ASSISTANTMAGEDDON!

Why Evie “Rude Girl” Tanaka Must Be Stopped!

by Maisy Kane, Bay Bridge Kiss Editrix

It’s time for some real talk, ’Friscans. Now, you know your pal Maisy doesn’t like to get all unfun in her reporting. But frankly? Someone’s gotta address this. And I think it’s best if that someone’s me.

After writing yesterday’s post about Aveda’s mall adventure, I had a good think about what I’d observed on the scene. Sure, Aveda being able to temporarily transfer her fire power to her minions sounds cool in theory, but let’s consider this—do we really want non-superheroes test driving something so gosh-dang destructive? And who is this Evie Tanaka person, anyway?

’Friscans, I think it’s time I exposed some truths about Aveda’s mousy little assistant, aka Rude Girl. Why, she threatened your pal Maisy right before nearly incinerating the entire Nordstrom shoe department! If I hadn’t ducked just in time, I might’ve ended up burned to death. And crispy critters are no good at blogging!

Further reporting uncovered even more bad behavior. A reliable source at The Gutter shared a terrifying tale about a recent phone call with one of Ms. Tanaka’s minions. That’s right: Aveda’s minions have their own minions now. Truly, the situation is out of control. Acting on Evie’s orders, said minion used outright threats to nab a spot for Aveda in The Gutter’s prestigious karaoke competition! Can you even wrap your brain around that one?

I’ve decided it’s very necessary to take a stand against bullying. I’ve talked our source down at The Gutter into giving me the spot opposite A. Jupes in their karaoke contest. I’ll be singing in symbolic protest of E’s threatening ways . . . and in protest of A letting her lapdog run wild in the first place. And you can bet your buttons I’ll be crowned queen of the whole shebang.

I can’t help but wonder if all this is a result of that shiny new international fame going to A’s head. I mean, if she’s willing to let such an unhinged menace play around with her power, she’s clearly not using her best judgment. Perhaps she’s started to consider herself better than the rest of us.

Someone’s got to show her she’s not the only ’Friscan who matters. And that someone is your pal Maisy!

Shasta’s Corner! Shasta (Maisy’s bestie) here. I was on the scene at the mall and can confirm that Evie Tanaka is a menace to society. And a badly dressed one, at that. (Editrix’s Note: Nice one, Shast! I knew you weren’t a total waste of space.)