Babies sure needed an awful lot of stuff.
Wade tucked the list of supplies he’d jotted last night into his pocket as he strode down the lane toward Kit’s cabin Monday afternoon. She might not be fired up about shopping for the tyke, but Wade didn’t want her waiting until the last minute and bringing the baby home to nothing. If he could convince her to go shopping with him, he’d sleep easier.
And sleep had been a tricky minx last night. Why he couldn’t get Kit’s words about praying and seeing the everyday mercies out of his mind, he couldn’t say. One thing he did know? He’d taken his blessings for granted. All night his conscience had weighed heavily. Finally, he’d gotten up, stared out the window at the full moon and thanked God for his health and friends. He’d also prayed for Dudley Farms to sell so he wouldn’t have to give up the ranch. He wished he could say he felt peace—that God would surely provide the buyer he’d asked for—but he didn’t.
A morning of ranch work had given him a reprieve from his thoughts. At this point, he needed the distraction of baby shopping more than Kit did.
He closed the distance to her cabin. Usually at this time in the afternoon she’d be rocking on her porch. But she wasn’t out there. He didn’t want to wake her if she was napping. Wanted her to get as much rest as possible. He loped up the porch steps and knocked quietly on her door.
A few moments later, she opened it, beckoning him to come inside. She held her cell phone to her ear. He entered, closing the door behind him as quietly as possible. Then he took a seat on her couch, trying not to eavesdrop on her conversation and failing miserably.
“And what does that mean?” Her voice sounded strained. “Uh-huh. Okay. And you’re sure about the numbers?”
She hurried to the dining table and wrote something on a sticky pad. He narrowed his eyes. What was going on? Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun, and she wore khaki shorts with a billowy bubblegum-pink shirt.
“Do I need to send everything over?” She straightened, biting her lower lip. “You will? Thank you. And thanks for calling.”
A few seconds later, she ended the call and whirled to face him. She opened her arms wide, her face shining. “The baby doesn’t have special needs!”
No special needs! The implications hit him one by one like a lighted pathway up to his heart.
He hustled over to her and hauled her into his arms. Lifting her, he twirled her off her toes as she laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. Then he set her down. Her eyes darkened, and the hope within them exploded to life the emotions he’d dammed. She radiated relief and joy and all the things he wanted her to have. Without thinking, he got down on his knees.
Gently, he placed his hands on the sides of her belly and planted a kiss in the middle.
“Junior, you keep growing, you hear me? You’re going to be strong. This hole you’ve got in your heart won’t slow you down. You’re made with your mama’s steel, and trust me, she’s something.”
Still on his knees, he lifted his gaze. Kit’s smile was full of tenderness as she lightly brushed her fingers over his hair. Compassion, understanding and happiness—all for him. He could feel it as sure as he could feel the hardwood floor beneath his knees.
He stood up and hugged her again.
“I’m starting to believe the baby might actually be okay.” The words were tentative, as if she feared saying them aloud would bring down thunder and lightning.
“Does this mean the hole has a better chance of healing on its own?”
“No, I wish it did. But at least I don’t have to worry about Down syndrome or, worse, DiGeorge syndrome.”
“Whatever happens, I’m here for you.”
Her face flushed as she gave him a quick smile.
“Let’s sit and you can tell me everything.” Taking a seat on the couch, he rested his elbows on his knees while she sat in the chair kitty-corner to him.
“There’s not much to tell. The chromosomal microarray test didn’t indicate any genetic mutations. I’m so relieved. The hole in the heart might simply be an abnormality.” She averted her eyes. “Sorry, all of this gets me choked up.”
“Hey, no need to apologize. I know how worried you’ve been. I worry, too. This is big news. Good news.”
“It is.” She beamed, nodding.
He remembered the list in his pocket. What better time to bring up shopping than now, while she was optimistic?
“I hope you’re ready to get serious about having this baby.” He pretended to be stern.
“Get serious?” She huffed. “I couldn’t be any more serious.”
“Well, then you’re going to have to prove it.” He unfolded the paper and snapped it open, holding it out to her. “I did a little investigating, and the box of baby things? Not even close to what you need. It’s time to go shopping.”
Her mouth dropped open. “You came up with a list of baby items I need?”
“I did.” He nodded firmly.
“You’re telling me you went online and searched for what parents should have on hand for newborns.”
