Tempted to loosen his collar, Wade shifted in his seat on the pew the next morning. He’d been doing life on his own just fine since the day he legally became an adult. Sitting here, singing hymns and listening to the service—or trying to, anyway—reminded him he was no longer doing life fine on his own. He’d always tried to make the most of what he’d been given, which, admittedly, he’d failed at recently, but ever since last night, his conscience had been niggling him. Did he have his priorities all wrong?
He glanced Kit’s way. Her sundress and long brown hair pulled into a braid made her appear younger than she was. She stared intently at the pulpit, and she looked peaceful, like she was soaking in the sermon.
Unlike him.
He stretched his neck from side to side. How could she sit there and hang on every word? The only words he could hang on to right now would be Congratulations, you got an offer on Dudley Farms.
That’s what he’d been hoping to hear last night when he’d taken Ray’s call in the middle of a meal with Kit.
That had been a jerk move.
He should have waited until they finished the meal and called Ray back. He could sense her distancing herself from him. Part of him was glad. Her seeing his true colors kept him safe. But the other part of him...didn’t like those true colors as much as he used to. Sometimes he wanted to be a better man.
A better man? Get ahold of yourself. This is what happens when you go to church.
Another hymn started playing, and Kit’s voice rang off-key. What she lacked in musical talent she made up for with enthusiasm. He began to sing, too. The words were familiar, and as he started into the second verse, he remembered all the times he’d come to this very building as a teen with Dottie and Big Bob Lavert. They’d been in charge of Yearling Group Home, and they’d given him a real education. Taught him how to be a moral, upright citizen.
Was he a moral, upright citizen?
The words to the hymn stuck in his throat. How could he sing about needing God’s strength when he relied solely on his own?
This was why he should have stayed home. He wouldn’t be thinking about things he was better off leaving alone.
Kit’s arm brushed his as they stood for the final prayer. A tingling sensation rushed over his skin. He tried not to let it affect him. He could see why she would need God’s strength. There wasn’t a thing she could do about the condition of the baby growing inside her.
But why would she find comfort in God? Why wasn’t she mad at Him? Her husband had been ready to divorce her. Then the idiot had died, leaving her pregnant and alone. And the baby, who had a hole in his heart, might have special needs or might not even live.
Why wasn’t she mad at God?
Wade would be.
Thankfully, the service ended and he escorted her from the pew. He hoped Kit was comforted by the service. If anyone deserved a happy ending, it was her.
He followed her out of the church and onto the lawn. A hand on his shoulder made him turn.
“Are you terminal or something? Since when do you go to church?” Nash Bolton stood next to him with his typical cocky grin. Then he turned to Kit and pretended to clutch his heart. “Say it isn’t so—Kit? Is that you?”
She smiled, revealing a row of pretty white teeth. “It’s good to see you, Nash.”
Nash’s wife, Amy, sidled up next to him as their little girl, Ruby, ran to Wade and lifted her arms for him to pick her up. “Uncle Wade!”
“My favorite cowgirl!” Wade hugged the tiny blonde close. She kissed his cheek before wriggling to be set back on her feet.
“You have to come over and see me ride Chantilly.” Her eyes lit up.
“Name the time. I’ll be there.” He winked. He’d bought her the horse last year as a welcome home present when Nash took custody of her. Best gift he’d given to anyone in years. He loved spending time with Ruby. Although not related by blood, he considered himself her uncle, and she, his niece.
“Promise?”
“Would I lie to my favorite cowgirl?” That brought a smile to her face.
“Congratulations, I hear you got married.” Kit smiled at Nash.
“I had to beg, but I got this incredible lady to agree.” Nash put his arm around Amy’s shoulders. “Amy, this is Kit McAllistor. She and Wade go way back. Kit, this is my wife, Amy, and our daughter, Ruby.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” Kit shook Amy’s hand and addressed Ruby. “Are you going to school yet?”
Ruby lifted wide blue-green eyes to her. “I’m all done with preschool. The teacher gave me a paper with my name on it and everything.”
“That’s wonderful.”
“Mommy says real school will be fun.” She bit her lower lip. “I don’t know. It’s awfully big.”
“It might seem big now, but you’ll know your way around in no time,” Kit said. “And you’re going to learn all kinds of neat stuff. I’m a teacher.”
“Can I be in your class?” She clasped her hands together and stared up with hope.
Kit laughed, caressing her tummy. “I would love to have you in my class, but I’m taking a break from teaching so I can have a baby.”
