The next morning Rebecca carried the stack of books to the middle of the makeshift bed in their tent. Pushing the straw tick into a comfortable heap, she settled herself to read. As she thumbed through the books and stroked their covers, she was thinking of the one time she had determined to study the second covenant; yet, despite her hunger for reading, that resolve had never been carried out.
Andrew had included a Book of Mormon in the stack. “Now, he knows I have that,” she muttered. Putting it aside, she picked up the next book. It was more of Joseph Smith’s writings and, curiously, she turned the pages. There was the Book of Abraham and the Book of Moses. It was a full account of the Genesis story. The Book of Abraham, she knew, was a translation from papyrus given to Joseph Smith. She studied it and then went back to the Book of Moses. When she had finished reading it, she admitted, “It’s like the Bible, but somehow everything’s turned upside down and inside out.” She did acknowledge that it clarified the sermons she had heard about the preexistence of souls and the beginnings of life on the earth, as the church taught it.
She picked up the next book. It was the Doctrine and Covenants. She knew parts of this book were originally called the Book of Commandments. “It is certain,” she advised herself, “when I am finished with this book, I’ll know what I must know. No longer will I have a need to question.” She stared at the book, appalled by her statement. Would she really dare read it?
Words caught her attention. “This is saying,” she whispered, “God revokes not judgment. He has woes, weeping and gnashing of teeth for those who are not keeping the commandments that He gave to Joseph Smith.”
Throughout the day, Rebecca read—sometimes with keen interest, sometimes smothering a yawn, and sometimes trembling. When Rebecca realized it was getting late and again nearly time to prepare their evening meal, she turned to the end of the book. She must read that revelation, see with her own eyes just what the Prophet had heard from God. Rebecca glanced down at the book. A finger of light had found a tiny hole in the tent and there was a puddle of brightness on the page before her. Was it an omen? Was God telling her how important this revelation was?
Already she knew it was the culmination of the doctrine of the priesthood, the high and holy order revealed to the Prophet. Since it had been revealed to the world in 1852, Rebecca had heard countless sermons on its contents, but never before had she seen the revelation in print.
She found she was holding her breath as she began to read. The beginning words dropped into her mind: “Prepare your heart.” “Rebecca,” she whispered, “prepare your heart. It says here that all who have this law must obey it.” She glanced down at the next words. She must believe them. They said that if she didn’t abide by the covenant, she would be damned.
“Of course,” she murmured, “this is the new covenant—this covenant makes the other two of no effect. Damnation is the result when it is rejected.”
She was nagged by a feeling that something was escaping her attention. She went back to her reading, and the words lined up. Each word seemed to strike her with a greater impact. She argued with herself and then admitted, “If this is the final covenant, it’s got to be strong medicine. Rebecca, listen to the words!”
There, “No one can reject—and be permitted to enter my glory.”
She quickly skimmed the section that talked about the power of the anointed, the one who held the keys of the priesthood. She knew this referred to the president of the church—first the Prophet and now President Young.
The following paragraphs told Rebecca that Jesus had said that no man could come to the Father except by the word of Jesus which was His law. And nothing would exist in eternity unless it was ordained by Him. This was the heart of the covenant. Marriage, instituted by the word of the Lord, this new and everlasting covenant administered through the church, would last for all eternity.
Now she read that if a man or woman sinned against the new and everlasting covenant, providing they didn’t commit murder, they would still make it in the resurrection. Her heart chilled. She must read and go back to read again before the words became real. “This says that they will make it if they shall be destroyed in the flesh,” she said slowly. “Why, that means they must be killed!”
Now she was reading that the Lord promised Joseph Smith that whoever the Prophet blessed, God would bless and that whoever the Prophet cursed, He would curse. Further on she read that any man endowed with the power of the priesthood could do anything in the name of Jesus, according to His law, by His word, and he wouldn’t commit sin; Jesus would justify him.
The word destroy caught her attention, and she read that if a man in the priesthood had a wife who refused to believe in the new way, she was to be destroyed. She would be a transgressor. “So that’s what we’ll be if we follow through on Brother Brigham’s offer,” she murmured. “Transgressors, with no hope of heaven.”
She heard Andrew’s step. He was whistling a silly tune in the dusk. Sticking his head through the tent flap he asked, “Well, where’s my supper?”
She looked at the grin on his face and saw the bemused expression in his eyes. The words of the covenant echoed through her, and silently she got to her feet.
The following morning Andrew pointed to the pile of books and asked, “Have you read all you want?” She nodded, not slowing her task of straightening the tent. After pausing, he asked, “Do you have any questions about what you’ve read?”
“I’m not certain,” she answered as she folded a quilt. “Seems like I need to do some thinking on my own.”
“Oh, come, it wasn’t that hard to understand.”
“It’s in knowing how far to take it all.” She faced him, and her eyes were searching his. His dreamy expression was gone. She was grateful she had been able to chase those dreams, but she knew he was determined to live his religion. There would be more marriages.
“Do you understand,” Andrew asked, “that the new and everlasting covenant is saying women will be saved through their husbands, if indeed that husband is living up to the priesthood and is following all the rules and ordinances of the gospel?”
“Is that what you are wanting me to see?”
“Yes. According to the revelation, there is no way a man will make it to the highest order of heaven unless he has entered into the new and everlasting covenant.”
“And it doesn’t even mention women.”
He reached for her. “Rebecca, I know life is hard and disappointing, but you mustn’t focus on the present. Think of all that has been promised us for eternity.”
Rebecca was thinking about errant wives, and the heaviness in her heart kept her from answering.
