Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but new modes of artistic expression (if sufficiently intriguing) tend to break down old assumptions about the nature of art and the human condition that new art depicts. Generally this happens only after initial shock and protest. Stories that capture the growth of artistic taste make for fascinating reading.
SITUATION 1: A teenager creates a new style of painting that her art teacher ridicules but others find enchanting. She attracts the attention of a TV station and becomes a media star. However, the teacher, with the help of those who find her paintings offensive, launches a counterattack.
SITUATION 2: “My kid could do that!” exclaims many a parent in response to some works of modern art. With this thought in mind, an art teacher has trained a group of child prodigies to create innovative paintings—and the results cause a sensation.
SITUATION 3: Artistically inclined sentient computers start an art revolution. The paintings the computers produce reach far beyond anything humans have created. Two critics—one for and one against computer art—argue whether art produced by machines should qualify as art at all.
SITUATION 4: Taking advantage of the growth of installation art, an artist creates a walk-in installation consisting of objects that viewers walk or crawl through. Unbeknownst to the viewers, hidden elements of the installation put them in a trance.
SITUATION 5: Artistic homeless people create sculptures out of trash. Defying those who call their work mere junk (i.e., city officials who want the homeless off the streets) these artists launch an art fair and use the proceeds from their sales to help homeless people find jobs.
SITUATION 6: An inner-city dance teacher works with a musically inclined street gang that has invented a new dance. Despite the dangers of working with street-hardened teens, she snags the attention of a professional dance company.
SITUATION 7: Neighborhood kids create a new kind of sidewalk art using multicolored chalk and want to take it to the next level, but they must battle police, parents, city officials, and other kids before their project gains momentum. Finally, an official interested in supporting inner-city youth lends a helping hand.
SITUATION 8: A creator of environmental art—outdoor sculptures, assemblages, etc., that are intended to interact with their surroundings—has become popular, but a group of dissenters wanting to put an end to his movement begins to vandalize the art.
SITUATION 9: Several artists who are also aviators begin creating sky paintings so mesmerizing that they enthrall entire communities who become unwilling to do anything else except behold the aviators’ artistic creations. When one of the community leaders tries to stop the sky artists, the people protest violently, but he may have a point about the damaging economic effects of the art.
SITUATION 10: Chimpanzees are taught to express themselves with clay. These “ape sculptures” start out as curiosity pieces and then become a fad. Everyone wants to own an ape sculpture, and prices skyrocket. The narrator battles those getting rich at the chimps’ expense.
People enjoy watching entertainers flirt with danger, within limits. But sometimes those limits are stretched to include the life-threatening, especially when the entertainers are highly skilled. The line between what is fun and what is deadly can become blurry indeed—or eliminated altogether.
SITUATION 1: A new game encourages young people to become ruthless despots in virtual-reality environments. Insisting that their games teach leadership skills in a ruthlessly competitive world, the game-makers continue to issue ever more troublesome games.
SITUATION 2: In the future, a casino features unusual games, such as a roulette wheel that has a space on it that “wins” the player a flogging ... or worse. Other numbers result in lavish prizes, but in order to be eligible for those prizes, one must risk the whiplash.
SITUATION 3: In this fictional world, virtual reality has allowed us to simulate any dangerous feat without harm. But the downside is that people then risk serious mishaps in real life without considering the consequences. Is the public too addicted to the virtual-reality aspect of their lives to tell the difference anymore?
SITUATION 4: Daredevil games abound in this society, where the more daring you are, the higher you climb on the social ladder. When the death-defying narrator vows to walk across Niagara Falls wearing a blindfold, a rival aerialist schemes to sabotage the narrator’s performance.
SITUATION 5: A deranged billionaire will give ten million dollars to anyone who plays Russian roulette with him. If the gun aimed at his volunteer’s head does not fire after three tries, he wins. But one woman who takes the gamble wants an even higher-stakes wager.
SITUATION 6: A music craze has been altering teens’ brain chemistry—and only when the music becomes widespread do psychologists warn that the brain changes may be irreversible. But the fans threaten violence if anyone tries to prohibit the new music.
SITUATION 7: Fraternity initiation rites rise (or fall depending on one’s values) to a new level when a frat house devises a wrestling match whereby a pledge must face one wrestler out of five—knowing that one of the five is hiding a syringe containing a substance that causes the initiate’s body to break out in hives if they are pinned and injected. Little does the frat know that the injections lead to unexpected side effects later in the week.
