“Best news I’ve heard in months. Thanks, Ray.” Wade had been waiting for news for the past two hours. Red and Tori had toured JPX Ranch all morning with Wade by their side, and he’d been certain they loved it. But they’d shocked him when they’d exchanged glances and told him the ranch was nice but not for them. His heart had sunk like a boulder to the bottom of a lake. Their next words had blown him away. They told him to expect an offer on Dudley Farms within a few hours.
He’d almost collapsed, but he’d willed himself to stay standing as he thanked them, pumped their hands and mentally praised the Lord.
Now here he was, sitting next to Kit after the picnic, his cell phone in hand as Ray confirmed it. Red and Tori were offering him just below asking price for Dudley Farms. His financial crisis would be officially over as soon as the deal closed.
“You’re not going to believe this.” Wade turned to Kit, who was relaxing on the quilt. A slight breeze teased her hair as she rested on her elbows with her face tipped up to the sky. She looked pale, but content.
“What?”
“I sold Dudley Farms!”
She shot to a seated position, her eyes wide with excitement. “You did? Red and Tori?”
“Yep.” He got to his feet and pumped his fist in the air. “Yes!”
She slowly stood up, laughing. And all the thoughts and things he’d been feeling collided into this moment.
He’d sold the land.
He could support Kit and the baby. He finally had something to offer her. And he wasn’t going to let the moment slip away.
“Let’s watch the water from there.” He hitched his head toward the wooden bridge crossing the river. He held his hand out. When she took it, her soft skin and warm touch calmed his nerves. He was doing the right thing.
As they strolled toward the bridge Kit pointed out a pair of small yellow birds darting from tree to tree. She always saw the beauty in nature. He liked that about her.
When they reached the middle of the bridge, they both leaned on the rail.
“It looks shallow,” she said. “Does the water usually recede so quickly?”
“Yes. It will be more of a creek by August. Your ankles will get wet and that’s about it.”
He watched her for a moment as he considered his next words.
“What’s going on?” She shifted to face him.
He wasn’t surprised. She’d always been able to read him.
He hadn’t planned this out enough. What should he do? What should he say?
She stared at him expectantly and the moment stretched to uncomfortable proportions. Finally, he took her hands in his.
“I don’t want you to go.”
“I know you don’t.” She looked to the side.
“I want you to stay. Forever.”
She jerked, her face all screwed up. “What?”
“I think we should get married.”
She blinked. Twice. “Why?”
Why? He racked his brain. Oh, right.
“Now that I’ve sold Dudley Farms, I’ll be able to pay off the loans, and I’ll have cash left over in the bank. Plenty of it. You won’t have to worry about money ever again. I’ll give you and the baby my name. I promise I will be faithful. I will be the best husband I can be to you, and I’ll be the best father to your son, too.”
Her cheeks were flushed. Her eyes darted back and forth.
“Sweet Dreams is perfect for you,” he said. “My friends think you’re great, and I know you like them. We can make a life together here.”
She took a step backward, slipping her hands from his. She looked small, young, fragile—and so much like the girl he’d met all those years ago, it took his breath away.
“You’re offering me everything I’ve ever wanted.”
Hope surged through his chest.
“What about love?” she asked quietly.
He couldn’t breathe. His lips refused to form the words she wanted to hear.
“You know I care about you.” He prayed it would be enough.
“I see. Yes, I know you care about me. But everything you offered? Isn’t very much in the end.” She met his gaze and held it.
What was she getting at? He massaged his neck absentmindedly.
She placed her hand on his arm. “Thank you, Wade. You’re the most generous man I know. I’m floored you care enough to propose. I’d be a fool to turn you down.”
He held his breath, waiting for her answer. Hoping...hoping...
“But I love you too much to accept. I’d rather live in poverty with a man who loves me than live in a mansion with a man who doesn’t.”
