Chapter 16

The phone rang loud and brassy, waking me. I hustled off the bed and ran to answer it on the endtable on Lee's side. He woke, startled, but managed to pick up the phone before I got it.

"Yeah." He spoke hoarsely then coughed, sat up and cleared his throat while he listened. "Better. Thanks. And don't worry about it. I'm usually up before now." He coughed again, then leaned back against the wood headboard and ran his free hand through his hair pulling it out of his eyes as he listened.

Feeling silly standing there, I went back to my side of the bed and crawled in then clicked on the TV. Local morning news was on the weather report.

"Give us half an hour." Lee spoke into the phone. "I want to shower. I sweat my guts out last night but I think the fever may have broken." He listened again, and I felt him watching me as Colleen's voice squeaked through the receiver, though I couldn't hear what she was saying. "I don't know. We can talk about it when we get there. See you in a few." Lee hung up, got off the bed and gave me a quick smile as he passed in front of me on his way to the bathroom, still fully clothed in jeans and his white, long sleeve shirt. "I'll be fifteen minutes, and we're out of here." He shut the bathroom door and I heard the shower go on.

Apparently there were no worries of him hitting on me. I felt relieved, even honored by his casual, androgynous demeanor. I dressed in jeans and my big gray knit sweater over my t-shirt, brought my duffel bag out to my car and let Face out for her morning pee. It was after 9:00, but the air was still cold and damp with tooley fog clinging to the ground and weaving through the trees. I tucked my hands in my jeans pockets and bounced up and down to get warm as I followed my dog along the edge of the forest. Lee came out of the room ten minutes later. I followed him to his sister's so Face wouldn't mess up his car with her muddy paws, was the excuse I gave, but I planned to leave directly after purchasing the items that needed replacing.

Both women were in the small kitchen cooking when we came in. Lee and I helped set the table. We indulged in a leisurely breakfast of homemade waffles, topped with fresh strawberries and whipped cream. After cleaning up, the four of us piled into Arlene's Land Rover taking the same positions as yesterday, and drove to Grant's Pass. We left Face in the garage with Ethridge's bean bag bed. Colleen lit a joint and we passed it around. Fifteen minutes later Arlene pulled into the True Value Hardware store parking lot.

We found no match for their existing ten year old carpet. After perusing several other stores with no success, it was decided the only alternative was to replace it entirely. At the new mammoth Home Depot warehouse, the size of which I'd not seen before, Colleen and Arlene agreed on a gray shag, and scheduled installers for the following week. With the carpet, the blinds and the string of Christmas lights, I dropped over eight hundred bucks before noon. I was verging on tears when we left the mega store. I really had to get out of there and back to work.

Lee took us to lunch at Debby's Diner. According to her name tag, Debby was serving us. Pixie hair cut and painted eyes, maybe in her late 20s-early 30s, tall and heavy, dressed in a classic mid-calf skirt and a tight pink cashmere sweater revealing the bulge at her waistline. Upon my inquiry, she confessed she didn't own the place. She'd taken the uniform and name tag of the last waitress years back, and her name was really Barbara Anne.

"Most everyone calls me Betty though." She set our teas, coffees and waters on the table of our booth. "A nickname for Betty Crocker, since I love to cook. Don't do much of it here, though, which is fine by me since I have five teenage boys and a hungry man at home and I'm cooking there all the time." She giggled like a schoolgirl.

"Five teenage boys?" Colleen was aghast. "You have them when you were like 15?"

"Had my first at 17. Beat my older sister, Charlotte, by four days." Debbie, or Betty, took her order pad from her skirt pocket and a pencil from behind her ear. "Now, what can I get for ya?"

After taking our orders the waitress strode away, head high, bounce in her step. I watched her placed our order on the metal turnstile and give a friendly smile to the cook in the kitchen as Colleen audibly scoffed.

"So many locals around here get married in or right out of high school and never leave. The women are like chattel, to serve the men, and pump out babies and don't get to college and never have careers so they're totally dependent and don't know any other way exists." Colleen spoke softly across the table.

