Suppose that you see someone you know approaching. Your mind races. Will I say something foolish? She’ll think I’m stupid or boring. What if she says something to me and my mind goes blank? I’d better pretend I don’t see her.
Here’s a novel idea. Why not just say, “Hi! How are you?” It’s banal, of course, but it is the accepted form of greeting in our culture. Naturally, your acquaintance doesn’t expect a real answer. She doesn’t want to hear about your hernia or hemorrhoids. She just wants a simple, “I’m fine.”
When it comes to acquaintances meeting on the street, the one who speaks first is definitely a winner. It makes the person you spoke to feel liked and respected. It makes you look confident. It subconsciously shows them that you have no fear of the encounter or any ensuing conversation. Whether this is true or not, speaking first radiates an attractive positive energy.
When someone asks, “Hi, how are you?” you needn’t give the parrot-like, “Fine, thanks. How are you?” (He’ll say “Fine,” and then both of you are standing there, looking at each other, and stuck for something to say.)
Don’t fear that it is rude for you not to request that vital piece of information of how he or she is. Instead, respond quickly with the almost mandatory “fine,” but then, hardly catching a breath, extend the interaction by commenting on something about your day. For example:
He: “Hi, how are you?”
You: “Fine. I’m really looking forward to the game tonight.” (You’ve followed “fine” with an immediate comment.)
Then volley the conversational ball over the net with a question such as “Are you going to watch it?” Now you’ve asked a question, and the other person must respond. I call this the “Comment-Question” formula.
Believe it or not, even talking about the weather is OK. Eavesdrop on anyone, and you’ll find that that is precisely what most conversation openings are all over the world.
She: “Hi, how are you?”
You: “Fine. I hear it’s going to be warm and sunny this weekend.” That’s your comment. Then continue, “Do you have any special plans?” That’s your question.
Even after such an inauspicious opening as the weather, something lovely happens. The more small talk two people make, the more apt it is to evolve into a more interesting discussion. Small talk is the precursor of bigger talk.