HULL CITY

‘The most poetic city in Britain.’

PETER PORTER Australian poet

‘A place cannot produce good poems; it can only not prevent them and Hull is good at that.’

PHILIP LARKIN poet of Hull

Fittingly for a city of poetry, some of this chapter will be about words, and one word in particular. You probably already know that ‘Hull City’ is the only team in the 92 that you can’t colour in. A suggested name change would have changed all that, but it wasn’t the reason Hull fans dug their heels in.

But first, some background. Like many ports, there is a bit of an edge to Hull. A sense of otherness, and their own identity, that comes from pointing outwards as much as in. Despite being ‘the King’s Town Upon Hull’, in 1642 they denied Charles I access to the castle armoury and helped precipitate the Civil War. It was their MP, William Wilberforce, who led the battle to abolish slavery.

Philip Larkin was the librarian at Hull University for 30 years. The first woman to fly solo to Australia, Amy Johnson, was born there, as, of course, was Cosey Fanni Tutti, co-founder of seminal industrial punk band Throbbing Gristle. And, speaking of ‘musicians’, Hull was also responsible for my least favourite band ever, the Housemartins.

From the mid-1850s to the mid-1980s, Hull was the centre of the country’s distant-water fishing industry with its trawlers fishing the seas around Iceland and Norway to bring the fish to add to the chips of a grateful nation. No more, of course. Although there are signs of a mini-revival: one ship is landing fish again. One!

And despite this rich cultural and industrial history, what’s the one thing that all football fans say when we go for the first time? ‘Fuck me, they do have white phone boxes!’ Cream, actually. It’s no big deal, in 1904 the city set up their own independent phone network and it’s remained so ever since. And, look closely: unlike the rest of the country, the phone boxes have no crowns, marking the city’s two fingers to Charles I.

All that is by way of context for Hull City FC, a football team who have not only had to cope with a turbulent century of politics and economics, but have also had to fight for attention with two giants of rugby league. Seriously, if you think teams like Tranmere have it tough competing with Liverpool and Everton, spare a thought for City, stuck between Hull and Kingston Rovers.

In fact, several tentative football clubs in Hull had failed to take hold because of the rugby league teams before Hull City formed in 1904* and held on tight until they were admitted to the Football League a year later. Apart from a brief but buccaneering spell in the Premier League, their story mainly took place in the lower divisions, but their recent history contains another civil war of their very own.

On my first trip to Hull for Match of the Day 2 I found myself on the coach to an away game chatting with two old ladies. Let’s call them Elsie and Madge, because I reckon there must be thousands of Elsies and Madges in Hull. And before you think that’s patronising, trust me, they ran rings around me.

I like to think I’m good with old ladies. A bit of charm here, a bit of flattery there, topped with a bit of implied flirting and a genuine interest in what I can learn about their history. None of that washed with these two. I learnt some things, and some words, that would make a trawlerman blush. Elsie had only started supporting them in recent years because her grandson’s season ticket had become unexpectedly available and ‘even when he got time off for good behaviour, I didn’t give it back. I’ve got me own now.’ Madge had been supporting them for decades but what was recent was her Tiger tattoo. So recent, it still had the cellophane on it. ‘Feisty’ doesn’t begin to cover their attitude to life; so when that Tiger caused a struggle between the club and its fans a short while later, I wasn’t surprised that it was the fans who won.

Hull City fans have put up with a lot over the years. They’ve seen their team locked out of their own stadium, just minutes from liquidation. They’ve seen the Football League mainly from the bottom up and they had one of the worst kits in living memory foisted on them in 1992, their traditional yellow and black stripes being replaced by a truly hideous tiger-stripe camouflaged mess.†

But in 2013, they finally dug their heels in. New owner Dr Assem Allam changed the name of the limited company that ran the club to Hull Tigers and announced he planned to change the name of the team itself in order to make them a more recognisable brand ‘and attract overseas investment’. This caused consternation at the FA, who pointed out that their approval was needed for any such change. And it caused uproar among the fans, and not just because you can colour in Hull Tigers.

Now, some of you may be wondering: why all the fuss? They are nicknamed the Tigers and their kit is tiger-coloured, and hey, Hull Tigers is quite a cool name. But that is to miss the point. They have been Hull City since 1904. They have been providing an identity and a focal point for a community since 1904, much of which time was spent in turmoil for the club and the city. Hull City.

Peaceful protests began. Peaceful. Then after the fans spent one whole game chanting ‘We’re City till we die’, Dr Allam responded by saying ‘they can die as soon as they want’. Protests became less peaceful. In 2014, and again in 2015, the FA Council refused by a majority of just under 70% to allow the name change. Dr Allam, to his credit, backed down and apologised (sort of).

The Hull City Supporters Trust thanked the FA for ‘securing the heritage of Hull City and listening to its supporters’. Because that’s what the club owner didn’t do. If he had consulted with the fans first, none of it would have happened. Or he may have been able to carry his argument with those fans and get his name change.

Personally, I’d have left him alone with Elsie and Madge for 10 minutes. No contest.

Why You Shouldn’t Support Them

■ I know it’s childish but I really don’t like the Housemartins, mainly because of their album London 0 Hull 4.

■ Cream phone boxes are weird, though.

■ I have never been that shocked by two old ladies, and my family is full of hard-drinking potty-mouthed examples.