Powerfully Confident First Dates: Dating Confidence for Men

By PUA Freeman

ISBN: 978-1-329-72684-0

www.PowerfullyConfident.com

Introduction

The first date is the ultimate chance for you as a man to demonstrate your alpha status in the world. This is the perfect opportunity to show her all your amazing qualities and confirm to her that you really are the valuable strong male that she hoped you would be.

Unless she saw these qualities in you then she would never have agreed to a date in the first place. Women are genetically programmed to seek out strength and value in men. The first date is where you must seal the deal and not fail the many tests your date is going to throw at you over this first hour of your relationship.

Being ‘Powerfully Confident’ on a first date means:

The best way to make a perfect first impression.
Knowing who you are and what you want.
Taking total control of the date.
Making her smile and feel comfortable around you.
Gently teasing and testing her.
Generating passion and desire easily.
Interrupting her patterns so you become a unique male.

In this book Freeman leads you minute by minute through the first date and reveals how you take total control and most importantly have fun! Follow the advice here and you will become the most amazing and uniquely confident first date she ever had.

www.PowerfullyConfident.com

Chapter One – Powerfully Confident First Dates

The first date can be the magical beginning of a rewarding relationship or the disastrous premature end. Sadly most guys make common mistakes on a first date purely because they fail to be aware that women think and feel very differently to men. I have broken the book down by timescale, starting with the first impression through to how you bring the date to an end after an hour or so.

You might be wondering why I restrict the date to one hour and the reason is that in my experience this is the optimum maximum duration. Whether the date is good, bad or indifferent one hour is the perfect time to spend together. In the worst case scenario, if you are unimpressed by your date and don’t feel enough attraction to take it further I believe you can still have a nice time with anybody for an hour out of your day. Your date will have spent time getting ready and possibly spent money to get to your agreed upon location, the least you can do is have a drink and a chat before going your separate ways.

If you are having an amazing time and your date is laughing, smiling and lapping up your attention. Then despite what you may want in that moment, at the peak of the date you should make your excuses and end the date. She will be a little bit disappointed and perhaps even shocked but this is exactly the reaction you are looking for. Most guys will not do something like this and everything you do on a first date should be about demonstrating that you are not just every other guy, you are something unique, something special. If you close the date at this point I guarantee that she is going to be thinking about you intensely for days afterwards. Later we will talk about how you set up the second date, when you do it and why it is never a good idea to do it on the first date.

No matter what happens on the date and regardless of whether you want to see her again it is vital that you are the one to decide when it ends. If you leave it so long that she stands up and says she has to go, this is evidence that you have failed to establish control of the date. You are not acting as an alpha male and you have submissively given the girl all your power. I know this all sounds a bit Neanderthal but while the western world has gradually been feminized and made more and more politically correct our DNA has not moved so quickly. Men and women are genetically programmed to respond in a certain specific way. Women want strong, confident men who know what they want. During the initial phases of attraction you are being intensely scrutinized to see if you fit this description. Whether women are conscious of what they are doing or not, the first date is a test.

Here are just a few of the things women notice during a first date:

Whether you took charge of where and when you are meeting.
Every details of your clothing from shoes & socks to necktie… it is all observed and considered.
How you walk
How you talk
How you hold yourself
How you treat the waiter or barman
Your manners & etiquette
How you talk about your parents and family
How you talk about your ex
If you offer to pay or insist on going Dutch
How often you go out socializing
How many friends you have
What you do in your free time
How successful in your career you are
Whether you will do as she asks
How you respond to her tests

The list goes on and on, all while us guys are busy thinking ‘wow she has great tits’. We are often totally oblivious to the spotlight we are under. This might sound like the woman is the only one doing the validating. That is not true but all too often guys go home after what they thought was an amazing date with a sexy girl and then get frustrated and confused when she never replies to a text message again. In 99% of these occasions the man was unaware that he was under a subconscious examination and he failed for one or many unknown reasons.

In this master class we are going to discover all the trapdoors in the process and show you how to not only sidestep them but we will completely turn the tables on your date. After you finish with this book it will be you doing the validating and the girl who has to do all the impressing. You will become the date she raves about to her friends. Just as soon as you start implementing the techniques described in this book you are going to become powerfully confident on any first date.

Chapter Two – The First 7 Seconds

As the saying goes ‘you only get one chance to make a first impression’ and this has never been truer than when it comes to dating. It is claimed that two people will decide within seven seconds if they are attracted to each other. This doesn’t mean that if you don’t like each other instantly that there can never be an attraction, I have been on many dates where the girl I am talking to gets more and more attractive the more time we spend together. However, starting from a position of ‘not attractive’ makes life a lot harder, you are going to have to work very diligently during the next hour to win her over. The good news is that with a little knowledge it is significantly easier to change a woman’s opinion than it is a guys.