SITUATION 8: Imagine an ice-skating competition on thin ice: The skaters must not only perform well but ignore the possibility of breaking through the ice. Rescue teams are on hand, but the risk of drowning or hypothermia still exists.
SITUATION 9: Wizards face off in a harrowing competition whereby they must summon—and then subdue—a demon. The danger lies in the possibility that the demon will subdue the wizard and carry him or her off to the infernal regions.
SITUATION 10: The focal character is a magician who, like her mentor, Houdini, entertains by performing death-defying escapist stunts; unlike Houdini, she relies on magic for her escapes. But one evening, her magic fails her in the middle of one of her most spectacular tricks.
Over the years, the modern family has undergone noticeable changes. Although the traditional family structure endures (man as head of the household, wife as homemaker, etc.), alternative models are becoming widespread. As with all societal changes, the changes in family dynamics often generate conflict, especially between generations. Good stories can help us determine what best contributes to healthy family relationships.
SITUATION 1: Distressed over the growing strife in his family, a successful business executive who is used to being in a position of authority confronts his wife, insisting she has not done enough to maintain harmony. She in turn implores him to take a hard look at his attitude and assumptions as well. Meanwhile, their son and daughter suggest opposing ways of restoring harmony, one of which might actually destroy the family dynamic, which might be for the best.
SITUATION 2: A gay man decides to illuminate his parents (whom he always thought to be open-minded) on the virtues of same-sex marriage—but his effort goes horribly wrong. Now he is torn between losing his family forever if he marries his partner and losing his partner forever if he sides with his parents’ view that same-sex marriage is an abomination.
SITUATION 3: Menage à trois, anyone? Two best friends in love with the same woman decide they want to live together as a threesome. At first, their seemingly perverse setup seems to work for them—but then, little by little, things start to fall apart.
SITUATION 4: A marriage counselor uses unusual methods to save his clients’ marriages. Some methods seem premature (e.g., getting them to renew their vows) and others seem fringe (e.g., having the couples act out the parts of lovers), but he is confident that such methods are becoming widely accepted. Ironically, when the counselor uses these techniques to improve his own marriage, he makes matters worse.
SITUATION 5: In the near future, traditional marriage has been largely replaced by all sorts of alternative cohabitation, and to the narrator, a spiritual leader, this portends the decay of civilization. Using her widespread influence, she strives to bring back traditional marriage before (as she sees it) it’s too late.
SITUATION 6: In a fourteenth-century feudal community, the overlord plans to exercise his right to sleep with every bride on her wedding night. But one of the grooms is determined to stop him. His efforts fuel the growing intolerance toward this tradition.
SITUATION 7: A social reformer in India of the Brahmin caste is determined to marry an “outcast” woman, in gross violation of tradition. His efforts endanger not only his life and his would-be bride’s but also their families’. His ultimate goal: Destroy the caste system forever. He is encouraged to pursue this dangerous goal by ever-growing numbers of those who despise the caste system.
SITUATION 8: A rapidly growing trend among teens, called “sudden hookups,” is based on the notion that first impressions are the best determiner for romance, and it eliminates the need for awkward getting-to-know-you rituals. But when the narrator and his “sudden” girlfriend hook up, mayhem ensues.
SITUATION 9: The rapidly growing popularity of automated matchmaking results in comical (and not-so-comical) matches despite the high-compatibility protocols the computers follow. Mayhem erupts at a reception for the matched couples. Case in point, the protagonist and her match (both psychology junkies) end up having it out with each other.
SITUATION 10: Now that communal parenting has become the norm in this utopian society, the likelihood of dysfunctional parenting has diminished—or so it seems. But when two siblings, disenchanted with the system, look for a way out, they are met with hostility.
Individual destinies are often predetermined by class or circumstance, but one of the crowning attributes of the human condition is the ability to triumph over these barriers. Here are ten situations to motivate you to dramatize this powerful aspect of human nature.
SITUATION 1: Born into a family of outcasts, the protagonist struggles to break free of her pre-established societal bondage and to destroy the caste system that has done so much harm to untold millions of people.
