Watching my baby girl sleep in this hospital bed had me wanting to tear Karmen a new asshole. Yes, I was a pastor, but I was also human being and a father. Kashae was my world. Oh, stop it! I loved Karmen too, she just made it hard sometimes to do so. Karmen was so rebellious and she tried her hardest to get Kashae to be the same way, but I wasn’t having it. When the opportunity presented itself for me to have a larger church that was already established, I knew it was God answering my prayers, but damn, I would’ve never left my baby girl behind. I should’ve followed my spirit when my wife suggested it. Instead, I let my guard down and here she was laid up in this bed looking like a modern day street walker. Her hair was cut, her body was covered in that tat mess, she had a piercing hooked through her nose, and she didn’t look like my innocent Kashae at all.
I didn’t bother fussing at her or anything last night because my only concern was that she was alive and well, but now that she was out of the woods, when she woke up, I needed some answers, and fast. Kashae knew this way of life was unacceptable. The calling I had on my life could not be tainted by her ways. Her sister had already gone off to do as she pleased and I couldn’t have her doing the same.
“Hey, I got you coffee.” My wife came through the hospital room door holding two coffees in her hand.
I couldn’t front, my wife was fine for her age and she kept herself up at all times. Kalissa wore the finest jewelry, the best clothes, the newest weaves, and her nails and feet were always on point. One might wonder why I didn’t treat her the best, but it was way deeper than just control. My wife was emotional, always acting on her feelings. That’s why I, as the man, had to keep her in her place. This thing with me and Kalissa started years ago when we first got married. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. I couldn’t see life without her. But being a young pastor came with jezebels.
They flocked to me thinking I would be this famous pastor one day, believing they would take Kalissa’s place in my life. I had no problems with the females, and the closer I got to marrying Kalissa the more they flocked. And when I actually married her it became worse. I had no idea what the illusion was about being with not only a married man, but a pastor that was married. Women were everywhere I turned and my flesh took over. In my younger years, I never had women like most of my friends and colleagues so when I noticed all the attention I was getting, I took advantage of it. Sleeping with as many women as possible in my first few years as a pastor, it got me caught up.
A young woman I met on my first conference out of town as a newlywed followed me to the men’s room during an intermission and when I came out, she was on her knees, unzipping my pants, and went in like a pro. I could’ve stopped her or pulled back, but it all happened so damn fast. I was a man before anything and she played on that. One thing led to another and when she stood from her knees, she shoved me in that empty stall, riding me all the way to the same heaven I preached about. It was a mistake, and I realized that right when my orgasm shot through her middle, but I couldn’t stop dealing with her. She made sure she kept me coming back every time with her nasty mouth skills she worked on my manhood. Every time I met up with her, I instantly felt guilt and regret, but it never stopped me from being with her.
They say God gave warnings before he exposed you, and that’s exactly what he had done. He showed me sign after sign that what I was doing to my wife was wrong, but I ignored the warnings because I wanted my flesh to be fed. Ivy was doing everything Kalissa wasn’t. No, it wasn’t an excuse. I knew I was my wife’s first so she was very inexperienced just like I was, but having Ivy was fulfilling a fantasy that every young man dreamed of. She wasn’t wife material by any means, but she filled a void I’d craved for years. Six months after being married to Kalissa, there was a knock on our front door and there stood Ivy on my doorstep with a baby bump and a list of demands. From that day forward, Kalissa and I were never the same. The trust was gone and the love was forced from that point on. I saw it in my wife’s eyes every time I looked at her, and I never stepped out on her again, but the damage had already been done.
My wife started drinking, hence the reason I think our daughter Karmen was a drunk as well. She grew up watching my wife take her problems to the bottle, and now she did the same. I kept quiet about my daughter’s affairs because she and I were already not as close as I hoped for, and I wasn’t trying to do anything to make the relationship worse. Watching the relationship between her parents caused Karmen to rebel. She saw that we weren’t happy, but how we had to portray the perfect family in front of others was killing her. My daughter grew up hating me because of the way I treated her mother. They had a bond that not even I could get in between.
Discovering that Ivy was pregnant, my wife had revenge on her brain. We didn’t have sex, we slept in separate rooms, she was crying all the time and drinking her cares away. My wife was beyond unhappy. We were newlyweds already in separate bedrooms. That was unacceptable in my eyes. While we should’ve been having sex in every room of our house, we were as distant as ever. No matter what I tried to do to get our marriage back on track, Kalissa was over it. She claimed it was one thing to cheat, but to bring another child into the marriage was a no go.
Calling herself getting back at me, she ended up having a one-night stand with a stranger. She said she didn’t even get his name. They had drunken sex in his sports car and they never kept in touch. Six weeks after her one-night stand, she found out she was pregnant with Karmen. As bad as it hurt me, how could I not take her back and forgive her? It hurt me to my heart that I was about to raise my first child with my wife that she made with another man.
Karmen knew nothing about me not being her biological father, but the older she got, it messed with my head that my wife had given her most prized possession to a stranger. I already know women are screaming, but you did it too, and that’s true and maybe it’s biased of me, but when a woman had random sex it just seemed wrong. Dirty. Disgusting. Hell, nasty!
“Thanks.” I grabbed the cup from her hand as she sat in the chair next to me.
Finally watching Kashae move around, I hopped up, sitting my cup on the counter before rushing to her side.
“Baby, how did this happen?”
“I’m ok Daddy.” I shook my head no.
“You are alive, but you’re far from ok baby. What is all of this? I haven’t been away that long and look at you.” I flicked her hair with my hand and tapped her nose ring before dropping my head.
“I’m grown Daddy, and I like these things. Like you said, I’m alive, so you can go back to your church business in Tennessee now.” Her voice was different than I remembered. She was my baby, but she looked different, sounded different. Everything about her was no longer innocent.
Karmen.
Yes, she sounded and acted like Karmen with her stank ass attitude. I should’ve never left my baby here with her. She was a bad influence.
“Don’t talk to your father like that Kashae,” my wife chimed in from across the room.
“Just leave,” she whispered before turning over on her side, ignoring me and her mother.
“When I leave you’re going with me,” I demanded.
“I will not.” She turned to face me with a scowl.
“You must be high on these drugs they’re giving you to talk to me this way. So, sleep it off. I’ll be back when the drugs wear off.” I jerked the hospital door open and left my wife alone with our daughter in the room. I needed a breather.
Heading out the exit of the hospital, I decided to head over to my old church to get my mind off things and see how things had been since I left.