The long hot shower I took back in our room made my body go wonderfully languid. But it tensed right back up when I was toweling off and spotted bruises forming on my thigh and upper arm. In frustration I hit my balled fist on the counter. Any self-respecting Shifter would shift and heal those suckers right up. My solution was going to be carefully selecting clothes that didn’t show too much skin.
That’s so not going to get Connor’s attention.
I couldn’t believe that in less than an hour, after his ridiculous test, I caught myself looking forward to seeing him again. I couldn’t deny that wrestling him had been a total turn-on—even if the reason for it had sucked.
After our close encounter on the wrestling mat, I knew I’d finally caught his undivided attention and that result was more invigorating than being given a position of authority. He’d scented the pheromones my body had been releasing with his nearness. I wondered what might have happened if we hadn’t had an audience in the dungeon. Would he have dipped his head farther for a kiss? Would he have objected if I’d slipped my hands beneath his shirt and caressed the firm muscles of his back? Would he have pressed—
A hard thud on the bathroom door made my heart leap into my throat.
“Hey, Brittany, can I come in?” Lindsey asked.
When did she get back to the room? And couldn’t she have waited until I was finished with my fantasy to disturb me? “I’m not dressed,” I ground out.
“So wrap up in a towel. I need to get ready for Rafe.”
“Give me a minute.” I didn’t bother to hide my irritation. And I couldn’t afford to take time to see where my fantasy might have led. Maybe tonight before I went to sleep. I gave my body a quick once-over and didn’t see any other bruising.
I wrapped a towel around my torso, but the bruise on my thigh peeked out like a naughty kid I’d once babysat. Great. Maybe Kayla wouldn’t notice. Lindsey knew the truth, so my injuries wouldn’t come as a surprise to her. I grabbed another towel and walked out rubbing it over my arm like I was drying it for the first time—hoping to keep the bruise hidden.
“Thanks,” Lindsey said as she scooted past me and closed the door.
Kayla was zipping up a short jean skirt when I tossed the towel on the bed and started scrounging through my backpack. My bruised arm was hidden from her view. I dug out a pair of jeans. As for the shirt—
“Is that a bruise?” Kayla asked.
Looking down at my thigh, I feigned surprise. “Huh. Looks like.”
“So shift and heal it.” She pulled a lacy green top over her head. “That’s one of the coolest things about being a Shifter. How easily we heal.”
She grabbed a brush and started dragging it through her vibrant red hair.
“I’ll take care of it after you guys leave.” But not in the way she thought.
She stilled the brush. “I’ll close my eyes if you’re modest about shifting in front of me.”
“Thanks, but I’ll deal with it.”
“I understand,” she said quietly.
I doubt it. “Understand what?”
“It’s a personal experience. The first time I shifted in front of someone other than Lucas, I was so nervous I wasn’t certain I could pull it off. I can’t imagine what it must have been like growing up knowing you’d have this amazing ability. I don’t know that I would have had the patience to wait.”
“It’s not like we have a choice.”
“True.” She put her brush aside, headed for the door, and stopped. “Sure you don’t want me to wait for you?”
“I’m sure. Besides, you and Lucas can probably get in a hundred kisses before I’m finished getting ready.”
“Or one long, slow one. My personal favorite.” Opening the door, she smiled brightly. “Hey!”
“Hey,” Lucas said, his voice reflecting how glad he was to see her.
She closed the door. How great it would be to have a guy waiting for me in the hallway. But only if that guy was Connor.
I dressed quickly, before Lindsey came out of the bathroom. I didn’t need more advice on how to handle my bruises, and I figured her solution would involve lecturing me that it was confession time.
I tossed my head around and let my hair go free. I imagined Connor combing his fingers through it, over and over until it dried.
I needed to stop thinking about him and get a life. Maybe the elders were right. Maybe my true soul mate resided in another state, another country even.
Okay, so I hadn’t shifted yet, and things were a little different for me but that didn’t mean that I didn’t deserve a soul mate—or at least a boyfriend. I didn’t need a lifetime commitment. But a kiss would be nice. Connor’s tongue sliding over mine—
I sighed deeply. I didn’t know if I could be happy with anyone who wasn’t Connor. Could he be happy with someone who wasn’t Lindsey?
The bathroom door clicked open and she strode out, looking great as always. She was supermodel slender. I’d never been that thin. My grandfather had once told me that I had good bone structure. Yeah, that’s the kind of compliment every girl longs for.