Men are visual creatures; we look at women and decide if we want them. Of course women do the same but it is less black and white with them. They are more concerned with how this other person makes them feel than exclusively being focused on looks and physical appearance. Because of this difference between the sexes I refer to men as a switches and women as dials. Guys are either on or off but women are attracted to you on a scale of zero to one hundred, and this number will constantly fluctuate based on what you do, say and a variety of other subconscious behaviors picked up upon by the woman.

It should be obvious that if you make a powerful first impression on your date and she starts with her attraction dial at 50%, then you are going to have a much more fun and productive time than if you go in on a cold 10%. This is why you need to put some effort into maximizing the impact of that first meeting. Some guys bitch and moan about the prospect of having to do work in this area and state things like ‘this is who I am, she can take it or leave it’. This is true of course but the problem is she will do exactly that! What is the point of stubbornly sticking to your scruffy t-shirt and jeans combo if it repels women. Dating is time consuming and often expensive, commit to doing everything you can to ensure that you are always investing in quality experiences with women of value.

Despite what a lot of guys think, grooming matters and it matters a lot to women. Have you ever experienced the pain of waiting for a woman to get ready, they built the pyramids quicker! Girls pick specific combinations of clothes by cut, color and material to go with how they have their hair that day. Then they select the best jewelry to compliment the outfit and even pick out a specific scent to finish the whole look off. This stuff is a big deal and if you think they haven’t noticed your cheap shoes then you are very wrong.

When it comes to personal appearance and grooming women are like velociraptors, they see everything from all angles. If there is a stain on your shirt, they saw it. If your shoes are dirty, they saw it and if your hair is about two weeks over due a trim, yes you guessed it – they saw it! Getting your appearance right makes a powerful impact not so much because it makes you more physically attractive but rather it makes a strong statement about who you are as a person. Women are always looking for indicators that you are a high value male and by demonstrating that you invest in yourself you are clearly saying ‘I respect me and so should you’. This is much more powerful than most guys give it credit for.

Grooming:

When you first meet your date, especially if this is an Internet date and you have never seen each other before. You should be well groomed, well dressed, wearing good shoes (oh my God this is a big one for women for some reason), smelling good and with fresh breath.

I know a lot of this will seem pretty obvious but I am stating it here because I have spoken to a lot of women who say guys often get this wrong. A girl I was speaking to recently told me that her date cycled six miles to meet her and turned up dripping with sweat. Maybe he still wouldn’t have got a second date if he had turned up in a Bentley but he certainly didn’t do anything to increase his chances like this.

Location:

Where you meet is your responsibility and you should neither delegate it away or accept your date trying to take control of it. Even if your prospective date suggests something as innocent as “Let’s meet at Starbucks in the Mall’, you should not comply with this request. Come back with a different location of your choosing, even if it is just a different branch of Starbucks. You may worry that this will annoy your date and it may very well do so but trust me on this, that outcome is a good thing. You are demonstrating that you are a leader and not a follower.

Body Language:

As you stand outside the coffee shop and your date approaches, you are both making rapid assessments of each other as the other person comes into focus. You need to stand confidently and watch her approach with a smile on your face. If you hang your head and avoid eye contact you appear nervous, the same result comes from shuffling your feet or jangling your keys in your pocket.

These days we all have developed a terrible habit of looking at our phone every moment that our brain is unoccupied. More Facebook statuses get updated from a seated position on the toilet than you care to know about. In the few seconds it takes for your date to approach there is a subconscious tendency to reach for the phone, don’t do this. It just makes you look like you are uncomfortable in the moment. Be present and enjoy the power of what is going on. If you watch her approaching you are putting the scrutiny on her and making it clear that it is she who is the one who is being assessed and validated.

How do you stand confidently? The easiest way to learn this is to watch truly confident guys. Watch the movies of James Dean, Brad Pitt and George Clooney and notice how they hold themselves. They stand tall and proud but also appear relaxed and comfortable. They have enough self worth to occupy as much space as they want, you never see then hunched over and cowering away. Breathe slowly and deeply and make your movements slow and deliberate.

Chapter Three – The First 5 minutes

If you have never spoken to each other before then this will be the first time she hears your voice. The alpha male voice is deep, powerful and considered. Nerves can sometimes push our voices a little higher than normal and our words a little faster. Say hello confidently and slow enough to ensure your pitch is half an octave lower than your would normally speak.

Decide in advance how you are going to greet her, if you are going to give her a kiss on the cheek take control of the gesture so as to not end up stumbling and looking uncomfortable. Your mindset here is unapologetic, ‘I am going to kiss you on the cheek, and I don’t care you think about that’.

