Score one for team Croft. He’d gotten Kit to give up on her foolish notion of staying in some stinky, sketchy hotel. Wade zipped Kit’s car through the streets of Casper to check out the apartment before they headed back to the ranch. If the place wasn’t up to his standards, he’d get her to give up on that, too.
And then what?
He couldn’t ask her to stay on his ranch forever. He might not even have a ranch in the near future.
He had to stop thinking in worst-case scenarios. There was no way he was losing JPX Ranch. Not after Jackson had entrusted him with it. He’d find a way to keep it going one way or another.
But none of that mattered at the moment. He was here for Kit. He still didn’t get why she blamed herself for Cam’s heart attack. Couldn’t she see how irrational she was being?
The navigation system alerted him to take a left. He drove slowly until they found the apartment’s address. The neighborhood left a lot to be desired. He ground his teeth together. Had she deliberately chosen the worst possible housing options? He pulled up to the curb in front of the building and kept the engine idling.
From the looks of it, the old brick building contained eight apartments, four in the front and four in the back. A metal set of stairs led to a narrow balcony with entrances to two apartments on the second floor. A ripped trash bag spilled its contents on the cement near one of the first-floor doors. Loud music could be heard thumping even from inside Kit’s car. An unshaven man smoked as he sat on top of an overturned five-gallon bucket. A slim woman with a toddler on her hip stood in an open doorway as she shouted at someone inside. Then she slammed the door shut, shifted the child to her other hip and kicked a canister of chewing tobacco out of the way. It rolled off the landing and fell to the grass.
“Well, this isn’t what I expected.” Kit’s weak voice was so unlike her, he glanced her way. Yep, she looked green. Funny, since the scene before him made him see only red. The area looked eerily similar to the one where he’d lived with his mother as a small child.
“No big deal,” he said gruffly. “You can keep on looking.”
“The pictures online were much nicer.”
“I don’t doubt it.”
“I should have known it was too good to be true. Cheap rent. Close to the hospital. Two bedrooms. Furnished.” She gazed up momentarily. “It’s okay. I’ll make it work.”
“You’re kidding, right? This isn’t the place for you. You tried, but you couldn’t have known the apartment would be...” A pit. A cesspool. He didn’t know how to finish the sentence without offending her.
“Go ahead and say it. It’s a dive.” She rubbed her temples.
And now he felt like a jerk. It wasn’t like he wanted her to be miserable. He just couldn’t wrap his head around her living here. The dude smoking on the overturned bucket didn’t exactly look like the helpful, neighborly type.
Wade could just make out the pulse in the vein in her forehead. The only way he could in good conscience be okay with her moving to Casper alone was if she was in a safe, clean apartment. With a bodyguard posted out front at all times. Okay, the bodyguard was over the top, but, considering how his mother’s life had ended, justified.
“Why don’t we drive around and look at some other areas? Do an online search for a few other apartments, and we’ll see if they look respectable.”
“No. This will be fine.”
“It’s not fine. You living here isn’t happening.” Shifting into Drive, he checked his mirrors and merged back onto the road.
“I already put down the first and last months’ rent. Most landlords won’t rent to me since I don’t have a job.”
As her situation sank in, he couldn’t help but press harder on the accelerator. A year ago, he would have paid the rent himself. He’d had more financial assets than he’d ever thought possible. And now he could only sit by and watch helplessly as Kit slogged through a bad situation.
“Stay on my ranch until the baby is born.”
“You mean it, don’t you?”
“Of course, Kitty Cat.” He scoffed. “We’re family.”
Her head dipped too quickly. Had he made her cry again?
“I have to be close to the hospital, or I’d be tempted to take you up on your offer.”
“Call the landlord and see if you can get your deposit back. We’ll find you another place.”
“I don’t think he’ll give me my deposit back.”
“You can try. And right now I think we should look at a few other apartments in the area. Just in case.”
“It’s pointless. Like I said, without a job, no one is willing to rent to me.”
“It won’t hurt to look.” If he sold Dudley Farms for close to what he was asking for it, he’d be in a position to help Kit out with the rent.
