up in Saratoga with her sister and parents. They’d had a loving family. Strange that her mom and dad had never mentioned his time at war. Had he been ashamed of it? Was Meghan right to be worried? It seemed the only plausible answer. Maybe later tonight the two of them could look inside the trunk and uncover the truth. Their dad hadn’t lied, but his silence was not completely honest either.

As she rounded a corner, she came upon a three-story apartment building with a vacancy sign for a one bedroom, which gave her hope. It was the first week in December and she might be able to move in the beginning of January, or at least by mid-month—if the rent was agreeable, of course.

As soon as her period arrived, she’d make the call and put down a deposit. If by Friday, her period still hadn’t showed up, she’d see a doctor, get it confirmed and go to Hawaii for a month while she figured out her life.

Now that she had a solid plan, she picked up the pace and decided to jog home. After two blocks she was panting and breathing hard. Dressed like an Eskimo, it wasn’t the same as the easy five-mile runs she used to do in good weather. When was it…seven years ago? As a student nurse, when she’d needed a break from studying, she’d run like the wind. After being cooped up for hours, the freedom of being outside on a sunny day had been liberating. Where did the time go? She pushed a little harder. She wasn’t over-the-hill yet. She was twenty-eight, and could still run a mile for Pete’s sake.

She reached the end of the street, and stopped for breath. Her stomach did a heave-ho, and putting her hands on her knees, she bent over—shocked when her breakfast flew out. She put her hand over her mouth, hoping that nobody would come along and see her.

“Whoa!” A hand landed on her back. She didn’t look up. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the man whose voice she recognized.

“Sarah, geez, girl, you’re looking a little green around the gills.”

“Go away, Mick. I don’t want company right now.” She glanced around to see if they were alone. Kids were playing across the street, but no one was paying them any attention.

“Positive, huh?”

She was silent for a moment. It couldn’t be. “No,” she hissed out a denial. “I was running. That’s all.”

“Morning sickness. Did you do the EPT test?”

Her head jerked up, tears stung her eyes, but she swiped at her mouth, and straightened her back. “Stop with this Mick! No, I didn’t do any damn pregnancy test, and even if I did, it’s none of your business.”

“I know it’s not. I wasn’t the one who got you this way.” His brown eyes showed compassion—he wasn’t mocking her, but concerned. “I’m just worried about you, that’s all. Meghan’s always been kind to me, and as her sister…”

“I don’t need you to pay it forward. I can handle this.” Her stomach heaved, but she held her breath, holding on with sheer willpower. “I’m fine. Got it?” She put a little heat behind the words. “I’m just late, that’s all. Stress.”

“Hope you’re right.” He withdrew a tissue from inside his jacket pocket. “Here, wipe your face.” He used his boot to bury the mess under the snow. “There, all gone. Feel better now?”

She glared at him. “I’ll feel better when you stop acting like I’m a child. I’m going to be here for the month, not sure if I’ll stay in Heaven after that, but it would be nice if we don’t see each other again. It seems you rub me the wrong way.”

He smiled, as if her words just blew off his back. “Great dinner last night, wasn’t it? Your sister sure can cook.”

“Yeah. Great.” She stuffed the tissue in her pocket. “Okay. Have a nice day. I’ve got to get back. I’ll be taking care of Liam, and giving Byron and Meg the afternoon free.”

“Does he like my gift—the Super Hero set?”

“Don’t know. He hasn’t opened it yet. Guess I’ll take mine back and buy him something special—from Toys “R” Us.”

“Aren’t they going out of business?” His brow arched.

“How the hell would I know? I don’t have kids.”

“Not yet. Might be sooner than you think.”

Her face flushed and she gave him a drop-dead look, which didn’t make his grin disappear. Was he laughing at her? Or trying to make light of it? As if there could be a ray of sunshine through this debacle.

Her eyes dropped to the snow-covered pavement. Where was a good sinkhole when she needed one?