Take the lead from the first moment, lead her inside the shop and tell her what is going to happen next. It’s ok to touch her arm as you guide her to where you want to go as you say ‘Let’s sit right here and get a coffee’. This is a command and you do not need her input on this. Don’t ask her where she would like to sit and don’t allow your voice to rise at the end of the statement otherwise it will sound more like a question than a direction. Or at the very least it will reveal that you are uncertain in your decision.

Gift or Not To Gift

A lot of guys turn up to a first date with a gift, this is the ultimate supplicating behavior and it is never a good idea. Whether it’s flowers or chocolates the subconscious implication is that he don’t believe that his company is valuable enough to justify her spending some of her precious time with him. Because deep down the guy believes he is looking up at her and she down on him and because of this he needs to sweeten the deal with a gift. As soon as he gives her a gift he is saying ‘please like me, look I am nice, oh please like me’. In one simple gesture he has made it very clear which one of them will doing the judging and which person will be making the decision about whether this relationship progresses to second date.

Complements

She is probably a little nervous and will be wondering what you think of her. This is a perfect state of mind to have her in and you should preserve it for as much of the date as possible. You can tell her she looks nice but only in a way that implies that you are used to being in the company of beautiful women. The complement can be as casual as ‘hey you look nice, let me get you a coffee’. You want her reassured slightly but not enough to be sure that you really like her. Only complement her if you mean it, don’t tell her outfit is cool if you don’t really think it is.

If you really like what you see stay cool at all costs. Some guys allow their eyes to jump out of their heads on comedy springs and you can almost hear them thinking ‘yabba yabba yabba’. They lay on the complements disgustingly thick and fast. If you ever find yourself opening with words such as stunning, gorgeous or amazing then give yourself a swift slap in the balls and stop that shit immediately. You are the one that is deciding if she is attractive enough to be with you and not the other way around.

Chapter Four – The First Twenty Five Minutes

Even with dates that eventually ended up going ‘well’ and progressing further this can be the section of the date with most potential for awkward moments. Rapport takes a little time to establish and nerves often prevent fluid communication for a while. Be prepared to take complete control of the conversation at this point. This does not mean talk at her continuously to avoid any uncomfortable silences. One of the most common reasons men or women finish a date in the erroneous belief that it went well is that they talked too much. Everyone’s favorite subject is himself or herself. You may have talked all night with passion and enthusiasm but if the primary subject of conversation was ‘you and nothing but you’ then the end result will be two people who shared the exact same experience but whom both have polar opposite opinions of how it went.

Sure have amusing stories to tell but make sure you are not taking up more than fifty percent of the airtime. Ask her questions to encourage and help her interact with you. This does not mean random questions, don’t ask her what her favorite color is and respond to the answer with a question about where she went on vacation last. Find out what she is passionate about, knowing what gets her excited is going to be a big advantage in the future and I am sure you can see how much better it is to have her talking in a passionate frame of mind.

If your date says she is a big rock much fan, then give her the opportunity to talk about what she loves. Don’t change the subject because you don’t like rock music, find out why she loves it so much, what the last concert she went to was and get her to recommend an album that is going to blow you away. Once she starts talking about stuff she is genuinely passionate about her focus will switch from the nervousness of being on a first date to an area of life she is entirely comfortable with. It is precisely during this period that subconscious rapport builds. She notices that you are interested in what she is saying and starts to feel a connection to you.

Remember the primary reason for the date is for her to qualify herself to you, not for you to sell yourself to her. When you go for a job interview the person conducting the interview does not do all they talking. They want to hear what you have to say, they are judging you and not the other way around. If you talk continuously the subconscious statement is one of submission.

They say we’re born with two ears and one mouth and we should use them in that ratio, that’s two to one. However, most people do it the other way round.

During my time training radio presenters to be better communicators and broadcaster, one error that shows itself up time after time is the crime of not listening. When I listen back to a couple of DJs presenting a breakfast show, talking about something funny, the conversation doesn’t always seem to flow in a logical and relevant direction. The reason for this is the presenters are not actually listening to each other; they’re merely waiting to speak. While one DJ is speaking about something he no doubt believes to be the funniest words ever uttered by a human being, the other radio presenter is laughing without really listening. Often, all that’s going through this second presenter’s head at this point is:

“Okay, he’s just been funny, I’ve got to get a better laugh than that and I think I’ve got the line to do it, so if he can just shut up, I’ll be able to talk. Shut up, shut up, shut up so I can deliver this killer line and everyone will think I’m great”.

