The sound of silence was deafening. Confused, Val had no idea what was going on. She was very stoned, and when she tried to stand she couldn’t. She just sat there mumbling.
“What did he say? What?”
No one said a word. Embarrassed guests were discreetly getting their coats and belongings. Karen stopped them all in their tracks.
“Before anyone leaves, I wish to say one thing. If this incident gets out it could be major. I want to emphasize one thing. Anything seen and heard here tonight will stay right here. If not, I have my ways of finding out whose mouths started to run, and I have my ways of shutting up those mouths.”
She turned her back on everyone. The queen had dismissed her subjects. They were beyond thrilled to leave as quickly as possible.
Val sat on a pillow in the now-empty room, looking around the gorgeous apartment, where just a few hours earlier her world had seemed so perfect. It had been blown to smithereens in a few seconds, and the haphazard sequence of events played with her mind like pieces from a bizarre jigsaw puzzle that wouldn’t come together. Karen had disappeared; then Val heard her shouting. She was on the phone in the kitchen.
“I don’t care. I want it done. Now! That’s not a problem. Yes. So what! Yea, now. Bye.”
From the corner of her eye Val noticed Zaria was still there. She sat half hidden in the stereo armchair. Only her long legs showed, crossing and uncrossing nervously. Karen strode across the room, sat down, and put her arm around Val who immediately started to cry.
“We’ll have none of that. Come on, pull your shit together. You can’t fall apart now. We have to have a little tête-à-tête. But first, I think we could all use a good stiff brandy.”
She walked over to the bar, and with a steady hand poured three snifters half-full. She placed a glass in Val’s hand and joined her on the pillows. Zaria took her own and, with just a glance from Karen, got the message to put the stereo earphones in place. They sat sipping their brandy in silence.
Karen broke the ice. “I’m going to be frank with you, and what I say may not be what you want to hear. But here goes. When Joe first told me he was doing your hair and you were Nicky’s fiancée, I couldn’t wait to meet you. I thought you would be something totally different. I had no idea you’d led such a sheltered life and, shall we say, hadn’t been exposed to certain lifestyles so many of us here choose to lead. Then I met you and got to know you, and you really are this sweet, young kid who’s in love. That doesn’t show itself too often in this town, and at first I didn’t believe it.”
She paused, took a drink, then went on.
“I didn’t want to be the one to burst your balloon and tell you about Nicky. I always had the feeling it would just be a matter of time before someone in this gem of a town shot their venom your way. That’s why I was happy to have you stay with me—so I could stay on top of most of the flack being thrown around. I thought everyone in your business knew about Nicky and his preferred tastes in the bedroom. I honestly thought you were a publicity piece and had been around and knew the score. Val, I’m really sorry about what happened tonight because, well, because you deserve what you thought you had. But I’m afraid this is the reality.”
She paused. Val was staring off into space, so she continued.
“So now the question is what are we going to do? As far as the people here tonight, most of them will keep this episode to themselves, for the simple reason that they have positions, families, or some skeleton in their own closets. Peter could be a problem. I tend to think not. Then we have Nicky.”
Val snapped back to reality. “Hold on. What about Nicky?”
“Well, one of the prissy fags here tonight might call him and fill him in. Anyway it’s a maybe. All I’m saying is we should work out which line of attack or defense we’re going to take.”
“Karen. Stop right there! What do you mean attack, defense? I’m in love with Nicky. I’m not a tap that turns on and off. I can’t stop loving him just like that. I wish he was here right now. He’d know what to do. He loves me. Nobody could fool another person that well. Okay, I’m not as worldly as you about some things, but I’ve been around enough to know when someone is lying to me, and he wasn’t! I’d swear to that.”
Karen didn’t say a word.
“It’s a hideous mistake. Whatever he did before me is his business anyway. People change you know, look at half the people here tonight. You included. You’ve had boyfriends and female lovers, why can’t he change? I’m going to call him right now. He’ll know what to do.”
Val tried to stand and fell back on the pillows.
“What if he doesn’t tell me what I want to hear? Oh God, then there’s my mother. This will kill her. She’s more of a problem than anyone. What about my show? How can I face those chorus kids who were here tonight? I’m going crazy.”
She looked at Karen and over her shoulder saw the three TVs still on with no sound. The Tonight Show was just ending and all the guests were standing, congratulating each other on a good show. She watched her own image, smiling and chatting with Johnny. Did he know too? Were they smiling with her or laughing at her? She wanted to die.
“I’m going to call Nicky now! I have to.” She managed to stand and make it to the phone.
“Before you dial, think about it for a minute.” Karen stood up and joined her. “Personally, I think you should wait till tomorrow.” She gently took the phone from Val. “Just wait and see. Maybe you’re right. Maybe he has changed. I hope so for your sake. But…”
“What will he think if someone else calls him?” Val looked at Karen for an answer, but none came. “I have to speak to him,” she pleaded. “That’s all there is to it.”
