7

“Good Morning Mrs Saxena. How are you today?”

“We have been the same for the past fifteen years, Mr Rahul.” There was a sound of dejection, misery and helplessness in her voice. I instantly felt low. “I haven’t yet told Arjun that you are coming, wanted to give him a surprise, I know he is going to be happy. Let’s go to his room.”

It was a beautiful home as I looked around, elegant, beautifully designed, furniture matching the colours on the walls; painting on the walls bore name of famous artists including S. H. Rahula, M F Hussain, also Rahula Ravi Varma; beautiful chandeliers hanging down from the ceiling. There was also a portrait of the family Mr and Mrs Saxena and Arjun, probably sketched 20 years ago by the looks of the three of them. It reminded me of the Arjun that I had seen fifteen years back, didn’t know how he looked now.

Now my heart beat at its fastest as we approached his room. For the first time in my life, I did not know what to expect, how to react, what to say. Mrs Saxena knocked on his room and he instantly replied, “Yes Mom,” as if he knew it was his mom knocking. I didn’t see Mr Saxena anywhere, maybe he was on his business trip. Arjun’s voice sounded a bit frail and low and not his usual self which I remembered years back. Mrs Saxena opened the door, “See who is here to meet you, beta.” (No matter how old your children become, for a mother, they are always their child, to be loved and taken care of). “Who maa?” “See for yourself,” she said, as she gestured me to come in.

The moment I entered the room, and Arjun’s and my eyes met, Arjun was literally shocked and was emotionless and speechless. He didn’t expect me to be there and just like me, he didn’t know how to react. The very next moment, tears flowed down his eyes and flooded his cheeks, like the dam breaking loose. The tears didn’t stop flowing and spread like a deadly virus to his mother’s eyes, and before I realized my own eyes were moist. What I saw in front of me was a very miserable and depressing sight; this was not the Arjun I knew. He was frail, had lost most of the weight on his body, his face looked pale and the bones could be seen protruding out of his cheeks, his eyes had dark circles, a lot of his hair was gone, his smile had lost the charm and the romance it had once. My tears spoke the tale of a life which was not meant to be lived in this way, this life had deserved much better moments that it had got, but one can never win over fate.

I walked over to Arjun and embraced him in a deep brotherly hug, at which moment he broke down completely and started crying inconsolably. He wept in my arms, his tears probably speaking the language of his despair and helplessness. There was an instant connect between the two of us as if we were lost brothers meeting after long, and I did feel like Arjun was my younger brother, a brother that I never had. Mrs Saxena came over and rubbed her hands over his head to console him.

I finally broke the barriers of my muted verbal chords, and said, “It’s ok Arjun, control yourself, you need to take care of yourself.” I ended the embrace and wiped his tears with my hands, as he composed himself a bit, recovering from his emotions. I gave him the flowers which I brought with me, and he placed it on the side table. Mrs Saxena dutifully picked them and put it neatly in a vase.

In a trembling, shivering voice he said, “I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you here Mr Rahul, this was most unexpected, but this was the most I wished for. Thanks for coming, I am so grateful, I don’t have words to tell you what I feel right now.”

“Don’t thank me, Arjun. Thank your mom, who asked me to come.” He looked at his mom with feelings of devotion and said, “I love you mom, you are the best, you have been the best. I have never given you any happiness and peace in my life, and you have spent your life trying to bring peace to me. How will I ever repay what you have done for me?” Tears flowed down again from the eyes of the son and the mother again, as she approached him. “You never need to thank your mother; you should know that a mother does everything for her own pleasure of love for their children. Mothers are selfish my son, they do things to satisfy themselves, to ensure that their children are happy, because that’s what gives them the most pleasure, keeps them most happy. So we do things which make us happy.” She gave him a hug and wiped his tears. I was amazed by seeing a mother’s love for her child, although she called herself selfish, but from what I was seeing, mothers are the most unselfish of all relationships. They could do anything and sacrifice their own lives and happiness for their children and I was looking at a live example of that.

I broke the spell of the motherly love, “So how are you feeling Arjun?”

“I am feeling much better now, so happy to see you, see the mentor of my life.”

“Well, I have done nothing to be your mentor Arjun, but I am also very happy to see you.”

“I thought I will never be able to see you before I leave this world. If there was ever a last wish I had, that was to meet you.”

“Don’t say that Arjun, you are not going anywhere, you still have years to live.”

“I have just been breathing all these years, I have never lived. I have just passed my time in the hope that the end comes as fast as possible, and finally I can see it not very far away. I have lived my life dreaming about my life with Karishma, and since that was not to be, there was no reason to live.”

I saw that Arjun has completely lost his zeal to live and at one point of time he was a person who was full of life and passion for living. It was sad to see a life being destroyed by love, lust and immaturity of youth.

Mrs Saxena excused herself leaving me and Arjun alone, but while exiting the room she looked at me and her eyes in a way conveyed to me to get Arjun out of this mental situation. It was surprising that I could actually read her eyes and her wish so well. Maybe, I also wanted Arjun to come out of this situation. She left the room and closed the door behind her as she left. As she exited, I found myself to open up more and in a way felt more comfortable to talk to Arjun.

“Don’t say that Arjun. I have seen you as a very positive person. I have seen you as a person who wanted to achieve something in life. I have seen you as a role model for others to follow in terms of your passion and your dreams. One incident cannot change a person so much.”

“It’s too late Mr Rahul to talk about motivating me about my life, when it is going to be ending soon. I have lived my life somehow and am waiting for my death, my fairy to take me away, and someday unite me with my only love Karishma.”