“I heard that you’re teaming up with Connor,” Lindsey said, as she flung her bundle of dirty clothes into a corner near her bed.
“It’s not like it’s a secret. It’s posted on the wall outside the council room.”
“I want things to work out for you two, I really do. But Connor seemed…a little distant today.”
“Well, duh? You kinda made a fool of him, Linds. Something I’d never do.”
A deep red blush stained her cheeks. “I should have been as strong as you sooner—when I realized Rafe was the one. I just didn’t want to hurt Connor. I mean, everyone thought we belonged together. Only we didn’t.”
I didn’t respond. There was nothing I could say to make her feel better. She left quietly, and I sat on my bed wondering how I should spend the evening. The girls I usually hung around with—Kayla and Lindsey—would be busy getting hot and heavy with their mates. Which left the only member of our team not tied to someone—Connor. But as much as I wanted to see him, my irritation with him was returning, and I wasn’t in the mood to chase him. I was starting to feel that sting of disappointment that he didn’t know me well enough to know I’d work my butt off to be the best Dark Guardian.
Tonight I was on my own.
After scooping up a tub of warm popcorn from the machine in the hallway and lacing it generously with butter, I slipped inside the media room that closely resembled a tiny theater. The lights were already out, the movie in progress. I almost reached for a small penlight that I usually carried in a pocket, before I remembered that I was now supposed to have great vision in the dark.
With the Guardians, several novices, house staff, and the elders here, almost every seat was taken. And of course, as fate would have it, at that precise moment our hero was staggering through a dark forest trying to outrun the full moon. Yeah, werewolf movies were on the top of our must-watch list. Hollywood’s take on our kind was hilariously off-base. It became more difficult to locate an empty chair. I heard the door open and close too quickly to give me enough light to see.
Then someone touched my arm and a jolt of pleasure rippled through me, and the earlier irritation I’d felt toward Connor dissipated. Even in the near-darkness without a clear vision of him, I knew it was Connor. I recognized his scent.
“Waiting for someone?” Connor whispered near my ear, sending delicious shivers over my neck.
Only you, corny as it was, popped into my mind. “Uh, no.”
“Then sit with me.”
Before I could respond, Connor wrapped his hand around mine and our fingers intertwined. My heart skipped a little bit at how much longer and stronger his fingers were than mine. I’d felt them running over my body while we’d wrestled, but for some reason this moment seemed much more intimate. Connor was a few inches taller than me and a little broader—and I remembered how that body had pressed down on me earlier.
The scene on the screen suddenly brightened as it focused on the full moon, and I could see a little more clearly. Connor led me toward seats in front of Kayla and Lucas. Kayla had never had much of a poker face. Her eyes widened with surprise that I didn’t think had anything to do with the movie.
I fought not to feel the loss as Connor released his hold on my hand. Sitting down, I got comfortable before offering him some popcorn. Grinning, he took a handful before settling back to watch the movie, our close encounter this afternoon apparently forgotten.
I wasn’t sure exactly what I’d been expecting. His arm coming around me, his lips pressing against mine. I munched on popcorn that tasted like sawdust—not its fault. I’d just lost my appetite.
The guy in the movie was suddenly sprouting hair in little weird tufts on his face and hands. Bad special effects began lengthening his snout. I had a feeling this movie had gone straight to video.
“Give me a break,” Connor muttered and started tossing popcorn at the screen. He wasn’t the only one. Boos and hisses echoed around us.
“Who found this one?” Lucas called out.
“Daniel!” someone yelled.
“It’s definitely in the running.”
There was an unspoken competition to find the worst werewolf movie ever made. We had an unusual sense of what qualified as entertainment. Usually I laughed along with everyone else and made fun of what we all considered a parody of our kind. But tonight, watching a transformation—even one that was so far removed from reality as to be comical—hit just a little too close to home.
For as long as I could remember I’d defined myself as what I would become when I turned seventeen and faced my first full moon. All the insecurities that I’d felt because no guy had ever paid any attention to me would have melted away. In wolf form, I would have possessed beauty, confidence, and power. I’d never have to worry that some guy would abandon me the way my father had abandoned my mother and me.
I was suddenly very much aware of Connor’s arm on the back of my chair, his knuckles feathering along my cheek. The contact was such a surprise my whole body stiffened.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” His voice was low and deep, his mouth so near my ear that I could easily hear him in spite of the catcalls and whistles as the werewolf on the screen completed his transformation—without ever removing his clothes. Neat trick.