It was past noon when Rebecca finally pinpointed the burden lying like a brick on her chest. She was sitting on the ground, picking over beans for soaking, when the thoughts broke through the darkness of her mind. She straightened and dumped the last of the beans into the pot.
“Of course,” she exclaimed, “that’s it! I needn’t fear or even try to understand it all. That’s what they’ve been telling me all along. I need only to trust, have faith. Remember you’ve learned that faith is the important thing, the one that makes the difference.” And then she thought of obedience. “Oh, it’s true. I need only make up my mind that I’ll follow through on my vows. I’ll let my husband lead our family, and I’ll be an obedient wife.”
She recalled the episode over Priscilla. Would she really be able to share him and live her life without complaining? She hesitated only a moment before she said, “There’s no other way. If I’m to follow the Lord and make my home in heaven, I’ll have to trust my church and allow my husband to take me to heaven.”
She stood up, “I do believe I’m ready to see Ann and claim the dress.”
When Ann answered Rebecca’s knock, she drew her hastily into the house. Rebecca watched her glance quickly around as she closed the door. Her greetings weren’t hiding the anxiety in her eyes. As Rebecca pulled the shawl from her shoulders, she exclaimed, “Ann, what’s troubling you? I’d swear you turned pale. Your peering around that lilac bush made my scalp tingle. Indians?”
“I’m sorry,” she murmured, “I’ve just had, well, I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
Ann was frowning, her eyes were sharp as she studied Rebecca’s face. “Girl, are you living your religion?”
Rebecca blinked in surprise. “Why, of course, Ann. What’s got into you?”
“There’s this foreboding spirit. Becky, answer me straight. I promise I’ll never breathe a word of this. Have you been writing to that Gentile, that Joshua Smyth?”
The contempt in Ann’s voice made Rebecca gasp. “Ann, of course not! I’m married.”
“Well, he seemed awful agitated and way overly polite. Kept telling me he meant no harm, but he just must see you and make sure you’re all right. He didn’t know you were married. Said he’s tried to find you down south but no one would give him any help. Seems likely. He looks Gentile.”
A strange numbness built around Rebecca’s heart. “After all this time, Joshua’s come looking for me?”
“Yes, and don’t you go looking like that. You’re a married woman.”
“He didn’t say what he wanted?”
“No. You’d have thought he was on a holy mission, he was that persistent. I finally convinced him he’d best stay away if he didn’t want a load of buckshot. I promised him I’d talk to you, ask if you wanted to see him.”
“But, of course! Ann, he’s practically family.”
“You was sweet on him.” She studied Rebecca’s face again, slowly saying, “I had the strangest feelings while I was talking. It was like the Lord was telling me this was no regular call from kinfolks. Rebecca, my feelings tell me he’s up to no good, that he’s got the power to pull you straight down to hell.”
“But there’s no call to feel—” Rebecca’s quick retort died, and the heaviness touched her again. She was remembering yesterday. Why had she suffered this strange compulsion to read, positive that until she was settled in her mind, it would be impossible to claim the wedding dress?
Now she whispered, “Oh, Ann, do you really think so? Yesterday I was fearfully torn until I settled it in my own mind I would cling to my religion and never allow myself to complain again. Is this some trick of the wicked one to lead me astray?”
Ann’s eyes were wide. “I don’t know. I only know it makes me fearful inside. Becky, if it were me, I wouldn’t risk it, even if he’s as dear as kinfolk.”
“Then you’d better tell him—” Her voice broke; for a moment she closed her eyes. “Say it’s inconvenient to see him now. Perhaps someday—” She turned and said brightly, “That’s that. Now let’s have our visit.”
Later the trunk was carried out. Rebecca pressed her cheek against its dear, familiar lid. Just as she opened it, Ellen and Dee came in. There were more greetings, and then Rebecca must show the dress.
“Oh, Becky! How beautiful. To think you couldn’t have it in time for your own wedding. How sad. I’d postpone my wedding forever if such a dress were mine.”
Dee—still with shy eyes and silky hair said softly, “I’m afraid I’d never feel married if it were mine and I didn’t get to wear it. Rebecca, try it on.”
Rebecca rushed to wash her hands spotless and then before her reverent audience, she slowly removed the old cotton wrappings. “It’s like a cocoon being burst open,” Ellen whispered. “What will the beautiful butterfly become?”
Once the dress was unwound and lifted, Rebecca could only stare. She held the dress away from her to study every detail of the creamy lace and velvet rosebuds centered with pearls. “This is the first time I’ve had it completely unwrapped,” she whispered. The heavy silk grew warm in her hands, the musty odor of age and faint perfume became the essence of her mother. The room dimmed while warmth and life seemed to step nearer. She clasped the dress against her. “Mother, oh, Mother,” she mourned. She sobbed, knowing that her tears were wetting the dress, but more aware of the undeniable link stretching across the years. For precious moments the dress was healing the gap and shredding the curtain of eternity.
When the storm of her emotions had blown away and she was again only Rebecca alone, she was left with an aching sweetness.
Now she was shaking her head at their sober faces. “I can’t—it’s impossible. See, I’ve dampened it with my tears until it’s all a soggy mess.” She turned to Ann. “I’m sorry. I’ve spoiled your fun. But it was as if she were here.” She took a quick breath and said, “Over the years I’ve dreamed of how she and Daddy must have been on that day she wore the dress. More than anything, I’ve wanted to wear it too. Somehow, just touching the dress—” She couldn’t explain, and she turned, shaking her head. Eternity seemed more real.
The little trunk rode back to Pinto with Rebecca and Andrew. He carried it into Rebecca’s house and tucked it in the corner under the bed. But he didn’t ask to see the dress and, conscious as she was of that day at Ann’s, Rebecca said no more about it.