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Edwin
He would rather be headed anywhere else.
A cold, damp dungeon where he was chained to the wall would be preferable.
Instead, he was headed to a New Year’s Eve party with a bunch of couples and happy people when he was neither.
Not a couple and not happy.
You’d think that winning the championship barely two months ago would have put him in a better state of mind. Soccer was his life, the thing that he loved to do. It was the one thing he could always count on to be there, to never let him down. Winning the title felt amazing. He’d been on a high for days afterward, smiling and celebrating with his teammates and friends.
When the excitement died down, he was left to sit and think about what came next.
Something he had no answer for.
He knew what he wanted but since it was never going to happen, he’d made a decision to let it go and move on.
Let her go.
Hannah Temple.
Not that she was his to let go of or that she even fucking knew he existed outside of being Edwin Boyle, midfielder for the Valley Falls Strikers and friend that she told all her problems to.
She knew his stats and his preferences when it came to deals and merchandise and sponsorships. That was her job as his agent. Or one of his agents. What she didn't know was that since the first time he’d seen her in the Top Athlete offices, he’d been done for.
She’d been standing against the wall, not talking to anyone, looking completely out of place and out of her comfort zone. Edwin was drawn to her beauty but also to her courage for obviously doing something that was completely foreign and uncomfortable to her.
He’d felt himself moving toward her and before he could stop himself to turn around and run in the other direction, she caught his eye.
There were days he wished he’d run.
Then maybe he’d be able to sleep without thinking of her.
“Hey,” she’d said. Then held out her hand for him to shake. “I’m Hannah Temple. I’m new here.”
Those seven words had sealed his fate.
He would forever want her and there was no amount of sex with other women that would change that.
He’d tried.
Not at first. At first, he let himself be lost in the dream of Hannah. Of what it would be like if they were together. When she joined his management team, it was even better, if seeing her and talking to her almost every day was better.
For the record, it wasn’t. It was torture. The good kind.
Was there a good kind of torture? He wouldn’t have said so five years ago, but having Hannah in his life in any way was better than if he’d never met her.
She was funny and sweet and went out of her way to make sure he had and got everything he wanted or needed. They became friends of a sort. Talking even when it wasn’t about soccer. He got to know her, the things she liked and didn’t, what she did in her free time, and all the little things you came to learn about friends.
He knew she preferred tea to coffee and in Chicago, where she lived, there was a place just around the corner from her apartment that made the absolute best. He knew her favorite music was nineties hip hop and rap because she had an aunt that indoctrinated her with it as a teenager, and he knew that she never dated clients.
Not ever.
It was in her contract and if she was caught doing anything remotely untoward with a client, she’d be automatically fired.
That was the reason he’d never said anything. Never acted on his feelings for her. They even kept their friendship secret, never telling anyone or acting like anything other than client and agent when they saw each other.
He liked her too much to be the reason she got fired. She loved her job. And was great at it. The care he got from her was impeccable. She never treated him like he was a client but always as if his opinion and not just the money mattered.
That was part of her charm.
It goaded him to think of her doing the same with her other clients.
He wanted to be special, to be more important.
Only, he knew he wasn’t.
That was why, after the Strikers had won the championship, he’d made the decision to let her go. He’d asked Top Athlete for a new team, and since he’d been with them for years, they agreed. He also cut off all ties with Hannah. No more texts or calls to see how her day was. No more chatting about stupid shows they both watched. No more of anything.
The biggest change was the dating.
If he was going to forget her, he had to fully move on. And now that he was a pretty hot commodity since he was a member of a championship soccer club, he had no problem finding willing women.
He just wished he was as willing.
He tried. A lot. There had been more women in the past two months than in all his life. He tried for at least two or three dates before sex but some of the ladies weren’t willing to wait. He wouldn’t lie and say the sex wasn’t good, because it was. Especially after going five years without.
Yeah, five years of nothing but his hand and images of Hannah in his head.