“Not tonight.”
“It’s almost dark, anyhow. We can head back. Why don’t you try to rest?” He turned around to get to the main drag.
“Okay.” Her shoulders sagged, and her head dropped back to the headrest. “Thanks, Wade.”
“Don’t mention it.”
“I mean it. I appreciate everything you did today. Driving me here, carting me around to all the hotels, buying me dinner and helping me check out the apartment. I haven’t had someone to rely on in a long time.”
While his masculine pride swelled, his mind tripped over the last part. What about Cam? Hadn’t she relied on him? Part of him wanted to ask, but the other part figured it was better not to know.
He’d spent years assuming Cam was the man of her dreams, that Cam was taking care of her and loving her and being the husband Wade could never be.
Maybe he’d been wrong.
Why had Cam wanted a divorce?
Wade peeked at Kit. Her eyelids had closed, but he could tell she wasn’t sleeping. Just resting. She looked peaceful. The most content she’d appeared all day.
His questions could wait. If he started digging into her past, he might not like what he’d find. And the feelings he’d destroyed the day she’d gotten engaged could come back to bite him.
He had nothing to offer Kit at this point. She needed someone who could support her and her baby boy. He’d never supported anyone but himself. Even if he got his finances back on track, he wasn’t in a position to offer Kit much emotionally.
Sometimes loved ones disappeared, like his mother had, leaving despair and questions behind. And later he’d found out his worst fears had been realized. His mother had been kidnapped. Murdered.
It was better not to get too attached to anyone.
As the car drew farther away from civilization, he tried to brush off his anxieties.
If he could get his finances back in order, he’d be able to make sure Kit lived in a safe area and had the medical care the baby needed.
It was time to put JPX Ranch up for sale. He just had to make sure Kit and his friends didn’t know about it.
He might have to give up his properties, but he wasn’t about to give up his pride.
Kit woke to sunshine streaming in her room and the white comforter cocooning her in its soft nest. She glanced at the clock. After eleven. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept so hard and for so long. Must be the country air.
Propping another pillow under her head, she luxuriated in the sensation of lingering in bed. A few hours of doing nothing sounded great. Especially now that she knew she’d be staying here longer—at least a few weeks. Maybe more.
She mentally came up with a plan for the day. She really should make sure there was a clinic nearby in case complications cropped up while she was here. She’d already been referred to a cardiologist and an obstetrician in Casper, but her appointments with them weren’t until next month.
She was almost twenty-three weeks pregnant, and she still hadn’t felt the baby kick.
Was the baby still alive?
Her lungs clenched. What if his little heart had given out? She could be sitting here making all these plans, hoping for her son to live...
Lunging for her phone, she ignored the notifications and went straight to the internet to check the pregnancy websites she’d bookmarked. Her nerves ratcheted as her finger swiped through the ones about miscarriage.
Cramping, bleeding, dizziness, fever—she had none of the symptoms.
Lord, thank You.
She had to believe her son was growing. Every day—every minute—felt precious.
Resting against the pillows, she let her mind wander. Would the baby look like Cam? She wouldn’t mind. She’d loved her husband once upon a time, but she wasn’t mourning him. In some ways, she’d mourned him during their marriage. He’d disconnected from her long ago, and, after the funeral, she’d quickly adjusted to the concept that the marriage was truly over. He hadn’t been around much while they were married, anyhow. She’d liked to stay home, and he’d made it clear that his nights with the boys were not to be missed.
Only those nights with the boys had turned into nights with the girls, too.
She’d been devastated when she found out about the first affair. He’d promised he’d made a mistake and that he would change. She’d believed him. But he’d continued to go out constantly, shutting her out of his life. After the second affair, her heart had started the process of mourning her dreams of happy-ever-after.
She’d accepted it. Put up with it.
Finding out about the baby had sparked hope in her, and she’d taken the pregnancy as a sign their marriage could be saved. She hadn’t known he’d grown so close to a new girlfriend, close enough to want a divorce so he could marry the woman.
It did hurt that he’d never know his child. He’d been adamant he wasn’t going to be in the baby’s life, but if Cam had lived, he might have changed his mind.