“A baby!” She looked about to burst, then she solemnly nodded. “Aunt Lexi is having a baby, too.”
“Speaking of...” Clint and Lexi joined the group. “Howdy, Kit. This is my wife, Lexi. Lexi, Kit.”
They exchanged hellos, but before they could continue the conversation, Nash raised his hand. “Let’s take this to Dottie’s Diner and catch up over some breakfast.”
Wade leaned in to Kit. “Are you okay with that?”
“Fine with me.” She turned to him, her face glowing.
“We’ll meet you guys over there.” Taking Kit’s arm, he guided her toward the parking lot. He loved his friends. He loved breakfast. He really loved Dottie. But joining the gang with Kit felt an awful lot like getting initiated into a club he had no intention of becoming a member of.
The marriage club.
Marriage club. He scoffed. This was just a breakfast. Nothing more.
The diner’s exuberant atmosphere infected Kit as platters of eggs, bacon and waffles arrived. She sat next to Wade. Lexi and Amy chatted next to each other across from her, and Ruby had claimed the chair beside Kit’s. The men talked calves and bull riding on the other side of Wade. Church earlier had soothed her troubles, making her believe she’d be okay no matter what happened with the baby. And she hadn’t had time to fret about meeting Clint’s and Nash’s wives, since it had happened naturally. Both Amy and Lexi seemed nice and accepting.
Would they be so accepting if they knew the truth about her marriage? And what about the reality of her baby’s health? She couldn’t handle a Q and A session about him right now. She didn’t have it in her to tell them about the hole in his heart. But smiling and nodding had never been her style, either.
She thought of Sandra Bixby. The woman had gone out of her way to be nice to her. Kit was getting tired of keeping people at a distance. But she also didn’t want to scare them away by burdening them with her problems.
Nash clanged a butter knife against his mug. “While we’re all together, Amy and I have an announcement.”
The rest of the diner continued to buzz with laughter and conversation, while everyone at their table looked expectantly at Nash. Kit sneaked a peek at Amy. Her cheeks glowed pink, and her brown eyes sparkled.
“We found out we’re having a baby.” Nash glanced over at Amy with a look full of tenderness. He positively beamed. The table erupted in a round of congratulations. Lexi actually started to cry.
Kit’s heart squeezed at the obvious connection everyone felt. The love flowing between Nash and Amy had been what she’d hoped to have with Cam. He never would have announced their pregnancy to friends, but then, they didn’t have many friends. She’d give about anything for a relationship like Nash and Amy’s or Clint and Lexi’s.
“I thought it was a secret, Daddy!” Ruby scolded.
“It was, RuRu. Just until today.”
Ruby tugged on Kit’s hand. “Is my mommy’s tummy going to get round like yours?”
“Yes, it will.” Her voice cracked. She sipped her orange juice and tried to appear as happy as everyone else.
“I hope Mommy has a girl. I want a sister.”
“Well, I’m having a little boy.” She smiled down at Ruby. The girl was too cute.
“You are? How can you tell?”
“The doctor has a special wand to take pictures of the baby. Some people like it to be a surprise, but I wanted to know what I’m having.”
“I’m telling Mommy to go get pictures tomorrow. I want a special wand, too!”
Kit laughed. “She’ll have to wait a few months before the doctor can tell if it’s a boy or a girl, and only doctors can use the wand.”
Ruby’s face fell.
“Ruby, remember what we told you?” Amy prodded gently. “We’ll take whatever God gives us.”
“Well, I’m praying for a sister.” She hopped off her chair, went to Nash and climbed onto his lap.
“I’m a little anxious.” Amy looked at Kit, then Lexi. “I’ll feel better after the three-month mark. I’ve wanted a baby for so long. What if something goes wrong?”
Kit’s throat felt scratchy. She wanted to reassure her, but how could she? It would be cruel to burden her or Lexi, who was just starting to show with her own baby bump, with news about her son.
“I felt the same way, Amy.” Lexi put her arm around her and leaned in for a side hug. “I still worry. What if I get in a car accident? What if the cord wraps around the baby’s neck? What if... I have to tell myself to stop worrying.”
Amy nodded. “I know you’re right. From the minute we found out, though, I’ve flip-flopped between pure joy and pure fear.”
Kit hadn’t worried much about the baby before finding out about the hole in his heart. She’d resided in pure bliss at the thought of having a child. Dealing with Cam’s final words as well as his death had made her heart numb. The baby had been a welcome reprieve from reality. She’d done what she always had. Made the best of a bad situation.