But good was a relative term. He might have preferred sex with a real person other than with his hand, but when it had been just him and his thoughts, at least there had been emotion involved. The women he was going on dates with were nice and some were fun and sweet and most were sexy, but they weren’t Hannah.
When he masturbated to thoughts of her, his release was powerful and quick. The sex he’d been having was void of anything but a need to get her out of his system and because he forbid himself to think of her while with other women, it took a mighty long time for him to come.
Once it had taken so long that he’d debated faking it.
He had no idea if that was even possible, and thank god it hadn’t come to that, but it had been a thought in his head.
That was the one and only time he'd let himself think of Hannah while with another woman. It had only taken an image of her in his head, of her smiling at him to finish. A fucking smile.
Who the hell came from a smile?
Apparently, he did.
Since that night, he hadn’t gone on any more dates. It was futile. He didn't want anyone else. Only Hannah. If he couldn’t have her, he was going to live his life alone.
Well, not entirely alone. He had friends, most of which would be at the party he was about to walk into.
The team’s owner Shane Bradley and his wife Allana were hosting. They’d lived in the city until only a few months ago when they’d purchased the house in the suburbs. Shane was one of those men who’d shocked everyone by falling in love and falling hard. Before Allana, he was always in the public eye with a gorgeous woman on his arm. Now, it was the equally gorgeous Allana on his arm and Shane was the guy who was always touching her or kissing her, or smiling down at her.
He was the guy who’d gone from never being in love, to loving so hard that he didn’t care that everyone knew what a lovesick fool he was for his wife.
Edwin had heard all about their new house but this would be his first time inside. He pulled up the drive in his newly purchased Corvette—the one extravagant thing he allowed himself after winning the championship—and handed the keys to the valet after getting out.
Of course, Shane would have a valet for a party at his house. He shook his head as he walked up the long, winding walkway toward the house. He could see lots of people in the windows and had to take a deep breath and place on a fake smile as he walked through the door.
This was supposed to be fun.
A good time.
He was going to try.
Several people greeted him, teammates and people who worked for the team behind the scenes. He said hello as he moved through the crowd until he spotted Dallas and Ruby.
Kissing, which was not a shock.
“Can’t you guys do that at home?” he asked as he approached them, both of them turning their heads at his voice.
“We can and we do,” Dallas said with a wink.
Dallas Ramos had been his best friend since they’d played together their rookie year. They’d been through a lot together and Dallas was the only one who knew of his obsession with Hannah.
Well, Dallas and now Ruby because the man told her everything. Friendship was no match for love.
“No date tonight?” Ruby asked.
Weeks ago, he’d mentioned to Ruby that he’d be bringing a date to this party. That was before he’d had his little sex mishap and sworn off dating once again. “I decided to come solo.”
“That might be a good thing,” Dallas said but he was looking around the room as if looking for someone instead of looking at Edwin.
“And why is that?”
His eyes landed on someone across the room. “Because of that.” Edwin turned, trying to see what Dallas was referring to. “Or should I say, her.”
That’s when he saw what his friend was talking about. Hannah. Hannah was there. “Why is she here?”
“Allana invited her,” Ruby answered.
He couldn’t take his eyes off her. She was wearing a slinky, deep green dress that hugged her curves, curves she had in abundance. Curves he dreamed of touching. The woman was built like a pinup model from the early twenties when having curves made you sexy. He wholeheartedly agreed.
Her hair was a different color from when he’d last seen her. He knew she was a natural blonde but because she wanted to be taken seriously, she usually dyed it to make it more brown. But from where he was standing, it looked a lot lighter, almost blonde, something he’d never seen before. It was hard to tell, though and he wished he was closer so he could inspect it.
Preferably with his fingers.
“How do they even know each other?” He asked, keeping his eyes on Hannah as he spoke.
“She was in town a couple of weeks after we won the championship and I invited her to dinner with Allana and Mae.”
“You went to dinner with her?” He was finally able to tear his gaze from Hannah. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He’d raised his voice both angry and annoyed and not really sure why.
“Unless you want me to punch you in the nose, you might want to rethink your tone,” Dallas said moving in closer, getting almost in his face.
