for Girl X, Chicago
The first thing we took away was your name.
We erased the bleak shame from each syllable,
blurred the image of your tiny body broken into
network sound bytes, snippets of videotape
with a swollen face x-ed out.
x as in she is no longer a good girl.
x as in two simple lines crossing
where a beating heart should be.
You were little, like we don’t want to remember.
You were stutter-folded, you were beaten liquid
on those lonely stairs, your skin was slashed,
you were raped with a fist and sticks, insecticide
sprayed into your seeing and down the tunnel of
your throat. He must have held your mouth open,
stretching the circle, leaving moons in your lip.
The violation left you blind and without tongue,
wrecked the new clock of you. You were jump rope
in double time and pigeon-toed, navy blue Keds
with round toes and soles like paper, jelly sandwiches
and grape smash fingers, you, ashy-kneed rose,
missing rib, splintered and flinching through
a death sleep. In which direction do we pray?
To recreate you, they relied on ritual.
Weeping nurses gently parted your hair, the teeth
of the comb tipped in rubber, and dried blood
showered from your scalp like chips of paint.
They rubbed warm oil through the unraveling braids,
threaded ribbon through to the ends.
We will give you back your life
by pretending you are still alive.
Lowering your x into a tub of warm water, they
scrubbed you with stinging soap, sang songs filled
with light and lyric, then dabbed you dry with those
brutal sickbed towels, avoiding the left nipple,
smashed before it began. Wrapping you in the stiff garb
of virgins, they told you that you were healed,
there in that stark room of beeping machines
and blood vials and sterilized silver, they built
you a child’s body and coaxed your battered heart back inside.
Girl
x. The violation left. x
you blind and x voiceless
And they braided your hair every day, gently,
the ritual insane, strands over, under, through, over,
under, through, fingers locked in languid weave,
until the same of it all brought your voice back.
The nurses cheered, told you they’d found a cure
for history, that the unreal would refuse to be real.
Soon you’ll be able to see again, they whispered.
I know you never meant to be ungrateful, my rib,
when you rose up half and growled this grace:
that’s
O.K. you
can keep
my
eyes