She reached the subway stop. A moment later, while she stood on the platform for the green line train to arrive, her phone began to ring. Could it be him?
Amanda thrust her hand inside her bag, seized the phone, and answered with breathless anticipation, not bothering to check caller ID. “Hello?”
“Well, hi, stranger!” Not Ethan, but a decidedly female voice spoke, one instantly recognizable.
“Oh. Hi, Chiara.”
Hearing her sister’s voice was itself an experience of home: the feel of the fuzzy carpet lining the staircase, the creaking of a certain floorboard in the hallway, the sight and scent of pine. It all seemed so far away now … and that wasn’t a bad thing. Amanda was creating her own home.
She slung her bag back over one shoulder. “Why are you calling?”
“Gee, why could I possibly be calling? Hmm. I don’t know … maybe since Dad and I haven’t heard from you for more than a week now, we just wanted to make sure you were alive and breathing?”
“It was a busy week.”
“How’s the city? Do you love it?”
“Yeah.”
“And your roommate? What’s she like? Do you get along? She’s okay?”
“She’s nice.”
“What about the Masters Academy?”
“It’s alright.”
“Cool! Dad and I are doing good. Same old, same old. You know how things go around here.” Chiara laughed. “Oh, actually, there is one thing that happened. I think it was last Tuesday. Or maybe Wednesday …”
“Last week sometime—I got it. What was it?”
“Do you know the Connollys? They have a son, Joe, and they live on Pinewoods Avenue, right past Supermarket Saver.”
“Yeah, I remember them.”
“Their dad, Dr. Connolly, was my orthodontist.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. What about them?”
“I rode my bike past their house, and it’s completely empty. No one has seen them for almost a week now.”
“Maybe they went on vacation or something.”
“But they never go away, Amanda. Dad couldn’t believe it when Dr. Connolly didn’t show up for the pancake breakfast at church last Sunday.”
“Maybe a family member got sick and they had to leave suddenly.” Was Amanda’s life this mundane before too? Time to change the subject. “How’s Boots doing?”
Chiara adored her horse and launched into the details of her upcoming horse show. “I’m pretty sure I can place in the top three. If Elise doesn’t show up—you know, the tall girl from Westport—then I might even have a shot at the trophy.”
“Good.”
“Dad wanted to talk with you too, but he’s at one of his opposition meetings. He’s had one almost every day. He wants you to call him this week so he can hear how things are going in the Big Apple.”
“Okay.”
More and more people were gathering on the subway platform, and it was getting hard to hear Chiara. Two bright points of light appeared down the tunnel: the subway was approaching.
“Hey, Chiara, I gotta go. My train is here.”
“Oh. Alright. I guess I’ll talk with you soon?”
“Sure. Bye.”
Amanda arrived at the Masters Academy and began searching for Ethan among the students loitering about the building. Some sprawled across the front steps, sketching, while others conversed over lattes. She didn’t spot Ethan anywhere, and in the end, she had to give up and go to Michael’s class.
“Today we’re going to start by reviewing the syllabus.” Michael put on his glasses and peered at his notes. “Let’s talk about the semester project. This is the real meat and potatoes of the class. It will count for more than half of your grade, so it would behoove you to pay close attention.
“One of the most effective methods of fine-tuning your technique is to study the masters. That is, in fact, the whole focus of this task: to complete a master copy. Each one of you will be assigned a painting in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I want you to visit the Met before our next class and make a preliminary sketch. You will then work on that sketch throughout the semester, eventually painting it, until you have emulated the master’s work as closely as possible. The syllabus spells out the deadlines and expectations. So if there aren’t any questions, I’ll hand out the assignments.”
Amanda once again had the misfortune of sitting next to Leila, who pursed her lips before saying, “I’d better not get some lame landscape.”
Michael stopped in front of her. “Actually, Leila, I think you’ll be happy to have Blue Green Red by Ellsworth Kelly. It’s in the modern art section.”
Leila took the slip of paper from his outstretched hand. “I know. I’ve seen it plenty of times.”
Michael came to Amanda. He stood there for a moment, staring at the dozen papers left in his hand. “I think that this will be most beneficial to you.” He handed her one, stuffing the rest in his pocket and walking away.
She turned the paper over and read the words written in Michael’s sloppy handwriting:
Portrait of a Mother, Anonymous, ca. 1570
Amanda frowned. This was the one subject she would least like to explore. She would just ask for another assignment. It wasn’t like there weren’t a thousand other works of art at the Met. She raised her hand, but Michael had already moved on and was now discussing the supplies required for the course. She would have to wait.