That was what she was doing now, too, she supposed.
“When are you due, Kit?” Lexi asked.
“Beginning of October.” Kit shook her thoughts away. “What about you?”
“My official date is December 4. My clothes already feel tight.” Lexi puffed out her cheeks and widened her eyes. Then she turned to Amy. “When are you due?”
“End of January. Can you believe it? Our kids will practically be siblings.”
Siblings. Kit’s heart pinched. If her baby lived, he wouldn’t have siblings.
Wade touched her hand. “Are you okay?”
His eyes swam with concern and questions.
“Yeah.” Trying to smile, she nodded quickly. “I’m fine. Excuse me a minute.” She set her napkin down and pushed her chair back. Then she weaved through the packed diner toward the restroom.
Why did a simple breakfast have to be so complicated? She locked herself in a stall and realized her hands were shaking. Her emotions had been colliding ever since Nash announced Amy’s pregnancy. And then Lexi’s and Amy’s honesty about their fears had made her want to join in and tell them the truth—she was terrified she’d lose her baby.
Tears welled in her eyes. Their babies would have fathers who adored them. Lexi and Amy had strong men who would comfort them and support them throughout the pregnancy. Neither woman had to worry about going into labor alone. Neither had to worry about her baby having special needs. Or living in a horrible apartment in a strange town.
One tear fell to her cheek, then another. She swiped both away and patted her cheeks with toilet paper.
Pulling herself together, she splashed water on her face and left the bathroom. She took two steps and felt a hand on her shoulder.
“You feeling okay, sunshine?” Dottie Lavert pulled her aside.
“I’m fine, Dottie, thanks for asking.” She’d met Dottie several times over the years and always smiled at Dottie’s nickname for her. Sunshine. Lately, all she felt was gloom.
“You need to get off your feet and have one of my ooey-gooey cinnamon rolls. I’ll bring one over to you in a jiffy. I sure am glad you’re staying out at Wade’s.”
She was, too. “Thanks.”
Dottie winked and sauntered toward the kitchen. Kit returned to the table as Lexi was speaking to Amy. “Dr. Landor used to work with high-risk pregnancies in Chicago. I’m so glad she started a practice here.”
“Can you give me her number?” Amy asked.
“Of course. She’s taking new patients, too. She’s a newlywed, and her husband grew up in Sweet Dreams, so they decided to relocate.”
An obstetrician who had experience with high-risk pregnancies? At least there was help nearby if anything were to go wrong before she moved to Casper.
In the midst of suffering, God always provided mercy.
Thank You, Lord.
She’d take the good with the bad. And be thankful for any crumb of hope.
Wade hiked back from the stables to his house. After breakfast, he’d dropped Kit off at her cabin, saddled up his favorite quarter horse, Thunder, and ridden around the ranch. The ground was dry and hard, and wisps of clouds streaked overhead. He’d come across a prairie dog family, a doe with twin fawns and three elk. He loved the rugged land and all its occupants—well, except for rattlers. He could do without those. There was something about this slice of Wyoming that cleared his head and made him feel like he belonged in the world.
But being out here hammered home the fact he might lose it. It was time to tally the stack of bills he’d been avoiding.
Taking long strides, he cast a quick glance at the cabins down the lane. Kit wasn’t on her porch. She must be resting.
This morning at the diner Kit had seemed to enjoy breakfast with his friends. But then he’d noticed she’d grown quiet. And pale. And just like that, his gut had clenched and his mind had raced with worries.
Was she all right? Really all right? And would she tell him if she wasn’t?
He’d been blindsided so many times as a kid. Zipping along, thinking everything was stable, and then he’d get moved to another home. When he and Kit had been separated, he’d changed. Grown resentful. His mood had hardened. It was a good thing he’d been placed at Yearling. Big Bob and Dottie had helped smooth him out again.
He still feared getting ripped away from loved ones. He could admit it. But it was hard not to notice that all the creatures he’d encountered today, including his friends, had someone to share life with.
He entered through the sliding doors off the patio and headed straight to his bedroom to change. After slipping into fresh jeans and a T-shirt, he walked to the other side of his home where his office was located. On the way down the hall he glanced into the guest rooms. The room across from the office made him pause. It would make a nice nursery—a guest nursery—for Kit and the baby if they wanted to visit.