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
He slid his hand around the back of my neck and began stroking the underside of my chin with his thumb. Heat pooled in my stomach. I was acutely aware of him studying me, while I tried to give the impression my attention was locked on the screen. I’d had so many dreams about moments like this with Connor, but now that one had arrived I didn’t quite trust it. A few nights ago, he’d been prepared to commit his life, his heart, his body, his soul to Lindsey forever. Now he was giving attention to me as though she’d never existed, as though he hadn’t had a symbol of her name inked onto his skin in an ancient ritual that was supposed to identify them as mates. And he’d felt a need to test me. Maybe I’d just test him back.
His lips touched my ear and my resolve to be tough where he was concerned shattered. I exhaled in a jagged breath. I thought I was going to melt into the seat. “Let’s go,” he ordered.
Before I could object—not that I would have—he stood, grabbed my hand, pulled me to my feet, and led me out of the media room. In the hallway, he faced me. “Something is wrong. I know you’re not still mad about this afternoon or you wouldn’t have sat with me. Something else is bothering you. What is it?”
His voice emanated power and command. I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted him to reassure me that somewhere I would find an answer, that I would become the beautiful wolf I’d always longed to be. But I remembered the odd looks I’d received when I’d hopped onto the treadmill. Those looks were nothing compared with the ones I’d get if the truth about me came out.
“It’s this Bio-Chrome mess.” Partly true. “I just wasn’t in the mood to watch a movie making fun of what we are. Mason and his dad view us as little more than lab rats to be dissected and studied, and portrayals like that”—I jerked my head toward the theater—“don’t help our cause. We’re stereotyped.”
“No, we’re not, Brittany. No one knows we exist. Well, except for Bio-Chrome. The movies are fiction, based on someone’s imagination or fears. We know they’re grossly inaccurate but we can’t be accurately portrayed if we’re not willing to come out of the woods.”
His words surprised me. “Do you think we should?” I asked.
“Some of us have been talking about it, but you heard the elders. They believe there’s safety in secrecy.”
“Is that what you believe?”
“I’d rather face the storm.” He reached into the tub of popcorn and grabbed a handful. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Like where?”
“Just walk.”
He took the tub I still clutched and tossed it into a nearby trash can. Wrapping his hand around mine, he led me outside. Usually I wasn’t so docile, but tonight wherever he led was where I wanted to go.
We reached the edge of the yard, where it gave way to the woods. Leaning against a tree, Connor put his hands on my hips and brought me in alignment with him. My heart thundering, our eyes met and held. Very slowly, he skimmed his hand down my arm, and I hated that I’d had to wear sleeves to hide the bruise, that I couldn’t feel the rasp of his touch over my skin. He threaded his fingers through mine, and a spark of electricity shot between us. Then he lifted my hand and began to lick any lingering butter and salt off my fingertips. It was probably the most sensual thing I’d ever experienced. But it didn’t feel…I don’t know. Honest.
“I won’t be your rebound girl,” I said, pushing the words up out of my throat.
He seemed surprised by my harsh tone. “Lindsey told me that you have the hots for me.”
I slid my eyes closed and groaned. She had no right. I opened my eyes to find him still studying me.
“Well?” he prodded.
I gritted my teeth, hoping he wasn’t about to make a fool of me. But this was Connor. The Connor who’d gone to school with me. The one on the football field who I rooted for. The one who carried campers’ equipment into the wilderness and never complained. The one with the sexy smile. The one who—if I was honest—cared enough about our kind to make sure he was choosing the right person to serve as his right hand. “Yeah, so?”
“How much?”
“It’s not something I can quantify on a scale of one to ten.” Mostly because what I felt for him was off the charts.
“Was it like you just looked at me one day and bam!—you were struck by lightning?”
“No.”
“That’s the way Lucas said it was with Kayla. That when you meet your destined mate it’s like taking a kick to the gut.”
“Well, that’s romantic,” I said sarcastically. “Why does it have to be like that? Why can’t we just gradually fall in love? The way humans do.”
“Because we’re not human.” He pulled me closer until my hips rammed against his. “You let me win this afternoon. You relaxed your hold before I indicated that I was giving up. You know better than to do that.”
What I’d misread for desire, I now realized bordered on anger, maybe disappointment that I’d let him win. I swallowed hard. “I figured your ego took a pounding when Rafe beat you. I couldn’t do that to you again—not in front of the others.”