He at last dismissed the class. Amanda approached his desk, the slip of paper clenched in her hand. “Umm, excuse me? Michael? Can I ask you something?”
Rifling through some papers, he paused for a moment. “Go on.”
“Would it be possible to have another assignment for the semester project?”
“No, I’m afraid not.”
“I … I can’t do another painting?”
“I’ve already handed out the assignments. Either you choose to do the one I gave you or you don’t. Simple enough?” Without waiting for her reply, he turned his attention back to his papers, one elbow leaning on the desk and his hand cradling his forehead.
The conversation had ended. She was stuck with Portrait of a Mother. She left the classroom, hoping to see Ethan in the hallway, but he wasn’t there. Her classes were done for the day, and she had no other reason to stick around. Yet he had said they would see each other, right? Had she been wrong? Maybe he hadn’t enjoyed their date after all. In fact, he probably regretted even asking her out in the first place. He just wasn’t interested in her, of course, and now he was avoiding her. No surprise there. People had a way of disappearing from her life.
Dejected, she hurried out the front door, her despondency driving her anywhere but here.
“Amanda?”
With her right foot on the lowest step of the staircase, she turned around, though she knew who had spoken to her.
“Ethan!”
He met her at the bottom of the stairs, his expression puzzled. “Are you in a hurry?”
“Not especially. Why?”
“You kind of walked right past me.”
“Oh shoot … really?”
“I remembered that your class got out at this time, so I waited for you by the front door. I guess you didn’t see me? Or maybe you didn’t want to see me?”
“No! No, not at all! I just figured you didn’t want to see me.”
“If I didn’t want to see you, I would have told you so last night. I don’t sugarcoat things, Amanda. You’ll always hear the truth from me.”
“Thank you. I’ll remember that.”
He pulled his keys out of his jeans pocket. “How about we take a drive?”
She nodded, and hand in hand, they walked toward his car.
“So where to, m’lady?” Ethan opened the passenger door for her.
“Well, I usually go back to my apartment after class.”
“To the apartment it is, then. Whatever you would like.” Flashing his brilliant smile, he revved the engine. “How was your class today? You seem deep in thought. Though, I’m beginning to understand that’s normal for you.”
“There’s just a lot on my mind.”
“You can unload some of those cares on me. Class didn’t go so well?”
“I don’t like the professor or other students too much.”
“Who’s the professor?”
“Michael Williams.”
Amanda saw instant recognition sweep across Ethan’s face, his frown revealing a shared dislike for the art teacher.
“Did you have him before too?”
Ethan put the window down and rested his arm on the car door. “No, but I’ve heard a lot about him. What’s your problem with the guy?”
She pretended to ponder the question while grasping for a credible answer. She couldn’t tell him about Portrait of a Mother. It would introduce a whole conversation she wasn’t ready for, one she avoided at all cost. She couldn’t talk about it because the truth still hurt too much. “It’s his style. I don’t care for his technique at all. I wish he were more like the other professors who are contemporary in their methods.”
“That makes sense. Michael is without a doubt the black sheep of the faculty. I can’t imagine how he’s been able to hold on to his job.” Ethan pulled into an open space across from her apartment building and turned off the car.
What should she do now? Invite him upstairs? “Umm … so do you have something going on today?”
“That depends.”
“On what?”
“On you. I was hoping we could hang out together. Of course, if you have to go now, I’ll understand.”
“You can come upstairs.”
He rewarded her with a broad smile. They exited his car and entered the building. The blasting music coming from inside her apartment told her that Nikki was home. They hadn’t spoken yet since Nikki stormed off yesterday.
Standing in the hallway outside the door, Amanda poised her key halfway to the lock. “I forgot that Nikki is home. Maybe we better not go in.”
Ethan waved dismissively. “This is your apartment too. Who cares if Nikki is home? Maybe she should be the one to leave.”
Amanda took a deep breath, unlocked the door, and walked in. Ethan followed, tossing his coat on the couch. Nikki sat on a stool at the kitchen counter, typing on her laptop. She glared at both of them, her face turning red. She apparently hadn’t cooled off yet. Amanda stared at the floor and took a few steps behind Ethan.
“Hey, Nikki. How are things?” Ethan sat on the arm of the couch, crossing his arms.
“Don’t waste my time. I’m busy on an assignment.”
Ethan looked at Amanda. “She’s working on our new project for the National Citizens Party. We’re doing a billboard. You see, Nikki and I are both in the public relations department. She does photography; I do graphic design.”
Amanda smiled feebly in Nikki’s direction. “I’m sure you’ll do a great job.”
