When you set limits with others, you teach them how to treat you in a way that you want to be treated.
Have you ever felt frustrated, sad, or anxious because it seemed like someone was not treating you the way you want to be treated? It can really help to notice the facts about what happened, and your feelings about those facts, when someone treats you in a way you do not like. This can help you tell people exactly what you wish they would do differently in the future.
For example, let’s pretend you are friends with Jane. Jane often yells, “Get over here!” when she wants you to play with her or when she wants you to do something that she wants to do. What are the facts? Jane does not ask if you want to play; she says, “Get over here” in a loud voice. What are your feelings about those facts? Different people would have different feelings. Let’s just pretend you have a thought that says Jane is bossing me around, and that starts an angry feeling.
Stop to think about what your goal might be in this situation. Your goal might be that Jane ask you if you want to play rather than tell you to “get over here.” Your goal might be that Jane not use such a loud voice when talking to you.
You can use the acronym HALT to help you tell Jane how you want to be treated. By telling Jane what you like and do not like, you have helped her know what to do differently. You are teaching Jane how to treat you. Jane can, of course, decide not to listen. You cannot control whether Jane does what you ask, but that does not mean you shouldn’t try to tell her how you want her to treat you. Who knows? Maybe Jane did not realize how loud she was, and maybe she did not know that it makes you angry when she tells you what to do instead of asking. If you tell her, she might change these things, and you can feel proud because you stood up for yourself.Don’t Let Your Emotions Run Your Life for Kids