Are you really deluding yourself into thinking Cam would have embraced this baby?
She could handle special needs and a hole in the heart and whatever complications got thrown her child’s way. What about the rest of the world? If her baby did have Down syndrome, would they treat him differently as he grew older? Would she have to protect him from mean kids? Would she have to take care of him as an adult?
A fiery burst of heartburn hit her hard.
She was better off not dwelling on what-ifs and could-have-would-have-should-haves. She’d spent enough time doing that after moving to each new foster home. It changed nothing.
Swinging her legs over the bed, she stood, cradling her belly with one hand. Her phone showed two missed calls and a text. Sandra Bixby, one of the teachers she used to work with, had called and left a voice mail. The other number was probably a telemarketer. Her finger hovered over the voice mail button, but she decided to wait. She couldn’t take a sympathetic message asking how she was doing, even if Sandra had always been kind to her.
Kit had never opened up about her personal life with her coworkers. How many times in high school had she confided something to a girlfriend, only to have her pain gossiped about and mocked? It had been bad enough not having a real family to live with. By the time she got to college, she’d learned to keep her private life close to her heart.
Kit hadn’t told anyone except Wade about the baby’s health problems. He was also the only one who knew she’d been having marriage issues—well, besides the two women Cam had cheated with, as well as the one he’d claimed he was going to marry.
Wade texted her. He was riding out with his ranch manager and wouldn’t be back until supper. Which reminded her...she was starving.
Listening to Sandra’s phone message could wait. Breakfast—scratch that, lunch—could not.
If Wade was out working, maybe she could repay him in a tiny way for all he’d done for her this week. She’d cook him a hearty meal even a cowboy couldn’t turn down. But her supplies were slim here.
She texted him. I’ll cook supper. Do you mind if I raid your cupboards?
Her phone rang. Well, that was quick.
“Hello?”
“Kit?”
Sandra. Her stomach grew twirly. Why hadn’t she checked the caller? “Yes?”
“It’s Sandra. How are you holding up?”
Like four-week-old celery in the hot sun. “I’m okay.”
“I stopped by your house the other day to drop off some baby supplies, but there was a For Rent sign out front and no one answered. Did you move?”
Here we go. Questions I don’t want to answer.
“I’m staying with a friend for a while.”
“But you’ll be coming back?”
Closing her eyes, she fought for the right words. What was the appropriate response? She’d never been good at this. Didn’t want to open her mouth and have every skeleton in her closet topple out.
“Um, no. I’m moving to Casper.”
“Casper? Did you get a new job or something?”
Emotion pressed against the backs of her eyes. How she wished she was moving for something as hopeful as a new job.
“Not exactly. Life’s been...well, it’s been rough lately.”
“I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” Sandra’s voice filled with sympathy. “Losing Cam. You two always seemed like the perfect couple. And the baby...he would have loved your child. I’m so sorry you’ll have to raise the baby without him. If there’s anything I can do to help...”
And this was why she should have checked her phone before answering it. Everything inside her wanted to scream that they weren’t the perfect couple and that precious Cam hadn’t even wanted the baby and wouldn’t have loved it and how dare Sandra presume to make him out to be a good guy.
“Thanks, Sandra. I appreciate it.” She tried not to choke on the words.
“If you give me an address, I’ll send the baby things to you.”
The kind gesture shrank Kit down to the size of a mouse. Sandra always had a pleasant word for her when they passed each other in the halls, and she’d organized funeral flowers from the school staff as well as dropped off casseroles twice. Maybe Kit had been wrong to lump her in with the girls who’d turned on her in the past.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to. Don’t tell me you already have everything for the baby. Trust me. You always need more.”
Have everything for the baby?
She had nothing. Not one thing.
“I haven’t exactly started shopping for infant items yet.”
“Well, I figured as much, with all you’ve been through. The other teachers contributed, too. I’ll box all this up and ship it first thing.”
Kit didn’t know if she could handle opening a box of baby delights. It would make it all the more devastating if her son died.
She just wouldn’t open the box.
“I’ll send you the address.”