"Small town mentality." Arlene added, her voice hushed. "Pisses me off. I was born and raised here, with all the Christian doctrine and stereotypical bullshit. I didn't buy into it. And I'm flat out angry at women who do."

I was too— thought women who propagated antiquated traditions unwittingly oppressed all women. But again, a part of me was torn, knowing having kids would limit my career pursuits if I wanted to actually be there to raise them. Sitting next to Lee watching Debby/Barbara/Betty, I felt a distinct yet growing envy. Our waitress buzzed about, and even overweight moved with grace, as if comfortable in her body as she poured coffee in front of a patron at the counter then topped it with cream and smiled before turning to the kitchen counter and gathering several lunch platters to deliver to other customers. Her stride was confident, her smiles welcoming, and given often. The woman seemed...happy, satisfied, on solid ground. And I still longed for what our oppressed waitress seemingly already possessed.

The conversation flowed on while Lee and his sister indulged in their cheese burgers and Arlene and I ate our salads. Colleen mentioned an impending storm, and suggested we all go cross-country skiing for the afternoon. I'd planned to leave on New Year's Day, then today after shopping, but the restricted area that both women touted of crystalline babbling brooks and aqua-marine lakes hidden in redwood laden mountains accessible only to Forest Service employees sounded too spectacular to miss.

I'd never been any good at skiing. Lee stayed by my side, even when I lagged behind, helping me up and brushing the snow off of me more times than I care to count. It was his first time cross-country skiing too, but he took to it a lot quicker than I did. He was encouraging and supportive when I got frustrated from falling. "Come on, get up. You can do it. I know you can," was his mantra to me all afternoon.

It snowed the entire time we were up in the Coastal Range limiting the photo opps without sunlight exaggerating depth of field. Stunning area though, with several small lakes surrounded by giant Redwoods and lush pines. We lit a huge fire on the bank of one of the lakes, under a Redwood canopy that kept the snow at bay, and we huddled around it for half hour or so while indulging in the pastries Lee had bought at the bakery next to the ski rental place. We watched the snow fall gently on the lake and spoke just above whispers as not to disrupt the silence. It started to get windy and colder, so we put the fire out, put our skis back on, and made our way back down the mountain.

We stopped for dinner at a small, country inn in the middle of the woods. The restaurant was a converted log cabin, complete with a huge fireplace. The hard rain hitting the wood porch outside sounded like a symphony. When the check came, Lee insisted on paying for everyone. Colleen sparked a joint on the way back to their house but Lee declined. His cheeks were crimson again, though he didn't look as bad as last night.

Well past 9:00, it was a bad idea to be traveling on wet roads for the twelve hour drive home through the night. I agreed to stay at the motel with Lee and leave early in the morning to head back to L.A. I took the dog's sleeping bag out of my Civic and told Face to come as I joined Lee in the motel room. He was rifling through his backpack, pulling out clean clothes when I came in.

"I'm beat. Being sick really took it out of me. I think the fever's coming back a bit. I'm gonna take a quick shower and go to bed. Hope you don't mind."

"No problem." I laid the sleeping bag by the dresser and Face curled onto it. "I'm really tired, too. Skiing, well, getting up from falling all day was exhausting." I flashed him a quasi grin.

He smiled back as he went into the bathroom and shut the door. I sat on the bed and flipped on the local news. Fifteen minutes later Lee crossed in from of the TV in a dark flannel shirt and boxer shorts and got into bed beside me.

"How ya feeling?" I clicked off the TV.

"Better. Thanks. Shower felt great."

"I'm next." I got up and collected clean clothes from my backpack.

"It's been a nice couple of days." He watched me. "I'm really glad you met me up here, Ray. It's a lot of fun hanging together again."

"For me, too. Thanks for inviting me."

"My pleasure. Glad you came.” He yawned. “Love to share some recent epiphanies, but I'm really tired. Let's talk in the morning. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Goodnight." He rolled onto his side, away from me.

"Goodnight, Lee." I went into the bathroom and showered. When I came back in the room Lee was asleep.

I crawled into bed next to him. Too keyed up to sleep, I rolled onto my side and stared at him. He was on his back, his head tilted slightly towards me. He looked beautiful in sleep, his full red lips slightly parted, his hair falling over his forehead, mingling with his long dark lashes and framing his baby face. I imagined him waking, seeing me watching him, then reaching up and kissing me, softly at first, then with passion.

