If you were a filmmaker and shot the same motion picture twice with the same actors, costumes, set, and script—but from different angles—the two versions would be entirely different films. Likewise, a Sure sees a real-life situation very differently than you do. In fact, it would be hardly recognizable as the same scene. Your brain shoots situations from an extremely different perspective than a Sure.
Imagine that you are happily settled in your seat munching popcorn at the movies. You are captivated by the characters on the big screen. You pass judgment on which ones you like and which ones you don’t like. You hope that the good guy gets the girl and the bad one gets the boot. You even form opinions about the supporting characters—he’s a dupe, she’s a doll, he’s deep, she’s shallow.
You aren’t thinking about yourself. You don’t obsess over what they think about you. You are observing them. You are comfortably inside your body looking out. Sociologists call this the field perspective.
To a great extent, this is the way Sures see the world. They reside securely in their own skins looking out at the “field.” They form impressions about others and don’t fret excessively about what other people think of them. Sures simply assume that they will be accepted.
Not so, the Shys. They automatically feel that people will reject them. When they remember an uncomfortable situation, many Shys mentally float outside their bodies and see themselves as they supposed other people saw them.
In a strange sense, you are drifting around the room, observing yourself, judging yourself, criticizing yourself. You might think of it as an “out-of-body experience.” Mental health professionals prefer the designation observer perspective because you are, in essence, observing yourself—usually with hypercritical eyes. However, when you feel entirely comfortable in a situation, you, too, view the world from the field perspective.
People usually view situations from a “field perspective.” Socially phobic individuals view situations from an “observer perspective.”… Upon entering a social situation, socially phobic individuals form a mental representation of their external appearance and behavior as an audience might see them.14
—JOURNAL OF BEHAVIORAL RESEARCH THERAPY
Think back to a recent experience where you felt confident. Perhaps it was at a summer picnic with your family. You are all seated at a wooden table in the woods, gobbling up hot dogs and guzzling pop. You watch your little nephew as he dribbles mustard down his chin. What a messy kid, you muse.
Your brother-in-law is sounding off about how hot dogs are made. You mumble to yourself, He thinks he’s the expert on everything. I wish he’d shut up. You smell the dogs on the grill behind you. Umm, smells good. I’d like another. So you hop up and get one.
You are now in the field perspective. In other words, you are viewing the scene from your perspective, forming your own opinions.
However, if you were in a situation that made you tense—like a picnic with people you didn’t know well—you might be thinking: Everyone notices that I haven’t said a word. They probably think I’m dense. I’m hungry. Should I ask to have another hot dog, or should I just go get one? No, I better not. They’ll think I’m greedy. Besides, I’d probably spill mustard on my shorts and they’ll think I’m clumsy. I don’t think anyone here likes me anyway.
The next time you start to think about the impression you are making, turn your mental camera around. Start consciously forming opinions about the other people rather than speculating about what they might be thinking about you. It’s good practice to get you in the confident field perspective.