A text dinged. Would you be mad if I used your supplies to bake cookies?
Cookies? Who got mad about those? He texted her back. Not if you let me have some of the dough.
Two seconds passed. One bite. That’s all. I know you.
He laughed and replied, When do you want me to come get you?
A knock from the patio door had him hurrying to the living room. Kit stood outside. She still wore the simple sundress from earlier. She grinned.
“I would have picked you up.” He slid open the door and escorted her inside. “You shouldn’t be walking so far.”
“It’s not far. Exercise is good for me and the baby.”
He followed her to the kitchen. “What if you turn your ankle or something?”
“I’m not going to turn an ankle.” She bent to poke through his cupboards.
“I don’t like you traipsing about.”
“Traipsing?” Her laugh tinkled. “I can handle the walk.”
He studied her through narrowed eyes. She looked better than she had at the diner. There was a glow about her, and he was happy to see her cheeks weren’t as sunken as they’d been when she’d arrived. Maybe it was due to her smile.
“What can I do?” He thumped his knuckles on the countertop.
“Thaw out some butter. I need two sticks.”
He opened his fridge and found the butter. “It’s going to take a long time to thaw.”
“Pop them in a bowl in the microwave for twenty seconds.”
He tossed both sticks in a bowl. “Won’t they blow up?”
“You have to take the paper off first, you goofball, and no, they won’t blow up. Unless you put them in for several minutes or something.”
“Well, now you tell me.” He winked at her. Then he unpeeled the wax paper from each stick and put them in the microwave. The bills had waited this long. They could wait a few hours more.
Kit found the sugar and flour. She started pouring ingredients in a large bowl.
“Can you grab two eggs for me?” she called over her shoulder as he removed the butter from the microwave.
“Sure thing.” He set them next to the bowl. Then he rounded the counter, sat on a stool and watched her mix everything together. She was starting to spoon the dough onto the baking sheet when she frowned. Then her face cleared. She kept placing dough on the sheet.
“Oh.” She blinked and met his eyes.
“What is it?” He stood up. “You hurt? Going to be sick? What?”
A look of wonder crossed her face. “I think I felt the baby move.”
“What? Right now? Where?” He was at her side in an instant. He inspected her from head to toe, his gaze lingering on her stomach, but nothing looked different.
She turned to him. “Yes, I felt him.”
He got lost in the green pools of her eyes. Everything he needed to know was in there. Relief. Amazement. And gratitude.
“How do you know?” His voice was low, gravelly.
She took his hand. Her soft touch nearly undid him. Then she placed it to the side of her belly.
“Just wait.”
He held his breath, not because of the baby, but because her warmth, her light touch, her floral perfume, all locked him in a trance.
And then he felt it. The tiniest flutter.
He jerked his hand back, his eyes opening wide.
He’d just felt her baby. A baby really was kicking in there!
He couldn’t stop his mouth from curving into the biggest grin, and he tenderly placed his hand on her stomach again.
He waited.
And waited.
And there it was. The slightest of movements.
“Kit...your baby. He’s there. Moving around.” The awe of it overwhelmed him.
Her lips trembled, but joy streamed from her gaze. He wrapped her in his arms and held her close. She took a deep, wobbly breath, and relaxed her head against his shoulder. He held her for the longest time and it still wasn’t long enough.
She leaned back, bringing her palms together in front of her lips, and shook her head as if she couldn’t believe her good fortune.
“He’s strong, Kitty Cat.”
“I hope so.”
“He is. Just like you.”
Her eyes grew wide. “You think I’m strong?”
“I know you are.”
She flung her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. All he could think to do was keep her in his embrace. The proximity of her overloaded his senses, made him reflect on what he’d been thinking earlier—everyone had someone except him.
She’s your family.
It was true, but this felt different. She’d been part of his family for many years, and he wasn’t thinking of her as a sister. He certainly hoped she didn’t think of him as a brother.
He was a man.
She was a woman.
And there was a baby between them.
Reality crushed his temples. The bills in the other room. The baby’s heart problem. For Sale signs and hospitals and a seedy apartment. Loving someone and never getting to say goodbye.
“I guess we’d better get these cookies in the oven.” He stepped back and wiped his hand down his cheek.
Her lips curved into a wide smile. “I couldn’t agree more.”
Well, maybe it would be better for them both if she did view him as a brother. It would help him get over some of the emotional stuff her being here kicked up.
But...he still would prefer it if she’d see him as a man.