Radio presenters also tend to do this when they’re speaking to listeners on the phone, as well. Next time you listen to the radio, listen out for this sort of conversation.

DJ: “Hi, who’s calling WIIFM this morning”?

CALLER “hi, this is John Smith from Louisville”.

DJ: “Hi John, great to have you on the show, where are you calling from”?

CALLER: “erm Louisville”.

DJ: “Great, great, what are you up to today”?

CALLER: “Not much, I am feeling a bit rough actually”

DJ: “That’s great, fantastic, how would you like to win...”

They just don’t listen. In most cases you could answer each one of the radio presenter’s questions by just saying, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They wouldn’t even notice.

Before you can communicate effectively and build powerful rapport with your date you must have listened to her first. In the same way you must learn how to drive before you jump into a car and go off on your own. You must learn what the person is talking about before you can start conversing about that subject. Here are some key skills for what we call active listening.

Firstly, adopt what is called the Soler concept:

S-O-L-E-R

S - for squarely face the person you’re talking to.

O for open your posture.

L for lean towards the person speaking.

E for eye, make eye contact.

Don’t stare but do look her squarely between the eyes for periods of between two to five seconds, before looking away, just to prevent your gaze becoming threatening.

Finally, R is for relax while listening. I’m sure you know off-putting it is to talk to someone while they’re shuffling their feet or rummaging around in their pockets all the time. It simply and clearly says, hurry up so I can go and do something better.

Prove you’re actively listening by frequently paraphrasing the person speaking. Simply repeat the last sentence, the last few words or an important point to show you’re trying to understand everything that’s being said, also, at the same time, testing your own understanding of the conversation. Make sure you clarify any parts of the conversation to ensure you fully understand. Let me give you an example:

“Sorry to stop you, but - you did say you are going to see Bon Jovi play at the Levi Stadium”?

This technique really demonstrates that you’re interested in the conversation and, to a certain extent, the other person as well.

You should become an empathetic listener. Understand the emotions she is describing and summarise to them to show you understand how they feel. For example; If your date is telling you how upset they’re to have lost their dog. If you really want them to believe that you understand exactly how they are feeling you should carefully construct your reply to mirror the emotional language that is coming from your date. I would advise you to say something like; ‘Oh that’s terrible, you must feel so lost without him”.

Finally for active listening on your part I want to tell you about a technique that will make women think you are one of the best communicators on planet earth. The ironic aspect of this technique is you actually hardly say anything at all. When you do speak, you’re only using the exact same words as the person who is speaking to you. I call this technique, ‘Oh Really Really’. This powerful system is used to get the full facts from someone quickly, to help them work out a problem for themselves or purely to demonstrate what a great person you are to talk to.

This is how it works. While someone is talking to you, you’re only allowed to respond by doing one of three things. You can say ‘oh’, ‘really’ or you can repeat the last statement you heard.

Example:

Her: “The main thing I love to do in my spare time is play tennis”

You: Really

Her: “Yeah I just love it, I am not amazing at it but I play the odd completion”

You: “You play in competitions”?

Her: “Not often but I really in enjoy it when I do. The last I played we nearly reached the semi finals”

You: “Oh?”

Her: “ Yeah but we were up against this doubles team from San Francisco and one of them was an ex Olympic player, so we had no chance really”.

Do you see how you are encouraging her to continue and helping the conversation to flow? Trust me on this, if you use ‘Oh Really, Really’ well the other person will think you are amazing to be around… such a good communicator!

Chapter Five – The Last Thirty Minutes

Congratulations, if you played it right, by this point in the date conversation is flowing naturally and easily. You are enjoying each others company and you should have noticed a significant warming up of her body language. I will continue under the assumption that everything has gone well and you still really like this girl. If you have decided by this point that she is not for you then the rest of this book is irrelevant to this particular date and you will be bringing the date to final close very soon.

Now that rapport has been established you will both be feeling more relaxed, and that is a very good thing. However, you should not be lulled into a false sense of security – this is still a test, just an increasingly pleasant one. You can still mess this up by stumbling into conversation topics that create a bad impression of you. I have interviewed hundreds of women about what they love and hate about dating guys. The following list of subjects are the things that most often come up and most often turn women off:

Slagging off the ex:

This is the biggest complaint I got from women when I asked them ‘what do guys do on dates that drives you crazy’. Despite what some guys think, slagging off the ex doesn’t demonstrate how over her he is but rather the opposite. It says loudly and clearly that he is still very much hung up on his last relationship. Think about it, when was the last time you ranted to your friends about carrots. Probably this subject has never come up in any heated debate, because carrots are not close enough to the forefront of your mind to surface in such a situation. If a friend of yours started to rant and rave about how much he hated carrots, literally going on for half an hour about them. Would you come to the conclusion that he is completely fine with this innocent orange veggie or that actually he has a big issue about carrots.

