Okay. So it’s not a good night in the poker room, and after three hours I go home with an extra fourteen dollars in my purse. My concentration was a little off to say the least (duh, Nate). Well, that and the extra possessive woman who thought I was trying to steal her truck driver husband (think Dog the Bounty Hunter and wife) didn’t help. Did she really think I was interested in him?
I walk out to my car still wondering how the hell I’m going to pull off a date with Nate. He’s just too cute to pass up. Chandra, your name is Chandra. I tell myself until I’m convinced.
I continue my daydreaming on the drive home about how this date will actually go down. Will he try to kiss me? What will I order? Will he ask me where I work? I’ve got a lot of planning to do. Or, Chandra has a lot of planning to do, rather. I take one hand off the wheel to rub my palm on my temple to discourage the headache that’s building intensity. I turn off the radio.
I’m stupid.
I’m stupid for thinking I can pull this off.
How did I let myself get sidetracked? I’m so damn stupid. I bet he wears a starched shirt. Good grief, I love him in starch.
I have no one to tell about Nate, and I imagine what Cassidy would have to say about it if she knew where he worked. Probably something like, “He’s cute? Just go up and say ‘Heeeyy. How ‘bout you and I start workin’ on a full house?’” or “I bet you’re an expert on seven-card STUD, huh?” I laugh to myself, but I feel like crying because I miss her.
I walk in the door to find Dad flipping through the channels. He’s scruffy. Sweat pants, flannel, stubbles on his face.
“There’s my girl,” he turns off the TV. “Are you hungry?”
Being that a single onion ring is the only solid my stomach’s received for about eight hours, I reply, “Starving.”
“Oh, I figured you and Cass were out on the town having a nice lunch or something.”
“Huh-uh.”
“So what have you been up to all day?”
I hesitate.
“Oh, just some cheer stuff up at school. I had to go to the library, too.” I imagine my nose growing like Pinocchio’s.
“Do we owe any money on your uniform? I should have some overtime on the next check, at least an extra forty bucks or so.”
Dad is clueless at the cost of things these days. Especially cheer things.
“Don’t worry about it, Dad, I think we’re doing a fundraiser sometime soon.” I feel my nose grow longer. Dad would die if he knew those things are about 250 bucks a pop.
“Mac and cheese?” I change the subject.
After dinner I decide to call Cassidy, and thirty minutes later we’re on our way to the movies. Since things are a little tense between us, I decide to tell her a teeny, tiny bit about what’s going on.
“You are shitting me. Is that how you got your new boots?”
“Well, kinda. I guess.” I second-guess myself for telling her. “Cass you can’t tell ANYONE. I mean technically it’s against the law, you know that, right?”
“I can’t believe this. My best friend is a compulsive gambler. What the hell!” She’s dramatic.
I laugh it off.
“I’m not! I’ve been TWICE. It’s no big deal. Really. I’m not going back. But there’s a really cute guy there.” I tingle just mentioning him.
“Are you kidding me?!” She turns down the radio.
“His name’s Nate. He works there.” I decide to spill it all. “We’re actually meeting up for a date next weekend.”
“Are you freak-ing kidding me?” She gets all silent, processing . . . processing . . . processing.
No one has to tell me I’m stupid. I know this already.
Let the Cassidy interrogation begin.
“How old is he? Where did he go to high school? Has he ever been married? For shit’s sake, does he have kids? Does he live by himself?” As expected, the questions go on . . . and on . . . and on.
I love Cass. Of course. Almost by default, like you have to love a sister because she’s your sister. But sometimes I want her to go away because no matter how close we are, she will NEVER understand how I feel or what it’s like to be me.
I answer her questions, like a good sister, and assure her that I’ll be careful.
As we watch the movie, I wish it were Nate sitting beside me instead of Cass. And again, I’m a million miles away.