5

As I awaited the announcement of my flight at the Srinagar airport, I was thinking of what was going to happen when I would meet Arjun. I was still not sure how I would react. I was in a way rehearsing the situation and the dialogues, wanting to make sure I don’t disappoint a dying man, rather try and give some peace and solace to him, which would make his departure a bit easy.

I didn’t like the thought that Arjun was going to die, he had deserved a much better life, a potential of a good life, destroyed by love, lust, greed and selfishness. Life creates situations and presents opportunities, and it’s up to us what we make out of those opportunities. Life can be very cruel if we don’t preserve its gifts. Therefore, wisdom says be happy in what you have, don’t crave for more, you will get what you deserve from your deeds, don’t expect for more.

My flight was announced and I made my way towards the plane, marching towards my meeting with Arjun, who unintentionally was an integral part of my life.

I settled myself in the aisle seat very happy that I can visit the washroom at my leisure, rather than feeling embarrassed that I will have to make passengers next to me to get up. But life is not always what it seems to be. The moment I settled down, I realized I am surrounded by a group of passengers who are not normally accustomed to travel by plane.

I also realized that I was flying Indigo Airlines, which is a budget airline, and thus they don’t serve food ’’free’. One needs to pay for food, at slightly above nominal cost. Obviously, my happiness of getting an aisle seat was soon overtaken by the frustration of getting the same. No sooner that everyone was settled, the unsettling process began from my fellow travelers. Out came from the left side was khakhras (round crispy Indian snack), the khakras flew like a UFO from one seat to another, from one row to another. Then came from the right a mixture of various spices, the mixture made sure some of it finds its way to the floor, much to the dismay of the beautiful cabin crew. Then it was time for the Indian Kachori (a fried snack made of lentils and wrapped in flour) and lots more. Soon the air was filled by the smell (I wish I could call it fragrance) of Indian food accompanied by the chatter of these passengers who found it funny passing around things.

I now was worried that my seat was on the aisle, as the leisure of going to the washroom at liberty was soon blown away by my fellow passengers, who wanted to go to the bathroom no sooner than the plane left ground, unmindful of the fact that the plane was still on its ascent and they could soon land up in the arms of the cabin crew sitting right behind near the rear of the plane.

I had to immerse myself in some different thoughts or else I would have got an attack just out of irritation and frustration. I just cursed these passengers for not having the etiquette and searched in my bag to find something better to do than curse people.

I had preserved all the letters that Arjun had written to me and I had already filed his latest letter in the file. I carried this file with me on my holidays and quite often I read and re-read these letters, which made me live Arjun’s life through his words. These letters could be compiled into a book or scripted into a play, and I am sure it would be a major hit, a bestseller. As I settled in my seat, I opened the file randomly to the letter dated January 25, 2012 which was written a year back. As the flight took off, so did my reading of the letter the words of which would pass me through the turbulence of the feelings of Arjun towards Karishma. In this letter, Arjun had reproduced a poem that he had written for Karishma and which suited the situation, as probably he wrote it when he was flying as well. I turned my eyes towards this poem, and read it.

Cloud

Staying away from you

Floating in the cloud

There was a message which I could hear

Clear and loud

In the roar of the engine

In the vacuum of the air

Among the faces excited to meet their loved ones

I realized how much I care

The place between the sky and the earth

In the emptiness of the space

Wherever I turned around and looked

I saw only one face

The feelings the emotions

The ups and downs that we have seen

Like the plane romancing the turbulence

Our love has so amazing been

The message is the message of love

It’s for you that I really care

Your face lights up my life honey

Our love baby is beyond compare

I think of you in a moment of time

The time then just seems to pause

I just love you so much Karishma

For eternity will remain this beautiful cause.”

Arjun had a knack for weaving his feelings into words very beautifully. Once again, he proved it with a very well-crafted poem. Very often, his poems put me back into memories of the only woman I loved in my life, Susan. I once again got lost into thinking about Susan and wondering where she would be now, what she must be doing. There was a promise I had made with her that I would never follow her, never try to contact her, never try to find out about her, and till date I was very faithful to the promise I made to her. In the world of Facebook, it is not difficult to get in touch with anyone or find out about a friend who you lost long back.

However, I never tried to search for Susan on Facebook, although I must confess my brains did type her name a number of times in the “Find Friends” section, but my heart back-spaced the name. In love, you don’t think with your brains but your heart, and my heart always won over my brains when it came to Susan. How I wish she was seated next to me in the plane right now as my life partner flying in the clouds of love, but it was not meant to be.

Arjun had been a big influence and a motivator for me, from whom I had learned over the years to live with my love in my heart rather than in my life. He was my inspiration in an unsuccessful and an incomplete love story, which was most pure and selfless. Ohh how much I was missing Susan right now, I wanted to hug her so tight, I just closed my eyes and spread my hands as if I was going to hug her and felt her coming right into my arms I heard her saying to me, “The pilot has switched on the seat belt sign as we are expecting rough weather, kindly return to your seats and tie the seat belt.” I then felt a warm hand patting my shoulder. I thought it was Susan and when I opened my eyes, it wasn’t her. It was the air hostess asking me to tie the seat belt, and I realized the voice I heard a while back asking me to tighten the seat belt was of the air crew. My dreams were shattered again and reality took away from me my Susan. I didn’t want to sulk in my feelings so I turned my attention to the letter again, on the last paragraph,

“Karishma, as I land back into Mumbai after an exile, I am reminded of the wonderful moments that we spent together, I get reminded of all the places where we went together, I get reminded of the hurt and grief that I caused you, but the most I get reminded of is my love for you and the fact that I never stopped loving you for a single moment of my life. I will land back into the city and I know that I will not find you there but I will visit every place where we were together, as a devotee would visit a shrine to pay homage and respect. You may not exist with me in person but let me assure you, your memories will accompany me to every place where our love story was etched in the memoirs of time. I will not be sad when I go there but will be happy that we loved, I will celebrate our moments, I will sip on our favourite wine ‘Est Est Est,’ I will listen to our favourite songs, and I will just be in love. I know you are there somewhere and will be watching me and I will hope that you will join me and give me a surprise, the way you used to come from my behind and close my eyes and say ‘pehchaan kaun’ (recognize who). Please come back to me my love, I am still waiting for you, and will wait for you till I breathe my last. Yours forever, Arjun.”

My heart was heavy again with emotions which were now part of my being, and this time my heart wept for Arjun and me. I guess this hurt of being away from our loves actually bound us together; we were partners in grief for love.