The following Friday, Kit enjoyed a grape Popsicle as she rocked on the front porch of her cabin. Wade had been gone most of the week. On Monday, he’d been busy on the ranch and then had an appointment in town with the real estate agent. He’d been tight-lipped about it when she’d asked that night. On Tuesday, he’d said he had business to catch up on and had holed up in his house most of the afternoon. Then on Wednesday, he’d left to move cattle for a few days. He was due back late tonight. While she missed his company, the days alone had given her precious time to get her bearings.
Now that she could feel the baby moving, her resolve to keep him alive and healthy had grown to borderline obsessive. Had she spent too much time searching the internet for pregnancy advice? Absolutely. She’d pored over forums of parents who’d had babies with the same diagnosis as hers until her eyes had glazed over. The testimonies simultaneously terrified her and filled her with hope.
What if the test results came back and her baby did have special needs? What if the hole in the heart was one of many health problems? What if— Oh, she had to stop this!
If only there was something she could do, a medicine to take, a diet that would cure his little heart...but her options were to be patient and wait, eat well, exercise, and get plenty of rest. Check. Check. And check.
All week she’d spent hours calling landlords about different apartments but hadn’t found anyone willing to lease to her without her being employed. It looked as though she was stuck with the one she had. The thought depressed her more than she wanted to admit.
A drop of purple Popsicle fell onto her hand. She licked it off and finished the final bite. The sound of a vehicle rumbled closer.
A truck stopped at Wade’s house. He’d had two deliveries this week already. The only other people who came around were Clint or Nash, to stop in and check on her. They’d brought supper for her while Wade had been gone. Lexi had come with Clint yesterday, and Kit had enjoyed her company. It still felt strange to have people go out of their way to help her, although she knew Wade had put them all up to it. She didn’t mind. Being cared for was a nice change from life with Cam. And in a few short weeks, she’d be all alone again. Doing life on her own.
Her phone dinged. A text from Sandra came through. The package should arrive today. Enjoy!
The package—she’d forgotten about the baby items. She dialed Sandra’s number.
“Hi, Kit, did you get the box?” Sandra sounded out of breath.
“Something was dropped off to the main house of the ranch where I’m staying. I’ll head over in a few minutes. I just wanted to thank you for going to all the trouble to get it here.”
“It was no trouble. I hope you enjoy all the goodies.”
The goodies. She wouldn’t think about them yet. “How is your summer going?”
“Busy. Now that Greta graduated, it’s all I can do to keep on top of her college plans. Orientation is next week already. How did that happen? When your baby is born, try not to blink. It goes so quickly. Anyway, how are you feeling? I miss you. It was always nice seeing your smiling face at the school.”
“I miss you, too.” And, surprisingly, she did. She hadn’t made much effort with the teachers, but since she’d been away for a few weeks, she missed the interaction with them, however small it had been. “What is Greta studying?”
“She has no clue. She talks about getting a business degree, then claims she’s going to be a doctor. Honestly, I don’t care at this point. Just pick something, you know? It’s a shame she didn’t get the teaching bug.”
Kit chuckled. “I had that particular bug since I was a little girl.”
“Me, too, Kit. For as long as I can remember.” A voice shouted in the background. “Frank’s calling. I’ve got to go. Sorry to cut this short. You take care now, you hear?”
“You, too, and congratulations about Greta graduating.”
They hung up, and she rested the phone on the arm of the rocking chair. Sandra’s package was probably sitting on Wade’s front porch right now. She might as well go up there and see for herself.
Pushing herself to a standing position, she assessed her body. Everything seemed fine. The baby hadn’t kicked in hours, but his kicks were sporadic at best. Her flip-flops probably weren’t the best option to walk up the gravel drive; she’d better change.
She slipped into her favorite cowboy boots and meandered up the drive to Wade’s house. New wildflowers had popped up—crimson flames of Indian paintbrush, delicate periwinkle of blue flax and splashes of yellow from balsamroot. A hawk circled overhead.
Peace.
This place radiated peace.
How she’d longed for peace her entire life.
It wouldn’t last. Never did. But she wished she could scoop up this feeling and put it in a jar to sprinkle out whenever the hard times hit.
She skirted Wade’s garage and climbed the two steps to the porch. A large box stood near the door. Bending slightly and pushing her hair over her shoulder, she read the label. It was addressed to Kit McAllistor.