“You know what you have to do.” Karen knew at that point whatever she said would make no difference.
“I do know!”
At the door, Val turned and hesitated, suddenly unsure. Almost apologetically she managed to say, “I just have to” before she staggered down the hall.
Her room suddenly seemed so empty and cold. The phone beside the bed looked like an enormous monster. All the buttons that usually brought jokes and laughter when lit up were dark now, waiting to be used. She wished Mr. Bell had never invented the damn thing. She remembered the last time she’d pressed Nicky’s number on the touch-tone phone. It had sounded like the song “This Guy’s In Love With You.” All those details were wicked at that moment.
She took a sip of the brandy she found in her hand and realized how sober she felt. What had happened to the greenie and the yellow and the pot and the poppers? She wished they were all still working; she wished she could take something, anything, and make everything disappear. She swallowed the whole snifter of brandy, sank back on the bed, and stared at the phone. A large roach lay in the ashtray. She lit it and inhaled deeply. The smoke burned her chest and throat. It didn’t matter. In fact she welcomed the physical pain. She wanted to feel something, anything other than panic. After three puffs the J was too short. She lay against the pillows waiting for its effect to take place. The frantic feeling started to subside. She imagined what would happen when she dialed Nicky’s number.
Nicky will be home. He’ll answer the phone. It will be just like it’s always been. I won’t even mention what happened. That’s right. It was all lies. He’s my Nicky, and nothing’s going to change that. I won’t let it.
She said his number to herself adding up the digits in her head, playing the childish game she had learnt when she was six years old. She divided the total by seven; the number remaining meant the following: one for sorrow, two for joy, three for a letter, four for a boy, five for silver, six for gold, seven for a secret never to be told.
Damn, it adds up to forty three. That leaves a one. One for sorrow. Why did I ever learn that ridiculous game? Why did I add up his silly number?
She tried to think of something else.
What did Karen say? A publicity stunt? That seems a bit far-fetched. Although the way some of these people use each other, maybe it’s not. I’ve watched the phonies trying to get close to Karen. She handles that kind of thing easily. I can’t. I’m not like that. I don’t know how to be like that. I don’t want to be like that.”
She thought of the boys she’d seen at the bars dancing together and even kissing. It hadn’t bothered her before, but she had never thought of them sexually. What they did together was their own business. Now she had to think about it: instead of imagining strangers, they were two people she knew, and one of them was her fiancé. She’d recently met people who spoke of their sex lives like it had absolutely nothing to do with love, and wondered if everyone got to that point? She hoped not. What she and Nicky had together was a culmination of their love—the way it should be as far as she was concerned.
What if Peter had been another girl? Would the whole mess seem as hideous? Hideous yes, but more acceptable. To whom? To me.
She shouted. “Yes to me.”
She grabbed the phone and pushed Nicky’s numbers. Her stomach was in knots. She felt nauseous. His phone rang. One ring, two rings, three rings. No answer. She screamed. “Where the fuck are you Nicky Venuti?”
Karen came running into the room.
“Where the fuck are you?”
She saw Karen and yelled. “He’s not home. Isn’t that a joke? We’re going through the biggest crisis of our life and he’s out!”
Karen tried to take the phone; she grabbed it back.
“No! I’m going to let it ring till he answers.”
“Listen to me, it’s two a.m. here, that means it’s only eleven on the coast. He’s probably out to dinner. Please, put the phone down and we’ll try again later.”
“The coast, the fucking coast, the glorious coast! How I hate the fucking coast! I’ve never seen the damn coast and I hate it. I hate everything.”
She let Karen take the phone. Quiet sobs shook her entire body.
“Here, sweetie, take this. You’ll feel better.”
Val looked up. Karen stood over her holding a glass of water and a big red pill.
“Come on, Val, this is a Darvon. It’ll help you relax and make you sleep for a while.”
“There she is, Florence Nightingale. Don’t you have something to make the whole fucking mess go away? Come on, Florence, there must be something in that treasure chest of colored goodies.”
Karen ignored the sarcasm waiting patiently. Any strength Val had mustered suddenly left. She took the glass and the pill and obediently swallowed.
“That’s better. Now just get under the covers, and when you wake up I promise things won’t seem half as bad.”
It became difficult for Val to speak. She was slurring.
“How? Can you, … be…sure?”
She wanted to tell Karen that the big red pill was very strong, but couldn’t be bothered. The satin sheets were soft, and a warm feeling flowed through her body. She couldn’t keep her eyes open.
“Karen?”
“Yes, honey, I’m here.”
“Don’t go.”
As Val drifted off she saw images of people. Before she could recognize them, they evaporated. She tried to sneak up on them, but they kept getting away. She was alone on a sandy beach. She liked it. It was warm. A distant phone was ringing. She wondered how a phone could be on the beach. She couldn’t see a phone anywhere. She decided to let that go and just enjoy the beach.