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Bosnia and Herzegovina, 1992
In the forest alone, the three of us began our walk toward Croatia. It was late afternoon, but the summer sun would be up for hours still. We were in good spirits, the three of us together again. We talked quietly. With Rad gone, we felt more vulnerable, unprotected by a Serb. Alone and exposed, we tread lightly and kept alert for trouble. But so far only a deep, safe, silence surrounded us.
For the first time in months, when nature called, I didn’t have to hold it, agonizing about where I might be able to go that wouldn’t disturb others. Out here, I was free.
“You two keep going,” I said quietly. “I’m going to use the outdoor washroom.”
Anya chuckled, but Nik understood. “Enjoy my friend.”
I let them get a little way ahead then urinated into the grass along the road. Sweet relief. So easy, so clean. I turned back toward them with a grin on my face.
Nik and Anya walked side by side down the lane when, without warning, a geyser of dirt shot into the air. The sound hit me a second later, an explosive boom followed by the splatter of dirt and rock falling to the ground. I didn’t understand what was happening. Anya crumpled to the ground like a silk dress slipping off its hanger. Nik dropped like a brick. I gawked, uncomprehending, as fine dirt drifted through the air, illuminated by the filtered sunlight.
A bolt of panic shot through me, and I ran toward them. When I reached them, they were both still, looking as if they were sleeping, Anya’s angelic face was unmarred except by a small smudge of dirt. A trickle of blood seeped from Nik’s nose. I dropped to my knees by Anya and gathered her in my arms. Gripped her to me. She felt warm, but there was no heartbeat. No breath. As I hugged her, I felt something on her torso, hard and warm, and looked down at a fragment of metal protruding from her dress near her heart, the fabric slowly blooming crimson.
No, no, no, no! This can’t be happening! What kind of God would release me from months of torment, return me to my love, and then take her away in the blink of an eye. Unfathomable. Cruel. Pain and regret smothered me. I struggled to breathe.
I sat in the dirt near the hole on the side of the road where the land mine must have been buried and rocked Anya in my arms. We rocked and rocked until the light faded to dark. The night air and Anya’s body grew cold. I began to shiver. Hour after hour I held her, unable to face the truth.
The first light of morning found me there, the only warm flesh among the cold, beloved dead.