Don’t slag off your ex; it portrays you as immature and emotionally unstable. If you must talk about your ex girlfriend keep it very brief and talk about things she did that you loved.

For example “Yeah… I have been single for six months now. It was never going to work out – we were just not compatible. But I will say this for her – she would give the most amazing massages I ever had. I would lie there for hours in absolute heaven’.

What you are doing here is demonstrating a mature, glass half full attitude while covertly telling her how she can please you. I guarantee at some point in the future she will offer to give you a massage… all because you have already told her that is a way she can make you happy. It’s worth reiterating here that this is a very light touch technique, if you keep banging on about how amazing your ex was she is just going to think ‘well go back to her then’. Even if she presses you to talk more about her, don’t get drawn in. Simply say that you would rather talk about your date than your ex.

Talking About Work

It can be all too easy to fall into talking about what you do. Understandable really, we probably spend more than half of our lives working. For most people it is the area of their life that they are most comfortable about and probably the subject they can talk about with the most confidence. For example if you are a plumber I am sure you could get very passionate and detailed for a very long time about boilers and heating systems. If you tried to talk to me about it, on a train for example I might humour you and pretend to be interested but trust me I would be bored to death. Your date is likely to adopt the same approach, sparing your feelings with the odd questions and nod of the head to show you she understands, she may even laugh at your work related jokes.

I call this situation the ‘we just wont eat there again’ process. The British are notorious for not complaining for fear of making a scene. A traditional British couple in a restaurant will keep their stiff upper lip and dignity in tact throughout the most appalling service imaginable. Serve them cold food and they will smile politely and force it down. Bring them the wrong wine and they will choke it back regardless. Given the opportunity to complain they will still report that the meal was ‘just fine’. As the waiter leaves the table you hear the almost inaudible argument between the couple that nearly always ends with one of them defending their lack of complaint by stating ‘well we just won’t eat here again’.

If you witter on and on about your boring job then your date may smile and even join in with the conversation but I promise you that in her head she is thinking ‘well we just won’t eat here again’. There of course is an exception to this rule and that is if you really do have an exciting and interesting job. If you are a dolphin trainer or a spy then great, bully for you! But mostly your job is boring to other people so keep it to a minimum.

Alcohol & Crazy You

Do all the fun stories you have to tell involve alcohol in some guise? Remember women are genetically and socially programmed to find superior alpha males. They are finely tuned to spot weaknesses in the character of guys. Alcohol and gambling are big red warning flags for most women. Mention that you went to a casino recently or that you like the odd flutter on the horses and more often not you will notice a distinct shift in the body language of your date. Women are smart they know that the house always wins and therefore gambling is an act of weakness. Don’t talk about it, no matter how good you think you are at it.

Psychologists are always looking for patterns of behaviour rather than one specific give away. If all your stories start with ‘I was out drinking with my friends one time and you won’t believe what happened’… your date is going to notice a pattern in your behaviour. Have you ever been the sober one at a drunken party? I am sure you will agree that the other guests are nowhere near as funny or fun to be around that they believe.

Too Much Information

Sure honesty is the best policy but nobody needs to know the whole story of your life to date, warts and all. I was on a date many years ago with a woman from Liverpool, England. She was tall and beautiful and we were getting on amazing. Half way through the date she started telling me how she has had a lot of health problems in the past and had actually had a portion of her bowels removed, the operation she told me had gone a bit wrong and had left a very big scar on her stomach. Despite the fact that she had blatantly sucked all the fun out of the room, she pressed on and even had me put my hand under her shirt so I could feel the scar. It completely freaked me out and I went home, and never saw her again.

Let’s examine this in a bit more detail. Why would a beautiful, young woman do something like this on a first date?

We are all carrying baggage and some of it is buried quite painfully deep. She has probably had several occasions with men in the past where everything was going great and then they discovered this physical defect and they ended up breaking her heart in one way or another. Whether these past relationships really ended for this reason or not is irrelevant, this will be her go to reason for why she was not deemed good enough. It is a raw exposed nerve that she has made into a much bigger deal than it needs to be. So now she feels she needs to protect herself from being hurt like that again and so if she likes the guy she is with then she wants him to know all about her defect before she invests in the relationship and risks being hurt again. While logically this makes sense it is simply the wrong time to divulge this information. The relationship isn’t strong enough to absorb this level of information, neither party is sufficiently invested in the deal to withstand even the smallest obstacle yet. Guys run a mile not because they are all shallow assholes but because it’s just a bit… well weird!