She loved him? His heart stopped beating. It was as if someone had dropped him in the ocean and he was floundering, desperately trying to latch on to a life raft. And he was right back to being a scared little kid moving in to his first foster home. He didn’t trust love. It hadn’t been enough to keep him and his mom together. She’d loved him, too.
She continued. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I want to keep it that way. If I accepted your proposal, I’d resent the fact you don’t love me the way I love you. And you would resent me, too.”
“I would never resent you.”
“You would.” Tears swam in her eyes, and her wide smile held so much tenderness. “I can’t believe I’m turning you down. You just offered me everything I ever wanted. The perfect family, a ranch, wide-open spaces, financial security, friends. A place to set roots.”
“Then say yes.” He grabbed her hand and pressed closer to her.
“I want more. I don’t want to be your roommate.”
He sucked in a breath. More? How much more could he give?
“I had a loveless marriage once.” Her voice cracked. “I won’t have one again.”
“It’s not like that.” He wanted to explain, to tell her their friendship was deep. They could build a life together. Blood rushed through his veins like the water rushing over the rocks upstream. “It wouldn’t be like that.”
She gave him a wan smile. “I think we should go back. I’m skipping the rehearsal and dinner. It’s for the best.”
Why couldn’t he say the words she needed to hear? Love was the one thing he couldn’t give.
“Fine.” He marched ahead, grabbing the picnic supplies and the quilt. They strode in silence back to his truck. He pressed the gas pedal a little too forcefully as he drove away.
Shame crushed his shoulders.
He’d offered her everything. He had nothing else to give. His heart had been out of order since his mother disappeared.
Of all the decisions she’d made in her life, this one had been both the easiest and the hardest. It went against all logic. Her limbs were frozen as Wade opened the door to help her out of the truck. As soon as his hand was on her arm, she sprang into action. She tripped a little on the way to the ground, but he held her steady.
She’d just turned down those strong arms forever.
He tempted her to take it all back. To cling to him, begging for him to ask her again, and, yes, this time she’d agree to marry him, whether he loved her or not.
She wanted to be Mrs. Wade Croft so badly her knees almost buckled.
“I can take it from here.” Her voice sounded tight and crackly even to her ears. It couldn’t be helped. Only a dozen feet separated her from temptation and common sense.
Please don’t say anything. She turned to the cabin. Then disappointment set in as she realized he had no words, anyway. The silence prodded her forward. As soon as she slipped inside, the sound of the truck driving away met her ears. She closed the door, squeezed her eyes shut and stood with her back to it.
Had she just made the worst mistake of her life?
She’d never in a million years guessed he would offer to marry her.
It was so typical of Wade, she was kind of surprised she hadn’t anticipated it. He’d always stepped up for her in ways no one else ever did. And he’d stepped up big-time. He’d offered her so much...
She lurched forward, wobbling slightly. The day had been too much. She couldn’t make sense of it. Taking it slow, she headed to the bedroom. Had she really said no to his proposal?
He would be faithful. She had no doubt. He was a man of his word and always had been.
His kisses came to mind, along with all the ooey-gooey feelings. She would never forget his hard chest against hers, his powerful arms around her or the tenderness of his lips.
Wouldn’t it be worth the disappointment of him not loving her just to have a lifetime of those kisses?
She climbed on top of the bed and stared at the ceiling.
No, it wouldn’t. Because every time she’d sit down to dinner, she’d be hoping he’d give her and the baby his entire attention. Every time he came in after a long day, she would want him to wrap her in his arms and kiss her soundly because he loved her and missed her, not because he felt obligated.
Without love, she’d never be the most important part of his life.
But he was already the most important part of hers.
Her heart sliced open. Why hadn’t she protected herself the way she’d told herself she would? She should have taken the disgusting hotel room weeks ago and never come back here.
She turned on her side with her hands on her belly. The baby was all that mattered. Her focus had drifted to selfish wants. If her heart was breaking, it was her own fault.
God, I did the right thing, didn’t I?
