Suppose you were a blasé baby who wasn’t the least bit fazed by scary toys and stinky stuff in the crib. Nor could you shake any Shys out of your family tree. It could indicate that experiences while growing up probably affected your personality. You could be called a “Situational Shy,” or “SS.”
You can’t “catch” a case of shyness. If your guardians were shy, however, even if they weren’t your parents, there is a greater chance you will be, too. We tend to imitate people we are around, especially parental types.
A child hardly ever recognizes that a parent is shy.62 It’s only these many years later, for example, that I realize that my mother was. One Thanksgiving when I was about fourteen, we visited a slew of relatives we hadn’t seen in a long time. Aunt Lucy was jabbering away. Uncle Charley had a turkey hat on his head—and I suspect a few drinks under his belt. My other relatives were chattering simultaneously. And there was Mama, sitting as quiet as a clam, hands folded. And I, like a little clamlet, sat silently beside her.
I admired my mother so much that had she jumped on Aunt Lucy’s new dining room table and danced an Irish jig, I’d be right along aside her kicking up my heels. But Mama hardly ever spoke up in a group. So I didn’t, either.
We never had any friends because we lived out in the country on a farm and there weren’t many other kids who were my age around. The mothers of the other kids arranged a lot of times when they all got together to play. But my mother never did. When I got older, my dad told me she was shy. Looking back, I wonder if the reason I didn’t have many friends was because she was too shy and wonder if that’s the reason she didn’t call the other parents.
—Ariana G., Taos, New Mexico
Think way back to your toddlerhood. Did Mommy and Daddy socialize very much? Did they often have friends visit them? Did they belong to any clubs or go to meetings? Did they talk on the phone a lot? Did they ever give parties? Did they encourage or arrange ways for you to play with the other kids? If not, you may have found the key to your shyness.