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Hannah
She loved laughing.
And Edwin was the best at making her laugh. Apparently, even when only ten minutes earlier, she’d wanted to cry.
Against her better judgment, she’d driven to the cabin to confront Edwin with him thinking it was all a big misunderstanding. She hated deceiving him but it was the only way she could think of to get him alone and force him to talk to her.
The snowstorm had helped.
Part of her thought he’d pack up his car and head out as soon as she got there. Mother Nature helped on that score. Now they were both stuck for the foreseeable future with nothing to do but talk or ignore each other.
Or joke about how they'd kissed.
Just like old times. Well, except for the kissing part.
“Speaking of our kiss,” she said, taking the opening he’d given her. “I wasn’t drunk on New Year’s Eve.”
He stopped cutting the avocado, his gaze flicking to her face. “Yes, you were.”
He said it so forcefully that she had to blink at his words. “No,” she paused, “I wasn’t. And I think I would be the one to know.”
“I watched you all night, I saw you drinking the whole time.”
What? He’d watched her? That was a new piece of information. One that made her warm and fuzzy inside. “I had three drinks. I’ll admit I drank one quickly but the other two, I nursed for hours.”
His eyes narrowed. “If you weren’t drunk, why’d you kiss me?”
“I’d think that would be obvious.” Had he always been this clueless? Why did anyone kiss anyone?
He gave a small shake of his head. “Nothing is obvious.”
That was the fucking truth if there ever was any. She had no clue what was real or wishful thinking anymore. Ready to face this head-on, she turned to face him with her whole body. “I kissed you because I wanted to. Because it’s all I’d been thinking about for days.” She laughed. “Weeks really. Seeing you there opened something up inside me. I had to try, had to see if what I was feeling was all one-sided.”
His eyes were wide but he remained silent for far longer than she would have thought possible. She’d come to know him well and he liked to talk. A lot. It was one of the things she liked most about him.
She kept going since it didn’t seem like he was going to talk. “As soon as I did it, I realized it was a mistake.” Even if it had been the best kiss of her life. “We’re friends,” she rolled her eyes, “or we were friends and kissing was not part of that. Not to mention my job and my contract. I should have never done it.” She bit her bottom lip. The question she really wanted to ask was on the tip of her tongue. She shouldn’t ask, the answer didn’t matter. But she needed to know. “Why’d you come to Chicago?” was what she asked when what she really wanted to ask was ‘Why’d you kiss me?’
He was still silent, still just standing there staring at her with those wide eyes.
“I guess it doesn't matter,” she said, waving a hand in the air and turning back to the counter. She was about to pick up her knife, to start chopping again, when he reached out a hand, stopping her.
“I thought you were drunk,” he said. “I thought you were just caught up in the moment of New Year’s Eve and midnight and all that.” His fingers tightened on her forearm. “I didn’t want to stop. I wouldn’t have stopped if I’d known.” His grip loosened, his thumb running back and forth over her skin sending chills through her whole body. “I came to see you because it was all I thought about since the moment it happened. I needed to see you.”
She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. “You wanted to kiss me?”
A half-groan, half-laugh escaped his mouth. “That’s putting it mildly.”
“But we’re friends.” She was having a hard time wrapping her head around what he was saying. She thought it had all been all her. Completely one-sided.
“Which is why I didn’t kiss you sooner.” His thumb was still running back and forth on her skin. As if they both noticed at the same time, they each looked down to where he was touching her.
Her mouth had gone dry and her ability to talk had vanished. All she could do was stare at his fingers on her arm, mesmerized by the way he touched her.
“I came to Chicago because I wanted to see if maybe I had miscalculated. But when you pushed me away, that was the answer I needed.”
She flicked her gaze back to his face. “You know why I did that. Not because I didn’t want to kiss you but because of my job.”
“Do you really think they’d uphold that stupid contract?” He let go of her arm, stepping back. For several seconds, she watched as he flexed and unflexed his hand repeatedly.
She ran the fingers of her other hand over the spot he’d been holding, already missing his touch “Since I’m currently suspended for two weeks, I think it’s safe to say they would.”
“What?” His voice was practically a shriek.
She shrugged as if it was no big deal when in reality, she was seething inside. She’d given so many hours and her heart to Top Athlete. That they would do this, contract or not, pissed her off. “They saw the security footage of us in the lobby.”
“Shit,” he swore. “This is all my fault.” He paced the small kitchen area. “I can call and tell them it was me and you had nothing to do with it.”
She shook her head repetitively. “Please don’t do that. I don’t want to make it worse. I just want to get these two weeks over with and then go back to work like it never happened.” Hopefully, by then, she would also forget their two kisses.
“I’m such a fucking idiot. I should have just not pushed you away on New Year’s Eve. Then none of this would have happened.” He scrubbed a hand down his face.
She stepped forward, almost placing her hand on his chest but at the last minute, changed her mind. She didn’t know where they stood yet and while it seemed like he might regret not kissing her when he had the chance, there was still her job to think about. Allana, Ruby, Mae, and Zara had told her to talk to him, to be honest with him. That’s what she was going to do.