I am not advising you to lie by omission but rather to choose your moments. Be honest and true to yourself but be you on a very good day. This doesn’t just apply to the obvious stuff like medical stuff and sexual disclosures. If you have an STI like herpes and need to reveal that to your partner then the two worst times to do so are just after having sex and on the first date. If your date asks you what you did last weekend then telling her that you did nothing but play on your Xbox is going to place you rather low down on the totem pole, certainly below her. I don’t care how bored or lonely you were, whenever she asks about what you were doing or how you have been… you are always super busy, having fun and living a life.

Chapter Six – Closing The Date

Your first date lasts one hour or less and despite what you really want to do I would advise you bring it to a close at the point where you are both having the most fun. This sounds simple but my God this is a hard rule to enforce on yourself. The genuine laughter of a beautiful woman is like crack cocaine. You are closing the date at this point for several reasons:

PT Barnum was right, always leave them wanting more.
You are a busy guy and other people want to spend time with you (social proof)
Your time is valuable, there is only so much available. If you want more – you are going to have to work for it (law of scarcity)
You are in control of this date, you are the alpha.
99.9% of others guys would not do this, you are powerfully different.
It confuses her, now she is not sure if you like her or not – this is going to keep you in her mind above all the other guys who are blowing smoke up her ass everyday.
It will make her want the second date even more, if only to gain clarity on whether you like her or not.

If your date begs you to stay for longer try your best to stick to your guns and leave. Sure, this is going to piss her off but it will constantly niggle at her. This is not how the script goes and the female mind does not like mess. Things must be in boxes and chaos must be tamed, you are lighting a blue touch paper with this act. She may not want to see you again because you are jerk but that rocket is going to fire no matter what she does, it is going to keep coming back to her over and over again.

This is another situation where too much information is a bad thing. You have to go because you are busy and that’s pretty much it. Do not make up an elaborate reason for why you have to go, the chances are it will sound like a flimsy excuse. Plus you will have to remember the story for the next date, when she asks how you got on helping clean the shark tank at the local aquarium then you will have come up with another story to feed the first lie. In short you have to go because you have other things to do that day, it’s not all about her!

A lot of guys have a glimmer of hope that if they stick at it long enough they will get her into bed. In my experience first date sex is rare with quality women. Of course she probably wants you to fuck her right there and then but she is not going to let that happen for many reasons not least because society (us men) have taught them that sexual liberation hits the ‘slut’ button.

Women are not inducing scarcity around sex to annoy us or because they don’t want sex. They are restricting our access to it because they have to; it is genetically hard wired into them. It also doesn’t help that society says that a guy who sleeps with a hundred women is a stud but the woman who sleeps with a dozen guys is a slut, but that is an entirely different story. Women have to be extremely picky about who they sleep with because they too are operating from a scarcity mindset. Us guys produce on average seven hundred million sperm a day. The average ejaculation fires out around twenty to eighty million sperm. In theory we could have sex ten times a day and still get woman number ten pregnant. For us to care about sex the same way a woman does is a bit like asking us to care about one specific grain of sand in the desert. All this attraction and seduction stuff basically comes down to sexual reproduction. Our sperm has half the DNA to create a new human being and the woman produces an egg that has the other half. But here’s the big difference, while we are busy pumping out a seemingly never ending supply of sperm the woman gets one egg per month and only during a relatively small window. Generally speaking this means the average woman is going to produce one egg a month between the age of 14 and 40.

Us guys could get ten women a day pregnant for fifty to sixty years if we so chose to do so and for that reason we are blaze about the whole thing. Women are programmed at a deep genetic level to find healthy, strong, intelligent and superior sperm generators to fertilize their one solitary egg. This is an important point to know because every time in the past when you have been rejected by a woman you may have assumed that she wasn’t attracted to you. This is an erroneous assumption; the chances are much more likely that you failed to prove you are the alpha male that she needs to fit the genetic blueprint of ‘suitable father’. Of course women are not consciously thinking like this any more than you are counting how many times a day your heart beats. All this stuff is working at a subconscious level, if we had to be aware of all the data running through our brains we would go insane in less than half a second.

I want you to remember this point… women want to have sex! But just not with stupid, boring, predictable, unhealthy or weak members of the lower pack.

Despite whatever negative self-talk goes on in your head, more often than not a woman rejects you not because of your physical appearance but because you failed to demonstrate that you are a superior male and worthy of her risking that one egg. Open your eyes and look around, you will see guys all over the place punching well above their weight. Just walk through the mall on a Saturday and I guarantee you that dozens of times you will look at couples and think ‘what the fuck is she doing with him’. Hey look, they can’t all be millionaires so get that excuse out of your head. The fact is women are attracted more by their feelings than what they see.

