Now here is the must. After you’ve stated your opinion, ask your conversational partners what they think. Many Sures neglect to do this and, as a result, can be considered bores who don’t listen to anyone else’s view.
Researchers for a study called “The Behavioral Assessment of Social Competence in Males” chose two groups of men.32 The first group was made up of well-liked men who dated a lot. The second group consisted of subjects who were not popular.
The researchers directed all of the men to have conversations with women at a dance and then to ask them for a date. The guys’ chats were recorded with hidden microphones.
Generally, when the more popular men finished offering their opinion on a certain topic, they asked the woman how she felt about the subject. The more unpopular men did not. Incidentally, an overwhelming number of women said “yes” when the men in the first group asked them for a date. Few of the men from the second group got a “yes.”
Obviously this advice doesn’t just go for opposite-sex dialogue. To be respected and liked, you should do this with everyone.
If you keep practicing the Fearless Conversation ShyBusters, one night as you are dozing off, you’ll sit bolt upright. “Amazing—I didn’t even think about my conversations today! They all came so naturally.” That is the jubilant night you can fall asleep realizing that you will soon be shy-free.