BUILDING NICOLE’S MAMA

for the 6th grade class of Lillie C. Evans School, Liberty City, Miami

I am astonished at their mouthful names—

Lakinishia, Fumilayo, Chevellanie, Delayo—

their ragged rebellions and lip-glossed pouts,

and all those pants drooped as drapery.

I rejoice when they kiss my face, whisper wet

and urgent in my ear, make me their obsession

because I have brought them poetry.

They shout me raw, bruise my wrists with pulling,

and brashly claim me as mama as they

cradle my head in their little laps,

waiting for new words to grow in my mouth.

You.

You.

You.

Angry, jubilant, weeping poets—we are all

saviors, reluctant hosannas in the limelight,

but you knew that, didn’t you? Then let us

bless this sixth grade class—40 nappy heads,

40 cracking voices, and all of them

raise their hands when I ask. They have all seen

the Reaper, grim in his heavy robe,

pushing the button for the dead project elevator,

begging for a break at the corner pawn shop,

cackling wildly in the back pew of the Baptist church.

I ask the death question and forty fists

punch the air, me!, me! And O’Neal,

matchstick crack child, watched his mother’s

body become a claw, and 9-year-old Tiko Jefferson,

barely big enough to lift the gun, fired a bullet

into his own throat after Mama bended his back

with a lead pipe. Tamika cried into a sofa pillow

when Daddy blasted Mama into the north wall

of their cluttered one-room apartment,

Donya’s cousin gone in a drive-by. Dark window,

click, click, gone, says Donya, her tiny finger

a barrel, the thumb a hammer. I am shocked

by their losses—and yet when I read a poem

about my own hard-eyed teenager, Jeffery asks

He is dead yet?

It cannot be comprehended,

my 18-year-old still pushing and pulling

his own breath. And those 40 faces pity me,

knowing that I will soon be as they are,

numb to our bloodied histories,

favoring the Reaper with a thumbs-up and a wink,

hearing the question and shouting me, me,

Miss Smith, I know somebody dead!

Can poetry hurt us? they ask me before

snuggling inside my words to sleep.

1 love you, Nicole says, Nicole wearing my face,

pimples peppering her nose, and she is as black

as angels are. Nicole’s braids clipped, their ends

kissed with match flame to seal them,

and can you teach me to write a poem about my mother?

I mean, you write about your daddy and he dead,

can you teach me to remember my mama?

A teacher tells me this is the first time Nicole

has admitted that her mother is gone,

murdered by slim silver needles and a stranger

rifling through her blood, the virus pushing

her skeleton through for Nicole to see.

And now this child with rusty knees

and mismatched shoes sees poetry as her scream

and asks me for the words to build her mother again.

Replacing the voice.

Stitching on the lost flesh.

So poets,

as we pick up our pens,

as we flirt and sin and rejoice behind microphones—

remember Nicole.

She knows that we are here now,

and she is an empty vessel waiting to be filled.

And she is waiting.

And she

is

waiting.

And she waits.