Now what?
She hadn’t expected such a large package. She couldn’t carry it to her cabin. And she didn’t feel like walking back to get her car. Wade wouldn’t care if she opened the box in his house and came back for it later.
Back at the garage, she typed in the key code and strode to the door leading to the kitchen. Then she continued through the living room and hallway to the front entrance. After dragging the package inside, she pushed it to the living room near one of the couches.
She remembered seeing scissors in a kitchen drawer. A few moments later, she was on her knees near the box with the scissors poised to cut through the packing tape. But she held back.
Was she ready for this?
Her hopes had already been soaring since the very first fluttery kick. Was it wise to open this box of delights and sink into the delicious sensation of actually being able to use the contents?
Maybe she should wait until the microarray test results came back. Then she wouldn’t get wrapped into dreams, only to be crushed by them later.
She set the scissors on the package and slowly made her way back to the garage. She shut the door and plodded back to her cabin. The sun didn’t seem as bright as it had earlier.
At some point in her life, she’d look forward to something without worrying about it being snatched from her. Until then, protecting herself from the pain was the best way forward. Which meant it was high time she sealed up her heart. Wade’s sweet reaction at feeling the baby kick had allowed longing to shimmy in where the shards of her broken dreams with Cam still lay.
She’d be leaving this ranch in a few weeks. Wade would be here. And she’d be going through life on her own. Again.
Yawning, Wade headed out to the kitchen as the sun rose Saturday morning. The past three days had been exhilarating and exhausting. Moving cattle to their summer pasture made him feel alive. Riding with the other cowboys, taking a good look at the entire outfit, watching for cows acting out of the ordinary and making sure they were all healthy, gave him a purpose. Reminded him his dream had always revolved around ranching in Wyoming. It had also given him clarity about the bills he’d finally tallied.
JPX Ranch was on the market, but, for now, it wasn’t being advertised. He’d told Ray not to put the sign up, and if anyone wanted to come tour the property, Wade would make sure Kit wasn’t around.
All week his mind kept tripping back to her. Wondering how she was doing. Marveling at feeling her baby kick. Chastising himself for caring so much.
At least his friends had checked on her while he was gone. He’d actually grown panicky at the thought of her getting cramps or falling and being in pain for days without anyone around to help. Asking Clint and Nash to check on her had been the only way he’d been able to keep his anxiety under control.
He poured water into the coffee maker, dumped scoops of grounds into the filter and flipped on the switch. Light began streaming in through the windows, and his gaze fell on a big box next to the couch. He hadn’t noticed it last night when he’d arrived. He’d driven in around two in the morning, and he’d been so bleary-eyed it was a wonder he’d found his bed.
With a yawn, he inspected the package. Addressed to Kit. Must be the baby things she’d mentioned. Weird she hadn’t opened it.
He rubbed his chin. Had she gotten bad news and hadn’t told him? Doubtful. Then why would she have gone to the trouble of lugging it in here and getting the scissors? She must be scared. He really didn’t blame her.
He was scared, too. And it wasn’t even his baby.
Maybe she needed a distraction from her troubles. He’d take her...where? Town didn’t excite him. Too many people. From the looks of it outside, the weather would be fine. What about a picnic at the river later? She’d always liked being outdoors. Wade returned to the kitchen and poured a large mug of coffee. He took it out to the front porch and sat on one of the chairs. The land splayed before him in ridges and valleys. The riot of meadow colors would be gone soon, leaving behind dry grass, sage and patches of red earth.
Would he have to say goodbye to all this? Even considering the prospect made Wade’s palms clammy. He’d spent a small fortune renovating the house and all the outbuildings. This was his home. His life was here.
If someone bought JPX Ranch, he would have to move. Dudley Farms would mean a huge life change. He didn’t want to say goodbye to cattle ranching. And he hated the thought of being hours away from his friends.
Sorrow made him bow his head. God, I don’t want to lose this ranch. I don’t think I’ve ever appreciated it the way I do right this minute.
For a moment, his entire being filled with gratitude, which didn’t make sense. Why would he be grateful when he likely would have to sell it?
God, what’s going on? Am I cracking up?
Dottie’s voice from back in his Yearling days ran through his mind. He’d been going through a tough time the year after he and Kit were separated, and Dottie had slid a plate of cookies his way. God created everything, champ. I figure He’s got your life under control. We can praise Him through sunshine and storms.