SITUATION 2: Exiled for being born out of royal wedlock, a child journeys across a desert and finds her way to a village where her supernatural powers are recognized. She also proves to be a natural leader and is groomed to assume a position of leadership under the queen.
SITUATION 3: A homeless man, who once had a career but threw it away thanks to a drinking problem, wants to make a comeback but needs a patron to give him a financial head start. He eventually finds someone, but she makes a difficult demand.
SITUATION 4: A young girl raised in poverty in her third-world country surmounts great obstacles to become a physician. She then devotes her practice to helping the sick in her native country, despite the political turmoil.
SITUATION 5: The protagonist is a charismatic teacher who is exiled because her views on religion are considered blasphemous. But instead of seeking out a more hospitable community, she returns home to raise the consciousness of those who spurned her.
SITUATION 6: Atheists are barred from this utopia because they are considered at best amoral. Closet atheists remain, pretending to be believers, but they plan to expose the hypocrisy in society of the closet atheists and of society generally.
SITUATION 7: When self-proclaimed social reformers become popular after successfully lobbying for tax cuts, they advance their anti-immigration agenda. The protagonist, cast out by the group for supporting diversity, travels the country to expose the reformers’ true agenda: a freeze on immigration.
SITUATION 8: Dangerous levels of ultraviolet radiation have led to people wearing artificial skin of varying colors—lavender and green among the most popular. Those who spurn artificial skin and instead wear extreme sunscreen become outcasts.
SITUATION 9: Persons deemed to be overweight are outcasts in this society, where weight is a factor of height and gender. Thus women who are 5’7” must weigh no more than 150, or they are required to enter “weight-rehab.” The narrator, who is considered “overweight,” aims to rid society of this weight obsession.
SITUATION 10: The military draft has returned. All persons between eighteen and twenty-two must serve or be arrested, jailed, and become outcasts. The narrator is an army defector who aims to end this trend by exposing corruption in the military. His life is in danger as a result.
Some political movements fizzle out quickly; others trigger a revolution. They often exhibit the best—and the worst of mob consciousness. In an era of social change such as ours, political movements often convey the needs and desires of the people, however imperfectly. The possibilities for suspenseful tales abound.
SITUATION 1: In this future society, anarchists become a political force to reckon with. They hold conventions and attract celebrities to their cause. But, true to their name, anarchists have a difficult time organizing themselves, and chaos ensues as some of them run for political office.
SITUATION 2: This story takes place at a time when global warming is flooding coastal cities, and researchers have discovered a way to rid deadly diseases with stem cells. Scientists try to persuade the people to take climate change seriously, but an ultraconservative movement led by a charismatic, popular politician is on the rise and urges people to trust God to keep the planet healthy.
SITUATION 3: Driven by the desire to improve public education, a new political movement arises during extreme budget cutbacks in education. The protagonist, refusing to identify herself with any ideology, argues for better instruction in history, science, communication, and art. Her opposition is fierce.
SITUATION 4: A political group supporting space exploration argues that international collaboration in human expeditions to Mars and beyond would contribute significantly to world peace. Opponents ridicule the movement and want to use the space program for military purposes only.
SITUATION 5: When a new political party devoted to scrapping the Environmental Protection Agency becomes popular, environmentalists stage demonstrations in an effort to discredit that party. Things get out of hand when members of the anti-EPA party are harassed and threatened.
SITUATION 6: An Orwellian fable: Conservative chimpanzees, liberal gorillas, libertarian orangutans, and anarchist baboons battle for control of a federation of apes. The narrator is an apolitical outsider who reports on the scheming and blunders of each group.
SITUATION 7: The Mob, riding a wave of popularity, forms a political party. They spend hundreds of millions of dollars on campaign ads for their candidates. The protagonist is determined to stop them—but his life has been threatened.
SITUATION 8: Vegetarians form a political party and use campaign contributions to discredit the meat industry. In retaliation, the meat industry launches a massive attack against the vegetarians.
SITUATION 9: Cannabis lovers form their own political party, and before long a revolution is at hand. Not only do they want pot legalized; they also want it promoted as a staple—and society’s greatest hope for peace.
SITUATION 10: Native Americans in this future scenario have consolidated their influence and populations, and an American-Indian political party is formed. The protagonist is a charismatic Sioux congresswoman with an eye on the White House.
