R—Really listen to what you hear, and repeat it back to make sure you heard everything that was said. Now is not the time to say whether you agree or disagree. It can be more important just to show that you are really listening.
You don’t just want to repeat every word you hear! For example, if your mom asks you to clean your room and you repeat back, “Clean your room, clean your room,” it might seem like you are being mean, and that’s not what CARE is about. Try to repeat back a feeling or repeat something you think sounds important. For example, if someone says, “I’m just so frustrated!” you can repeat back, “You sound frustrated.” That’s it!
E—Express understanding. When you express understanding, you try to find something that you really do understand. You can tell others that you understand their feelings without agreeing with their actions. This can be really hard to do if you do not agree with what a person did. Remember, you are looking for something that you do understand when you practice CARE. For example, if Ben was angry about getting a bad grade and yelled at you, you might be able to understand that he was angry. Understanding that does not mean you have to agree with the fact that he yelled at you. It just means you understand what it is like to be angry.A DBT-Based Skills Workbook to Help Children Manage Mood Swings, Control Angry Outbursts, and Get Along with Others