“I hate that we've gone from friends to whatever this is. Kissing you was my mistake and I am the one who shouldn't have done it. I wasn’t drunk but I was thinking more about what it would be like rather than the repercussions. I was mad at you for dropping me not only as your agent but as your friend and I acted on those instincts before really thinking it through.”
“Hannah,” his voice was hoarse, “I was an ass. The reason I dropped you was because I wanted to kiss you. I was trying to deny those feelings and instead of acting on them or talking to you, I took the coward's way out.”
That made her feel marginally better. “Talking used to be one of the things we were good at.”
He hung his head. “I know and those conversations with you are some of my favorite moments.”
“Mine too,” she answered honestly.
“Where does this leave us?” he asked, his eyes searching hers.
“I think the only place it can leave us is as friends. I have my job and you have yours and now new agents.” She shrugged. “Do you think you’d want to be friends again?” Again, she wanted to reach out and touch him but somehow, held herself back.
He opened his mouth as if to say something but then closed it quickly. Shit, maybe, he didn’t want to be her friend.
“Or we can just go back to the way it’s been since November,” she said, turning back to the counter and picking up her knife.
“I can be friends,” he said almost immediately.
She swiveled her head to look at him. “Are you sure?”
He nodded. “I hated not having you in my life the last couple of months. If friendship is all we can have, I’m game.”
She wanted to throw her arms around him and tell him that it wasn’t all she wanted. She was a fool and a liar and a fucking hypocrite. She absolutely did not want to be just friends with him. But she had her job to think about. She couldn’t just go around thinking with her vagina. She had to be smart.
Loving Edwin was the complete opposite of smart.
Except...it didn’t feel that way in her heart. It felt right and good and made her want to sing and dance.
Lying to him made her want to crawl into a deep hole and never come out.
“Let’s get this dinner finished,” Edwin said. “And then what would you say to a board game or some cards?”
She smiled as she went back to chopping the cucumber. “I’d say, you're on.” They both had a love of board games, something they’d talked about during one of their many phone conversations. She assumed that board games were one of the only things in the cabin they could do. Allana had said there was very little, if any, internet connection. It was either watching DVDs or playing board games. She was just about to ask him what he’d been doing since he got there yesterday when she remembered she wasn’t supposed to know he was there.
This was going to be hard.
“How long have you been here?” she asked instead even though she already knew the answer.
“I got here yesterday,” he said as he started grilling the steaks.
“And what have you been doing since then?” She dumped her ingredients into a bowl and then glanced at the recipe he had open on his iPad on the counter.
“A whole hell of a lot of nothing.” He laughed. “I thought I’d get bored but it’s been sort of nice.” He was behind her standing at the stovetop, giving her a pretty nice view of his ass when her head was turned to face him.
She’d always had a thing for a nice ass on guys. And Edwin’s was one of the best.
“I spent one day at home before I picked up and drove to Valley Falls. I was so bored.”
“And yet you chose to come to a remote cabin in the woods.”
She laughed. “Yeah, probably not my best idea. But now you’re here and I don’t have to be alone.”
They talked about nothing and yet everything while they finished cooking and then while they ate. When they sat down in front of the fire for game time, she was relaxed from her glass of wine and because Edwin was easy to talk to.
“Your pick,” Edwin said as he showed off the stack of games in the corner next to them.
“Oh, this is a hard one.” She tapped her finger against her chin as she looked through the stack. “Monopoly is always fun but can be long. I do like Sorry too. Oh,” she exclaimed, sitting up on her knees and reaching over him to grab the game she wanted. Her chest brushed his thighs and it was only then that she realized the position she was in.
On her knees, over his lap.
A very sexual position. One she wouldn't mind trying with him.
Nope, no, no, no. She could not think of sex with Edwin anymore. They were friends. Only friends.
“Sorry,” she said, backing up with the game in her hand.
He cleared his throat. “Sequence. This is a good one.” He took the box from her and started setting it up.
“My brother and I used to play this a lot during college breaks when we were home.”
“How is your brother?” he asked as he handed her the green chips. Green was her favorite color. Something she’d once told him.
And he remembered.
Or maybe it was a coincidence.
“Ah,” she was having a hard time forming words,” he’s good. In fact, better than good, if you ask him. He just left TA and is now represented by Zara.”
A look of shock covered his face. “He left Top Athlete? That’s surprising. Does that reflect on you?”
“I doubt it. The only person I ever told he was my brother was my boss. He knows we try to keep it quiet.”
His eyes narrowed. ”And you don’t think that has anything to do with you being suspended.”
She froze, her arm outstretched where she was placing the cards. “I didn’t but now I am.” Was it possible? Could Ray have heard Heath was leaving and held it against her?
“I probably don’t know what I’m talking about,” Edwin said. “They most likely aren’t related in any way.”
She wanted to think he was right, to go back to when the idea had never been in her mind, but she couldn’t. Now that he’d said it, she had a feeling, one way down deep, that told her it was the truth.
She and Ray had always gotten along but he’d always treated her a little differently than the other agents. He was harder on her than anyone else and he never praised her or congratulated her. She’d brought in several high-profile clients in the last few years thanks to recommendations from Edwin and yet, Ray barely acknowledged her. In front of the other staff, he treated her fine, but behind closed doors, he was different. There were times she wondered why he treated her that way, but usually, she just didn’t care.