We tend to associate religion with permanence, but most religions, no matter how “traditional” change over the ages. Doctrines are reinterpreted; new doctrines are adopted. And sometimes entirely new religions or religious cults are created. Many stories can be told from the perspective of a new religious movement.
SITUATION 1: Ostracized for their strange religious practices, several mystics establish a colony where they conjure up formidable spirits and set them loose on the society that shunned them.
SITUATION 2: In a future world, the ambassador of the human race returns from an interstellar voyage, during which she made contact with an advanced species. The contact has so transformed her that she has taken on the demeanor of a priestess ... and has founded a religious movement.
SITUATION 3: Inspired by the American transcendentalists, a reformer attempts to promulgate a reawakening based on the ideals of Emerson, Thoreau, and Whitman. His biggest obstacle is colleagues who think he has lost his mind. To advance his cause, he sets up a commune (inspired by the Brook Farm utopian experiment in 1840s Massachusetts)—but dissenters of the plan plot to sabotage the project.
SITUATION 4: The narrator leads a movement to create a new religion based on the mystical visions of Hildegard of Bingen and amplified by the spiritual insights of modern-day women from all walks of life. But male clergy, and even many women, impede her efforts.
SITUATION 5: Native Hawaiians, fearing the demise of their culture, plan a revival of their ancient pagan religious practices. It catches on with the younger generation, who spread the beliefs to the mainland. But Fundamentalists prove to be a powerful counterforce.
SITUATION 6: Vegans establish a church and create imaginative and aggressive propaganda to win converts. They associate vegan dietary strictures with God and eternal bliss and meat-eating with damnation. One of the vegan priestesses goes too far and infuriates Fundamentalists, many of whom are meat lovers.
SITUATION 7: Reincarnation cults are on the rise in this society. Adding to their popularity is the claim from pseudoscientists that hard evidence exists that proves reincarnation. Adding to the absurdity are those who insist that one can choose when and into what kind of body one may be reincarnated.
SITUATION 8: Spiritual vampires are the focus here: One of the fallen angels presents herself as the patron demon of vampires. Worshipping her will bring power and extraordinary opportunity to the vampires who follow her. Of course, being a demon-angel, she requires compensation.
SITUATION 9: An atheist teacher gets into trouble when she characterizes a sense of wonder (with regard to natural phenomena) as the healthiest kind of spirituality. Traditionally religious people in the community demand her resignation, but she finds a way to make them reconsider.
SITUATION 10: In this dystopian society, adolescents are conditioned to religious conformity through electronic devices. Several teens escape conditioning and establish a new religion, one based on the natural world. But they must evade capture by the authorities.
A love story may very well be the quintessential story. Of the many kinds of love stories that exist, perhaps the most intriguing are the ones in which we witness the growth of a romance despite daunting obstacles. Love stories often invoke the full spectrum of human emotions: jealousy, hate, and despair—but also inspiration, ecstasy, and hope.
SITUATION 1: Burned by too many ill-fated romances, the narrator vows never to fall in love again. But then he meets a woman whose talents as a mystic and otherworldly temperament enchant him. Still, he holds back ... until the woman casts a spell on him that breaks down his last line of resistance.
SITUATION 2: A career-focused ballerina feels uninspired and is determined to find the ideal mate to bring romance and passion back into her life. But her ideas about what “ideal” really is are challenged when she becomes injured and is unable to perform, which leads her to become jealousy of the successful dancer she was falling for before the injury.
SITUATION 3: A chemist has produced a powerful love potion, which an assistant steals from her lab and spreads everywhere. The result is romantic mayhem: People start falling in love indiscriminately. The chemist is ordered to find an antidote—but someone has stolen her lab book containing the formula.
SITUATION 4: The protagonist is in the middle of a divorce from a vengeful woman and his lover is plagued by psychotic breakdowns, yet their love inspires each of them to accomplish amazing things. Will these accomplishments keep them together, or will circumstances outside their control force them apart?
SITUATION 5: Two deaf people fall in love, wooing each other with letters and paintings. But the romance becomes complicated after the man undergoes an operation that restores his hearing: He now wants to explore a relationship with a woman who can hear.
SITUATION 6: A prosecuting attorney and a defense attorney fall in love during a trial that pits them against each other. But when the defense attorney wins, the prosecutor tries to break off the relationship.
