The stress of communicating with a difficult boss ranks high on most employees’ anxiety lists. Bosses wield power over their lives, their careers, their financial well-being, and, it seems, everything else. So when the boss turns out to be a bully or simply a well-intended but hopelessly forgetful person, what do you do? Granted, the answer isn’t simple, and you can’t apply instant solutions. But follow these points and use the perfect phrases, and you might come pretty close. So sit back, relax (really!), and read on.
Your Boss Never Went to Boss School, So Consider Yourself an Employee Management Teacher (Just Don’t Tell the Boss)
Most managers, whether in large corporations or family-owned businesses, became bosses because they were experts in the field. Maybe they owned a restaurant and knew how to manage money. Maybe they were trained in a particular area of technical expertise. Regardless, they were not trained to be bosses. Granted, you may be thinking your boss attended an impressive management program or has a sky-high degree. Doesn’t count. Most of these programs teach participants how to manage a business, not the people in it.
As a result, even the most professional and well intended of the lot may have trouble communicating with you. And you know what happens from there: You don’t get timely information relevant to your job, accurate feedback on your performance so you can improve, or direction on key projects … and worse. So in many cases, you will need to guide the communication with them instead. Take initiative. Ask for what you want. And be specific.
Stick to Names, Tasks, and Agreements—and Steer Clear of Emotions
When communicating with your boss, you may ache to tearfully explain how hard you’re trying. How much you value the job. And how terribly unappreciated you really are. Or you may want to proclaim your rights, demand high standards, and tell your boss what you truly think. Try to resist such impulses because even though venting may be great for your emotional well-being (unless it gets you fired), it won’t get you far at work.
Instead, focus on actionable issues. Did your boss insult you? Put you down at a meeting? Instead of stating you’re enraged or hurt, be clear that, as a professional, you expect professional and appropriately timed feedback. Is your boss forcing you to work ridiculous hours without extra compensation? Your boss won’t care if you’re tired or suffering from workplace fatigue. But remember that employee handbook? That roles and responsibilities agreement? Your boss needs to abide by that. Oh, and does your boss really expect you to do a great job when the bags under your eyes are so big you can hardly see? If your work hours are too long too often, your work and your workplace will surely suffer. So discuss that.
You Have Supports—So Use Them
You have more supports than you think when your boss fails you. Some are obvious: manuals, Web site training programs, and online articles to fill in information gaps. Some are available when trouble springs: HR representatives, company psychologists, or resources through your union. Don’t forget your coworkers and other colleagues. They may have insights that make your relationship with that difficult boss more productive and relaxed.