Nikki scoffed. “Tell your boyfriend to stop fooling around and get me some graphics.”
“Leave her alone, Nikki.” Ethan’s playful tone carried an undertone of threat. “I’ll have them to you by tomorrow.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it.”
Unruffled, Ethan turned back to Amanda. “Have you seen the NCP’s new website? They just launched it a few days ago.”
“I … I don’t think I had a chance to check it out yet, no.”
“Of course you’re a member of the NCP, right?” Nikki’s voice dripped with sarcasm.
Amanda stared at her, puzzled by Nikki’s behavior. She wanted to fix things with Nikki but didn’t know how. Nikki obviously had a grudge against her, and it didn’t seem to be just about Ethan. “I’m not a registered member.” She caught herself. “Not yet.”
Nikki nodded, a fake half smile painted on her face. “Why not, Amanda?”
Amanda shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “I’m not that political. I mean, my dad is. But it’s never really interested me.”
“So your dad must be a member?”
“He …” Amanda stopped. Her dad despised the NCP and spent most of his free time leading and recruiting for a group opposing the reigning party. “He’s not really a member, no.”
Ethan stepped between them. “I don’t think you would be ambivalent about it, if you understood the NCP.”
“Well, why do you love the NCP so much?” Amanda couldn’t wait to get the topic of conversation off of herself.
Ethan raised his eyebrows. This seemed to be the very question he had been waiting for. “I’ve always grappled with the big questions in life. I struggled to understand life’s purpose. I did a lot of reading and debating. But I still couldn’t find something that articulated clearly and truthfully man’s purpose in life … something built on reason and science.”
“Right, you told me that you have a scientific mind.”
He nodded. “I got my hands on some of the writings of the founders of the National Citizens Party. I realized that here I found like-minded individuals. These people see the world as I see it. I could relate to them. I could help advance their cause, because it’s my cause too. That cause is freedom: freedom to be the strongest, the greatest that you can be. And through this freedom, our country will progress in ways we’ve never dreamed of. I’ve been working on this graphic I’d like to show you. Nikki, can I borrow your laptop?”
“Just use yours. Usually, it’s glued to your body.”
“I left it in my car. I’ll just be a second.”
Pursing her lips, Nikki slid her computer toward him. Ethan searched for a moment and then turned the screen so Amanda could see the bold-print words.
“‘Let the Best Rise to the Top.’ Sounds Darwinistic,” Amanda said, then looked at Ethan.
He nodded. “That’s the whole idea. We’re building a meritocracy. Today, if you have the ability and drive, nothing will hold you back. Skin color, sexual orientation, gender, income—none of that matters or discriminates anymore. We are each free … free to reach our personal potential.”
“Sounds compelling when you put it like that.”
“Why don’t you come with me to a big rally we’re having?” He pulled a pamphlet from his back pocket. “This has all the details.”
“Sure—yeah—I’ll come.” She’d go to a dump with him.
“Hey, what’s this?” Ethan walked over to the corner of the room. He pulled a shirtsleeve aside, uncovering Amanda’s portrait of Nikki.
No one spoke. Ethan gazed at the artwork, and Amanda’s unease grew with each passing moment.
He at last turned to her, his eyes wide. “This is incredible talent.”
Amanda exhaled. “Thank you. And now you can relax because you’ve seen one of my paintings, right?”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Ethan chuckled. “You’d really prefer to keep your paintings hidden?”
Nikki sneered. “She’s great at keeping things hidden.”
Amanda worked up some courage; it was time to set the story straight. “Nikki, I’m sorry about yesterday. I would have told you my date was with Ethan, honestly. I had no idea you two know each other. I wasn’t trying to keep anything from you.”
“Okay, Amanda.” Her hollow tone and tight lips said something different.
Amanda fell silent, her insides twisted. What had she done wrong?
Ethan picked up the portrait and walked near the window, where there was better lighting. “This portrait is impressive, no argument there. You’ve got the skills. But this only makes me more eager to see your paintings.”
“You wanted to see my art. Isn’t this my art?”
“You told me you painted your ‘inner thoughts and feelings.’ This portrait is an expression of Nikki. I already know Nikki. I want to know you. Don’t you ever let anyone into your heart?”
She swallowed. “Maybe that takes a little bit of time.”
Ethan set her portrait of Nikki down. “Do you want to get out of here?” He grabbed his coat and pulled it on.
“Where would we go?”
“Let’s find out.”
