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Ally
Screams bounce off invisible walls around me, I’m scared to open my eyes and watch as crimson blood drains from my body. I tremble as chills spread deep within me. I feel frozen in place. Then, like the flip of a switch, tingling starts at my toes, shoots up my legs and settles in my chest. Warming me before I experience severe stinging as I seesaw between feeling blistering cold bordering on frostbite, to intense heat which feels like I’m trapped in a sauna.
My eyes look wildly around, my mouth opens on a silent scream. I’m gasping for breath and sweat pours from my face. I try to swipe away the wetness, call for help, but it’s no use. Closing my eyes, I curl into a ball, rest my head against my knees and fight against the overwhelming feelings.
After what seems like an eternity, my heart steadies and I’m overcome with a feeling of weightlessness. I open my eyes to find I’m standing, floating. The gray haze from earlier surrounds me once more. My surroundings blur at the edges as if the world that I know is being erased around me. Invisible chains seem to drag me down into nothingness. I don’t know if I have the strength to fight what is happening.
The fight leaves me and I close my eyes as tears run unchecked down my face. Everything in my life was becoming better – I’d made new friends.
I had a great guy.
Is this my reality check?
Am I being reminded that I should never be happy?
Is this my life now?
Refusing to believe this is it, the end, I use what little strength I have left to push to the surface, away from the dark abyss. I look above and white light breaks through the gray haze.
My father’s voice comes from the right of me. “It’s time to fight.”
Xavier’s deep voice, from my left. “Keep fighting, Baby.”
They give me the extra push I needed.
With their whispered words echoing around me, I float towards the blinding light. As I get closer, the gray haze morphs into white smoke which swirls around me.
The light is huge now and I push closer, away from the darkness for the first time in what seems like forever. As I near, I feel as if I’m being put back together – pieces are no longer missing, everything is where it should be.
I breathe out a deep breath as relief washes over me. Glancing around, there is stillness. Nothings moves. Even the swirling smoke is now motionless. I step forward and listen – quiet. Not a sound.
Feeling lost and not sure what to do, I keep moving forward, away from the darkness.
After taking a few steps, shadows form into figures ahead. Feeling a surge of energy, I move faster, hoping they won’t disappear as I get closer.
Then – chaos.
Has someone turned on a radio? I listen carefully.
Machines are beeping, pinging. Muffled voices can be heard and as I step closer, they become clearer, less like static.
The smoky haze clears and I take stock of where I am. The smell of antiseptic wafts past my nose. Pristine white, sterile walls appear around me. Realisation hits me – a hospital. I’m in a hospital room. The shadows become larger and morph into people.
No....not just people. My friends. Xavier is leaning over a bed holding someone's hand.
Beau is seated by an open window, a pained expression on his face. An ominous feeling of dread sends chills through me. Confusion clouds my mind.
“What’s going on?” I whisper, afraid of the answer. Is it X’s mum?
“Beau what if...” I hear the pain in Xavier’s deep voice and it’s enough to bring me to my knees.
“Don’t,” Beau says, cutting him off “Just don’t. She will be fucking fine. There is no other option.” I watch as he drags a hand through his hair.
“What’s going on?” I speak a bit louder this time, worried they didn’t hear me. But, I still don’t get an answer. Why won’t they answer me?
“What happened?” Erica’s worried voice comes from the doorway and I turn to find an extremely disheveled Erica standing beside an even more worried Cynthia. They hurry into the room and straight past me as if I’m not even here.
Feeling frustrated, I move towards the bed and place my hand on X’s shoulder. I expect him to melt into my touch, but when he doesn’t, I turn my focus to the bed. I freeze and feel the blood cool in my body. My eyes fill with tears at what I see.
It’s me......
Wires are coming out of me everywhere. I’m attached to a bank of machines – the beeping I heard.
I slap my hands over my mouth. “Oh, God, what is wrong with me?”
I’m pale - deathly pale and I have purple bruises on my neck.
Oh, God, this can’t be happening.
This can’t be real.
This is another dream or, nightmare. Yes, that’s it. It’s a nightmare. I try to think but my head starts to spin and my stomach roils.
“Come on Baby, fight!” Xavier’s voice breaks and he bows his head to the bed. Gripping my hand for dear life.
“I’m here, Babe. I’m fighting.” It’s no use they can’t hear me.
“I thought you were tougher than this. Fight, damn you.” Erica sounds angry and as she wipes the tears from her eyes, Beau pulls her into his side and kisses her head.
Cynthia moves to the other side of the bed and grips my free hand. When she speaks, I’m lucky to catch the words as they’re torn from her throat on broken sobs.
“I-I need you, Ally. Y-you’re my be-best friend,” she hiccups, tearing my heart out.
I jump when I feel a hand on my shoulder and looking to my side, I see a sad smile on my father’s face.
“Dad.”
“You need to fight, Buttons. They need you as much as you need them.”
“I don’t know what I’m fighting.”
“You need to fight to live and be happy.” A watery smile graces his face.
“Every time I try, something knocks me back down.”
“Fight, honey. If not for yourself, for each and every life you have touched since you opened yourself back up to the world.”
“I....” I pause and look around the room.
In only a few short weeks, these people have become my family. They have come to mean everything to me. I focus back on Xavier and know I would do anything to feel his touch again.
“I will. I promise,” I whisper, not taking my eyes off X’s back. Worried that in a flash, he’ll disappear again.
“Live and be happy, Button’s.”
Dad’s whispered words catch on the wind coming through the open window. I don’t need to look to know he is no longer standing beside me. Moving closer to the bed, I crawl up and lie over my still form. Blowing out a deep breath and closing my eyes, I allow the love in this room to soak deep into my bones.
I get ready to fight.