We need to resolve this situation immediately.Conflicts between employees are inevitable—and not necessarily bad. In fact, most conflict resolution experts agree that a healthy workforce is a dynamic one in which employees can openly discuss differing opinions and approaches. So the best thing you can do is to foster healthy communication among employees by being forthright with information, finding time for employees to discuss core issues as a team, and rewarding their input with praise.
Trouble can begin when employees attack each other’s personal attributes, speak of one another in pejorative terms, or categorically condemn each other as bad employees or, even, people. The discussion is no longer professional or productive but negative, and it can create serious divides. How you address the problems depends on the employees’ personalities, work styles, and work histories. In most cases, though, you can resolve the struggle through the strategies in this section.
Charged language: We have to end this battle right away.
Neutral language: We need to find equilibrium.
Charged language: You have to stop being bitter enemies.
Neutral language: You need to have a strong working relationship.
Charged language: We have no room for hate or personal animosity.
Neutral language: We must show respect for each other all the time.
We need to resolve this situation immediately.
I want to discuss ways we can move forward.
I want both of you to contribute to our team in the most productive and positive manner possible.
This will be an opportunity for you to talk constructively.
We will take this time to determine a productive path moving forward.
We need to determine goals and ways you can work together to reach them.
Quick tip: By holding one meeting with both employees involved in the argument, you will dispel the opinion that you’re partial to one of them.
You cannot call each other names either in this office or any other time while engaged in company business.
I want you to focus on what happened, not on your feelings about what happened.
You must support any point, concern, or suggestion with a concrete example.
I don’t want to hear anything hypothetical. Every thought, idea, or suggestion must be based in reality. Please provide names, dates, and even locations unless other people are involved and you need to maintain their confidentiality.
I don’t want to hear what anyone else said, any rumors, gossip, or outside opinions. If you need to pull in third-party opinions, make sure you have it in writing and it refers to circumstances, not personal tastes.
We’re going to discuss where we are today and where we hope to be, moving forward. Let’s not dredge up old issues that are irrelevant to our meeting today.
Quick tip: Be sure to apply each of these rules throughout the discussion—and be diligent. An employee may not call another employee "stupid," but saying a process the employee implemented was "stupid" is about the same.
Here are more phrases for laying out ground rules:
We need to approach this as productively as we can.
When we finish this discussion, we need to develop a game plan. So make sure you give examples of what you think the problem is and immediately follow with solutions.
We’re all working for the same goals, so let’s figure out a way to get there.
You need to follow these guidelines so that we get the best outcome from this discussion.
Each of you will have a chance to speak—but I’ll let you know when.
Keep focused on events—not attitudes.
Objective language is critical. Notice the difference:
Subjective: Ronnie isn’t a team player …
Objective: Ronnie keeps e-mailing the customer about changes without telling us, so we lose track of the project. Several times we have missed deadlines because of this.
Subjective: Yes, I am a team player.
Objective: I told them about the changes—they just forgot.
Keep it actionable and specific:
General: Ronnie should keep everyone updated about his conversations with the customer.
Specific: Ronnie should copy Rita and Howard when he e-mails the customer so he or she will be clear about changes in plans.
When addressing numerous disagreements between employees, try not to clump the issues together:
Okay, let’s look at these issues one at a time.
What do you think is the most important issue we need to address?
We only have one hour, so let’s focus on the two or three most important matters we need to resolve.
I want to discuss that incident between you last week, and then I want to discuss the role each of you played in compiling that proposal.
I noticed several work habits that I want both of you to change when you work together. I’m going to start with the most obvious.
You can do this by acknowledging the content of the communication—without judging it:
Judgmental: We heard Mike’s perspective. Do you disagree with anything he said?
Nonjudgmental: Do you want to discuss any of these points?
Nonjudgmental: Do you have anything to add?
Nonjudgmental: Do you have anything else to say on the subject?
Judgmental: Do you want to discuss why you’re angry?
Nonjudgmental: Do you want to discuss any workplace issues?
Judgmental: Are you frustrated with this project?
Nonjudgmental: How do you feel about this project?
Judgmental: So what went wrong last week?
Nonjudgmental: So what happened last week?
You need to stick to facts throughout this discussion.
You need to give me an example of when that occurred to clarify what you mean.
Back up and tell me what happened from a process point of view and what you believe should have happened.
I want both of you to tell me two or three ways you fostered the situation.
How did that affect our processes here?
What do you think we can do about that—as a team?
What steps did you take, and which ones should you have taken instead?
I think I understand what happened. How can we avoid this in the future?
How did you avoid these types of problems in the past?
I’d like each of you to mention three or four things that you could have done differently.
What would you like to have Tom do so that you can have a better working relationship?
I think we covered a lot here today. I look forward to seeing how well you work together.
I want you to think about quick and effective ways you can address problems in the future.
I think the issues are pretty straightforward and we can move on, don’t you agree?
At this point, you should have no problem getting along. I look forward to the improvement.
You did a great job of communicating—this bodes well for the future.
I think the issues are pretty clear and that you will do well to put them behind you.
What is your take on the situation?
What do you think are the core issues we must address?
How did that problem start in the first place?
What was your role in the dynamic?
At what stage do you think things started to change?
What do you think you could have done differently?
How can we resolve that problem moving forward?
What are some of the internal supports that can help address that problem?
What organizational factors do you think contributed to this dynamic?
Have you learned anything from this situation?
What do you see as a positive vision for the future?
Quick tip: The meeting should occur in a neutral area—your office, perhaps—and should be confidential. If you have an assistant who takes notes at your meetings, now is not the best time to invite that person.