Chapter Eighteen

If Peyton thought she was upset before, it was nothing compared to what she felt the moment she looked through the window and recognized Kurt’s lifeless body. He was floating in the water she loved so much. Her vision had narrowed until all she could see was Kurt as he was moved to the side of the pool, his dear, familiar face slack in death. There was a buzzing in her head that no sound could penetrate, including Noah’s voice. She thought he might be talking to her because he turned her and clutched both of her upper arms, shaking her mightily. She flopped in his grip like a rag doll, never taking her eyes from Kurt.

How right she’d been this morning when she rationalized sleeping with Noah that everything could change in the blink of an eye. Her life had, and it would never be the same. Kurt had been her rock for twenty years. He was not only her coach, he was her mentor, her friend, her confidant, her biggest cheerleader. If nerves ever assailed her before a big race, it was Kurt who talked her down. Even if they didn’t see each other for weeks at a time, they kept in touch. He was a second brother to her. Now he was dead.

Her head felt light, as if it might float right off her shoulders. Her legs shook and then gave out. She would’ve fallen to the carpeted floor, but Noah caught her and swept her in his arms again. He gave her another shake, but she ignored it. She’d retreated into a safe place inside her head, one where Kurt, Lotus and the others were still alive. It was comforting there. If she blocked out the real world, then she wouldn’t have to deal with another death on her conscience. This time, it was Kurt.

The sound of someone’s mournful wails finally penetrated her ears, only to realize the sound came from her. She was falling apart.

Noah had wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pressed her head against his chest, rocking her softly. He was her anchor, the only thing tethering her to this earth. If he let go, she’d float into the air and disappear completely, never to return.

#

As long as Noah lived, he’d never forget the gut-wrenching sounds Peyton made when she realized it was her coach who was dead.

Her overwhelming grief was tearing him up inside. He desperately wanted to take her pain away, but there was nothing he could do except hold her and let her know that she wasn’t alone. Love her. And he did. So damn much. Tears crowded his eyes and he couldn’t seem to blink them away.

Her cries had subsided to a low moan, but he was worried about her. He couldn’t get her to respond to him. It was as if she’d mentally checked out.

Ethan looked as upset as Noah felt. He kept asking what he could do but Noah didn’t have an answer. He didn’t know what he could do for her, what anyone could do. He couldn’t bring Kurt back to life and he had a feeling that would be the only thing that would ease her pain.

He absently watched the crime scene team and emergency personnel file in and out of the pool area. He’d made sure to sit so Peyton couldn’t see the door when the gurney was wheeled out. He wished he couldn’t see it, either. He choked back a lump seeing the black body bag resting on top.

Blake Caldwell kept checking on them, looking miserable that he couldn’t do something to help. Noah appreciated his leniency at letting them stay. Maybe it would’ve been better to drive on by when they spotted all the emergency vehicles turning into the drive. Peyton would’ve eventually found out about Kurt, but she wouldn’t have the mental image of him floating face down in the water to carry with her forever.

When—not if—he got his hands on the person responsible, he’d make him pay for trying to ruin Peyton’s life.

“Noah?”

He jerked at the low, raspy sound and shot his gaze to hers. Her baby blues were swollen and rimmed with red, but still the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen.

“Please don’t leave me.”

The lump was now a boulder and he couldn’t force it down, so he just shook his head. “Never,” he finally managed, meaning it with every fiber of his being.

#

Peyton wanted to stay curled up against Noah and never leave. She was safe here. She’d faced the unimaginable grief when her parents had been killed with Owen and Kurt at her side. Now she’d face the latest tragedies with Noah. She’d asked him to never leave her and she meant it. She didn’t want him to ever leave. She was truly, hopelessly, irrevocably in love with him. It was his strength seeping into her right now that gave her the courage to go on.

As much as she wished her brother was with her right now, she was thankful he was miles away from the mess. She only wished Noah wasn’t in danger because of her.

“I’m okay,” she said aloud, mostly for his sake, but hers, too. She wasn’t great, but she was okay. She had to be, for Kurt. He’d want her to soldier on and not give up, as tempting as it sounded. And as much as she wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out, she had responsibilities. Commitments. She had to see Aurora through the weekend. If the girl was willing to give her best, then Peyton needed to give her best as well.

Sometime between the discovery of Kurt’s body and now, her life had permanently altered. Swimming had been her entire world since the first time she jumped into the family pool when she was three, splashing after her big brother. She lived it, breathed it, dreamed it. Though she hadn’t admitted it aloud to anyone, she was leaning towards going for one more Olympics. The records didn’t mean much to her. She just loved swimming. But now she knew she’d never compete again. Without Kurt, it’d be meaningless.

Noah brushed his lips against hers and tears filled her eyes again. He stood with her still in his arms.

“I can walk. You can put me down.”

“Don’t want to,” he said, so she rested her head against his broad shoulder and let him take care of her.

Ethan squeezed her hand and gave her a tentative smile, which she returned. She hated the look of helplessness on his face knowing she was responsible.

It wasn’t until Noah buckled her into the car that an image penetrated the fog in her brain. She’d been overcome with grief, but she remembered seeing something when Kurt was placed on the deck. Overhead lights reflected off a shiny object.

Noah and Ethan were speaking with Detective Caldwell. She started to unlock her belt when they turned and headed for the SUV.

“Still doing okay?” Noah asked as he climbed inside.

She shook her head and grabbed his arm, stopping him from buckling his seat belt. “What was around Kurt’s neck?”

She knew the answer before Noah answered, a grim set to his lips. “Another medal.”