“Arjun, you made me a Bollywood fan, and I would like to remind you of the role Rajesh Khanna played in the movie Anand. You being a much bigger fan of Bollywood will remember that he too lost his love in the movie, was diagnosed with cancer, but he lived the last moments of his life with full enthusiasm, and he believed in being happy and making other people happy till he breathed his last. Arjun, take your inspiration from him, and you never know, God will help you to extend your life for you to make people around you happy, make your parents happy, who need you in their old age.”

“Good try Mr Rahul. I kept writing to you every year, telling you about what’s happening with my life, just wanted you to know where I am, how I am.”

“You are changing the topic Arjun, but I read each one of your letters, not once but many times. They kept me connected to you, and somehow bound me to you in more ways than one.”

“With due respect, you never responded to any one of them.”

I felt a bit guilty at this stage, “And you know why.”

“Perhaps because you were upset with me,” he said as he coughed a little, it was a very heavy cough. “I know you were upset with me Mr Rahul, but you could have responded at least once, I would have liked it.”

“I guess I should have. But coming back to my point on Rajesh Khanna in Anand, you should take that as an example. And even if you have to exit the world, make your death a lesson for others on how to die. When you were born, others rejoiced while you cried, when you die, others should cry while you rejoice. That’s the essence of life!”

“Ah! So I should call you Babu Mushai now.” He said that and we both started laughing at his sense of humour that he probably still had but seldom used. While laughing, he started to cough heavily and sort of went out of breath. I got up and rubbed his back a little to soothe him and Mrs Saxena walked in hearing him cough and gave him a glass of water and some medicine. She had a sad look on her face as she was seeing her son die a little every moment. It must be so cruel for a parent to see their child die, I never had a child of my own so will never know, but I could empathize with her situation.

Arjun felt slightly comfortable, and I tried breaking the ice of silence which followed his deadly cough.

“Mrs Saxena, Arjun has not lost his sense of humour and we just had a good a laugh on one of his one-liners.”

“I am glad your presence is at least making him laugh a little, otherwise he has forgotten what laughing is all about.” She said that and left the room realizing that it was better for me to talk to Arjun in alone.

“See, this is what I meant, you need to laugh and be normal for your parents. They are the ones who have loved you the most and the longest, more than Karishma as well, and it is not fair to make those people sad who have loved you unselfishly for so many years.”

“You make sense.”

“Well, I am glad that I do. In fact, now I am feeling guilty why I did not respond to your letters, maybe it would have made a difference.” I brought my chair closer to Arjun and held his hands, he was my younger brother, “Arjun, brother, listen to me, what’s happened has happened. No one can turn the hands of time, no one can erase the events which have taken place. There is a place for past, and that it in the past, it should be buried there. My brother, it is foolishness to bring your past into your present and destroy your present too. Life is about living in the moment, life is about living in the now, life is about living for the people who are with you in the now. Life is not about living in the past and living with the ghosts of your past. This way you are neither making yourself happy, nor the people who care for you, who love you.”

Wow, I sounded like a philosopher here, this wasn’t me normally.

“Mr Rahul, you know the best thing what I liked about what you just said, you called me a brother.”

“Ok, then let me repeat the entire thing without calling you brother so that you can focus on and like the more important things I said.” We both started laughing, I feared that he may cough again, but thankfully he didn’t.

“Mr Rahul, I understood what you just said, I paid attention to every word you said, and I liked them. But it’s not possible for me to forget Karishma, she is in my soul, she exists in every breath I take, she is there with me when I sleep and when I get up. How can I forget her?”

“Arjun, I never asked you to forget her, I know and understand it’s not possible to forget your love.” And who better would know that than me, I have never forgotten Susan, and I have thought of her every day of my life. “But it doesn’t mean you depress your entire life after her. There are other relationships you have to worry about, what’s happened has happened, you can’t change it now.”

“What can I do? There is so little time left.”

“Arjun, first of all you don’t know how much time is left. Jeena aur marna to upar wale ke haath me he Babu Mushai (life and death is in the hands of God) and secondly how much ever time is there, make the most of it.” We both had a chuckle as it was a dialogue from the movie Anand.

I continued, “Arjun think about what I just said, and decide whether am I right or am I right, choose from one of the two options.” We both smiled again.

“Just your presence has made me feel so good, haven’t felt it so in so many years.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“You are right Mr Rahul, I take the second option,” he winked. Even a smile on a pale dying face brightens it up.

“That’s a good start. Well to be honest before I came, I did not know what was going to happen, what will I say, how will I react? But I guess I have been more comfortable than I thought I would be.”

“And I didn’t even know that you are coming.” We both laughed again, we had a kind of chemistry going.

“Arjun, promise me one thing, you are going to live from today, try to be happy, and most important try to make your parents happy, you owe it to them.”

“Mom, come in,” Arjun shouted to call Mrs Saxena. She came in and Mrs Saxena and I both were surprised by what Arjun said. “Mom, you have wanted to cook my favourite sweet dish kheer (rice pudding) for so many days, and I have been refusing it, I feel like eating today with Mr Rahul, can you please cook for me. I am so hungry.” Arjun demanded. “Today is Karishma’s birthday Mr Rahul, and that also calls for the kheer celebration.” I looked at my watch to see the date, it was February 9th. A mother’s tears always reside in her eye lids, and down they came pouring down on Arjun’s demands. These were tears of joy and not tears of sorrow, she was happy that Arjun finally had said something positive and had shown a desire to be happy. What can make a mother happier than seeing her child who has suffered so much desiring now to be happy. Mrs Saxena looked at me and our eyes met again saying ‘thank you’, and I replied back with my eyes ‘you are welcome’.