He stepped out of the apartment and reached for her hand. Amanda clasped his fingers and closed the apartment door behind her, catching one last glimpse of Nikki. Her eyes bore into Amanda, her face cold and body rigid.
They walked outside and were met with a torrential downpour. Making a dash for it, they ran for the car, sloshing through the puddles. Ethan ran much faster, reaching the passenger door and holding it open for her. She got in the vehicle, raindrops trickling down her black curls. His jacket was soaked, and his hair was a little messy from the rain. He looked even more attractive in this somewhat disheveled state.
He pulled out into the road. “Great weather, isn’t it? But at least now we can talk, just the two of us. Look, I’m sorry about what happened back there. I get that you’re not ready to show me your art.”
“It’s just so personal to me …”
“As I said, you fascinate me. You’re a puzzle. I want to understand you, unravel how you think. I’m not going to give up on you or let your reservation prevent us from growing closer. I want to be the kind of person you can be open with.”
She looked out the window. Her heart soared with the idea that he wanted to be closer to her, but she wasn’t sure she could do what was needed to make it happen. She had spent so long keeping people at a distance …
The rain pounded on the car roof, frantic and unrelenting, but unsuccessful in reaching them—at least, not yet. The windshield wipers worked overtime, battling the oncoming precipitation.
Amanda decided to return to what seemed to be his favorite subject. “So have you been active in the NCP for a while?”
“Absolutely. It’s why I moved here, in fact. I work full-time for the party, and I’m also taking that graphic design class at the Graduate Academy. The NCP pays for any education I pursue, since enhancing my talents can only make me a more valuable leader. They’re all about advancing individuals’ abilities. You know, it’s a good thing I happened to be taking that class this semester, isn’t it? If I weren’t, we might never have met.”
“Definitely a good thing. Someone could almost call it ‘made to be’ … fate in action.”
His brow furrowed. “Fate didn’t ask you on a date. I did.”
“Right, of course.” What an idiotic remark. Why he didn’t dump her on the curb at the first opportunity was bewildering.
He remained silent, his face pensive.
Trying to fix things, she changed the subject again. “Do you do this often—drive around aimlessly?”
“It’s not aimless; it’s a challenge. I like venturing into the unknown, trying to navigate my way back, coming across new places. Some of the best sites are those you never tried to find.”
Her window was becoming foggy, so she wiped her hand against the cold glass, clearing her view. They passed through a broken steel gate into what appeared to be an abandoned parking lot. A community of the Unfit stood nearby—staying close to a bevy of rambling shacks and rudimentary shelters constructed of old boxes and pieces of scrap. A middle-aged man sat on a crate, rocking back and forth, looking like he was muttering to himself while the rain ran over his ragged coat and unkempt beard. Amanda’s dad often sought out these individuals who existed on the periphery of society. He would even pack an extra sandwich for lunch, which he would share with one of them. He was great at befriending people, regardless of who they were; she had not inherited the trait from him.
“Umm … are we allowed in here?”
“There’s no sign specifically prohibiting us. Let me guess: You’re one of those people who follows all the rules?”
“I consider myself a law-abiding citizen, if that’s what you mean. Aren’t you?”
“Of course I am—if the law is just. But some rules are arbitrary. We’re programmed by our parents, by societal institutions to believe certain things are wrong. We should be free to question these rules, free to ask why some things are labeled as ‘wrong.’ Did you ever stop to consider that?”
She shrugged one shoulder. “Not really, no.”
“Here, I’ve got a hypothetical situation for you. You’re in the grocery store. You stick a six-pack of paper towels on the bottom of your cart. You go through the checkout line, pay for your groceries, and leave. As you head toward your car, you realize that you never put the paper towels on the counter. You didn’t pay for them. Do you go back to the store to pay for them? Or do you continue toward your car?”
“I don’t put things on the very bottom of the cart.”
“You’re evading the question.”
“I’d probably go back and pay for them. You?”
Ethan shook his head. “The store employees should have noticed the paper towels. They didn’t. It was their error, so I’d keep going.”
“You would steal them?”
“But is it stealing? I would’ve paid for the paper towels, if I had remembered to put them on the counter, or if one of the workers had spotted them. I’d call it negligence on the part of the employees or forgetfulness on my part. I don’t think these things are so straightforward, so black and white. The world is full of shadows, of gray areas to be explored and questioned. In fact, there are even some members of Congress proposing eliminating laws against theft. The rationale is that if you’re ingenious or strong enough to obtain something, then it’s the fault of the one stolen from and it’s his responsibility to get it back. Maybe you should think about moving past these conventions others have drilled into you. You can make up your own mind. At the very least, it makes life much more of an adventure.”