“Be sure you do, or I’ll hound you for it.”
“I promise. I’ll text it to you as soon as we hang up.”
“Okay. Take care of yourself, you hear? I’m praying for you.”
Praying for her... Kit closed her eyes. Sadness and gratitude clogged her throat. “I need those prayers. Thank you.”
She hung up. Before Kit could change her mind, she quickly texted Sandra the address of Wade’s ranch. Then she headed to the kitchen to fix herself some food.
At some point she needed to buy baby supplies.
If the sweet child would just kick, make his presence known somehow, it would be easier to move forward. The days were ticking down until she’d find out if he’d be dealing with more than a hole in his heart.
Her phone chimed. Wade texted her. Raid away. My cupboards are your cupboards if you’re cooking.
One kind deed deserved another. She’d make a good meal for Wade. And she’d come up with a way to thank Sandra for all she’d done. And maybe, just maybe, she’d forget about the baby’s problems and enjoy the moment for once.
He had to stop fretting about Kit. Wade pulled on a clean pair of jeans after showering. The aroma of garlic and cheese hit him hard. When he’d walked into his house twenty minutes ago after a long day of riding the ranch, the first thing he’d seen was Kit tossing a salad. She’d cheerfully announced the lasagna would be done in half an hour. The scene had affected him a little too much. He’d practically sprinted down the hall to his master suite.
How was he supposed to concentrate on the ranch, the bills and Dudley Farms languishing away when his brain was filled with concern for Kit’s future?
And then, to walk into his home—which normally was silent, dark and smelled like leather—and have every one of his senses flame to life because of her?
It wouldn’t do.
As much as he pooh-poohed his friends’ domesticity, he could easily be sucked into fantasies about it if it meant piping hot lasagna and Kit smiling away.
He yanked the T-shirt over his head and shoved his arms into it. This was ridiculous. He’d ridden around the ranch for hours, helped move cattle and left a message for Ray earlier. He’d done what he needed to do.
So why was he so keyed up to eat dinner?
He braced his hands on the edge of the bathroom counter and stared at his reflection in the mirror. Get yourself together, man. You’re too old to act like this. And don’t go out there being all weird. Treat her like you normally do.
After taking a deep breath and running the towel over his damp hair one more time, he padded into the kitchen. Kit was pulling the lasagna out of the oven. His heart skipped two beats.
Act normal.
“All this for me? I hope you’re not hungry.” He winked at her and noticed the table had been set. “What’s left for me to do?”
“Well, I plan on eating, too.” She smiled. “You can sit down. It’s ready.”
“Here, let me.” He took the oven mitts from her and carried the steaming dish to the table while she brought over the salad. “So what did you do all day while I worked my fingers to the bone on the ranch?”
That brought a smile. Her cheeks grew pink. “Your fingers look fine to me. In fact, they look mighty delicate. Not a callus to be seen.”
“I’ll have you know these are hardworking hands.” He held them up and wiggled his fingers.
“Uh-huh.” She slid a large slice of lasagna onto his plate. The cheese oozed down the sides. “Well, while you were doing your cowboy things, one of the teachers I used to work with called.”
Cowboy things. Her phrase made him smile. “Oh, yeah?”
“She’s sending me some baby supplies. I gave her your address. If a box comes for me, you’ll know why.”
Speaking of baby supplies... “Do you have what you need for the little guy?”
She averted her gaze, shaking her head.
“When are you supposed to start shopping for that stuff?” He cut off a bite of lasagna with his fork. Looked hot enough to melt iron. He’d let it cool a minute. His mind began swimming with items babies needed. Diapers. Bottles. A bed. Clothes. And more. Lots more. But what? He wouldn’t know where to begin. “What do babies need?”
She finished chewing a bite of bread. “I’m not sure, but I’ve got time to figure it out.”
Early October, she’d said. It gave her—he mentally ticked off weeks—right around four months. Plenty of time. Or was it?
“I guess you can see what your friend sends and go from there.”
“I guess.”
He glanced at her. “Don’t sound so enthusiastic.”
Guilt flashed across her face. “It might be better if I shop after I get settled in Casper. Easier than moving it all, you know.”
