Coughing, trying to catch my breath, I couldn’t believe that Don had put his hands on me. My sister fell to the floor next to me in a panic.
“Oh my god, are you ok Karmen?!” She studied my neck before taking her hands to rub the sore area.
“No! I’m-not-ok!” I coughed.
“What can I do?” I jumped back as her hands massaged my neck again.
“Get my gun! I’m going to kill his ass!” Anger fueled my insides.
Don had lost his damn mind thinking he could put his hands on me.
“Gun? You need to relax Karmen. Let me get you some water.” My sister stood holding on to the edge of the counter to balance her sore leg. Watching her limp towards the refrigerator, I stood scrambling to get to the nearest bathroom to scope out the damage. My neck felt like fire. There was no way Don hadn’t left any marks, bruises, or scratches.
Finally reaching the downstairs bathroom, I flicked the light on and immediately became annoyed and pissed all over again at the sight of my neck. I had fairly light skin, so Don’s handprints were quite noticeable. Running from the bathroom, up the stairs to my bedroom, I shoved my closet open in search for Nina, as I called her. I got a permit to carry right after those low-life’s tried to rape my sister awhile back. That night taught me that anything could happen anywhere, especially if they were out their lurking in a church parking lot. I swore I would never be caught off guard and not be able to protect myself or my loved ones. So, making sure I kept that promise, I took a concealed weapons class and then copped me a 9 mm. Never had I believed I’d be unlocking my lock box to get Nina out to shoot my own damn husband. Don and I had had some rough times during our marriage, but he had never put his hands on me and I had never wanted to end his life. But right now, if he had stuck around, I for sure would’ve busted a cap or two in his ass.
I’d be the first to admit I had a slick mouth with independent ways. He could thank my father for that. My father was controlling with his ridiculous, outrageous rules and I swore as soon as I was able to get out of his house I would be gone, and that’s exactly what I did, never looking back. He didn’t approve of anything I did, so not caring about his approval, I was sure to pay my own way so he could never control or rule my life.
My sister wasn’t so strong. She and my father were stuck like glue. But that was only because she did everything he requested of her with no back talk. He always referred to me as my “mother’s child.” I never understood the comparison because the woman I saw was nothing like me. I talked shit and did things my way. I never saw that in my mother. Maybe back in the day before she birthed me she had it in her, but now, nah. She was all up Reverend Howard’s ass like white on rice. He told her when to speak, when not to speak, what to wear, where to go. Hell nah, that wasn’t me by far; therefore, if my own father who spit me from his nut sack couldn’t run me, then Don sure as hell wouldn’t. I thought he understood that about me, but obviously not. I wasn’t the sit down and roll over type of chick. He claimed that’s what he loved about me and now, it’s like he hated me. Here of late, we never spent any real time together. We used to laugh, go out, and just genuinely enjoy one another’s company, but now, it was like we were roommates and we made appointments to have sex. We actually checked our schedules to see when we would be free. That to me just didn’t seem normal for two people who were in love. Perhaps that was it. We weren’t in love anymore, but only loved each other. What I did know was that I without a doubt I loved Don. He was all I’d known as far as a relationship and a marriage, but sometimes I felt like I committed too soon and lost out on other things. Hell, other men. I was only twenty-six years old. I didn’t want to be in a marriage and just love each other. I wanted to be in love with never-ending sex, spontaneity, laughter, and fun. The goal was to never end up like my parents. They looked like they were in a business agreement and not a marriage, but hell, I was headed down that same path. A path I wanted no parts of.
Grabbing Nina from the box, I spun around and there was Kash leaning against my bedroom door with a bottled water in her hands.
“You need to calm down and put that thing away. You two had a lover’s spat. That’s all,” she spoke calmly, dismissing the fact that I had Nina gripped in my hand and was ready to end Don’s life, or at least fuck a kneecap up.
It was something about my sister’s innocence that I loved. She was beautiful inside and out, but I had no idea who this person was that I had met only three days ago. She now had a belly ring, plus she was smoking and drinking. That was not my little sister. I didn’t want to be hard on her because I knew this little freedom she had just gotten was something she needed to get used to. But damn, in just three days, she was an entirely different person.
“It’s more than a lover’s spat Kash.” I went in search of the bottle of wine I had stashed in the night table next to my bed. Don always said I had a drinking problem. Maybe I did, but my wine wasn’t bothering anybody. I drank at home and wasn’t sloppy in public, so I didn’t understand what the issue was.
Plopping down on my bed, I tossed Nina on top of the night table and leaned forward to get my wine from the bottom drawer.
“That’s your problem right there.” Kash shook her head, extending her hand, gesturing towards my wine bottle.
“Shut up Kash! You sound like Don’s punk ass,” I ranted while Kash sat down next to me.
Popping the top on my wine bottle, I took it to the head. After a few swigs I extended the bottle in Kash’s direction. Hell, she was drinking now. Why not drink with me?
“No thanks, I’ve had enough.” She chuckled.
“What’s gotten into you?” I asked, taking another swig from my bottle.
“If I tell you, will you tell me the truth about what’s really going on with you and Don?”
After a few minutes, I nodded.
“I just feel free now. I’ve never experienced anything, afraid to let Daddy down, so I just followed his lead.”
“That’s it.” I rolled my eyes.
“Yep, that’s it. I just want to have fun like a normal twenty-year-old. Now it’s your turn.”
Inhaling and then exhaling, I held up my end telling her bits and pieces of my truth with my husband.
“I love Don. We are just growing apart. It’s like he wants to run me and you know I don’t do well with demands.” We both laughed.
“The biggest thing is the topic of kids. Don has wanted children for years now, but I feel like we have time. I want to travel and continue to get my business off the ground. Anyway, after fighting continuously on the baby subject, I finally agreed that if it happened it just happened, but the truth is…” She stared at me intensely. I wasn’t sure if I should tell her what I was about to say, but I wanted to release the burden and share it with my first best friend.
“I was on birth control. I lied to Don about letting fate happen. And the other night he found the pack of pills, and that’s why we were fighting.”
Finally releasing the burden from my shoulders, it felt good. Exhaling loudly, tears slid from my eyes and my sister drew me in, forcing my head on her shoulder. She was the baby sister of us two, but at this moment she took on the big sister role. She rubbed my back, gave me encouraging words, and whispered in my ear that everything would be ok with me and Don.
Listening to her, I wanted to believe what she said, but deep inside I was scared to admit that I believed that my marriage was officially over.