BURTON ALBION

‘Ali, I can’t find any Burton quotes.’

‘Try looking at a brewery website.’

Conversation between myself and Ali, 2019

‘Burton-on-Trent – the world’s most important beer town.’

All About Beer magazine, volume 28, issue 1 – thanks Ali

For some reason, I always knew this was going to be the hardest chapter to write. Fate has never seen fit to send me to Burton-on-Trent, not even to visit the National Brewing Centre or Claymills Pumping Station (bless you, Wikipedia). Palace have never played them, and they are one of those clubs I know many of us look out for in the FA Cup draw just to tick a new ground off the list.* Although it turns out I would have been late for kick-off because they are about 25 miles further north than I thought – who knew the River Trent was so long?

Obviously, I knew about the brewing thing. I’ve been in enough pubs to have picked that up by osmosis; and any historian of London will tell you that the brewers of Burton were partly responsible for one of the finest railway stations in the world, when they needed somewhere to store the beer brought to London by the new railway lines in the 1860s.

Indeed, if you get the Eurostar from St Pancras International to Paris you will be leaving from vaults made to the same plan as a beer warehouse, in units of measurement based on English barrel sizes. And we’re not in the EU any more so none of those pesky foreigners will ever be able to make us change to measuring things in sherry casks. Take that, Europe!

Burton Albion’s history doesn’t stretch that far back,† but their nickname and their badge reflect that heritage. The nickname, I love: the Brewers. Unfortunately, the badge is arguably one of the worst in football. It consists of a rather pompous-looking stick man containing a stylised B and A linked together. I’m sure it was cutting-edge graphics at some stage, now it just looks like a pregnant Eiffel Tower.‡

Brewing is also a handy way of celebrating and commemorating those rare occasions when the club made headlines. In 2006, after an unlikely FA Cup draw with Alex Ferguson’s mighty Man U side, Marston’s produced a beer called ‘Fergie’s Fury’. Sadly, Fergie was a wine man, so perhaps a nice bottle of red made from sour grapes would have been more appropriate.

Burton Albion were founded in 1950 as a replacement for four Burton teams that existed before the war. Burton United, Burton Town, Burton Wanderers and Burton Swifts. They seem to like their swifts in the Midlands, as you’ll see when you get to Walsall (the chapter, not the town). One report says that the club was formed by ‘popular demand’, but if four clubs had disappeared from the town already that would indicate whatever the opposite of ‘popular demand’ was, wouldn’t it? Having said that, 5,000 people did turn up to their first game, but having said that, that’s roughly the amount of people who turn up now. So, that’s the end of that.

By the way, if you think my geographical knowledge is hazy, I’m not the only one. Having started in the Birmingham League, they were then shifted to the Southern League before being shunted to the Northern Premier League, then shifted again to the Southern League because there were too many teams for the north to handle, only for them to be sent back to the Northern Premier League, presumably because somebody in authority looked at a map and realised, like I did, that they were way further north than they thought.

Luckily, they put an end to all the regional confusion by getting promoted to the Conference and then to the League proper. And for a team that’s only been in the League proper for 10 years they’ve done alright for themselves, reaching the Championship for a bit and having some tasty cup runs.

They may not be a big club, but they have certainly been associated with some big names, having been managed by the likes of Peter Taylor (who went on to be Brian Clough’s right-hand man), Neil Warnock, Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink and, more famously, by the son of Brian Clough himself, Nigel, who has had spells at the club lasting more than 14 years.

Oh, and that’s the chapter on Burton Albion done! I thought it would be much harder than that. Apologies if it’s not extensive, it would take an actual fan to write that book. But, if it’s any consolation, your town is known for two things: football and beer. If it wasn’t for you, we’d have nothing to do in a pub on a Monday night. Thank you!

Why You Shouldn’t Support Them

■ Almost impossible to find a reason to hate them. That makes me suspicious; what are they up to?

■ According to Wikipedia, their main rivalry is a ‘friendly’ one with Derby County. I do not approve of ‘friendly’ rivalries.

■ Truly, that badge is a disgrace.