When I stand up, the vodka hits me. It’s Seb. My legs wobble on the dock as I try to stand up straight. My vision’s blurry, but I squint to focus on him. Looking at his face, I remember when he used to be the person I loved most in this world. My golden ticket.
“What’s going on?” he asks, confused. His eyes land on the vodka bottle. “You’re drunk.”
“I am.”
The defiance vibrates through me. I don’t mind his disapproving tone, because I know that the tables have turned. I’m ready to take my power back.
I try to keep my voice calm. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
He looks up at me, a frown forming. “Like what?”
I narrow my eyes, the words bitter on my tongue. “Ana told me everything.”
For a moment he just stares at me. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I take a breath, the vodka making my tongue sticky, but I manage to get the words out. “I thought I was an idiot. You made me feel so guilty.” I take a step towards him, lowering my voice. “But you were so much worse.”
He says nothing.
“You lied to me,” I almost shout. “You made me feel like I was the one who was ruining everything between us.”
I move my weight from one foot to the other, and I lose my balance momentarily. Seb reaches out for me “Lisa—”
“Don’t!” I yell, holding up a hand and regaining my balance. When I’m up straight again, I look at him and my voice breaks. “I saw you kiss her. You lied to me.”
It feels like the world’s spinning, and the naked truth hangs heavy between us. “You’re a liar. And a cheat.”
He opens his mouth, then closes it. He runs his fingers through his hair, the way I used to like it. But now, it just makes me sick.
“It’s wrong,” I say. “What you did is… wrong.”
My insides heave with stifled sobs. I want the anger to stay right here, overwhelm the loss I’m feeling. The loss of a life together that could have saved us both. I’m unsure if I should ask the next question, but I know that if I don’t, I won’t be able to move forward from this.
“You never really loved me, did you?”
His face changes into something soft. Suddenly, it’s like he’s reaching for me. “Of course I did. I do.”
But I shake my head. “It was just to keep you busy. You just brought me here to prove a point. To show that you were fine.”
He looks at the wooden boards beneath us.
“For once—please Seb—be honest,” I say. “Were you ever going to marry me?”
His eyes meet mine. A chill permeates the air, and I know it’s the truth I’ve been waiting for.
“No.”
The scene splits open in front of me, like someone’s hacked at it with a blunt knife. My eyes well up so fast that Seb’s in a dozen pieces, and I need to close my eyes to keep still. When I open them again, he’s still standing there. Like he hasn’t just blown up my entire life.
“I was going to leave you. Today,” I say.
He gives a slow nod. “I understand.”
But it’s not the response I’m looking for. There’s heat in my stomach and I want to hurt him, turn his world upside down, too.
I speak the words with pure rage. “I wonder what your mother would say if she knew you wanted to screw your sister.”
He flinches, and I take a step towards him. “You’re disgusting, you know that?”
It’s like he’s a statue. But my words build and gather momentum, all the nastiness and sorrow flooding out. “Ana said your father caught you once. How did that feel? Knowing that he knew what you did?”
I want him to show some emotion. I want to break his mask of calmness. And until he does, I’ll continue twisting the knife, deeper and deeper.
“I don’t know how you can come back here,” I say, my eyes not leaving his. He’s eerily still, his face not moving.
“If I were your father, I’d be ashamed of you,” I say. “I’d be so, so—”
I step forward and lose my footing. It feels like I’m floating for a moment, then I feel a sudden pain as Seb’s hands grab at my neck through my scarf. I look at his face, his eyes blazing. I claw at his hands, digging my nails into his skin. My legs flap beneath me but it’s no use. I’m battling to breathe, and it feels like the fog’s in my head.
It’s the worst few seconds of my life. I’m still grabbing at Seb’s hands when he releases me, and I fall to the ground. I heave for breath, taking in a lungful of air. Seb towers over me for a moment. Then, without a word, he’s gone.
I let out a cry. Pain sweeps through my body as I lie flat on my back. The images of the past few moments flash in front of me. How is it possible to feel so much pain—so much betrayal—in the space of a few seconds? I want to touch my aching throat, but I don’t dare. It’ll only make what happened real, and if I admit that, then I don’t know how I’ll get up from here.
I stare at the fog, wondering if he’ll come back. I lie back and count my breaths. The more I count, the more I don’t have to think about what just happened. I want to erase all of it.
I feel the tide move beneath me, how it ebbs and flows. More forceful than before. After a long time, I try to get up, but my body resists. I feel as if I’m tied to this dock, trapped in the fog. I watch for movement in the darkness, but there’s none.
I feel for my old phone in my pocket, wondering who to call. Because I need to call someone if I’m going to get up from here. My finger taps nervously at the touch ID. It’s as if it senses my desperation, and it works the first time.
She answers, and my throat burns when I speak. “Alice—are you there?”