“Yes. Why is that so hard for you to grasp?”
Her eyebrows soared to her forehead. “It’s just...you’re a bachelor. I don’t remember the last time you mentioned a girlfriend, and I didn’t picture you being interested in domestic stuff. How many times did you say you didn’t see yourself married?”
Domestic stuff. For years, he’d shut out all thoughts of domesticity, focusing instead on expanding his ranching empire.
But tucked beneath all those layers, a part of him cried out to have what his friends had—love, marriage, a partner, babies.
His mother had barely been out of her teens when she’d been kidnapped and murdered. If she’d had someone looking out for her—someone financially supporting her—she wouldn’t have had to work in a dive restaurant at the truck stop or live in a sketchy apartment on the wrong side of town.
Kit’s apartment in Casper was no better. No safer.
“I might not be Mr. Domestic, but it doesn’t mean I can’t help you out.”
“If you wanted to be Mr. Domestic, you could be. You’d make a great daddy.”
Him? Make a great daddy? He needed to beat down the desire those words were puffing up before he started believing them.
His cell phone rang. He whipped it out of his pocket and checked the caller. Ray. Maybe it was a day for good news. Mr. Domestic wouldn’t be possible until Mr. Overextended’s circumstances changed. And even then he doubted he could embrace the vulnerability inherent in loving a woman.
“Hello?” Lifting one finger to indicate he’d be back in a minute, he went out onto the porch, where he could talk in private.
“The young couple I mentioned wants to see both your ranch and Dudley Farms.”
Music to his ears. And yet his stomach dropped. It meant possibly saying goodbye to the life he’d built.
“Be prepared for an offer,” Ray said. “I’d be shocked if they don’t jump at the chance to own JPX Ranch. It checks off almost everything on their list.”
“Thanks, Ray.” He stared out at the mountains, took in the land, his house in the distance, the other cabins down the way. Why hadn’t he thought it was enough? “Go ahead and set up the appointments.”
“I will. Hopefully, you’ll have a solid contract on one of them soon.”
“Yeah, and I’m hoping it’s on the other one.”
“If they do make you an offer on your ranch, are you mentally prepared to accept it?”
Was he? Jackson’s face and raspy voice as they’d ridden around the property all those months before Jackson died rushed back. They’d bonded. Two bachelors—one old, one young—both with a deep connection to this patch of Wyoming. Jackson would be appalled at the thought of his life’s work being handed over to strangers.
The bills Wade had tallied, the seriousness of his cash flow problem, came to mind.
“I’m prepared.” The words sank like a boulder in his gut. He had to sell—one or the other—soon, or he’d lose it all.
“Good. If you have any questions, call me. I’ll let you know when they want to come out.”
“Thanks, Ray.”
“No problem.”
He hung up, tucking the phone back in his pocket.
The day was as bright as could be, but he could feel a charge in the air. Stifling heat. A storm might be brewing.
He’d better take Kit to buy those baby supplies. He might be a bachelor without any plans for a wife and kids, but he was also a friend, and he’d be a real heel if he let Kit down.
Kit and the baby meant more to him than...
He gulped. They might mean the world to him, but who was he kidding? He couldn’t be more than Uncle Wade.
Was it enough?
Maybe he’d better make time to pray. Not just about selling the ranch, but about Kit and her baby, too. He had a lot to think about.
The man had done it again. Taken a phone call in the middle of their conversation and left her high and dry, as if whoever was calling was the president of the United States.
Did she have a Don’t Mind Me, I’m Invisible sign on her forehead?
And here she’d been all gushy and full of joy because her baby was okay! And Wade had dropped to his knees to kiss her belly and talk to her unborn son. The gesture had been so completely unexpected, so sweet and endearing, she’d almost tugged him back to a standing position to kiss him senseless.
She could not kiss Wade.
Even if he was the polar opposite of Cam.
Cam, who’d shown few signs of physical affection. Cam, who’d forgotten their wedding anniversary two years in a row. Cam, who’d looked her in the eye when she’d presented him with the pregnancy test and flatly told her he didn’t want the baby and didn’t want to share custody, either.
He’s dead. Can you really not remember any good things about him?
It was easier remembering the bad. Hanging on to her hurts. But was it good for her?