SITUATION 7: Two patients in a mental hospital fall in love and are determined to triumph over their disabilities—but the severity of their respective illnesses undermine their intentions. A sympathetic psychiatrist, however, may hold the key to their success.
SITUATION 8: When a high-school student becomes infatuated with a teacher, the teacher does all she can to neutralize the attraction, but the harder she tries, the more smitten he becomes. She reports the problem, but the principal’s extreme reaction has an ironic effect.
SITUATION 9: Two persons with diametrically opposed political views participate in a debate that ends in hurtful mudslinging. Afterwards, the narrator (among the mudslingers) tries to apologize to the person she offended, but she is rebuffed. A second effort at reconciliation leads to a romantic bond.
SITUATION 10: Two teenagers, escapees from a repressive society, fall in love while hiding in the forest. One is captured but refuses to cooperate in locating the other. In the meantime, the teen still on the lam plans a rescue attempt.
Societal customs change continuously. Occasionally they become part of the culture. Other times, they fade quickly. Some customs are quirky, generated by entertainment media; others are downright bizarre and have the potential to become the basis of good stories.
SITUATION 1: Charismatic teachers influence young people to study the liberal arts rather than business-related subjects. A pragmatic educator upsets the status quo by insisting that the purpose of schooling is to train for careers in business and technology.
SITUATION 2: When a progressive elementary school favors an accelerated learning program in music, language arts, and science literacy, the parents are incensed and accuse the teachers of robbing their kids of their childhood. The teachers insist that learning enhances childhood. In retaliation the parents sue the school.
SITUATION 3: The narrator leads coaches in a crusade to mandate sports in the elementary grades. Children, they argue, should be exposed to the healthy competition and intense exercise that sports provide. Several parents try to stop these “jock fanatics” from disrupting classroom learning.
SITUATION 4: A city planner wants to transform a slum into a nature center, complete with a museum, a park, and eco-friendly businesses. But officials favors investors who want the area turned into rental property.
SITUATION 5: Holography is a basic mode of learning and entertainment in this future society. Some holo-architects, however, design and display frightening scenarios that can cause psychological problems. A holo-vice squad tries to maintain the society’s normalcy.
SITUATION 6: Robotic Santa Clauses are the rage in the near future. They can do so much more than people who dressed up as Santa can. They can mimic comic-book heroes (and villains) and generate virtual-reality playrooms where the children can sample the toys they want. But lately, some of the robo-Santas are up to no good ...
SITUATION 7: Sculptors are transforming their city into a giant art gallery and not everyone is pleased: Vandalism of the sculptures is widespread, but law-enforcement officers are reluctant to stop it because they themselves dislike the movement and regard the sculptors as lawbreakers.
SITUATION 8: A town votes to initiate weekly “e-blackout” days on which no one uses the Internet or any other electronic devices (except for emergencies) in an effort to promote more social interaction. At first people resist, but gradually the movement takes hold and becomes a popular.
SITUATION 9: In this future society, street healing is widespread. Faith healers promise to rid people of a wide range of afflictions, at varying prices. One resident wants to stop what he thinks is a fraud—but one particular street healer gives him pause.
SITUATION 10: Tightrope walking has become a social custom in this society that lionizes those who risk their lives in public. High-wire acts are commonplace and have become an initiation rite for club memberships, job advancements, etc.
Everyone is special in some way, but most people do not cultivate a one-in-a-million distinctiveness over the course of their lives. When they do, their activities often shape the lives of others, even shape history. Their lives sometimes appear in memorable stories and novels (known in German literature as the bildungsroman).
SITUATION 1: A reverse rags-to-riches story of a protagonist who scorns having been born into an affluent, privileged family. She forsakes it all, works menial jobs, and lives in deliberate poverty—all the while chronicling the decadence of the rich.
SITUATION 2: With a childhood marred by misfortune and delinquency, a nonetheless sharp-witted teen vows to turn his life around after being nearly fatally shot. It’s a difficult battle because few people trust him. But he concocts a plan to improve his life that will either make him famous or homeless.
SITUATION 3: A dancer loses a leg in an accident and struggles through hopelessness as she painfully adapts to her prosthetic leg. Though ballet dancing seems out of the question, she finds a way to surmount her obstacles to become one of the finest ballet dancers ever.
SITUATION 4: This is the story of a drifter who dropped out of school and escaped his tyrannical parents to live a come-what-may life on the streets. After falling in with addicts and criminals, he meets a mysterious individual who sees in him a rare talent.