“I’ve got a big truck. Shop away. We’ll get it there.”
She didn’t reply, just took a bite of her salad. Why wasn’t she jumping all over buying the baby items? Did she think she could bring the baby home without having a crib and diapers and whatnot?
“Don’t you want to be prepared?” he asked.
She stretched her neck to the side, looking like she’d rather be anywhere but here. Maybe she didn’t know what to purchase.
He tore off a hunk of garlic bread. “Lexi went out and bought the entire baby department of a store last month when she and Clint found out they were expecting. She could tell you what you need if you’re not sure.”
Her forehead wrinkled. “Who’s Lexi?”
“Clint’s wife. You remember Clint Romine?”
“I remember Clint. I didn’t realize he’d gotten married and is expecting...” The words trailed off.
“Trust me, I was shocked when he told me he’d fallen in love. I mean, we’re talking about Clint. You know how quiet he is. But he’s taken to married life. So has Nash. He’s raising his little sister—and when I say little, I’m talking five years old—and he got hitched, too.”
“Sounds like love is in the air for your friends.”
He nodded. “Even Marshall is taking the plunge. Next month. In three weeks, to be precise. I’m one of the groomsmen.”
Her fork clattered to the table, and she swiped it up, keeping her gaze on the food. Had he said something wrong?
“Okay, what’s going on? You’re acting funny.” He leaned back in his chair and watched her. Her eyes wouldn’t meet his.
“I’m happy for your friends. It’s just hard knowing...” Her jaw shifted.
Well, he’d gone and put his foot in his mouth big-time. Here he was, jabbering on about his happily married friends and their families, while she had no husband and a baby with health issues. Great going, Croft.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Me and my big mouth.”
“Don’t say that.” She swallowed. “It’s just...well, I’ve been thinking I should have felt the baby kick by now.”
The food in his stomach congealed. If the baby wasn’t kicking... A wave of sadness at the thought of the boy not making it crashed over him.
“What are you saying? Do you think...?”
Her eyes were filled with anguish, but she gave her head a little shake. “I think he’s okay.”
“How do you know?”
“I don’t have the signs of a miscarriage. I’m not cramping or bleeding or anything.”
He pushed his chair back. “Maybe I should take you to the hospital. You know, to be sure.”
“The nearest hospital is too far away. I’m fine. Really. The baby was alive when I had all the testing. I just think too much. And thinking leads to worrying. I keep trying to leave it in God’s hands where it belongs, but five seconds later, the anxieties mount.”
Leaving it in God’s hands sounded good, but how could she know if He’d come through for her? God hadn’t come through for his mother.
“In fact, I know what I need. Tomorrow’s Sunday. I’m going to church.”
He’d officially lost his appetite. The last time he’d gone to church had been for Nash’s wedding. Wade hadn’t attended a regular service in years.
It was on the tip of his tongue to offer to take her. But church? Him?
His cell phone rang. Ray Simons, his real estate agent. Please let this be good news.
He lurched to his feet and answered it, padding away from the table down the hallway to his home office. “What have you got?”
“I heard through the grapevine there’s a couple looking for a ranch with a lot of acreage. I already talked to their agent about Dudley Farms. Should I mention JPX Ranch as a possibility, too?”
His chest hurt. All the hours spent with Jackson, getting to know every rock, every gully, every inch of pasture had been like spending time with the father he’d never had. And then, when the lawyer called him after Jackson died, he’d found out he’d been given the ranch outright. All of it his! Along with Jackson’s savings and other assets...
He’d squandered it. Hadn’t treated it like the precious gem it was. His greed had put it and his future in jeopardy.
“Go ahead, but don’t advertise it yet. We can discuss it more on Monday if you’re free.”
“Good. And, yeah, I’m free.” His cheeriness sounded through the line loud and clear. “Don’t change your mind, now. Buyers are in short supply. From the sound of it, your ranch is exactly what this couple is looking for.”
His chest squeezed even more tightly. What if they bought JPX Ranch? Would he have to move to Dudley Farms?
He wasn’t a farmer. He was a rancher.