“You think Rafe beat me?” he asked, slowly enunciating each word as though he found them difficult to comprehend.
“Well, yeah, I know how these things work. A challenge is always a fight to the death, and neither of you died, but Rafe ended up with the girl, which means he won but showed mercy.” I realized how awful that sounded, and that I was babbling. So untypical, but I wanted desperately to explain why I’d thrown the fight. “Believe me, if I’d been betting money, I would have bet on you. You’re not as in-your-face as Lucas is or as intimidating as Rafe, but you’re powerful and strong and I think you’re the best of—”
“Just shut up,” he growled, right before he covered my mouth with his.
I felt as though I’d waited my whole life for this moment—to kiss Connor. And it was just as feverish and wild as I’d expected. How could it not be when one of us was fortunate enough to harbor a beast inside of him?
My mind stuttered with the reminder that my beast had yet to be released, but I shoved it aside to concentrate on the kiss. My skin tingled where the stubble on his chin abraded mine. There was hunger in his kiss, heated passion, and unexpected tenderness. His strong hands roamed over my back, slipped beneath my shirt, and skimmed across my spine into the curve of my lower back. I moaned softly. I wanted his shirt off. I wanted my fingers trailing over his chest. His hands clamped my hips, and suddenly he was pushing me away.
“He didn’t beat me,” he ground out. “I walked away because I didn’t love Lindsey.”
“But—”
“Yeah, I know. Ink on my shoulder. Public declaration she’s the one. Well, she wasn’t. You don’t want to be the rebound girl? Fine, but don’t tease me with that fine-honed body either.”
Before I could respond, he started to run, discarding his clothes as he went. As he disappeared into the thicket of trees, he transformed into the wolf, the moonlight dancing over his golden fur in the same way that my fingers ached to.
Was he expecting me to strip down, transform, and follow? Was that how I was supposed to prove that I hadn’t been teasing him earlier, that I wanted more than kisses from him? By chasing after him?
Breathing heavily, I turned around and placed my back against the tree. What had just happened? Had the test in the gym come about not because Connor had seen it as an ideal opportunity to test my skills, but because…well, because he’d been attracted to me? He’d wanted to get up close and personal—and challenging me had provided him with an acceptable excuse?
He didn’t love Lindsey. The words kept echoing over and over in my mind, like a song that I couldn’t get out of my head. If he hadn’t loved her, there was no rebound. And if there was no rebound—
Was it possible that I could have Connor on my terms?
Yes, right up until the moment when he realized I’d yet to turn into a wolf, that I’d couldn’t lope along beside him. That he could hint that I should follow but I still wasn’t able to catch up. That, for now, I was only half of what he was.
There was none of the magic that bonded two mates forever. No sharing of moonlight.
I couldn’t go on like this. I didn’t want to confess it to the elders, but my mom—I could tell her. She’d be back from Europe tomorrow. She might know what was going on. Maybe she was a late bloomer as well.
Dejected by my present reality, I began walking back to the residence. I decided to use the approved front door for my entrance this time. As I rounded the corner, I nearly ran into a couple locked in a passionate embrace. His back was up against the brick and she was up against him. As they kissed, he moaned and she sighed. They reminded me of what I’d just left.
Although I hadn’t made any noise, they both suddenly broke apart. Lindsey released a startled laugh. “Oh my God, I thought I smelled Connor.”
Without a word, I started walking on. She grabbed my arm and spun me around. “I do smell him,” she said. “You’ve been with him…like, right up against him.”
I was beginning to hate how much they could pick up from scent. Nothing was sacred around here.
“So?” I snapped. “You ditched him. What I do with him is none of your business.”
“No. I know. I mean, I think it’s great. I want him to move on. I just didn’t think it would happen so fast.”
“Yeah, well, it’s a mixed review.”
“What do you mean?”
Rafe came up behind her and slid his arms around her waist and rested his chin on the top of her head. They fit together like perfect pieces for an “Over the Moon” puzzle. Did they have to constantly touch? Could they even begin to understand that as happy as I was for them, it still hurt to see them having what I didn’t?
I glared at Rafe, hoping to at least get him to back off a few feet. I wasn’t going to discuss Connor with Lindsey while he hovered. Hell, I hadn’t even made up my mind if I was going to tell her anything.
She lifted a shoulder. “You can go ahead and talk in front of him. He can read my mind.”