So women are selective about whom they sleep with and guys will stick their dick in anything wet and warm, why is this helpful to know? Because when you know specifically what boxes a woman needs to check before she can have sex you are at least playing the same game as her. Most guys, and I really do mean 95% of men don’t understand what is going on in the female mind. Worse than that they incorrectly assume that women think the same way as men, and they most certainly do not.

Women need to feel like they have plausible deniability before they can comfortably have sex with a man. This level of comfort building takes work on your part and to give you a rough idea, most women will need between 5 and 7 hours of quality time with you before they are ready to have sex. This doesn’t have to be all in one sitting, it can be cumulative over several dates. You are unlikely to be able to stretch a first date long enough to establish this kind of sexual rapport. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t escalate to kissing and touching. The whole should I go in for a kiss debate is a hot one and you will know yourself, when you get it wrong it is painfully embarrassing (as you feel your lips hit her cheek as she quickly turns away from your advance).

Before you can have sex you have to have kissed, before you can kiss you have to have touched and before you can touch you have to establish attraction. You can’t get a girl from 1 to 100 in one step. No matter how attracted to you she is, very few girls are going to jump into your bed until the foundations have been laid. Remember she needs to be sure that the ‘slut’ button hasn’t been hit, that she is absolved of blame and that she is comfortable with you. The psychology of sex is very different for men and women, as a rule we don’t get penetrated by someone else. We are the dominant gender that forces a part of us inside another human being – there is something quite powerful about the difference in that action.

To start the process of escalating to sex you need to be touching often and correctly. If you are talking in a busy bar and people need to get past you take her by arm and move her to where you want her. As you remember a great story you want to tell her, take the opportunity to touch her on the arm. If she pulls away you touched too soon or too often, back it up a little. If she doesn’t respond or moves a little closer you are getting right. Next start holding the touch in place for a second longer than is natural… she will notice this and will subconsciously give you a green, amber or red light.

Once you have established a physical connection, hopefully you are touching her and she is now touching back. We come to the first kiss; there are lots of ways to do this right and even more ways to do it wrong. I don’t want to go through lists because I think this is something you need to design for yourself. What works for one guy might feel weird and uncomfortable for another. What I will do is tell you my default, go to option:

When I am happy with her body language and our positions within each other’s personal space I will reach out and put my hand on the back of her neck. I will look into her eyes; quickly look at her lips and back at her eyes. You will often see girls hold their breath in anticipation at this point. Then I will pull her to me and just before I kiss her I will move her face to the side so I can smell her hair or just pull her in for a hug. There are several reasons for doing this, firstly girls love when you smell them but that is really more of a byproduct of the move than the reason for it. If you go in with the intention of smelling her hair, if she pulls away at the last minute and says ‘Oh I am not ready for that’, you can genuinely say you just wanted to smell her hair. Also this movement builds suspense and expectation. Whether she wanted you to kiss her or not the woman will almost certainly have expected you to kiss her in that moment. Remember what we talked about earlier about the power of confusing girls and always giving them what they don’t expect. If she lets me hug her or smell her hair I will pull back out and look into her eyes again. This time I tighten my controlling grip on the back of her neck (women love this) and move in slowly for the kiss.

Rapport leads to touch, touch leads to kissing and kissing leads to sex…

If you close a first date with a passionate kiss then I my eyes you have done a pretty bloody good job and you have every right to be proud of yourself. Ignore the guys who claim they are getting girls straight into bed; I have a friend who claims this too. To be fair I know he is telling the truth but having met some of these women, trust me there is nothing to be envious of. Anyone can get first date sex if you are prepared to lower your standards enough. I don’t know about you but ugly sex is not worth my time or the self-loathing that would naturally follow the dirty deed.

Chapter Seven - The Second Date

Do not ask for a second date during the first date, it is uncomfortable for everyone involved. If she thinks you are a disgusting slime bag she is still likely to say yes to a second date out of politeness and the desperate need to avoid a scene. Of course you will either get a text message later revoking the agreement or she just won’t turn up at all.

If the date went well and she likes you then she will be hoping you text her the same day to say how much enjoyed the date, basically to confirm her suspicions that you like her. Of course the worst thing you can do is remove that doubt. When a woman knows you like her the balance of attraction levels or sometimes swings away from you. As long as she is trying to work out if you like/want her then she is lower on the social totem pole looking up at you. I normally wait about two days and then check in with a cheeky message.