Why had he risked everything he loved to try something he didn’t know much about?
“I understand.”
“I’ll call you if I hear anything,” Ray said. “See you Monday.”
“See you then.” He tapped his index finger against the back of the phone as he returned to the table.
“Is everything all right?” Kit’s clear gaze kicked him right in the chest.
Less than two minutes. That’s all it had taken for him to forget she was there.
He’d never considered himself husband material, and it didn’t take a genius to see he’d been right. Over the years he’d done a good job of not getting too close to a woman. When he thought about his mother...well, he wasn’t going through that again.
This anxiety about Kit felt familiar.
He slid back into his chair. “Everything’s fine.”
“Nice try.” She arched her eyebrows. “I know when something is bothering you.”
Why her words comforted him, he couldn’t say. Maybe it was just nice to have someone know him well enough to care. He didn’t want to shut her out. He also didn’t want to tell her how he’d messed up.
“That was my real estate agent.” He cut a bite of the lasagna, which, thankfully, was no longer burning a hole through his plate.
“Good news?” She smiled, then sipped her water.
“It might be. A couple is looking for acreage. I’m heading into town Monday afternoon to talk to him.”
“I thought you were obsessed with buying land, not getting rid of it.”
“Obsessed?” He glanced up and wished he hadn’t. She was giving him the watchful probe. “Nah. I’m making some business decisions.”
Time to change the subject. It wouldn’t kill him to offer to take her to church. Chances were she’d insist on driving herself, anyhow. “Why don’t I take you to church tomorrow?”
A few seconds ticked by as she continued to stare. Then her expression cleared. “I’d like that. What time should I be ready?”
He had no clue. A part of him hoped she’d tell him not to bother. “I’ll find out.”
“Thanks.” She cocked her head to the side. “If you want to talk about whatever is going on, I’m here.”
Nothing like a sharp poke to the ol’ conscience. He couldn’t talk to her about this—couldn’t talk to anyone about it. Maybe someday, after he’d fixed the mess, he’d be able to share it as a life lesson. But until then...he was changing the subject.
“So today, I was out riding and I came across this mean mama cow. I’ve been tired of that broad for months. But she always has healthy calves, so I put up with her, you know?” He told her about the cattle on the ranch and how a section of fence needed to be replaced soon.
She laughed at the right places, but he had the feeling he’d disappointed her.
Well, she could join the club. He disappointed himself, too.
As the sun set, Kit rocked on her porch. Wade had dropped her off a few minutes ago. The lasagna had been a success. The dinner itself, though, had been disconcerting. Ever since she’d driven into JPX Ranch, she’d been lapping up the attention Wade lavished on her. When he’d taken the phone call right in the middle of their meal, it had been a wake-up call.
How many meals had she finished alone because Cam had gotten a call from one of his buddies during it?
The interruption she could forgive, but something was bothering Wade, and he’d refused to confide in her.
That’s what hurt.
She tried to focus on the orange and purple streaks feathering across the sky. Her heart wasn’t in the sunset.
Maybe it was time to face facts. As a girl, she’d been tossed aside again and again. The message had been received—she was unimportant. In her marriage, she had been, too.
But she’d never felt unimportant with Wade.
Until tonight.
Oh, she wasn’t being fair. When she needed him, he was her rock. Didn’t change the facts, though.
Her home wasn’t here.
After church tomorrow, she was looking into other apartments, and if she found a better one that would lease to her without her having a job, she’d call the landlord in Casper about getting her deposit back. If not, she’d have to suck it up and live there until she had the baby and went back to work.
Don’t worry, baby. I’m going to be the best mom you could have. I’m putting you first. No one ever put me first, and I don’t want that for you. I want you to know how loved you are. I’ll do anything for you.
Gently rubbing her tummy, she continued to rock.
God, do You have a plan for me? I know You love me. Thank You for that, but is there more? If the baby dies, what do I do? What am I here for? Do I even matter?
Everyone had a reason for being here. She trusted God would let her know her purpose in His time. She wasn’t content with being unimportant anymore. She hadn’t been content there in a long time.