Sunshine and storms. Most of his adult life had been sunshine. His childhood had been storms. Both had brought him where he was today. Without overthinking it, he simply bowed his head and thanked the Lord. For these quiet moments. For today.
He sipped the rich coffee and let his mind wander. He’d been introduced to church and God by Dottie and Big Bob. He remembered the warmth in his heart as he read the Bible with her. He’d gotten baptized. For a long time, he’d made prayer a priority in his life. When had he stopped?
Probably when he stopped going to church.
Avoiding church hadn’t been a conscious decision. Life had called. Ambition had driven out any leisure hours as he’d scrimped and saved to buy his first tiny ranch, where the shack still stood. Success upon success had allowed him to expand, and Jackson’s ranch had driven him to financial gain he’d never thought possible at his age.
Had he ever thanked God for any of it?
The coffee tasted like vinegar as it slid down his throat.
I know it’s late, but I’m truly grateful for all You’ve blessed me with, Lord. Don’t take it away from me.
He stayed on the porch a long time, letting the uncertainties and anxieties dissipate. Finally, he checked the time. Almost eight thirty. Maybe Ray would have an update for him.
He went inside, found his cell phone and returned to the front porch. Pressed Ray’s number and waited. Two rings. He took a drink. Three rings. Man, he needed a shower. Four rings.
“Ray Simon speaking.” His crisp voice was all business.
“What’s the scoop on the couple looking for a ranch?” Wade asked. “Good news, I hope.”
“Sorry, no news here. I’ve talked to their real estate agent. They plan on touring both your properties. They haven’t been out to see Dudley Farms yet.”
“Yet, huh? That means there’s still hope.”
“I wouldn’t count on them wanting Dudley Farms. They’re young and ambitious. Looking for land with multiple guest cottages on it. In addition to ranching, they want to host high-end corporate bonding retreats.”
He let the news sink in. “Obviously, my ranch is better suited for that. Dudley Farms only has the house and outbuildings. Nothing livable besides the main house.”
“Right,” Ray said. “And the location isn’t ideal, either. They have family over in Cody. They’d like to be closer to them.”
“Sweet Dreams would be an easy drive.” A pit grew in his stomach. “Do they have the money to purchase either of my properties?”
“Yeah. They’re newlyweds. It’s my understanding he inherited a lot of money from his late grandfather.”
“Does he even know how to ranch?” The thought of nonranchers coming in and ruining this operation made him sick.
“I’m not sure about him. He owns a corporate retreat business. He’s very successful at it. The wife grew up on a cattle ranch in Oklahoma.”
Well, at least one of them would know what they were doing.
“Are there any other potential buyers for Dudley Farms?” He knew the answer, but had to ask anyway.
“A big game hunter is still looking at properties. Another couple has been eyeing land near Montana. Other than that, no new buyers that I’ve heard of.”
“Okay.”
“I’m doing everything I can, Wade. I created new flyers to appeal to the corporate retreat angle of JPX Ranch.”
“You know the minimum amount I need.”
“I know.” Papers rustled in the background. “Would you still want to sell Dudley Farms if JPX sells?”
He really didn’t want to start over there. His life was here.
Why had he ever bought that property? If he could go back and do it all over...
“I’m not sure.”
“Think about it and let me know.”
“Thanks, Ray.”
He could always move back to the shack and the hundred acres that started it all. Then his failure would be complete.
He needed a distraction as much as Kit did. He’d drag her out for a picnic if she even hinted at saying no.
“Thank you for suggesting this.” Kit tucked a rolled quilt under her arm, while Wade carried a cooler in one hand and a large tote bag in the other. They walked through green grass toward the river—more a stream—on the east end of Wade’s ranch. A wooden bridge arched over the river, and trees full of green leaves crowded the banks. Cottonwoods, aspen and lodgepole pines provided cover for the singing birds flitting about.
“I figured you could use a change in scenery.” A heather-gray T-shirt stretched across his chest. “This is one of my favorite spots.”
“You come here often?”
“Not as often as I’d like.”
“Busy, busy.” She kept her pace slow. She wasn’t in a hurry and hadn’t been in a few weeks, which was a huge contrast from when she’d been working.
