Blood Oath subscription news
Wednesday 31 July, noon
Will the body bring a bounce?
When Susan Wright went missing a few days ago, it had everyone fearing the worst.
So now that the worst has come to pass, what should Michael Lansdowne do? Well, given that his government is six points behind in most polls, dare I suggest that a gorgeous state funeral for the ‘much loved one’ would be a good start.
Assemble a choir of a few hundred pre-pubescents, all decked out in their flouncey bits. Get Archbishop Pickford back from England to officiate. Pack St Andrews with more flowers than Floriade. And don’t forget a good producer, one who’ll get the cameras in close when the tears start to fall. Then, when the words have all been spoken and the prayers prayed, have her hauled off in a horse-drawn hearse. Eight animals minimum. Big white ones with feathered head-dresses.
If the prime minister does all this, and the show goes off without a hitch, you never know — a dead Susan Wright might just deliver the electoral bounce his government so badly needs.