Five minutes later, I stood in the ring, opposite of Christie Tigerlilly – aka the Snot Rocket, a sixth grader who I hadn’t met yet.
Just like the first time I was in the ring, Millie started a chant, but this time they were saying, ‘Braver-boy! Brav-er-boy! Brav-er-boy!’
I think she wanted me to be a superhero even more than I did.
After stripping down to my supersuit, I stood at the side of the ring, feeling a draught on my inner thighs since Duncan’s suit was less of a full-body suit and more of a woman’s bathing suit.
The Snot Rocket mean-mugged me, finger under her nose to keep snot from dripping.
We walked out to the centre and bumped fists.
‘Hi, I’m Ben.’
‘I am the Snot Rocket!’ Christie shot back.
‘Yeah, no, I’m Braverboy, but my real name’s Ben. And you’re Christie, right?’
She curled her lip. ‘I am the Snot Rocket.’
Clearly she wasn’t gonna break character.
Good for her.
I waved to the Braver Ravers. They jumped like baby birdies, reaching for me like I was their mama about to puke some food into their tiny empty beaks.
Wait, no, that’s – forget I said that.
‘Battle!’ Vic proclaimed.
The Snot Rocket sneered and pulled a thick rope of yellow snot out of her nose.
It was so gross it was probably illegal.
Everyone squirmed. Pretty sure someone in the back barfed.
The Snot Rocket whipped her rope at me like she was Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom. I somersaulted out of the way as her lung butter slapped the floor like fresh guacamole.
‘My turn,’ I said, secretly activating my supersuit by slapping the gloves together.
I waited.
She waited.
The crowd waited.
I had no idea how to work the suit.
Christie jammed her thumb against a nostril and blew, firing off actual rockets of snot across the ring.
The first couple skimmed past me, but the rest of her nose nuggets splashed against my neck, exploding in a soggy mess of nastiness.
I ran around the ring, clapping my hands over and over, trying to get the suit to activate, but it just looked like I was giving myself a round of applause.
My opponent came at me screaming like a banshee, carrying a softball-size snot bomb that she smashed into my face. Snot filled my eyes, my nose, my mouth … every hole in my head!
I fell to the ground, still trying to get Duncan’s stupid suit to work.
Christie towered over me, snorting deeply, preparing her finishing move.
And then it happened.
The suit activated.
The fabric cinched up and tickled my skin with what felt like humming. I still wasn’t sure exactly how to shoot an antigravity pulse, but Christie helped me figure it out real quick.
She craned her neck, tightened her lips, and blew her nose hard, sending a tidal wave of wet boogies my way.
I aimed my hands at her and pushed my fingers out, feeling energy zap out of my gloves. I shut my eyes and let loose a barrage of blasts, hoping one would hit her.
People screamed as chairs clanged.
Penny shouted, ‘Stop!’
Noah shouted, ‘Keep going!’
Totes shouted, ‘No free rides!’
I finally dropped my hands, and the blasts stopped.
I opened one eye.
Christie floated helplessly about a metre off the ground. So did the rest of the crowd behind her side of the ring.
I turned to face the kids behind me, who were still standing. Saucer-eyed and jaws dropped, they gazed at me in awe. The teens who had come in were blown away.
‘Best battle ever!’ Arnold declared.
Millie grabbed my arm and held it up. ‘Braverboy for the win!’
Everyone went ballistic, jumping up and down, chanting my superhero name.
Noah and Penny smiled from ear to ear.
Dexter was fuming.
I did it.
I was the winner.
I mean, that’s what I planned on doing the whole time, but I couldn’t believe I actually did it!
I was awesome. Amazing. Remarkable.
I was unstoppable!
I jumped as high as I could. ‘HECK YEAH, I’M THE ULTIMATE CHAMPION OF THE UNIVERSE!’
I was on top of the world.
And nothing could bring me down.