Every day had been like running a marathon. As soon as the alarm went off, she’d jump out of bed, get ready, pack a lunch, slurp down coffee on the drive to the school, prep her lessons, try to engage the children, grade papers, take calls, make lesson plans, come home and crash. Evenings were spent making dinner, eating it in silence—sometimes alone, sometimes with Cam—telling herself she should exercise but not actually finding the energy to do so, and either binge-watching television shows or surfing the internet until falling into bed, to do it all over again the next day.
How had she managed to live for years in such an unfulfilling routine?
The routine had been comfortable. She’d known what to expect. This new life was unpredictable, scary and forcing her to rely on God in ways she hadn’t since she was a child.
“What do you think? Is this a good spot?” Wade pointed to a flat stretch of lawn on the bank. The view of the river was unobstructed. Gurgling water added to the peaceful scene.
“Perfect.” She unrolled the quilt, and he took an end from her hands. Together, they spread it on the ground.
“Take a seat. I’ll dish out the food.”
She lowered herself to the quilt before easing back to a seated position. He poked around in the cooler and tote bag. A few minutes later, he handed her a plate.
After thanking him, she took a bite of a sandwich. Delicious. The air was hot, but a gentle breeze from the river kept it from being oppressive.
“This reminds me of the picnics we’d take down at the Bradleys’ creek.” She kicked off her sandals and wiggled her toes on the quilt.
He finished chewing a potato chip. “We’d sneak soda crackers and those cheese slices wrapped in plastic.”
“I’d hardly call that cheese.”
“Back then you did.” He grinned. “You’d break the slices into quarters and layer them between the crackers. What did you call them?”
“Finger sandwiches. I’d read about fancy luncheons in a book. I thought they were high society.”
“They were.” He popped a red grape in his mouth.
She thought back to the one picnic that had seared itself into her mind. It was the day they’d swapped their growing-up stories. Neither of them had liked to talk about their past, and they’d decided to come clean with each other on the promise they would never discuss them again.
“Remember the day we told each other our stories?” she asked.
“Yeah.” He grew pensive.
“Does the promise still hold?” She could practically see him all those years ago, handsome in a baby-faced way, and, boy, had he been scrappy. He’d sat next to her on a torn blanket. They’d both had their knees tucked up and their arms around their legs. Neither had looked at the other while they spoke.
This scene felt the same as all those years ago.
“A promise is a promise,” he said quietly.
Fair enough. She’d memorized his tale, anyhow. He’d been born to a teenage unwed mother who’d waited tables at a truck stop to support them. He’d been four years old when she vanished. Police had speculated she’d run off with someone. Shortly after, he was placed in a foster home. A year later, her remains were found in Utah. She hadn’t run off; she’d been kidnapped and murdered. Wade had lived in two other homes before ending up at the Bradleys’ with Kit.
“Well, I kept one story to myself that day.” She sat up, trying to tuck her knees to her chest, but the baby was in the way. She kept her legs straight out before her instead.
“Good story or bad story?” He turned to her, his eyes full of compassion.
She’d always told him the good stories, embellishing if necessary. Making him happy had made her happy back then. She still wanted to bring him joy, but the truth was more important now.
“Bad.”
He bent his knees and wrapped his arms around them, sitting next to her, the same as he had long ago. “Go ahead. You can tell me.”
“Remember how I told you about Aunt Martha?”
“Yeah.” He flicked a glance her way.
“I lied about her.”
“Which part?”
“The her-being-nice part. She beat me, screamed at me. Told me she’d whip the bad out of me. Every single day.”
He blinked, his jaw shifting.
“Deep down, I believed she was right. Why else would my birth mom leave me there as a baby? I thought I deserved the belt.”
“The belt?” He stared ahead, his jaw clenching. “How long? How long were you there?” His voice was low, gruff.
“Until I was five, almost six. My teacher saw the bruises. The belt marks. I was removed from her home shortly after.”
“I liked your original story better.”
“The one where she died peacefully in her sleep after loving me like I was her own little girl?” Kit attempted a smile.
“Yeah.” He put his arm over her shoulders and gave her a sideways hug. “I’m sorry. Physical and emotional abuse is never okay.”
“I agree. Looking back, I think she may have had mental issues. She’d be nice one minute and a terror the next. I lived in a constant state of fear and didn’t even know it. I came to expect hot and cold behavior from everyone around me.”