Edwin took a deep breath, putting his hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shout at you, Ruby.”
She placed her palm on his forearm. “I know you didn’t. Just go talk to her. She’s sad that you switched agents and she thinks she did something wrong.” She gave him a sad look. “But I think she misses your friendship even more.”
He swung his head around, once again finding her across the room. Almost as if she felt him staring, she turned her head, her eyes catching his.
He couldn’t breathe from the want that washed through his body.
Dallas gave him a little push. “Dude, just talk to her.”
He never dropped her gaze as he pushed his way through the crowd. It felt like the longest walk of his life. What should have been fifteen or thirty seconds seemed like hours, days. He wanted time to stop, to just be able to live in this moment, where he could look at her and have her in front of him forever.
“I see you’re finally going to talk to me,” Hannah said when he was within a few feet of her.
That voice tore his heart out. She was mad and she had every right to be mad. He basically fired her and he hadn’t told her why. Not that it would have mattered. She didn’t like him the way he liked her. All telling her would have done was cause him more heartache.
“Hannah.” Her name on his lips sounded so right, so perfect.
“Don’t you Hannah me.” Her eyes flared with anger. “Why have you ghosted me? Why did you stop answering my calls and texts?”
He blinked. Wait, was she madder about their friendship than being his agent? Maybe Ruby was right.
He got his answer because she kept going. “I thought we were friends! I can understand wanting a new team to represent you.” She frowned. “Sort of. I mean I thought I was doing a good job.”
“You were doing a good job.” She did a fucking great job. The new guys sucked. Well, not sucked but they weren't Hannah. They didn’t know him like she did.
Her eyes pleaded with him. “Then why’d you do it?”
He scrubbed a hand down his face. This was why he’d refused to let himself talk to her the last two months. He couldn’t tell her the truth but he also couldn’t lie to her. “I don’t even know.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s a non fucking answer if I’ve ever heard one.”
God, he loved when she called him out on things. He wanted her to do it all the time. Every day. Forever. “I know that but that's all I have. I had a lot going on in my head after the win and I just...” He sighed, shaking his head. “I needed a change.” That was as close to the truth as possible.
She crossed her arms over her chest making her already large breasts look even bigger. He groaned inwardly and tried like hell to look at her face and not her tits.
“Is all the dating you're doing part of that change?”
Shit. Of course she knew about that. He’d been photographed several different times with several different women. It was like the damn photographers were waiting for him each time he was with a new woman. They never took pics of the same one twice.
“I can’t stay carefree and single forever,” he joked, trying to make light of the situation.
Her eyes softened and for a second, he thought he saw a vulnerability in them. “I thought you hated the dating scene. In the five years I’ve known you, you’ve never dated. Unless,” she chewed on her bottom lip, “have you been dating this whole time?”
Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. What was this? Why did she care? Why did any of it matter? They'd been friends and she’d been his agent. Past tense. Now they were nothing because he loved her and she wanted to be friends. He couldn’t do that. He needed to keep his distance. To stay as far away from her as possible before he did something stupid like confess his love.
And break his own heart.
“I’ve been on a few dates in the last couple of months. It’s no big deal.” He shrugged trying to convey what he wanted to show her. That he was casual and happy and didn’t need her to make his life better. It was a lie, of course. He wasn’t casual or happy and he did need her to make his life better. Or at least he wanted her. “It was good to see you, Hannah. Have a fun night.”
Every fiber of his being wanted to stay there with her. He’d let her yell or scream or punch him. None of that mattered. Just being with her was perfect. Instead, he gathered the strength from somewhere deep down inside his body and walked away.
He felt like an ass and even worse, he was miserable.
Why in all the world had he, on just one look and one conversation, fallen in love with Hannah? Before her—or BH as he thought of it—he dated and had a few relationships. One in high school and a few in college. He’d loved them all in his own way but what he’d felt for them had been nothing compared to what he felt for Hannah.
And she’d never even been his.
How fucking ridiculous was that?