My desired surprised me. The last couple of days with him had been spectacular adventures. We were connected again, like before our falling out. I really loved being with Lee, more than most anyone before him. And I had the sudden urge to slap him upside the head right then for not being the grown up I wanted, and knew I needed.

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Early morning I was outside in a gentle rain letting Face pick her spot. I was putting our stuff in my car when Lee came out to join me.

"My sister just called, asked if we wanted to come by for breakfast, then go up to Crater Lake today. Who would have guessed there's so much see in Oregon?"

"I'm taking off this morning, Lee. I have to get back to reality, get back home and back to work to cover the bills I've accumulated this vacation."

He frowned. "I thought we could stay through the weekend. And I told you I'd cover the damage Face caused. Come on. Stay."

"I can't. I really have to take off. I've been on the road for three weeks now. Vacation's over. It's time to get back to L.A."

"I was hoping we'd get a chance to talk before you left. Sorry for passing out on you last night, but I didn't realize you'd be taking off so early." He paused, looked at Face scouring the line of trees. "Thing is, I've been thinking a lot about what you said that night in my car, and on the phone with you in Colorado." He looked at me intently. "I totally get why you're afraid to be with me. And I'm completely on the page that everything you've said is right. It's time for me to stop acting like a kid and grow up. So, I'm gonna start controlling my spending, open a savings account and put money away, and pay the government off sooner than later to get them off my back. I want to start eating better, healthier, and play a lot of ball. And I'm following your lead and giving up weed when I get back to L.A."

My skin prickled with his assertion. I stared at him, tried to see into him. "You serious?"

"You bet. I can't promise I'll abandon it forever, but I'm going to prove to you, and me, that I'm not now, nor have I ever been addicted to weed." He stayed fixed on me, his expression resolute.

Tenderness stifled intuition's rejoinder not to move beyond friendship. He'd admitted I was right, that he wanted to change. All he needed was to be shown the way. And I was sure I loved him right then. Lee was dynamic, willing to change, 'a work in progress,' as Chris had said. We both were, and maybe, just maybe could be better together...

Lee stared at me, studied me, first my eyes, then lips, then back to my eyes, seemingly searching. "Come to breakfast at my sisters before you take off. Give you all a chance to say goodbye."

"I can't, Lee. It's a long drive and I want to get on the road. But please thank them both for me, and tell em how much I appreciated their hospitality, and how sorry I am for what my stupid dog did."

He smiled, shook his head. "I'll tell em. No worries." Water dripped off the ends of his hair. Only then did I notice it was raining.

I called Face to come before she was thoroughly soaked, hoping to avoid wet dog smell for the first fifty miles on the road, opened my hatchback and she glided in happily. Shepard's aren't fond of getting wet. I turned back to face Lee.

"I'll miss you," he said. "But I'll see ya in a few days in L.A." Then put his thick hand on the back of my neck, pulled me in and kissed my forehead, pressed his warm, full lips just above my brow sending heat through my face, into my chest, right down to my crotch. Several beats passed before he pulled back, let his hand drop casually and pocketed them both in his jeans but kept his eyes on mine. "Drive safely."

“I will.” My forehead was still warm and my crotch still tingled from his kiss as I unlocked my car door and opened it, my brain literally buzzing with adrenaline and pheromones. One last look before leaving, our eyes locked and I felt our electric connection, like he was inside my head.

His eyes sparkled with affection and humor. His chestnut hair cascaded to his shoulders in soft waves. His full lips revealed a hint of his Cheshire grin.

I reached out to him then, grasped his face in both my hands and kissed him, full on his lips. I couldn't help it. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him. I slid my hands around the back of his neck as heat spread from his lips to mine, then into my cheeks. His hot tongue moved into my mouth and set my entire body tingling.

Hard to say how long we stood there kissing, but I noticed the rain pouring down on us the moment Lee did. We finally separated, soaking wet and laughing, then bid each other farewell. I got in my car and closed the door cutting the cord, but not the connection between us.

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