All she could see was Cam’s face when she’d shown him the pregnancy test. His eyes had filled with equal parts panic and loathing.
He’d loathed her.
She’d tried to forget the final words he’d said to her after their terrible fight. They rang as clear and hateful as the day he’d said them. I never loved you. I pitied you. And he’d slammed out the door. It had been the last time she saw him alive.
He’d never loved her.
He’d taken pity on her.
And Wade was doing the same thing.
She’d been right to turn Wade down. A pity proposal would end the same way her marriage with Cam had—with bitter regrets, hateful words and not an ounce of friendship left.
Mindlessly, she rubbed her stomach.
Then she sat up.
She hadn’t felt the baby in hours. How long had it been? She thought back to when she’d last felt him move. This morning? Breakfast, maybe.
She tried not to panic, but worst-case scenarios popped up over and over in her mind. With shaking fingers, she found the number of the obstetrician in town. She dialed it, pressed through the menu options and was put on hold.
She’d lost her husband and career in Fort Laramie.
She’d lost her shot at her dream life with Wade.
She couldn’t lose her baby, too.
“You haven’t said more than three words all night, and you look like ten miles of dirt road.” Nash set a plate towering with food on the table next to Wade.
Wade glared at him.
Marshall’s sister, Belle, had insisted on hosting the rehearsal dinner. The pole barn had been cleaned up and decorated for the event, and at least thirty people milled about. Laughter filled the air. Marshall and Ainsley were standing arm in arm near a group of people in the corner. Their love was so obvious, it almost nauseated him.
That could have been him and Kit.
But he’d blown it.
“What happened?” Nash leaned back, turning to face Wade.
“I sold Dudley Farms.”
“That’s great news!” He held his hand up for a high five and dropped it when Wade ignored him. “Isn’t it?”
“Yep.”
“So what’s the problem?”
He wasn’t having this conversation. He was eating the food, then walking over to the blissful couple and saying goodbye. It was high time he licked his wounds and slunk away like the injured animal he was.
“You might as well fess up.” Nash cracked his knuckles. “I’ll get it out of you one way or another.”
“Leave me alone.” He hunched over the plate. His appetite had fled town long ago. Why was he even still here?
“Not until you tell me what has you so worked up.”
“What’s going on over here?” Clint dropped into the seat next to Wade.
“Someone’s having a bad day.” Nash arched his eyebrows and pointed to Wade.
“Will you mind your own business?” He should ignore them.
“He sold Dudley Farms. Doesn’t look too happy about it.”
“You do look...defeated.” Clint’s low, quiet voice was the final straw.
“Well, maybe I am.” He shoved the plate to the side. “I asked Kit to marry me, and she said no. There. Are you happy now?”
Nash and Clint exchanged wide-eyed glances. Wade wanted to wipe his hands down his face, but he wouldn’t give them the satisfaction.
“Why’d she say no?” Clint asked.
He balled his hands into fists and rested them on the table. He clenched and unclenched his jaw. Couldn’t these two take the hint?
“Maybe she’s shy about getting married again.” Nash snapped his fingers.
“She’s not shy about marriage.” Wade hadn’t meant to say anything, but there it was.
“Okay, well, maybe she’s not ready. She’s got so much on her mind with the baby and all...” Nash scratched the back of his neck. “Those pregnancy hormones are nothing to mess with. Trust me, I know. Every other minute Amy’s in tears over something. I don’t know what to do. I just hand her an ice cream bar. Sometimes she’s grateful, but last night she snapped at me. And then she started crying again...”
“It’s not pregnancy hormones,” he said through gritted teeth.
“I really thought she liked you.” Clint rubbed his chin.
“She does like me.” Was he having an allergic reaction to something? His throat felt as if it was swelling up.
“Maybe she’s not attracted to you. It happens.” Nash shrugged.
He vividly remembered her response when he’d kissed her. “That’s not it.”
