Watching my husband fly out the door was somewhat of a relief. He got on my damn nerves putting Kashae on such a high pedestal. She was a young, beautiful twenty-year-old who was just now getting her first glimpse at life, due to him and his overzealous religious rules. My husband acted as if he had never committed one sin in his entire life. The way he wanted these girls to live was ludicrous.
When he repented of his wrongdoings, it was like he forgot what it was to live and mess up. We couldn’t live for our kids, but he tried his damndest to do just that. He was driving Kashae away with his craziness just like he had done to Karmen.
From the time Karmen could walk and talk, she and her father never clicked. I knew it was because of my infidelity. He never had a bond with Karmen like he did Kashae, and it wasn’t her fault. He provided for Karmen financially and he was there at every father-daughter dance, every awards ceremony, and every other way a father should be, but it was a show. He didn’t care for her and she surely didn’t give a damn about him. My daughter never learned that Harvey wasn’t her biological father, at his request. He said it was his punishment for stepping out on me with that hoe named Ivy and bringing her into our lives.
Indeed, I did step out on Harvey because of what he did to me, but I wasn’t honest about with whom. I’d forever take that to my grave. I wanted to hurt him, the way he hurt me, but not like that. My plan was never to get pregnant but after multiple shots of gin, my thought process was hindered. All I knew was my husband could never find out who really fathered our daughter.
Thinking of how I felt when Ivy had the nerve to show up at my door step all those years ago sent chills down my spine. Granted, I wasn’t a fool and knew that my husband was the most sought-after pastor of his time, so when the women began to flock I prayed hard that he wouldn’t fall, but my prayers must’ve fallen on deaf ears because six months into our marriage, his mistress was standing on our doorstep, with a baby bump and devious grin spread across her face with a bunch of demands. The bitch had a list of demands longer than a child’s Christmas list if we wanted to keep her and her baby quiet and of course, we went to a lawyer friend of ours and had papers drawn up. There was no way she would hold Harvey’s infidelity over our heads for the rest of our lives. A week after going over her demands and getting everything in writing, we met with her and she signed her life away.
She settled for fifty thousand dollars that my grandmother happened to leave me in her will, we bought her a new car, things she requested for her baby, we covered medical expenses until he reached eighteen, and got the bitch a new house and her end of the deal was no contact at all with any of us, and if she ever reneged we could sue her for breach of contract and she would then have to repay every dime. As the smart, greedy home wrecker I knew she was, she stayed away as planned.
My husband never mentioned the boy and neither did I. It was like we both moved on without ever giving it a second thought. As a man, I often wondered if he ever thought about how his only son looked. What his name was or even tried looking Ivy up, but instead of questioning him about it, the safest thing seemed to be to just leave well enough alone. The only reason we knew she was having a boy was because her slick ass tried to send the ultrasound to the church mailbox, but luckily, I was the one to check the mail every day. If someone else had gotten hold to that ultrasound, it would’ve been hell to explain. I knew she thought if Harvey found out it was a boy he might change his mind, but one thing she didn’t know about Harvey was he was about his business and anything that jeopardized him moving up the ladder to have his own church, he stayed clear of. She was one mistake he never repeated again.
That ultrasound was the last time we ever heard from Ivy. We told our lawyer to contact her and remind her ass that she was supposed to leave us alone or her ass would be in court. Taking heed to what he said, the threat worked because that ultrasound was the last contact we got from her.
Sipping my coffee, I watched my daughter from a distance. She was for sure not the Kashae Howard we left behind only three months ago. She was grown up. Her body, demeanor and that attitude had grown tremendously. She was finally growing into herself. I smiled thinking it took us leaving for her to discover who she was. It was killing her father because she was his ride or die as I often joked and called her, but Kashae needed this. She really did. Most parents thought they were doing their kids justice in protecting them and setting rules, but how would they know what to do if they never lived? The best teacher was experience and my daughter was finally getting that. I lived by if it didn’t kill them, it made them stronger, and that’s why I encouraged her to stay back with Karmen and Adonis.
Karmen.
Jesus, she was my baby. I loved to watch her in action. She had that spunk and spontaneity I used to possess before I married Harvey. Maybe that’s why I admired her. Hell, I think I envied her and how she stood up to her father. I didn’t have the balls to stand up to him, but every time Karmen did it, I felt like she was doing it for the both of us. I hated knowing he mistreated her because of me.
Finally standing to make my way over to Kashae, I walked over placing my arm on her shoulder.
“He loves you, that’s all,” I whispered.
“I know,” she responded.
“Kashae, can I ask you something?” I waited.
She was silent, but then she nodded.
Her back was still to me as I leaned forward, hugging her from behind.
“I love you too and I know we don’t talk much, but I do.”
“I know Mama.” She shifted her body and now we were facing one another.
I wasn’t sure, but as she looked back at me, her skin was glowing and her nose was a little wider than I remembered.
“Are you pregnant my sweet child?”
She watched me with wide eyes and before she could answer, her hoodlum little friend walked through the doors with a young man that looked just as hood as she did.
Kissing my daughter’s forehead, I smiled.
“We will continue this conversation later when I come back from the hotel. I need to freshen up.”
Not bothering to speak to her company, I lifted my purse from the seat I was previously occupying before heading outside to call me an Uber so I could go back to the hotel.
If my daughter thought this conversation was over, she was sadly mistaken.
If Kashae was pregnant, her father was going to die on site and take me with his ass.