“You shouldn’t have gone through that. You didn’t deserve it. No one does.”
Her throat tightened. Hearing him say those words was like a healing balm on a long-festering wound.
“It affected me. I never felt wanted. I thought there was something wrong with me.” Why had she said that out loud?
He nodded, swallowing. “I didn’t, either.”
“You didn’t?” She couldn’t imagine this confident, successful man ever feeling unworthy.
“I may have left out a story from my past, too.” He shifted to face her. His blue eyes shone bright with intensity. “My second foster home was abusive.”
She reached over and squeezed his hand. He held it tightly. She wanted to take the pain from him, to go back in time and give whoever did that to him a piece of her mind. “I’m sorry. I hate that you went through it.”
“I hate the same for you,” he said. “The day I met you was the best day of my life. You’re going to get it right. You know, with your baby. He won’t know the cruelty we faced.”
Meeting her was the best day of his life? The words filled a hole in her soul she hadn’t known was there. Meeting him had taken her life from lonely and gray to bright and exciting. Wade had always been the best thing that had ever happened to her.
She rubbed her belly. “I’ll do everything I can to protect him, but if he has special needs, he could face a different type of cruelty.”
Wade sighed, letting go of her hand. “I know. I don’t like it. I guess you could homeschool if things got bad. You’re the teacher, right?”
“I’m trying not to put too much thought into the future until I have more information.”
“Information is good.” He leaned back on his elbows, extending his legs out. “I’ve been thinking about that property I mentioned a while back, Dudley Farms.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“If Ray doesn’t find a buyer for it, I might move.”
“I thought your dreams were wrapped up here. Don’t you like ranching anymore?”
“I love ranching. It’s in my blood.”
“Then what would happen to this ranch? It’s yours. It was meant to be yours.”
Pain flashed across his face so quickly she thought she imagined it. Had she said something to upset him?
“Maybe I need something new. I could try farming.” His teasing tone didn’t fool her. Something wasn’t right, but if he didn’t want to tell her, she wouldn’t drag it out of him.
“Should I start calling you Farmer Croft?”
“Yep.” He chuckled. “By the way, why didn’t you open the package in the middle of my living room? Did you expect me to do the honors or something?”
Her face grew warm. “No, I... Well, this sounds pathetic, but I chickened out.”
“Diapers scare you that much?”
“Very funny.” She swatted his arm. “No, it’s my warped way of thinking. If I get my hopes up, they’ll come crashing down. I don’t know if I can handle any more bad news at this point in my life.”
He lay back, his head resting in his palms, elbows wide. “You’ll be fine. Just open it. I’ll help you. A few baby bottles won’t give you a breakdown.”
She drew her eyebrows together and mindlessly plucked a stem of wild blue flax. Maybe he was right. Was she overthinking the baby supplies? A part of her shouted, “No, don’t do it!” But the logical side scolded her for being a ninny.
Trying to anticipate her reaction to opening the package was giving her a headache. Her original plan of opening the box after finding out the results of the tests seemed the best choice. They would be in soon. Sure, she feared the worst, but shouldn’t she at least be preparing for the baby’s arrival? Why was she dragging her feet?
Because I can’t bear to have this baby ripped from me.
A butterfly caught her attention as it flitted to a flower, then flew haphazardly away. This picnic spot was an oasis. No more worrying about the baby.
She glanced over at Wade. His eyes were closed, and his chest expanded and relaxed in regular intervals. He looked at peace. Still a big hunk of muscular man. But beneath it all, she could see the young boy she’d bonded with.
Who took care of him out on this secluded ranch? Was he lonely? Was that why he was talking about selling it? And what was this talk about farming?
She couldn’t picture him on anything but a horse.
Who did he have to comfort him on the bad days?
Did he even have bad days?
She sighed. Everyone had bad days. She and Wade had just gotten used to hiding them. They’d gotten used to hiding a lot of things because of their childhoods.
Did he suppress his emotions the way she did? Keep the most important stuff to himself?
She wanted to know his most important stuff. She’d wanted to know it from the minute she’d met him.
But she wasn’t an optimistic little girl anymore. She came with issues. Problems. And she wouldn’t burden him with those, too.
She kissed the tips of two of her fingers and placed them on his forehead. Rest up. You earned it.