For example a few months ago I had a nice date with a cute nurse in the North East of England. She told me she works on the children’s ward at the local hospital. She complained that while the children were lovely their parents were often very rude and demanding. We had a great first date and I walked her to her car after an hour and said goodbye with a dignified kiss (I was hoping for passionate kiss but I settled for dignified). Two days later I text her ‘Hey I saw on the news some visitor to the hospital had been assaulted, just wanted to check you don’t need bailing out of jail or anything’. The message made her laugh and we started a little conversation about when we were going to meet up again. I said ‘meet me Friday after work’ and she said she couldn’t but could do Sunday. I had nothing to do on Sunday but I still said no. Why? Because I am a busy guy, I am always busy even when I am not. I replied and said ‘Sorry no can do I am all over the place on Sunday, don’t worry we will meet up soon I am sure’. After about an hour my phone beeped again:

Her: ‘When can you do?’

Me: ‘I am crazy busy at the moment. Let me see what I have on next week – can I get back to you?’

Her: “Sure’

Me: ‘Thank you… will buzz you tomorrow or Saturday’.

Her: ‘It would be good to see you soon’.

I am sure any woman reading this book would think ‘what a total dick head’. What you have to remember is even averagely attractive women are playing this game at a black belt level. While even some of the better-looking guys out there are still struggling to get their yellow belt. In school, while us guys are busy kicking a football and talking about girls. The females of the species are becoming Jedi masters of persuasion and manipulation. If you are like me and you are lucky enough to have a son and a daughter you will see this difference first hand.

For example, when I divorced my wife and left the family home my daughter completely changed her tactics with me. My son pretty much stayed the same, if he wanted money he would just ask and his reason would be as straight forward as ‘because I need new football boots for school’. My daughter would ask for money and her reason would be ‘because I miss you being here and I want to get something to cheer me up’. Ok, she hasn’t got her black belt yet but she is already identifying the path of least resistance in me and shooting straight for the weakest point in my shields. I am witnessing the creation of a master assassin, and perhaps one of you guys reading this will one day end up with her. If that is true then you fully deserve everything that’s coming to you as karma for dating my daughter!

Last week I visited my kids and again I got to see how strong the force is within my daughter. She came up to me, hugged me and said ‘Dad when are you taking me shopping Monday or Tuesday?’. I very nearly answered before I realized she had just used a technique that sales professionals call a ‘presupposition’. She appeared to be giving me a choice but in reality all the options were stacked in her favor. This shit is what companies spend thousands of dollars on hiring expert sales trainers to teach salesmen and here is a 14 year old girl using it in normal everyday conversation. If you think you can be successful with women without using technique think again, they are little pink fluffy pussy cats armed with hidden switch blade razors and knuckle dusters… they are going to take you down before you know what hit you.

Your flow diagram from arranging a second date looks like this

Has more than 36 hours passed. If yes go to 2
Establish rapport with a message then go to 3
Pick a day you want to see her and tell her
If she says yes – go on the date. If she says she is busy go back to 1.

Next lets talk about where you go on your second date. In my personal experience the worst thing you can do is what virtually all guys on a second date do… the dinner date. This is a terrible idea and for many reasons.

You have established rapport you now need to escalate to lots of touching. This is really hard to do with a table in front of you.

There are going to be several awkward silences while one person is waiting for the other to empty their mouth of food.

You are putting enormous pressure on yourself to keep the conversation flowing and entertaining for two hours. Bearing in mind you have already spent an hour talking on the first date. Not every story you have to tell is a winner and here is a situation where you may have to call on these boring stories just to keep things going.

You need your date to start feeling emotions around you. It is very hard to generate this in a polite restaurant with the tinkle of gentle piano music in the background.

If you don’t think restaurants are boring look around at all the married people sitting in silence, they gave up even trying to talk years ago.

Your second date has no time restriction and should be selected by you to ensure that your date is entertained, happy and feeling positive emotions that can be connected to your presence. There should be plenty of opportunity for you to touch each other in a natural way. The movies is a good example but you have to make sure you pick the correct type of movie. You need to select something that will provoke emotions in her, scary movies are great. Girls tend to need physical contact when they are scared, they will reach out and grab your hand or arm at the scary bits – perfect.

Other good second dates are seeing live music together, the theatre and even bowling. Anything where the pressure on you to perform and keep her entertained is lessened. Bowling might sound a bit lame but it creates lots of opportunities to gently tease her. Give high fives and hugs when she gets a strike and even get in nice and close and show her how to bowl the ball a little better. Remember the golden rule… you can’t fuck until you kiss, you can’t kiss until you touch and you can’t touch until you establish rapport.

Now stop reading about this shit and go do it. The first time you use some of the techniques in this book drop me an email and let me know how it went. As a final favor for me, if you have enjoyed this book would you mind going back to the online store you bought it from and leaving a rating and review that reflects your opinion.

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