She reached way back in her memories to when they’d met. He’d had an air about him—a confidence she’d liked. And he’d looked at her like she was something special. Their initial dates had been fun, but then, Cam had been fun...at first. They’d done things—snowboarded, went bowling, played intramural volleyball on Tuesday nights at the university. She’d enjoyed hearing about his family—his father and brother. And they’d fallen into an easy relationship. He wasn’t clingy, and neither was she.
But his lack of clinginess had only been a sign she hadn’t recognized. He hadn’t been stuck to her like glue because he hadn’t really needed her.
For the umpteenth time she wondered why he’d married her. Why?
She’d probably never know.
Her gaze fell on the paper Wade had left on the coffee table. She smoothed it out and, as she read it, her annoyance at him for taking the call vanished.
In his chicken-scratch handwriting, he’d listed a full page of things the baby needed. Diaper cream. A crib. Wipes. Burp cloths. Thermometer. Changing table. On and on it went.
Why did Wade have to be so kind? And gorgeous? And thoughtful?
And off-limits.
She gripped the paper in her hands.
She couldn’t fall for him. She’d be in another unfulfilling relationship. He felt sorry for her because of the baby, and he cared for her because he always had—but love? He didn’t love her, not the way she needed.
Her relationship with Cam had been bad. If she messed things up by getting romantic with Wade, she’d lose her best friend.
She couldn’t handle losing him, too.
She glanced down at her belly, growing bigger by the second. The sooner she left Wade’s ranch, the sooner she could adjust to her new life. And he was right. She needed to buy supplies. It was time to get serious about this baby.
“Sorry about that.” Wade shut the cabin door behind him.
“Must have been important.”
Had she heard his conversation? He should confide in her about putting his ranch up for sale. Heat rushed up his neck. He wasn’t ready. “Nothing major. What do you say we go buy some of the items on the list?”
“Are there any stores around here that carry this stuff?”
“We’ll go to the city and find a supercenter. Bound to have some of what you need. Get your shoes on.”
“You mean we’re going now?” Her forehead wrinkled in adorable consternation. “It’s over an hour away.”
“Yeah. Why? You have other plans or something?”
“Very funny. You know my only plans involve eating, napping and rocking on the front porch.”
“Well, there you go. Looks like you have room in your schedule to shop.”
“Fine. Let me put on my comfy shoes.”
“I’ll run back home, get the truck and pick you up in ten minutes.”
After returning home, changing shirts, checking his wallet, and grabbing two bottles of water and a few snacks, he drove back to her cabin. She stood on the porch with her purse over her shoulder.
“Let me help you up,” he said.
“I can do it.”
“It’s a tall step.” He escorted her to the passenger side and boosted her up to the seat before shutting the door. Then he loped around to the driver’s side. Soon the truck was kicking up dust on the way out.
A tiny smile played on her lips as she stared out her window. Her hand gently massaged her stomach. The image pinched his heart.
She was going to be a great mother.
As he turned onto the main road, his mind wandered back in time. He had snippets of memories of his mom. Sitting on her lap, watching cartoons together. She’d loved him. He knew she did. He might not remember much, but the feeling of acceptance remained.
And then one day, she’d disappeared.
Just another day. Most of it escaped his memory. He knew he’d been at the babysitter’s place while his mother worked. He also remembered worrying when she didn’t show up to get him that night. Or the next night. Had she forgotten about him? Stopped loving him? It wasn’t long before he’d been sent to his first foster home.
His life hadn’t been the same since.
His family ties had been severed that day. He didn’t belong to anybody, and nobody belonged to him.
Still, he had friends. Good friends.
He glanced over at Kit. His best friend. Her eyes had closed.
Good. She needed the sleep. He drove the rest of the way trying not to think about his mother, his childhood. He didn’t know what tomorrow held for him. The present was all he really had.
“I don’t need a wipe warmer. What does it even do?” Kit grimaced at the box Wade held. He’d been trying to convince her to buy things left and right, and she was losing her mind. One tiny baby did not need all this stuff. Or did it? She really didn’t know. “How many times have I told you I’m on a budget?”
“You don’t want to clean him with a cold wipe, do you?” He inspected the box and read the features out loud. “His little tushie will be frozen.”
“Put it back.” She scanned the shelves for useful items, like pacifiers, bibs and diaper cream.
