On a warm day in October, Gerald sits at his desk composing a letter to his wife. They have been married for eighteen years and he has never—until now—suspected her of being unfaithful to him.
Tina,
I have just received a letter from Dean detailing your various love affairs.
Gerald shakes his head and begins anew.
Dear Tina,
Dean has written to me. He claims that you and he have been lovers for the past fifteen years. He further claims that you and Frank have been lovers since before our wedding, and that Ellen has been your lover for nine years.
Gerald puts down his pen and rubs his eyes. He feels oddly detached, as if he’s in a play he has little interest in.
Tina,
Why would you go to such lengths to deceive me?
We were in therapy for seven years together.
Was it all a charade for you?
Have you ever told me the truth?
Bessie, a fat old golden retriever with rheumy eyes and a black tongue, waddles into the room with a leash in her mouth. She whimpers politely and wags her tail.
Gerald frowns at her and asks, “How could I have not known?”
WALKING BESSIE ALONG a quiet lane, Gerald suddenly feels dizzy. He drops the leash and allows his dog to walk on without him. He kneels on the sidewalk, the earth tilting and spinning. He lies on his back and closes his eyes.
DUSK GIVES WAY to darkness. Tina sits on the sofa sipping a cup of chamomile tea. A cold wind howls through the eucalyptus grove and buffets the house. Gerald squats on the hearth, building a fire.
“You’re so good at that,” she says softly. “I love how easy it is for you to get the wood to catch.”
Gerald turns to her. “You must have said that to me a thousand times. And it always makes me feel good.”
“Well, I love you,” she says simply. “Are you okay? You seem distant tonight.”
He adds a big log to the fire and takes his customary place beside her on the sofa. Bessie lies at their feet as she always does in the evenings when they sit together in front of the fire. The phone rings four times and falls silent. The flames lap at the log, consuming it quickly.
“I’m okay,” says Gerald, remembering what he saw when the dizziness passed and he opened his eyes.
a hawk
riding invisible currents
in a cloudless sky
