February 22, 2015
“You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories.” – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec
Crescent, Oregon
Lexi’s head slumped over the untouched shot glass. If someone asked her how many drinks she had put down, she’d have no clue.
John sat waiting for her to say something, but several minutes had passed since she last spoke. “You good?”
Lexi lifted her head and pushed the glass away. “I’m done.”
“Me too.”
“Not done like that, but done.”
“Huh?”
“I’m done, no more. I can’t do this anymore.”
Engrossed in her story, he pressed gently, “Did you get the gas without any trouble?”
“That was it,” she slurred.
John leaned in and waited for her to continue.
Lexi blinked heavily. She turned on the bar stool to face John, using her right hand to support her slight turn.
John smiled. He could tell she was drunk.
“That was the last time.”
Again John waited for her to complete her sentence, but she just sat there facing him and bobbing back and forth.
“Last time?”
“Yep, the last time.”
“For what?” John asked, curious as to what she meant.
Lexi placed her feet on the wooden floor and stood. Bracing against the bar, she steadied herself. Her head swooned and the room spun slightly.
“Let me help you,” John said, getting up. He too felt tipsy, but she was far gone. She was beyond drunk, she was wasted.
“No…nope, I got this,” she said, holding up her left hand to block his approach.
“Lexi, you need a hand,” John insisted.
“No…no!” she blared. “That’s what they said, those fucking savages.”
John stepped closer, but she recoiled and tripped over the stool she had been sitting on. Losing her balance, she fell to the floor hard, landing on her left hip.
“Oh no,” John said and went to help her up.
“I got this, I’m good,” she mumbled.
John crouched behind her, ready to help, but she sat there looking at her hands.
“I never got another chance to tell her how much I loved her. We saw each other while we were captives in Rahab’s camp, but I never got to really talk to her again like we did at the beach house. I knew, I just knew that those guys were no good.”
To make her feel more at ease, John lowered himself to the floor and sat down in front of her.
She looked up at him; tears now cascaded down her tanned cheeks. “I begged her to come with me, but she insisted she’d be fine. I should’ve trusted my gut. I left her there, all alone on the road…” She gulped for air and continued. “But what was I supposed to do? We needed gas and I literally begged her to come with me. She just wouldn’t come; it was like she was proving to me that she was tough enough. She must have felt that standing up to Jessie and shooting her made her invincible.”
John wanted to comfort Lexi, but he didn’t dare try.
“I left to get the gas, and when I came back, they were there again, but with more men. They had taken Carey…” Lexi wailed.
“Let’s stop, we don’t need to talk about this anymore.”
“No, you wanted to know me, so you’re going to get the story. You wanted to know why I’m angry, as if my anger made me less or somehow immature!”
“I didn’t mean it that way,” John said, defending his earlier comment.
“There were six guys, I know this because I counted. I specifically counted the number so that I’d know how many to shoot. Two had Carey in the back of the truck…” Lexi said then sobbed. “I tried to do something, but they had her, they were raping her, those motherfuckers! I tried, but what was I to do? They said they’d kill her if I resisted, so I just surrendered, I gave up like a fucking coward. I surrendered, but it didn’t change the outcome, they still killed Carey but not until they had raped and tortured us for weeks.” She wiped her face of the tears. When she put her gaze back on John, her face had hardened. “Looking back now, I should have just started shooting them. Even if they ended up killing Carey, it would have saved her from the trauma of the weeks after.”
At a loss for words, John offered the only ones that seemed fitting, “I’m so sorry.”
“Now do you see why I’m angry?” Lexi asked.
“I’d be angry too.”
“But now I have a purpose, I have a way to channel that anger. I’m going to track down Rahab and his people and kill him and as many of them as I can. After that, I don’t know what happens; maybe I’ll become a vigilante of sorts. I haven’t given much thought to it.”
“How long will you do that?”
“Unfortunately there won’t be an end until I die, I guess. The world has an endless supply of people like Rahab.”
“I’d ask you to stay and set up shop with me, but I think I know your answer.”
“Ha, thanks, but no,” Lexi replied and burped. “Excuse me. Um, I think the only place I’m going now is to the bathroom and then I think I’ll go pass out.”
“Good idea,” John said, getting to his feet. He held out his hand to help her up.
Lexi didn’t take it, instead opting to use the stool next to her. She got to her feet and said, “Good night.”
John looked out the window and saw the sun had gone down. He was unsure of the time, as he had been so engrossed with her story that he lost track. “Good night.” He watched her bump tables and chairs as she meandered back towards the bathroom. He reflected on her tale and couldn’t try to understand what she had been through. All he thought he could do was support her, and when the time came, he’d see her off with hopes she’d find what she was looking for.