Was it possible she was fighting for a job that she’d be better off without?
“You can go first,” Edwin said, bringing her back to reality.
She’d think about Ray and her job later. For now, she was going to kick Edwin’s ass at Sequence. “How’s your new team of agents working?”
He raised his eyebrow. “Trying to get office gossip?” A sly smile turned up his lips.
His very kissable lips. Lips she was very aware were kissable because she’d kissed them.
“No.” She laughed. “I really like the team and was curious. Some of the team is newer but Amy, the team leader, has always been really nice and helpful.”
“I like her. She knows her stuff and is very hands-on.” He picked up a card and immediately laid down a chip. “The agents aren’t the problem at TA. It’s the upper-level staff. The VPs stick their noses where they don’t belong and ruin everything.”
Something she also hated. “They have their reasons.” Why was she defending them?
Because unless she decided to move on, they were still her employers.
“They’re assholes, especially Ray. He calls me Ed.” He shook his head. “You can call me anything, anything at all, but you can not call me Ed.”
She couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled out and kept going, making it hard to talk. “Once, when he called you that, I saw your face and I thought you were going to punch him.”
“I’ve thought about it. Very few things get me riled up but that’s one of them. How fucking hard is it to remember my name especially when I pay your company a lot of money?”
She liked that he was easygoing but something about him being angry made her hot. She wanted to see it. “I corrected him once and thought that was the end of my career. He was not happy.”
“I can imagine. That should have been your clue that he was a horrible boss.”
“Hey,” she threw a green chip at him, “if you think he’s so horrible why are you still with TA?”
His eyes locked with hers. The heat she’d seen before both kisses and while they’d talked about the kisses, was back. In an instant, she was sweating and wishing she was wearing less clothing.
A lot less clothing.
Naked would be preferable with Edwin’s body pressed up against hers.
“I stay because you’re there,” he said in a low, deep, ever so sexy voice. That was his phone voice, the one she’d heard so many times while they talked.
The one she’d dreamed of nightly and imagined as she touched herself.
Fuck. Friends was going to be harder than planned.
“You shouldn’t,” she said, her voice also low. “If you hate it so much, you should leave.” Had his eyes always been so piercing blue? Had they always looked like they could see into her soul? She shuffled on the floor. “You know, it’s been a long day, I should probably try and get some sleep.” She stood up, looking anywhere but down at him.
“I put your bag in the bedroom after dinner,” he said. “And grabbed mine for out here.”
Any other day, she would argue about the sleeping arrangements, after all the couch was small, but not today. She needed space from him and she needed it immediately.
“Thanks.” Her hands fidgeted at her sides. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” She gave him one last look but he was too busy cleaning up the game to notice. Once inside the bedroom, she went to shut the door only to realize there wasn’t one.
What kind of place didn’t have a fucking door on the bedroom? How was she supposed to get distance from Edwin when she could still hear him? Doors helped lock out the world, something she desperately needed right then.
Stripping down to her tank top and underwear quickly so that he wouldn't see her, she slid under the covers only to be assaulted by the smell of him.
It was everywhere, all around her.
On the pillow and the sheets. He was everywhere and there was no getting rid of him even if she wanted to.
Which she didn’t.
But what did that mean? She liked having him as a friend but she also wanted to screw his brains out. The last few hours with him had been fun, like before when they’d talk for hours. Sure, there’d been sexual tension on her part and maybe a little on his but they were grown-ups, they could put that aside and stay friends.
If that’s what they wanted.
She was starting to think it wasn’t, though. Especially now that she was wondering if her boss had put her on leave for less than legit reasons.
The lights in the living room went out and she heard some shuffling that sounded like Edwin laying down on the couch. The glow from the fire was flicking through her doorway and she stared, trying to lull herself to sleep.
It didn’t work.
All she could think of was Edwin and how much she wanted him. She was letting a job, a company, dictate her actions. All because she was afraid of the ramifications.
Throwing the covers off, she sat up, putting her feet on the floor and pushing up to standing. She paced the small room, back and forth in front of the bed for minutes, trying to decide what to do. It was obvious they had chemistry. He might have agreed to be friends again but the looks he gave her and some of his words led her to believe he would be okay if they were more.
Could she risk it?
What if it was just here, in the cabin? Like their very own Vegas. What happened at the cabin, stayed at the cabin. Could they do that? Could she do that? Would a couple of days with him be enough to put an end to her feelings for him?
And what would happen if it wasn’t?
Did she even care anymore?
A creak in a floorboard had her eyes darting to the doorway where she found Edwin.
Shirtless and shorts riding low on his hips.
Decision fucking made.
“Are you okay?” he asked, concern etched on his face that was illuminated by the light from the fire and the moon that was streaming in through the window.
Her heart flipped in her chest. This wasn’t lust or like or anything else. This was love. She loved him. It was ridiculous and impossible and so damn inconvenient but it was what it was and it wasn’t going to go away.
If she couldn't have him forever, wasn’t it only fair that she got him for a few nights?