“Only when he’s in wolf form.”
“No, actually, pretty much anytime,” Rafe said.
I stared at Lindsey. “Anytime…anything?”
“Yeah, but he’s bound by my oaths to keep secrets.”
Great. Absolutely great. Eventually everyone would know.
“So what happened with Connor?” Lindsey prodded.
I made a shooing motion. “I don’t care if he can read your mind. I can’t talk with him looking at me.”
I’d expected Lindsey to stay stubborn, so I could be equally stubborn and walk away. Instead she twisted around, reached up, and kissed Rafe on the cheek. “I’ll find you.”
No doubt with that amazing nose she now possessed. Without a word, Rafe spun on his heel and strode away. Lindsey faced me and waited, while I tried to determine how much to tell her.
“Come on,” she finally said and took my hand, leading me over to the massive stone steps that led up to the door. Snarling stone wolves sat on pedestals on either side of them. I didn’t know why all the wolves around here had to be snarling. I guessed they were symbolic, indicating we wouldn’t take crap from anyone.
Lindsey and I dropped down to the steps. They were hard beneath my butt, which was a good thing because it ensured we wouldn’t get comfy and talk too long.
“So…he kissed you?” she asked hesitantly.
“It was”—I sighed deeply with the memory—“amazing while it lasted. Then Connor ran off. He thinks I’ve been teasing him. Why did you tell him I had the hots for him?”
She appeared embarrassed. “Maybe I was trying to make up for what happened during the full moon. It was awful, Brit. I didn’t want to hurt him like that, and I thought if he knew someone else liked him that he might feel better.”
I debated how much to reveal. I didn’t want to hurt her either, but—
“He told me that he didn’t love you.”
With her hands pressed between her knees, she leaned forward. “Yeah, he told me the same thing. I thought maybe he was just saying it. You know how much pride these guys have.” She looked back over her shoulder at me. “You think he meant it?”
I did, but whatever the relationship between them was then and now was between them. “I don’t know.” I tapped her arm with my knuckles. “Hey, thanks for not outing me during the meeting this morning.”
“I promised to keep your secret, but sooner or later…it can put us in danger.”
Talk about trying to be politically correct. I knew she’d wanted to say I—me—would put us in danger. I also knew that I was putting the others at risk. Was I being totally selfish?
“My mom comes back tomorrow. Maybe you’re right. Maybe my birth certificate is wrong. Could be a year off or something. I’ll talk to her.”
“They won’t kick you out of the pack if you’re…different,” she assured me.
“But I can’t be a Dark Guardian.”
“It limits you if you can’t shift,” she admitted.
“Yeah, I know. I can’t smell who’s been making out with whom.”
She playfully nudged her shoulder against mine, as though she understood that I was struggling to make light of this dire situation. “It’s more than that.”
“I know,” I said, all teasing aside. “If my mom doesn’t have any answers, if during the next full moon nothing happens…I’ll out myself. Leave the society.”
“I don’t think you have to go that far. There’s bound to be something you can do. Man the computers or something.”
“Lindsey, I’ve been preparing my entire life to be a warrior. I never wanted anything as much as I wanted to be a wolf. It’s so hard to be here right now. Tonight when Connor shifted, I had this sense of wonder that he had the ability to transform into this glorious creature and at the same time I felt an overwhelming loss because I hadn’t yet experienced that. I’m tired of being just plain, dull Brittany.” I stopped there before I confessed that I understood where Bio-Chrome was coming from. They had to be like me, envying what they were not capable of achieving.
I could tell that Lindsey was at a loss for words. What reassurances could she offer? Neither of us knew what was going on with me. I shoved myself to my feet. “Good night.”
When I got to my room it was empty. I figured Kayla was either still watching the werewolf marathon or she and Lucas had sneaked out for a little personal time like Lindsey and Rafe had. My money was on the sneaking out. Ah, young love. Gag.
But I wanted it, too.
After getting ready for bed, I stared at the moonlight coming in through the window and studied the patterns it made on my legs. The full moon was gone, heading toward a new moon, a dark moon.
I tried to imagine my skin tingling with the touch of the moonlight, the way it had tingled when Connor had touched it with his fingertips. His fingers were rough and callused from all the outdoor activity he engaged in, but they’d whispered across my back. I grew warm thinking about it, almost as warm as I’d grown when it had been happening. I tried to push him out of my mind.
But when I fell asleep, as usual, he was there waiting for me in my dreams.