“You sound awfully sure about that.” Nash raised an eyebrow.
Wade ignored him.
“Do you know why she turned you down?” Clint asked.
Yes.
“What kind of question is that, Clint?” Nash shook his head. “Like kicking a man while he’s down.”
As if Nash wasn’t doing the same thing. At Clint’s crestfallen face, Wade sighed. These were his friends. His best friends. They knew everything about him. He could trust them with this, too.
“I offered her and the baby my name, the ranch, financial security, a lifelong commitment.”
Nash and Clint nodded.
“But she wanted love.”
Both edged back in their chairs with straight spines.
“And you didn’t tell her you loved her?” Nash asked.
Wade shook his head.
“Can’t say I blame her,” Clint said.
Nash let out a disgusted sigh. “And why didn’t you? We all know you love her. It’s as plain as the sun rising each morning.”
He did love her.
He loved her.
Not as a brother or a friend.
He loved her the way a man loved a woman.
Why hadn’t he been able to admit it?
God, I’m scared. Loving means losing, doesn’t it?
“You’re right. I love her. I couldn’t admit it, not even to myself.” He dropped his forehead into his hands. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried. Probably the night he’d been separated from Kit as a kid. But emotions pounded in his chest.
His friends probably thought he was a weak fool. He couldn’t bear to look at either of them.
“I’ve been there, brother.” Nash put his hand on Wade’s shoulder.
“Me, too.” Clint nodded, his eyes full of concern.
Wade took a drink of water to try to loosen the knot in his throat.
“The question you should be asking is what are you going to do about it?” Nash asked.
“I don’t know.” Here came the part where they told him to rush back home and tell her in no uncertain terms he loved her.
He wasn’t up for it.
Clint shifted in his seat. “You didn’t pray about the situation, did you?”
No, he hadn’t. He’d prayed. Just not about his relationship with Kit.
“It wasn’t until I got right with the Lord that I could find my way forward with Amy,” Nash said.
“Same here with Lexi.” Clint nodded.
“Hasn’t it sunk in yet? You’re not in control of your life.” Clint crossed his arms over his chest.
“Try not to take this the wrong way, man, but things have always come kind of easy to you,” Nash said. “You might not have felt like you needed to pray. This isn’t one of those times. Get on those knees. Find out God’s will.”
“How in the world am I supposed to know God’s will?” He threw his hands up in the air. “It’s not like He’s coming down and speaking to me. There’s no burning bush on my ranch. I can pray and pray and pray, but how do I really know I’ve got the answer?”
“The Bible.” Clint rapped his knuckles on the table.
“It is the living Word.” Nash lifted one shoulder. “You’ve got to at least try. Pray. Read the Bible. The Holy Spirit will guide you if you ask Him.”
“Since when did you become the expert?”
“I’ve been going to Bible class with Amy.” His face reddened. “I’m no expert, though.”
“If I tell you I’ll pray about it, will you get off my back?” He glared at Nash, then Clint.
Clint held his palms at his chest. “I can’t force you to depend on God. Pray or don’t. It’s your decision.”
“But I think you should,” Nash said.
Wade thought he should, too.
“I’m out of here. I’ll see you at the wedding tomorrow.” Tipping his hat to them, he stood. After finding Marshall and Ainsley and wishing them well for the night, he strode out to his truck. The sun had dropped low in the sky, leaving streaks of pastel colors.
As he began the drive home, he flicked off the radio and let his thoughts adjust to the silence.
God, I messed up.
He didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t as if God didn’t know all his thoughts, anyhow.
Kit’s face earlier, as she’d told him she loved him on the bridge, kept intruding in his mind.
I should have told her the truth. I love her. What do I do now?
The only answer was the sound of the air-conditioning blowing.
Maybe the Bible would have the answers he was looking for. When he got home, he’d dust off the good book and attempt to find out.
He had to do something.
He just hoped it wasn’t too late.