Amanda had never thought this way before, never even considered these things. What if he was right? She had already rejected her parents’ religion. If they were wrong about that, maybe they were wrong about other things too. Ethan was leading her into a new realm of thinking and seeing things. It felt so fresh and unfamiliar, and she wholeheartedly welcomed the change.
He stopped the car and everything was silent, save the pattering of raindrops and their breathing. He placed his hand on his door handle. “How about a little adventure right now?”
She smiled. “Let’s go.”
They exited the car, and the rain beat down upon them once again, drenching them in mere moments. Through the rainfall, Amanda tried to take in their surroundings. They walked somewhere along the bank of a river, with a red arch bridge just before them. The inclement weather meant that everything was deserted: they were the only people here.
He led her past the looming masonry tower, closer to the edge of the water. A piercing whistle heralded the approaching train, passing overhead. The steel bridge above provided temporary shelter as they stood just feet from the strait, which flowed with particular fury.
“Welcome to the Hell Gate Bridge.” Ethan gestured to the structure above them. “Pretty cool, don’t you think?”
“I never would have found this place listed on a tourism site. But I like it. I could sketch here.”
“We’ll have to come back, then.” He put his arm around her. “So. Usually, at the end of a date, there is this expectation …”
She froze, her pulse pounding.
“I opted not to pursue it yesterday because I don’t want to rush anything with you. I know you’ve got your walls up.”
Without thinking, she grabbed his hand. “Ethan, it’s not that I don’t trust you. I do.”
“Enough to kiss me?”
She didn’t need to answer. His lips found hers, and with a sweet, perfect touch, she drew closer to him, the reservations giving way further. Maybe it was only a matter of time … or a matter of kisses … before she would hold nothing back.
Time stubbornly marched forward and they drove back to her apartment, but she didn’t want to leave the moment of their kiss. It was something magical, something so real. Much of her existence to that moment had been a silent numbness. Simply being in Ethan’s presence was a beam of light in her darkness, but now his kiss had awakened a new affirmation: he cared about her. Amazingly, she mattered to him. That alone was transforming her from within.
~~~
Nikki waited until Amanda turned on the water in the shower. Then she jacked up the volume on her music and went into the bedroom, locking the door behind her. Amanda couldn’t hear anything now. She grabbed her phone. “Call Ethan.” She paced back and forth across the small room, listening to the phone ring on the other end.
“Nikki.” Ethan didn’t sound too surprised. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Cut the crap. I want to know what’s going on.”
“I think it’s fairly obvious, don’t you?”
“Would I bother calling you if it were? Look, I don’t have that much time. Amanda’s gonna be out of the bathroom in a few minutes, so quit playin’ around.”
“You want the details? Fine. She’s my new assignment. I finished tracking the other girl; she’s detained now. So they assigned me to Amanda. They told me to find her at the Masters Academy, which I did quite successfully. And since then, I’ve been keeping my eye on her.”
“What did you find out?”
“I don’t have to report to you.” Ethan’s voice grew cold.
“I’m the one who has to put up with living with her.” Nikki’s voice hissed. The pent-up fury inside her threatened to explode. “If I had any idea I’d be living with some double-crossing, lying bastard, I would’ve kicked her sorry ass out onto the curb the first day.”
“We don’t know if she’s operating against the NCP. She’s just flagged as suspicious.”
“Come on. Look what Academy she went to! Look at her background!”
“I need concrete evidence. Indisputable facts. So far, I haven’t found any. Don’t worry: I’m thorough in my work. If she’s working for the opposition, I’ll find out.”
Nikki curled her hands into fists. “Oh, I’ll find out too. I’ll make the truth come out.”
“This is why the NCP put me on tracking, not you. You should catch flies with honey, Nikki. We’re not forcing anything. We’re building a relationship. It’s all about trust. So you play the role of friendly roommate and leave me to do what I do best.”
She hated his arrogance: according to Ethan, he did everything the best. He was nothing but a spoiled brat whose rich daddy gave him everything on a silver platter, like the high-paying, comfy position he had at the NCP. “I’ll be her roommate because I have no choice for now. But hell if I’ll be friendly.”
“She’s not that bad. I actually like spending time with her. … She’s different from the other girls I’ve tracked.”
“Whatever. I think she just came out of the bathroom, so I gotta go.” Nikki ended the call without waiting for his response. She wasn’t going to play Amanda’s game: she would make it very clear she was onto her. And forget what Ethan said. … She would keep her own eye on Amanda. That girl wasn’t going to get away with a damn thing.