Matthew got back home long after midnight. He and his sister Sophie lived in a massive compound owned by a company where employees and their families could live and work away from the harsh sun. Before going into cryostasis, Matthew’s mother had worked for the company; Matthew himself had been enrolled in the company’s employee training program until he was chosen for the Exo Project.
Matthew threaded his way through the corridors of the compound to their apartment. Inside, it was mostly dark except for a single yellow light coming from Sophie’s bedroom. Matthew crept up to the door and peeked inside.
Sophie was asleep on top of her covers, and a reading light was on. Next to Sophie on the bed was a tablet screen.
Matthew crept to the bed and sat down. He picked up the tablet and turned it on to look at what Sophie had been reading before going to sleep.
A web article came to the screen; it was titled, “Will Any of the Exo Project Recruits Survive? Scientists Weigh In.”
Matthew tapped at the screen to look at Sophie’s search history. Her previous search queries included “dangers of space travel,” “death in space,” and “odds of exoplanets supporting life.”
Next to him Sophie began to stir and talk in her sleep.
“No,” she murmured. Then her voice got louder and louder, until she was almost shouting. “No, don’t. Don’t go. Come back!”
Sophie’s body twisted back and forth on the bed, her arms jerking. Matthew leaned over her and tried to hold her still.
“Sophie,” he said softly, then a little bit louder: “Sophie.”
Her eyes came half-open as she came out of the nightmare without completely waking. Her gaze touched glancingly on Matthew’s face, then she gave a sigh and her eyes slid shut again.
“It’s you,” she mumbled dreamily. “But you were … you were dying.”
“It was just a dream,” Matthew whispered. He set a hand on the side of her head, brushed her bangs sideways with a sweep of his thumb. “I’m not dying. I’m here. I’m right here. Go back to sleep.”
Sophie smacked her lips together and rolled onto her side, clasping both hands under her cheek and drawing her knees up toward her chest.
“But you’re leaving me,” she mumbled as she sank again into deep sleep, “… leaving me.”
“Shhh,” Matthew said, rubbing his hand in a small circle on her back. “We’ll talk about it in the morning.”
Matthew sat there a few moments, until he was sure that Sophie was fully asleep, breathing heavily, and not bothered by another nightmare. Then he eased himself off of the bed, flipped the switch, and crept to the door. He went down the hallway and collapsed into his own bed.
The next morning, Matthew woke up to discover a small cake on the kitchen table, a gleaming squat cylinder of chocolate frosting with a single lit candle in the middle.
“Happy birthday, Matthew!” Sophie said. She was smiling but her eyes were wet and gleaming, and Matthew knew that she was already holding back tears.
“Wow,” Matthew said, putting on a smile he didn’t feel.
“All the ingredients are real,” she said. “Nothing synthetic. I saved up for eggs, flour, cocoa. I hope you like it.”
Matthew bit his lip. Since Earth’s crops had started failing, real food was hard to come by. In the compound, they mostly lived on synthetic foods made in factories: fake vegetables, fake meat, and fake milk bought with the ration chits they were given every day. To get real ingredients like eggs and cocoa, Sophie would have to have been saving up her chits for weeks, skipping meals and going hungry. Suddenly, Matthew noticed how thin his sister had become, how perilously twig-like her wrists looked. He felt a pang in his stomach. How had he not noticed sooner? What kind of brother was he?
“Sophie, you shouldn’t have done this,” he said. “This is too much.”
“But I wanted to,” Sophie said. “This is the last birthday we’ll ever celebrate together.”
She went silent, her eyes growing glassy as she realized what she’d said.
“Well, thank you,” Matthew said to cover up the silence. He gave her a peck on the cheek. “You’re the best sister a guy could ask for.”
Sophie smiled. “Go on, blow out the candle.”
Matthew closed his eyes and snuffed the single candle.
“Did you make a wish?” Sophie asked once he’d opened his eyes. “Don’t tell me what it is—then it won’t come true.”
He hadn’t—he couldn’t think of anything to wish for. Wishes required hope, and hope was something Matthew didn’t have much of at the moment. But he couldn’t say that, so instead he simply lied.
“I did. Don’t worry, I won’t tell.”
Matthew wasn’t particularly hungry—his stomach was a ball of jangling nerves—but he forced himself to eat a few bites anyway, then cajoled Sophie into eating the rest.
“It was delicious, Soph—really. Chocolate cake for breakfast. It’s a perfect going-away present.”
Then he glanced at the clock.
“You don’t have to go yet, do you?” Sophie asked.
Matthew nodded. “I do.”
He began to rise from the table, and before he’d stood up fully Sophie seized him in a hug that nearly caused him to lose his balance and fall back into the chair. She was pressed tight to his chest. After a moment, he sighed and set his chin against the crown of her head. Her body began to shake against his as she sobbed into the fabric of his shirt.
“Don’t go,” she pleaded. “Please, don’t leave me.”
“I have to, Soph,” he said. “But don’t worry—I asked Silas and Adam to take turns checking in on you until Mom gets out of the freeze. The money should come through soon, and then you can get her the treatments. It’ll all be fine.”
“It won’t be fine, though,” she cried. “Without you here it will never be fine.”
“Hey, come on.” Matthew pulled his head back and looked down at his sister.
She gazed up at him, eyes so huge and brown they nearly broke Matthew’s heart.
“I know it seems bad now,” he said. “But you’ll get used to it—you will. Remember when Dad died? Remember how awful that was? But then it started to feel a little better, and a little better, until it was almost normal, not having him around. Until we could think of him and remember him and smile. That’s what it’ll be like for you. Someday you’ll barely even think of me anymore—and when you do, you’ll just smile, remembering your stupid big brother who flew off into space.”
Sophie sniffled. “You think so?”
Matthew nodded. “I know so. But for right now you’re going to have to be strong, okay? Not for me—for Mom. If you’re sad about me when she wakes up, if you cry, then she’ll cry too—she’ll blame herself. But you can’t let her do that. You need to tell her that it’s not her fault. That this was my choice. Can you do that?”
Sophie nodded. She bit her lower lip, stepped back, and wiped her eyes.
“And give her a hug for me, would you?” Matthew asked. “Tell her I love her. I didn’t say it enough, when she was around. I’d say it every day if I had the chance, if I could go back.”
“I know,” Sophie said. “Me too.”
Matthew turned and left the kitchen, walked to the door where his radiation suit was hanging. He felt Sophie’s eyes follow him, and he willed her not to start crying again. If she started up again, he didn’t think he’d be able to leave. Didn’t think he’d have the strength to do what needed to be done.
“Matthew,” came her voice from behind him.
He cringed and turned to face her—but she wasn’t crying. She stood in the doorway to the kitchen, fixing him from across the room with an intense, urgent look.
“I love you,” she said.
He nodded, smiled. “I love you too, sis.”
And then he left.