SITUATION 5: Thought to have been killed in battle, a soldier turns up years later in his hometown. The townspeople are jubilant, but then the soldier starts to behave strangely. Actually he has reassessed his life and his views on war, and he is determined to make radical changes in the world.
SITUATION 6: A teacher struggles to dispel his students’ ethnic and gender stereotypes. Ironically he is the target of such stereotypes due to his ethnicity and sexual orientation. But one of his students, also a victim of stereotyping, works with him to advance his cause.
SITUATION 7: The hero of this story is determined to redo his life from scratch and become the honorable person he has dreamt of becoming. First, he gives up his bad habits—laziness, smoking, drinking—next, he attempts to win the good graces of those he has wronged. But some refuse to forgive him.
SITUATION 8: Regretting her decision to abandon philosophy to pursue a lucrative career, a shop owner liquidates her business and reenters academe. Disappointed with the pragmatic leanings of students and faculty, however, she strives to return the academy to its Platonic origins.
SITUATION 9: A woman finally shakes off her codependency to an abusive husband and pursues her lifelong dream of becoming a pianist. But she worries that she will be unable to master the instrument at her age. Others reinforce that pessimism, but one admirer is convinced she has the talent to succeed.
SITUATION 10: Growing up in a traveling circus, a clown experiments with ways to delight children and make them laugh. Over the years, he acquires a reputation as the world’s funniest clown. Ironically, the more successful he becomes, the more his private life falls apart.
As science advances, new technologies and industries evolve. Some of these at first seem fringe, but then, as they become integrated into our culture, their strangeness fades—which in itself might be cause for alarm. Writers can find fascinating story material by paying attention to the ways in which new technologies and industries have infiltrated our daily lives.
SITUATION 1: When a huge oil shale deposit is discovered, a petroleum producer uses highly persuasive tactics to convince politicians to back his advanced methods of fracking but one dissenter is determined to stop them in their tracks.
SITUATION 2: Although surgery has become completely automated in this future society, some patients (like the narrator) demand a human surgeon. He is ridiculed, despite several stories of serious malfunctions, but a sympathetic nurse dares to help him with his wish.
SITUATION 3: It is the 2060s and self-driving cars are the rage, but plenty of old-style car lovers despise the trend and do all they can to discredit robotic cars—even to the point of deliberately causing accidents.
SITUATION 4: New-generation slot machines are sweeping casinos everywhere. They involve the gamblers in scenarios that are much more addictive than they first appear. The protagonist, a psychologist, sounds a warning, but the machines have become so popular that he is met with fierce opposition ... until several gamblers go insane.
SITUATION 5: A pair of inventors create a levitation machine that enables users to soar for hundreds of feet and descend safely; almost overnight, the levitation industry is born and people are soaring everywhere. But then problems arise: Some levitators develop faulty circuits and zigzag wildly through the air. People are hurt, and the inventors suddenly become villains rather than heroes.
SITUATION 6: Longevity has become a major industry. For a price, people can sign up to have their lives extended for as long as they want (up to a point). However, the more years they request, the riskier the chances that health problems will arise (exotic forms of dementia, for example).
SITUATION 7: In this near-future scenario, prosthetics technology has advanced, but some amputees continue to grapple with psychological disabilities. One amputee’s goal: triumph over depression and despair. He founds an organization dedicated to helping amputees adapt to the new reality of their lives, but his new busy life leaves him feeling even more alone.
SITUATION 8: Virtual-reality technology has advanced to the point of competing with actual reality. Fearing that civilization itself could be severely compromised if technology advances any further, the protagonist sets out to bring people back to their senses—but faces a violent backlash as a result.
SITUATION 9: It is the mid-twenty-first century, and “retro-tech” has grown in popularity: Everywhere people are clamoring for passenger trains over jets, bicycles and streetcars over automobiles, print over pixels, handwritten letters over e-mails. But in a satirical twist on the present time, the older generation is desperate to restore their e-gadget culture to prominence.
SITUATION 10: Amusement-park technology has evolved dramatically in this future scenario. A ride at one amusement park is scary in ways never before imagined: The visitors experience being hanged, guillotined, drawn and quartered, etc. (all in good fun), but at least one visitor panics and runs amuck