Wade pushed the cart forward a few feet and selected something off the shelf.
“What is this?” Taking it from his hands, she gave him her most long-suffering stare. “And why would I need it?”
“It’s baby’s first alarm clock. Look, it’s a frog.”
She raised her eyes to the ceiling and prayed for patience. “Wade...” She paused, adjusting her tone to not sound like a hag. “...the baby can’t tell time.”
“But it’s a frog.” He held it up and made a puppy dog face.
“I’m sticking to the essentials. A newborn doesn’t need an alarm clock.”
“Fine.” Sighing, he put it back on the shelf.
They strolled through the rest of the aisle, adding anything she needed to the growing pile. He turned to the next one and threw a package of diapers into the cart.
“Wait. I need to check the prices and sizes.”
“Sizes? You’re telling me diapers aren’t one size fits all?”
“They get bigger as the baby does.”
He started reading the labels. “What’s N? What’s 3? How do you know what to buy?” He shook his head in dismay.
“I think N means newborn.” She pulled a package off the shelf and read the back. “Yep. The sizes go up from there.”
He tossed three packs of newborn diapers into the cart as if he was shooting basketballs.
“I’d better get some bigger ones, too. I’ve been told babies grow out of everything at the speed of light.”
“I’ll get ’em.” He put a few packages of the larger diapers in the cart. “What’s next? Let’s go to the clothes. The little guy has to have some style.”
Style? The child would likely be spitting up all over himself. And who would see him, anyway? She bit her tongue. At least Wade was enjoying himself. If she had to admit it, she was, too. All of this baby paraphernalia made her son feel real. And this aisle—the diapers and wipes one—smelled like babies. The best smell in the world.
“I’ll meet you by the clothes in a minute. I’m grabbing some baby shampoo first.”
“I’ll go with you.” He guided the cart and waited while she decided on shampoo, lotion and creams.
“All set.” She turned and felt a sharp pain. “Oh!” She pressed the heel of her hand into her side and almost doubled over.
“What is it? What’s wrong?”
“A cramp, I think.” She winced, rubbing the spot. Slowly, the throbbing subsided.
“You need to get off your feet.” His voice was hard. Before she knew what was happening, he’d swept her into his arms and started carrying her away from the cart.
“Wade! Put me down. I’m fine. I can walk.” She lightly slapped his arm, his firm, muscular arm that seemed to have no problem hoisting her pregnant self and carrying her through a crowded shopping center.
“No.” He strode down the main aisle to the front, where there was a fast-food sandwich shop. After carefully depositing her in a chair, he went to the counter and bought her a sub and a bottle of water. Then he set them in front of her and took the chair opposite. “Eat.”
She took one look at his face, which could have been carved out of granite, and realized how worried he was about her.
“Wade...” she said softly, covering his hand with hers. “I’m okay. Really.”
“You said cramps were bad.” The words were clipped. His cheeks were drawn, his eyes sharp with concern.
“This wasn’t that type of cramp. It was more like a charley horse in my side. Abdominal cramps are bad.” She pointed to her stomach. “The ones gripping your belly. Those are the ones to worry about.”
The muscle in his cheek flickered, and he looked to the side and shifted his jaw. Finally, he met her eyes. “I don’t like seeing you in pain. The baby... Well, a cramp’s a cramp.”
His words pounded her heart, and the riot of emotions she’d dealt with all day flooded back. She covered her face with her hands and tried to slow it all down—her thoughts, impressions and whatever was going on with Wade. To have him care about her was so much more than she’d had with Cam.
Then she nodded, trying to figure out how to tell him what she was feeling. She’d never be able to put it in words.
“It means a lot to me. That you care.” It sounded so lame. How could she explain?
“Good. Because I do.” He visibly relaxed.
“I care about you, too. I don’t ever want to see you in pain, either.”
“I’m not. You won’t.”
What did that mean? Either he thought he could avoid pain or hide it from her. Neither was realistic. But then, her growing feelings for him weren’t, either. She unscrewed the bottle cap. Took a sip. Unwrapped the veggie sub. When she sank her teeth into the first bite, tears threatened to spill. She was getting too used to his thoughtfulness. When she moved to Casper—and she would be soon—she was going to be the loneliest girl on the planet.
It was time to emotionally distance herself from Wade. If only she knew how...